My rants

Connection

I kind of have stopped looking for a submissive boyfriend because no one wants a connection . . . they just want to a be a faceless “slave” (I hate that term). . . they bend backward claiming to sacrifice themselves to make their “doms” happy.  (Or they want to sexual satisfy their dom and go home. . .)

To me it is NOT like that.

Submissive to me is someone who understand that I am in control: I like to micromanage. They have faith in me that I will use their money and asset in a responsible way. I will pay the bills, I will make the menu (and yes I do ask what are their favorite meals? etc.) I want both side to be satisfied.
(Notice: I do not mention anything sexually. I cannot enjoy sex because of pain. Best way to describe this, but it’s like someone punching me in the pelvis after I orgasm and then add a charly-horse to my thighs and pelvis for days after the orgasm. No one is worth that pain, and pain to be is instant turn off)

I want someone who within my age limit (that is a blog on its own), not into kids, at least okay with cat, but totally into me (lets me be into them. If it is not a two way street then it will not work. I do NOT mean submission, I mean interest and connection. )

Connection to me . . . someone who understand I will have more bad days than good days. They need to learn about me (more than 160 characters in a texts) . . . they need to know if they can help me on my bad days or simply let me be. I have health issues and mental issues and even though I am working on them. . . it’s a day by day thing. Some days I may seem more cheerful than others, do not expect it the next day.
 I am very honest, except if I am say I am “ok or fine.” Ok usually only means, either the day was boring, or my writing or my cooking wasn’t as adventurous as I wanted. Fine never means fine. . . it’s now I say fine, if I sigh, I have a chaos and drama in my head, but it’s so tangle I can’t get it out or I feel you are just asking because you feel you have to, but don’t really care. If I growl when I say I’m fine, then I’m mad at something and it’s best that you leave it at that or I will yell at you for nothing.  If I know you are not interested in my day, I will not tell you.  (I really want someone interested in and excited about me. I want a possible submissive boyfriend to have a permanent desire or drive for me.)
I’m a writer, so I want fellow writer or at least a reader. (If you do NOT read my blogs and profile, there will be no true connection between us. I am dominant writer. I am 36 years and within the last 16 years, I have figured out this. )
He has to understand I help out my family, so if it’s between him and my family, my family comes first as they can handle my health issues and mental issues better than most.

My ex and I wrote letter, wrote stories, texted, talked on the phone three months even before we met and we were just eight miles from each other.

In 2017, I had just over dozen one time dates and probably two dozen no shows. I am knew I had rushed things. . .  Mid 2018, I just stopped looking as majority of guy claim they want to submit, but they just want a reverse version of 50 shades. (Come home from work and get tied up. . . it’s NOT like that with me.)

I will NOT rush things. I actually want to build something. However that is if the fates want me to have someone there has be a connection and there has to be a mutual feelings on body sides. I am not just looking for a submissive. I want my next guy to be a submissive boyfriend for long term. . . possible marriage like submissive husband.

I will not agree to a date with just one day of chat.
I want to chat with someone daily. They need to see the good and bad.

I'm so sick of people not reading my entire profile.

I have an age limit, (25 to 45) and yes I'm sticking to it.

I'm not just looking for a submissive boyfriend but a soulmate that I truly connect with. Someone who gets me and has similar views and interests. 

I am a BBW (I've mentioned this in my blog and profile. If you are not into a bigger girl then shut your pie hole and walk away. Do not get my pic and ghost me or block me without sending me yours. You know which jerks you are. I'm a writer so I don't have my face on my profile. I will NOT send pics without getting one first. You can blame the Inconsiderate jerks who block me once I send a pic.) 

I had a good day and if that idiot blocked me, its his lost not mine. 

I gave this one guy a chance. . . However our schedule conflicted with each other. . . he has been very busy with his job, and I am extremely happy for him, but my health open has so many open windows in which I am horny and have enough energy to play. (I currently do not, he is missed his damn window sigh.) 

I am just keeping to writing. However I am going to see if I can get a publisher who will be interested in my erotica. So that is what is what I have been up to. 

I am not looking for submissive guys at the moment. . . just readers. 

Most people do not like rejection. I will admit I am one of them.
However I try to do it gracefully or at least with some respect.
I usually try to walk away gracefully.

I'm getting sick of insulting people with memes.
I thought memes were meant to make people laugh and brighten their day? (Not to insult after a rejection).

I admit there are 7.6 billion people in this world.
So I know I will probably not get along with a lot of it. ( I am NOT everyone's favorite flavor so to speak.)

I am dominant; It's my natural personality. I need to be in control. ( I 'm seeking someone very particular and especially anything sexual is very intimate to me and I have to be in a committed relationship in order to do so. . .
I need to work well and mesh with the other person on a special and personal level. I am seeking submissive boyfriend, not just a toy that see every once and while or use and push to the side.)

I am picky, because I know what I want and I am NOT going to settling and if you are so sensitive that you get hurt by one person rejecting you, please move on. . . I do NOT need unwanted or unneeded extra drama in my life.

I'm am NOT sorry if you are not the one for me. (I am nice enough to hope that you find your right partner. I do hope you find happiness and enjoyment in life.) Please do not me rude or insult me for feeling rejected. You simply walk away and seek someone new.

As I told you something is awaken in me. . .

It started with a sweet yet very sensual dream.
I didn’t see your face, but I felt your touch (in which I currently miss) . . .
You kissed, sucked, caressed, squeezed and cuddled and laid on and with my breasts. . . I let my good boy play with them. They were your pillows and toys.
You made me laugh, smile, moan . . . make me want you almost as much publishing my writings (and you know that publishing is important to me.)

I missed you.
I want you.
I need you.
Since I dream, I cannot get you out of my head.

I want you to tell me you want me.
That you need me.
I want you tell me that the hard throbbing cock your body is all mine!
I want you to cum for me.
I want you to scream my name when you cum.
I want to play with you.
I want to kiss you. . . Kiss you hard. . . So hard that you think of nothing else.

When I shower and lather up my breasts I think of you
I wish you were there lathering up my body only to have the cascading water wash it all away so I can make you do it again
I want to lather you
I want to touch you. . . as your body is mine.

It’s my toy, my instrument of pleasure, the reason I have awaken.

Thank you.

First of I'm a BBW . . . I am a bigger girl. I'm 5ft and just less than 300 pounds. (I have health issues and meds that make it very hard for me to lose weight. Minus the opinionated rude jerks out there. If you do not like bigger woman please just quietly be on your way.)

However because I am bigger girl I have DD or E breasts, they are very real and very soft. I miss having a guy into me and loving my breasts. I know it sounds odd, but I even though they are not a turn on spot. I just miss the attention that they bring from a guy who is into me and my breasts. I miss a guy washing them, caressing them, and laying his head right between them. (I even miss a guy putting his cock between them and having them covered in glistening pre-cum as I make him lick them clean.)

My soft breasts are going untouched, and it sucks.

Please NOTE: I need to be in a committed relationship in order for someone to enjoy my breasts. You want all of me (good and bad) in order to get my soft breasts. I do NOT let strangers touch them.

FLR Compromises VS hard limits

Being in a relationship for at least 8 years . . . it gives one time to explore and test things . . .

Warning 1: I am a blunt open book, feel free to ask me any questions, but I may NOT give you the answer you want to hear. 
Warning 2: If I seem I’m being too be difficult with you

1.     It’s because I’m over cautious.

2.     I have either a weird feeling about you

3.     I feel bad that I am just not into you and I don’t want to sound mean.

Warning 3: Please do not comment my weight, health or sexual issues: no asking for naughty pics, please. (I also am NOT seeking naughty pics. I rather see your face or chest.)

Compromises

There are a few things I will work with. . .

·        At one point I was into long term chastity, but after research, I have learned that it can cause damage to the male’s prostate. I am NOT into causing pain or damage. I will have my future submissive boyfriend chances to earn release. The thing is with such release . . . I need something out of it. (It will be a date night, in which neither one of us cook, maybe shopping, or bath or semi-romantic thing for me. I want to be treated like a queen, because if you get enjoyment and release, I should be able to have fun too.)

·        I am into light bondage. However this do NOT mean all of the time. (Bondage is a sometimes thing, because straps and cuffs (even ties) and they can cause marks from moving back and forth.)

·        I like a guy begging for things maybe it’s to make your favorite meal or get your favorite video game or to get off. I rather have compliments to me than my submissive kneeling. (A kneeling sub with a collar, does NOT do much for me.)

HARD LIMITS

Internet wise

·        No Kik. No snapchat. No whatsup. No Skype.  (It leaves one big chatting app open, and if you can figure it out maybe I will give my screenname: if you figure it out and ask me nicely. Note: I will not give it out if there is NOT connection between us.)

·        No naughty cam (I cannot orgasm without pain, so why would I be interested in “playing” online. Note: I prefer pictures of your face, maybe your chest, not of cocks. Cock pics do NOT turn me on.)

·        I am NOT directing you online when to cum and when not to.

·        I am NOT seeking an online-long distance relationship (I don’t mind chat with Q &A, but I cannot travel nor can I host.)

·        I do not other countries for relationship (only friendly chat. Please do NOT get desperate, it’s a turn off. If I tell you I’m not interested, please just move on.)

·        No minors (I keep getting emails from minors, if you are under 21 please do not message me)

·        I will NOT give out money, look at amazon lists or Itune cards. . . (I will NOT give into those scams.)

·        I am NOT into older guys who wives who had left them or died, and they need someone to “take care” of their kids. I’m sorry for your lost, but I am NOT into kids. (If you are “real” I hope you find love and they get along with your kids, but that is NOT me.)

·        No Humiliation or Blackmail (blackmail is illegal)

·        Those who simply don’t accept “No,” or my nice denial for an answer.

Physical Things I am NOT into

·        Bathroom play (I do NOT like toilet play, no human toilet, urine and scat need to stay in the porcelain toilet)

·        Airplay (I will not choke or be choked to get off. I appreciate my breathing. I have sleep apnea I can lose air naturally.)

·        I am NOT poly. (I wanted to try, but I cannot I am monogamous (one on one.)

·        There is a difference between slave and submissive boyfriend (I do NOT like the term slave; to me, slave means you have no rights at all. Submissive boyfriends means you have opinions, and I will listen to them, but I get the final say. I seek to do what is best for both of us.

·        No married or taken men (if you are married or taken, please seek someone else. I am NOT or will I ever be the “other” woman.)

·        Guys 18 to 24 (They are still trying to find themselves and what exactly that they want. (I also do not understand emoji’s or most of the millennial things. Age: 18-20 (Even though I don’t drink, I will NOT illegally date someone who can’t even buy a drink.  Go to college or at least hang out with some college people and get some life experience.) 

·        No one under 18. (I don’t care if you are 17 and 11 months, please leave me alone.)

·        No guy over 49 (My parents are in their 50’s and I do not want a “parent” for a boyfriend. “Oh dear, I don’t think that is a good idea.” They also have a higher chance of having kids, even grown. I do NOT want to be a stepmother or a regular mother.)

·        No guys with kids or who want kids. (I do NOT to the stepmother. I want to write, cuddle and have cats, NOT kids.)

·        Please do NOT seek me for session training or sex sessions.

·        I will NOT submit to someone. I’m a dominant. I like to be in control. (I do not like dealing with****, pushy men. I don’t mind confidence, but if they guy thinks a woman should be under him then seek some submissive, gullible woman, but that is NOT me. My ex had me control the budget, menu, and most dates and activities. I do NOT spend frivolously. I am very practical, and I try to make sure everyone gets what they need and if anything leftover what they want.)

·        No culkolding (I am monogamous, and not into sex)

·        NO extreme kinks: Humiliation or Incest or dehumanizing/degradation or Age play or Lil or Masks or Latex or Medical or Cross dressing or Sissies (I’m not into cross dressing. 6. I do NOT wear make-up or heels. I hate to dress up. I have very curvy and it’s hard to find a decent dress.)

·        Extreme pain (I’m NOT into pain at all, I do NOT even like spanking. I am into pleasure if and when I could ever enjoy it.)

·        Not using safe words

·        Cocky men (who think they are better than me, I’m not a girly-girl or extreme domme, I like to control, but I’m not into the kink, this doesn’t make me less of a dominant or a woman. . . I do not mind a confident submissive boyfriend, but I am NOT into cocky guy. Cockiness brings out the negative parts of a person and puts others down.)

·        These who do not take “No.” as an answer. (There are over 6 Billion people in this world, I will NOT be interested in all of those interested in me. I’m know not all of those are into me that I find interesting.) Please just accept my “no” or “I’m not interested,” and move on.

·        If you are NOT into cats, then please move on.

Note my top ten limit deal-breakers (if you are any of these, please seek elsewhere.)
1. Men who are taken, married or just want sessions (no one night stands or your idea of cam fun)
2. Men who have or want kids (I’m not into kids, I want cats)
3. I’m not into smokers or heavy drinkers
4. Men under 24 or over 45
5. Slave who don’t want to be treated humanely (I’m NOT sadistic)
6. Those into pain (again, I’m NOT sadistic, I’m not even into spanking)
7. Cross dressing or sissies (I want my submissive boyfriend to be a guy)
8. Bald guys (It has to do with my PTSD, I’m also not into extreme facial hair, I just like the occasion 5 o’clock shadow.)
9. No super young inexperienced virgins or doms who want to see if they can be submissive (I’m not the one for you.)
10. Non-readers (I’m a writer, and I need my submissive boyfriend to be about read and comment on my work.)

I am complicated. I have been in female led relationship for 8 years, so it helped me realize who I am in the relationship and what I need and want out of the relationship.

I need between the ages 25 to 49 (40’s are a person to person thing.) I really am seeking someone closer to my age. (I just turned 36 in December.) (I will discuss those out of my age limit in my compromises and hard limits)

I need a submissive boyfriend with a genuine connection.
I need someone who can handle me emotionally. Someone who is into me not just sex. (Someone who likes even loves me for me and can handle my mood swings and deal with my health problems.)
I need someone to awake me sexually and mentally.
I need someone in real life as I need certain physical element such as kissing, cuddling, spooning, and playful teasing. I want someone I can date: I love dine in or dine out.
I need a submissive guy who is into complimenting and encouraging, build up his dominant queen positively.

I need someone to have common interests and go one dates. (I want to be friends as well as boyfriend and girlfriend) Someone with similar hobbies (note: doesn’t have to have all of the same hobbies, but I would like to do thinks together that are not in a sexual or dominant nature. I am looking for someone to be able to talk to me about something. I really enjoy a decent conversation.) . . . My hobbies: Writing, Blogging, Publishing, Cooking, Baking, sports: volleyball, American football, basketball, and baseball, and would like to learn about hockey, WWE, Japanese wrestling, Vampire the Masquerade, Card and Board games, Movies, Music, You Tube, Traveling, Paganism, Candles, Tarot, Ghost Haunting, Cats, Dinner Parties, BBQs, Walking, Reading, and Chatting.
I want a guy who has hobbies and interests. I love when he is passionate about something and wants to show me. I want him to have hopes and dreams and not be a mindless puppet.
I need a reader. (Please request and read my blog and learn about me. I also want him to write and comment about my other works.)
(I rather just cook, and make a huge spread for a sports game (I like basketball, volleyball, baseball, football and hockey. Or be casual have a movie or game night. I like board, card and dice RPG.)

I need a submissive boyfriend who is into me control majority of daily things. I am into micromanagement controlling the daily activities, budget, allowance, menu, grocery shopping, bills, errands, chores etc. (Note: I will NOT control bathroom, issues. . . your own body should tell you went to go to the bathroom.)

I need a submissive boyfriend who drives, likes cats, cleans, works, and sometimes cooks.

I want a guy who understand I cannot have sex until I find a solution to my very painful health problems. I am currently turned off. (Health issues are bad. What really makes me complicated, I’m current not into sex. When I orgasm it causes pelvic cramps and sometimes I bleed that can last for days. I’m seeing a few doctors about it, and I’m currently weighing out my options. I can’t have kids and don’t want them.)

I want a guy I can work out an orgasm schedule with him, in which he earns a supervised release. I was into chastity, but my submissive boyfriend can earn release and play time. (I have blogs about it, but I have learned that long chastity can cause prostate issues. I do NOT want to injure my submissive boyfriend, but I do NOT want him going behind my back and finding ways cum or people to cum with. If he does release, it will be earned and supervised. It would be a date night in which he would have to make me in a very pleasant mood. His release will be my choice. I am into giving very light bondage and sometimes pegging.)

I have had to explain what I want in Female Led Relationship (FLR) to many people. I liked to think I posted about enough on my very long profile. (However I really do NOT think people read it.) 

This series the next so many blogs will be how I see a female led relationship be to me. (So for future reference I can use this blog for those who want to know what I am looking for.)

Ten things about me. . . 

1. I am a writer (even before I am dominant), so I need submissives that can and will read (whether they are friends or a boyfriend/husband). If you are not an advent reader, we are NOT going to get along. (I'm sick of explaining what is already written out. I will answer questions, but to have explain this over and over again is wasting everyone's time, especially when I could be writing.) (If you feel it’s unrealistic dream/goal than seek someone else.)

2.  I have dominant all of my life. . . I have always tried to be in a leadership type of a role. I am NOT a good follower, I get bored easily and have high anxiety when things do not go right.  I was in female Led relationship for eight years and I want something similar to what I had before. (I will explain it in this series)  I do not like being called Ma'am (I am NOT that old. It's not respectful like Sir.) I like Mistress, Goddess, Queen, Dear, Hun, Sweetie, My Love, or my name (if you know what it is, please ask.)  

3. I am very close with my family. We are currently living together and helping each other out. (Therefore I do NOT do perverted video chats: I have a very weak wifi and very little privacy. Note this please, just because I can be a caregiver does NOT mean I am a mommy domme.)

4. I do like sex (if done right.) HOWEVER, I currently cannot enjoy sex. (If you are only a sub in the bedroom we will NOT get along!) I have health issues (which I have mentioned in other blogs) and I cannot have an orgasm without having horrible cramps for days after.

5. I can't have and do NOT want kids. I do not feel are on my life path; I’m not seeking to be a parent to human child. However I would like cats, maybe some dogs. (I do want anyone who seeks kids or has their own kids; please move on, I’m not seeking to be mother or a stepmother.)

6. I am dominant, monogamous, demisexual, saphiosexual, and grey sexual. This means I'm seeking a smart, submissive boyfriend for a female led relationship possible marriage. I'm seeking more of the relationship than the sex.  The grey sexual part means I'm picky in who I am attracted to. I put these together because I NEED the connection, commitment, and trust. (I thought I could be poly at one point, but not if I am truly connected to someone.) 

7. I am NOT seeking a slave to make me happy. First of all, I do NOT like the word slave. Secondly, I'm seeking a submissive guy who likes me for me. Thirdly only I have the decision to make myself happy. (These three things make me happy writing for hours undisturbed, food: cooking or baking or dining out, and cats.)

8. I like casual dating. (This does not mean dating random people.) This means going out to a decent restaurant and a movie, or a picnic and a movie at home, or having a game night with friends.  I also enjoy reading together, this is why is it very important that I have a reading submissive boyfriend. 

9. I have depression, mood swings, anxiety, and PTSD. This makes me a very complicated character. (Even when I have a panic attack, I have to be in charge. If you treat me like a submissive will freak out more.) I need support, and yes I will admit no everyone can truly handle me. 

10. Many wonder why I am a dominant when I can't enjoy the sexual aspect of the lifestyle. The dominance is more than sexual to me. I like the control. I love to micromanage. . . budget, give allowance (to my good boy), make the menu, cook, have him a chore list, a creative punishment list (not into pain), creative reward list. I love to make lists. (Yes, I am weird). 

11. I do not like pain receiving or giving pain, so if there is a punishment in which I have to give pain. . . such as spanking, it is NOT one that will turn me on or it is NOT one in which I would enjoy. (I rather tape your sporting event and not let you watch it alive. See how many people at work talk about the game you didn't see the next morning.) 

12. I am more like one of the guys than a girly girl. I like sports, well most of them. (Favorite: American Football, volleyball, baseball, basketball. Golf makes no sense to me.) I am a bigger size girl (BBW); i do NOT like to dress up (it's hard to find a decent dress in my size) and I hate wearing make-up. 

13. 13 is my favorite number and I have a dark side. . . I write about vampires, ghosts, and urban legends. I love horror and paranormal movies, and I write novels in those genres. I am the type who will get so intent into a movie that if you touch me I will jump. Many like watching with me, just to scare me. 

(Note: You may have seen some of these things about me on my profiles and personals.) 

I will admit I am working on several projects. . . however during my breaks, I will check my online pages. 

Lately, I have gotten several rude jerks, and desperate guys who do NOT take "No," for an answer. 

If I say "No thank you," or "I'm not interested, have a nice day or best of luck." This means please move on and seek someone else as I am NOT into you. This does NOT mean keep trying to pursue me. I mean I do not see a female led relationship with you. Please do NOT mistake my politeness and kindness for weakness. I am a naturally kind person, please do NOT push on my nerves. 

You're desperation is not appealing quality. I understand you're lonely, but find your own happiness and confidence and dom and partners will find you. (I can prove this theory . . . I  have been taking time for myself. I come on this site and fetlife for blogging and penpals. I keep getting subs out of the woodwork, even on my profile saying I'm taking a break and friends only.) 
So focus on yourself, make yourself happy, and you need to please others to make yourself happy, then go out and help someone who needs it. (It's practice for chores, and you made someone'e day.)

Just please stop being so desperate and when someone politely says "No thank you," or "I'm NOT interested," kindly just MOVE ON!

Now I must go back to my writing. Thank you for reading and understanding.