Nonsexual D/s

Nonsexual D/s

chxrrybxrry​(sub female) • Aug 12, 2024

Ever since I've joined The Cage, I've had one main question/concern on my mind, and I figured I'd finally gather the courage to ask it.

Is it possible to have a nonsexual D/s dynamic, or be in a D/s dynamic and be able to display nonsexual dominance or nonsexual submission?

Due to a previous experience (I won't go into detail), I realized that mentally I want sex, but physically it's very difficult for me. I've expressed an interest in potentially having a D/s dynamic with my boyfriend, but neither of us were entirely sure if it's possible to be in that sort of dynamic and have little to no sex. I figured I'd pose the question here and see what everyone else thinks/believes!

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Aug 12, 2024

Hi there, 😊

It depends what you mean when you say 'non sexual'. But yes, I believe it is entirely possible to have a ds dynamic that doesn't involve any kind of sexual contact with another. I have participated in such a dynamic in the past. Though he controlled my right to orgasm at my own hand.

Dominance and submission are about power exchange, and that can be about anything. Your own sexual activity, your study or eating habits. Your dress. Physical or other activities you get involved in. Bdsm play. Either with that individual or another, or indeed at your own hand.

Sex can encompass any number of acts /activities that don't involve penetrative Sex.

It isn't something you see regularly talked about here. And most think of ds as only sexual, but it isn't, or doesn't need to be. There are many many people, on both sides, who find ds compelling and fulfilling as a whole package of interactions that dont directly involve Sex itself.

💜

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Aug 12, 2024

In reality, sex is the difference between D/s and kink.

One can take out the physical side: the spanking, the bondage, the fingering, the face fucking, ect and D/s will still work. The mental and emotional sides still pack a lot of punch.

Take all the physical aspects from kink and there is nothing left.

RoseUndressed​(sub female) • Aug 12, 2024

In my experience, it is completely possible.

In the past, I have had a platonic relationship that has very much fallen into the realms of a D/s. For reasons I will not go into, sexual relations were off the cards and, even if we very much wanted then to be on the cards, we couldn't. Over time, rules came into play and developed and increased over time. Despite the lack of sex, there was (and remains) a complete submission in my mind to him - an inability to lie or hide things, a need for his view and his steer on every part of me - even my sexual life outside of the relationship with him. It was immensely satisfying in so many ways but I did spend much time longing for a touch that wasn't ever possible.

I think, for an asexual, or a pure meeting of minds (where bodies isn't of interest), there is a possibility for dominance and submission - because that, at heart, is in the mind.

lambsone • Aug 18, 2024

Absolutely. For myself I see a D/s dynamic as the cake of the relationship or the everyday nuts and bolts. I see the BDSM side as the icing on the cake. I've experienced the intimacy it brings when added to the dynamic.

littlebitkit​(sub female) • Aug 18, 2024

Hiii,

The first thing that pops into my mind is more of mentor/student dynamic so I would say it’s possible!

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Aug 18, 2024

looking at the ops question from a Femdom perspective, then YES. There are many many male submissives that are looking for a service orientated arrangement/relationship. These are nearly alway non sexual but of course it depends on how you quantify "sexual" is it PIV or fluid bonded, is it sexual release of the submissive, dominant? Even removing all the ones just I described, then YES there are still male submissives who only seek (put your pitchforks down i'm going to say it) "trew" "service"...(granted I've only met a few that do what they say but that's a whole other post YMMV)..I can't see why it doesn't work that way in the Maledom (gaydom, lesdom what ever, insert own variable here) world too. Also you have many whos kinks and fetish do not revolve around "sexual release" in Femdom Chastity is popular (that's more tease and denial than providing) and also findom and paypigs. I can't forget the sissy maids or just traditional maid orientated service. Some only need to told they have done a good job. "acts of service" is one of thel "love style" that does extend to BDSM.

Bunnie • Aug 18, 2024

You’re both entirely allowed to make your dynamic function however you want. That’s the beauty of the freedom in which we choose to relationship

Re: Nonsexual D/s

Nitrev​(dom male) • Aug 18, 2024

Yes.



Professional Dominants and submissives will often have services without sex. Lifestyle mingles well with sex, but it is not a requirement. It is up to you what you do with your relationship. There is also the matter or toys if that makes it easier than sex. I would say if it's physical, there may be some things you may not be able to do if the stimulation is similar to what you get having sex, but that's something you'd have to explore

LatexHer​(dom male) • Aug 18, 2024

I had a 3-year-long D/s relationship with a woman who was married but needed something in her life that her husband could not fulfill. She was not the first LADY who was not satisfied in the bedroom and required a firm hand, reasonably administered, in a well-choreographed, consensual way.
I consider myself "lucky" to have known her as her Secret DOM.

I had been a DOM, photographer, builder of adult dungeon toys, and even a short D/s B&D writer for several decades when through AOL, I was approached by this jewel. She explained that as a mother, homemaker, and wife, she loved her husband as a good father and provider. She said that although she enjoyed having sex with her husband, she had great difficulty achieving a climax while having sex with him. After 10 years of marriage and some inevitable weight gain, her needs were not being met.
I have heard that before - so being careful, I sat her down and insisted that for us to engage in sexual base D/s Play she would have to be brutally honest. She agreed and we began to discuss the reasons for her infidelity. I was apprehensive about playing with a married woman, as I did not wish to have a knock on my door by a very irritated husband - EVER!
She reflected that since she was in her teens she had had fantasies about being forcefully kidnapped and made to do things no good girl would ever do. Her fantasies had grown as she matured, was married, and had children. I asked her if she had discussed her desires with her husband? She explained that she had brought the subject up, including purchasing several dildoes, and furry handcuffs at an adult store. When she attempted to convey her desires her husband retorted that that was for sick people and he would not have it from her, further suggesting she should see a psychiatrist. Broken in spirit, she divested herself of the cuffs, and used the toys to get her jollies, but desired more.

Now, playing with a woman who cannot be bruised, but desires some torments, does create a minor issue for DOM!
We had to devise ways to keep her from showing ANY QUESTIONABLE reminders from our play dates. Ingeniouly she came up with a way to "Hide" any potential bruises she may incur. She joined a local fitness club, which certainly helped, but was still not foolproof. She reflected that she was more careful getting in and out of bed at night, as well as walking around their bedroom naked. Her husband did notice that she had what appeared to be a rope mark on her buttocks one time. She explained that while at the club her jump rope caught her bottom and it hurt. Nothing came of it.

As they say - where there is a will - there is a way! We had a twice-per-month play date until one evening her husband decided to stop at the health club and found her both there. Thankfully when she was questioned, she said that she had changed her mind, and had decided to go out with one girlfriend for a drink instead. Shortly after this, I was told by her, that she was breaking off our playdates and decided that she and her husband would seek counseling for both from a sex therapist. I received one last notice from her by email about 2 months later. She said that their therapy was going well and that her husband at least was convinced to try some light play with her. The late 1990s were a great time to be alive - and so are the 2020s!

I don't know what happened to her as we had no further contact, but do say like Garth Brooks - I enjoyed the Dance We Had!