Does monogamy exist in the D/s world?

Does monogamy exist in the D/s world?

liza​(sub female) • May 22, 2020

Looking for input from everyone. I’ve been living this lifestyle for close to 20 years in some form or fashion. I do not like to share. I have been with Doms who have been very up front about me non being the only one and while we had a tacit agreement not to discuss it, I always knew in the back of my mind there were others. I admit I have my own baggage that probably plays into this but knowing there were others always made me wonder why I wasn’t enough, what was I doing wrong?

This evening I received a message from a Dom who basically told me I was delusional to f I thought I would ever find a monogamous relationship. He said that most Doms are married or have another sub irl or online whether or not they admit it.

Is this true?

heartbrokengirl​(sub female) • May 22, 2020

Heck no its not true lol

I know a lot of people that are in a very committed monogamous D/s relationship....me included
One of the first things we talked about was how neither one of us is willing to SHARE. I have absolutely no doubts about him having any other D/s relationship either online or in person. We are in constant communication and he never acts shady. I never get the feeling he is lying or has anyone else. For the record it would be over if I found he had another on the side IRL or online. I could never share or be shared, its not for me.
I'm fully committed to him only.

LuceeLu • May 22, 2020

I sure hope it’s not true Liza.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • May 22, 2020

Lol, if anyone's delusional, it's that Dom that messaged you. I'm 100% monogamous. There are plenty of people in the lifestyle who are 100% monogamous.

Miinuh​(sub female) • May 22, 2020

I was actually wondering this myself. Thanks for bringing it up!

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • May 22, 2020

Monogamy is possible in D/s relationships. However, it seems less common in my personal experience that it exists. And many Doms I have run into /talked to in the past have expected monogamy of their sub. But they aren't themselves. I'm just speaking from personal experience. Lol. Kinda hesitant to even post this because don't wanna be attacked. 😂

Re: Does monogamy exist in the D/s world?

DrWakko • May 22, 2020

From those I know in the BDSM community this statement is false. Of the married Doms I know they are married to their sub/slave. If you are fishing in the online world (site doesn't matter) you will run into more married people than if you met someone at a munch.

I also believe that when people enter the kink world they realize just how open people are and how sexually liberated they are. This gives them the mental green light to go poly because its new and different. I believe that is why you find so many poly relationships that fail. Its because most of the poly people out there are poly because its something they didn't think they could do before. They just need to get it out of their system and most people will go back to being monogamous.

I have tried the poly world. I know I'm not poly. The most I can do is a closed triad and that has nothing to do with having two women at the same time. My reason behind it is that if my partner is bi/pan and needs and wants the female energy the can get that inside the relationship. If they don't want or need it then I'm more than happy with being monogamous.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 22, 2020

~snort!~

That "dom" sounds to me like he's trying to justify his own cheating.

I am 100% monogamous. I have ONE girl. I have no other subs, offline or online, nor do I want any.

So, yes, monogamy DOES exist in D/s.

Quod Erat Demonstrandum

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 22, 2020

i've read several profiles from what appear to me to be serious D/s folk and they clearly state in their profiles they are monogamous and insist on it. i qualify "serious" because i don't think a serious person would be up front about monogamy if they had other intentions? It's on a list of requirements in their profile, so it sure seems to be the intent of some to be monogamous.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 22, 2020

[laughing] You were one of the people i was referencing, but didn't want to be presumptuous by naming You. You strike me as serious and comfortable in Your skin (read: "real"), more so than many of the wannabes with no profiles and little to no community contributions. Which is not to suggest i think that monogamy is the only way, but i do believe it is a way and that there are D/s people who are monogamous.