Question for the D types

Question for the D types

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 2, 2021

As a dominant/top, how do you feel about the submissive asking you out on the first date? Turn off? Turn on? Indifferent? What is it that would hold you back from asking?

I ask because I’ve texted a few doms and while we seem to get along great and they talk about wanting to meet, they never try to set anything up. One man from a while back disappeared from texting for about 2 weeks and then was upset that I went out with someone else. Current Dom I’ve been chatting with every day for about 3 weeks and still no first date set up.

For me, if I have to ask it turns me off. I love an assertive confident man. If he can’t ask me out for a drink when it’s obvious I’m into him, he lacks the confidence I crave. If he just doesn’t want to meet me ever, then let me keep looking.

I know this seems to be an issue with a lot of people now. Endless texting but no dates.

Dressing​(dom male) • Oct 2, 2021

I think it would make me happy? It wouldn't be beneath me as a person, or as a dom, to be asked out for anything. I'd say it would make me feel special, appreciate and wanted. I've never considered myself to be such a stubborn dom that I had to do everything myself, or had to be the one to say "You may" to everything, so that may be why.

To me, confidence and assertiveness doesn't necessarily mean that you're always that. I'm confident enough to feel alright being weak sometimes, and I feel alright admitting to enjoying being asked out instead of asking out. I just find a person who knows what they want to be sexy, so I definitely wouldn't be like "oh that is so against me as a dominant" if a lady walked up to me in a bar and said "let's get out of here".

If it turns you off to be the one doing it as a sub, that's alright. That's just how you roll with it, but about the guys who you have been chatting with without any setup, I think the only ones who really know why are themselves. It may be that they just either don't want to rush anything, or they aren't really sure if they want a date.

Humans are basically little hormone filled meat balls who stumble around in the dark. You can't expect a silly little meat ball to always know what they want, especially in their subconsciousness. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, and the meat ball will be super awkward, obtuse and wasting your time about it.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Oct 3, 2021

I'm a Female Domme so supposed to BE the sexual aggressor and leader among other things but when it comes to the ":chase" of "dating" I'm just like most women and want to be ..to use an out dated word "wooed" yet most male submissives tend to be reactive, rather than proactive in this.
Don't get me wrong. I am open to both taking that first step and asking. I'm not saying I wont make it clear I'm interested or do the chasing too but when all is washed away, I am still a woman that wants to know she is desired.



edited to add "BE" Dyslexia rules today!

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 3, 2021

For me itd be a turn on, shows confidence and courage. Some ppl are all talk. If things dont go well with this Dom how about you swing by my place and I'll take you out for drinks, see what happens?

Voldemort​(dom male) • Oct 3, 2021

Me i would really appreciate it. No greater feeling than being wanted.

Moonlighter​(dom male) • Oct 3, 2021

So having had a few messages from subs (although I'm about 97% sure the profiles were fake) where the first message was along the lines of "train me and do what you like to me master/daddy/sir" (delete as appropriate and then the rest of the message as well). Sometimes being messaged first is a hassle.

That being said when the interest is genuine it is a compliment to know that someone thinks highly enough of you that they would like to meet you in person.

But we do (especially post CV19) live in a world where electronic communication is MUCH easier than face to face interactions, and there is some perception that if you ask someone to meet too soon, or at all, then you're an entitled dickhead and most people allow themselves to be bothered by this.

I mean my personal philosophy could be summed as, "if you don't ask the answer is always no".

but to sum up an answer it wouldn't really bother me and I assume that if you drop hints to the people you are interested in they don't pick them up?

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 3, 2021

Thanks for all the responses.

Dressing - The meatballs comment had me laughing. I guess my hangup is to put it simply “I want him to want me”. I want him to want to meet me enough that I don’t have to ask. I’ll be flirty and drop hints but I want him to take it from there. I think women especially keep lowering our expectations and it’s only been good for the fuck boys of the world. 😆

MissBonnie - I was curious how Dommes would feel, especially since I think most women do like being pursued. I guess that could be a little tricky with wanting a man to take the lead in that….but then do as he’s told. 🤣 Thanks for your feedback.

Moonlighter - I’m not even talking about messaging first. This is more about when you’ve been texting for weeks but never meeting. I’ve dropped so many hints. I’ve told him I can’t wait to meet him. I told him a few times that I had a kid free weekend this weekend. A couple weeks ago he said he wanted to meet one day the next week and asked how I felt about it. I said I would love to. The week came and went and he hasn’t brought it up again. It just seems so ridiculous to me and I can’t figure out what he’s waiting for. We only live about 25 minutes away from each other.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Oct 3, 2021

Happy to be approached, happy to feel wanted and desired, happy to be asked out.

I would say that not everyone is good at reading between the lines, so if you want asked out, please make it pretty obvious, or ask.

Frankly I think this is irrelevant to role, well except in the fantasy ideal of bdsm, not real life stuff, many think is how it should be, doms don’t show emotion, doms must pursue (get it for primals this is a thing) sub cant say no and so on.

If you find someone interesting simply say that, and I would like to get to know you better. Saves a lot of crossed wires, missing so subtle vague stuff very few would pick up on it, or approaching when its not wanted.

So please feel free to do that with me, I enthusiastically consent to it.

Sasa​(dom female) • Oct 3, 2021

I am a woman first and yes I am used to making the first step, but the truth is I like to be asked. I love to be wooed. I had the other way so often that today I prefer proactive men. I mean submissives are men first, aren't they...
So both ways are fine and if a person backs away without telling you why there might be something else in their way... lies, insecurities, whatever... but not you asking for a date.
Asking someone for a date is not about taking any lead, it is simply asking someone for a date. What should be tricky about that? First at this state both decide and second... do you have the feeling that being wooed and wanted is something D-types shouldn't enjoy cause it makes them weak? Hope not, lol

MelMell​(dom female) • Oct 3, 2021

I have no issues in a sub asking me out first. The people that get bothered by it I honestly feel aren’t confident enough in who they are. A sub asking me first doesn’t make me any less confident or less dominant. It would also be a great way to catch my attention as few subs feel a need or desire to be assertive. I personally feel confidence is sexy as hell either in a dominant or submissive and a submissive asking for the first date is very confident.