Online now
Online now

The Eroticist

I have written a blog on line for many years at TheEroticist.Com. (Lucky to get that Domain.) It is currently going through housekeeping with a new Theme, but it is still available for viewing.

As an introduction, I thought, over the next few days I might port over some of my earlier posts from my main. When I do get inspired to add a new one, I will probably post there and copy here. Please feel free to comment.
4 months ago. May 21, 2022 at 1:25 AM

Over the last 30 years since I began in the lifestyle the major mistake I have seen from Doms and subs is that there is firm rulebook that everyone is to follow to the best of their ability or they are not REAL, like some form of Velvetine kink person.  You will hear that term "REAL" often from overly pretentious dominants who really enjoy their self made position of authority.  Only they can tell you how a REAL dominant or REAL sub should behave.

Please understand, THERE IS NO RULE BOOK!!!

The entire realm of BDSM behavior has been and will be created by a vast group of people who have come to the decision that the socially dictated behavior they were shown as they were growing is NOT how they want to live.  They decided that it was UP TO THEM how they should live and they took it upon themselves to develop THEIR OWN rules.  They may see some behavior they wish to model, but there is no obligation.

You have the same obligation and it is not necessarily easy.  YOU, Doms and subs alike, must take the time to learn enough about yourselves to build the rules YOU want to live by, learn what your needs are, and go after a partner who can satisfy them.  YOU write the rule book, but that book is YOUR rule book and no one else's.  No one else's rulebook is right for YOU.

If a Dominant tells you how a submissive is to behave, he is reading out of HIS (or HER) rulebook.  The submissive has to be self aware enough to know if it fits within HER (or HIS) rulebook.  If it doesn't, then look for someone whose rules DO.  You have finally gotten to the point of understanding that the societal rules you have learned are not for you.  Do not blithely accept someone else's.  Write your own.

SoaringFree​(sub female){Collared} - Such a great writing. Thank you
4 months ago
moll​(other female){owned slav} - It doesn't matter how many times someone writes "this is my relationship and my rules, you have to discover what works for you and yours" in the preface of a book. Most people who call themselves "Master" or "Mistress" are going to try and use another person's journey as a step by step instruction manuel. Relationships takes works and a M/s or D/s relationship takes even more work and most people don't want to make the effort.
4 months ago
Alaïs{Property} - I think one of the most toxic aspects of the BDSM community is the arrogance of people who try and tell others what they are or what they are not. It’s widespread and promotes this culture of following someone else’s rules in order to be validated; meeting their expectations and not your own.
I was once preached at and pronounced a masochist because I enjoy the obedience and endurance of pain in a session; I was very clear those are the aspects I enjoyed and not the pain itself. Was an interesting insight into the rule book of another; one I had no need to subscribe to.
Thank You for sharing.
4 months ago

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