Silent Observations

We have all heard of ghosting, when someone just completely vanishes from the face of the Earth, with no explination or even realisation that there is issues. 

Zombies is a new term to me but i love it. A zombie is when that ghost resurrects from the dead. Usually with a very simple "Hi" or similar. No explination or apology is generally offered. They just expect you to accept they have returned. So below is a few things I've learnt about these species. 

* They generally return for their own selfish reasons and rarely to apologise for ghosting you or acknowledge that they did something wrong. - "I can't stop thinking about you, now i know how you felt"..... hmmm no, no you dont. Emotional manipulation used to work on me but not anymore. 

* They return because they are lonely and they live with the fantasy of what was great with you and want that feeling back.

* You have every right to kick them in the head. Kill that zombie and dont look back. Dont give them the power over you ant longer. 

* Their shitty actions can actually help you see their true colours and the vale of fantasy is lifted. Also by returning it can give you closure, where you realise that person is not what you want. If they cared for you they would have been an adult in the first place and said so instead of just leaving. 

* It can help you release any left over perceptions - years after i was ghosted i would still think of him and wished to know how he was and if he would be proud of who i had become. Truth is he is not privileged enough to receive any information on who i am now and his approval is not requured. 

* They dont respect you. If they did they would not have treated you this way. It is also not love in any shape or form.

The truth is they will lie, manipulate and possibly even become angry and defensive with you once they see they no longer have a power over you. They will try to twist things to make you feel guilty. "I left because you .........." or "You made me ........." the excuses are endless and really again not required. What is the point of going through a break up conversation years after he left. It is for his own justification. His own ego. 

What you do need to know is that YOU ARE not too much. 

YOU ARE beautiful. 

YOU ARE strong and courageous for opening yourself up to love and possibility. 

YOU ARE NOT weak in any shape or form. Wanting love is not weakness. They are not worthy of your love and affection any longer. 

Set boundaries. 

Give love to yourself. And dont allow the manipulative, argumentative voice of blame and guilt affect you...... because it simply isnt true. 

It is them who need to face their actions, it was their choice to act as they did, they are the weak and cowardly for not being able to express themselves. For not having the decentsy and respect to say that things arent working. 

Im grateful for the complete opportunity for 100% closure on him and on my past. It has helped me see just how far I have become. 

So farewell to my ghost. You will haunt me no longer.......

There are no rights or wrongs. There is no one way to do anything

"Keep the company of those who seek the truth and run from those who have found it." Vaclav Havel

We all have an individual interpretation of truth. There are relative truths, interpretive truth and stories that we have written and retold over and over. Is there really any truth to that which we keep repeating and tweaking to match our beleif. Is there any truth in a subjective interpretation? 

There is only one truth and that is the universal truth. 

If someone asked you what's the one thing that you can determine to be truth, what is that?
There are so many issues where we are emphatic, demanding that our truth says this in regards to politics, policy, social interactions, war, terrorism, love of animals, love of other people, religion... we go through all these issues through life on a daily basis. We've created that domestication from what we claimed to be true. But in any moment a truth can be stood on its head, remember all the way back when the Earth was flat, remember when there was no gravity or electricity. Just because we live in a certain time and the voice of that time says its one thing, doesnt necessarily mean its the truth. Truth is distinctly relative when it comes to any of our interactions on this beautiful planet. 

So what's our personal truth? That's where the most distressing conflicts come up because we beleive for something to be so universal, we've  made it personal and we apply our own  personal belief system onto the universality of truth. 
So The deeper question is, is there such a thing as universal truth? Even if we beleive in the literal interpretations of the bible, fundamentalist, theologians, sacred texts, every beleif is based on someone claiming they know the truth. Therefore if someones not in your beleif system they obviously are not followers of the truth. Universal truth can not be limited to the hear and now, its got to be expanded to every aspect of life. 

Truth theoretically is like pure unbounded consciousness, truth knowing/consciousness and bliss applies to every aspect of every moment of every millisecond of existence. Ever since history has began, ever since there were cultures we could say the Golden Rule is a universal truth

Do undo others as you would have them do unto you

Again maybe everyone has a different interpretation of how they want to be treated than to you.
Does the truth we embrace take us in the direction of unity, or seperation.  If it guides us into the oneness its more truthful, its closer to the truth. If it seperates us or individuats us its a mirage/illusions and then it's not the truth. So ask yourself when you are announcing the truth, your truth to the world, does it bring increased freedom and peace? Or is it a divider a seperator? Then of course we have the choice in every moment to move towards self, to move towards a constriction, or to move towards oneness. Towards expansion. 

So what do we do? We can go back to the ancient teachings, to give us a little guidance and the timeless wisdom of Ajanta says the truth or enlightenment/wholeness is the ability to embrace both opposite ends of the exact same concept or argument, embracing the paradox, polar opposites simultaneously. Understanding and embracing both sides of the exact same argument. The opposite ends, the extreme positions of polarity, that is the truth. 
When you can hold the extreme left and the extreme right simultaneously, thats powerful. Thats the truth, because then it is not coming through your interpretive mode and essentially that allows us to navigate truth in its most devine sense. 

~ David Gee

Something that I have been working on is breaking of sterior types in my own mind/life. Understanding where there have come from (society/upbringing ect) and making a conscious choice as to finding if they fit with me anymore. If I want to hold on to them or change them. It can be quite confronting when you are challenging yourself to adjust them. Not just mentally but actually physically makes these changes. To be able to completely let go of the holds that no longer serve you. Sometimes these perceptions have helped you in the past but  no longer apply to your life and letting go can be difficult. 

What is the fear that comes along with pushing against the grain......Fear of judgement..... from friends, family, or the worst yourself. 

Fear of not being enough to take on the new roll, or challenge and having to work on yourself more to drop the veils as to why you're afraid in the first place. 

For me right now my thoughts are being challenged by someone not because he in nature is challenging but simply because of the circumstances. Being the older woman........ its a bit daunting. It probably would not be so bad if he was only a few years younger but he is 9 years younger. 

Being with someone older has matched me previously because I guess that's what I thought i was worth. Its also socially acceptable and I've always had older firends. What happens when that man who wants to be with you is younger. For me it has started to cause self doubt. Test the elements that I have built up within myself. I feel that is part of his purpose (for me right now). His others are to bring fun and joy back into my life and lastly but not least to help me open up sexually and explore what I truely deeply desire with no judgement. He is so open and honest its refreshing. Never am I met with "I dont do that" its more "if thats something you like I'm more than willing to give it a try".

At what point do we loose that innocence. I mean he is young to me but overall he is not. He is old enough to have lost that curiosity and I'm really thankful that he hasn't. 
He exposes the parts of me that are maybe not so pretty. My need to control certain things. My perceptions of what is acceptable and fear of judgment. If i was looking at 9 years older I would not even bat an eye lid. Actually would say thats the sweet spot for me. 
Even though what Im speaking of is as play partners (long term monogamous ones though) it still challenges me. I see that as a positive. To help me let go of old perceptions and learn to just simply laugh and enjoy. Not to worry about others judgments or thoughts as they do not bring me benefit. This year has been way too serious (even without covid) and allowing space for fun i feel is important. Crucial to our happiness. 

Keep laughing, loving and experiencing

❤♾⭐

Deep within her slumber she stirred. Feeling a sense of warmth and pleasure. Wetness increased between her legs before she started to moan in her sleepy state. 

Hands on her breasts, cupping them from behind. Instinctively she pushes her pelvis back... searching.

A deep voice whispering in her ear, a hand sliding up to her throat and the other down her body leading to her core. It's not until his grip tightens on her neck and his playful delicious fingers pushed inside her that she woke completely. With a gasp her eyes opened.
"There she is" his voice breaking the silence of the darkness. Opening her legs to let him in deeper, bushing back up against his chest to try and get closer to him. Instantly intoxicated by his power and lust. His fingers circling inside her, making her move her hips mimicking his actions. Her body instantly responding to her lovers touch.

His deep primal growl making her wetter with every sound. His hand loosens from her throat and he pushes her shoulders forward, making her arse stick out even more. Re-adjusting her hips to where he wants her. Without warning he pushes deep inside her, holding onto her hips so she cant run away. Claiming whats his with loving force. All she can do is hold on to the sheets and bury her face in the pillow as she takes him deep. Pushing back towards him to let him know she wants more, moaning and panting in pleasure, her wetness now all over her inner thighs. 
Suddenly he stops, flips her up onto her knees and pushes her head into the pillows. Spreading her knees he buries his face in her pusy. Lapping up all her wetness and spreading it up over both her holes. His tongue now where his cock was enjoying every moan that comes from her lips. Letting his fingers explore and become covered in her wetness so that he may use it to lubricate her arse. Such a pretty little button that he loves to press. As his mouth enjoys the taste of her juices his fingers slowly intrude her arse. He can hear the changes in her gasps and the quickening of her breathing, making him even harder. 
Pushing his cock back deep inside her again he keeps his thumb in her. Making her feel full. Knowing that both holes belong to him. Pulling his cock out he playfully places it at her second entrance, sliding it up and down between her cheeks spreading more wetness around before pushing deep back inside her. Over and over he teases her until she is begging for him to use her arse. "Not until you cum first baby girl". Thrusting deep inside her till she covers his cock in orgasmic deliciousness.

Leaning over her back, their bodies dripping with sweat he whispers "Are you ready princess?". 
"Yes please Sir" she moans. Even in the dark he can see the light in her eyes. With a bite of her shoulder he slowly pushes his cock into her arse. The closeness. The overwhelming pleasure. Nothing closer as she opens up, relaxes and lets him in. Again the change in breath lets him know when she is comfortable for him to move. First its slowly as she adapts to his size. The feeling so tight and warm around his cock making it hard for him to control his pace. Not until she starts to push back and says "More Daddy" does he let loose. Knowing she is ready. Holding her hips he finds his rhythm. Her legs dripping and trembling another orgasm comes over he body clenching tightly around him. As he holds her in place he leans over to the bedside table and pulls out her vibrator. 
Slowly he runs it up and down her pussy as he keeps his cock in place. Making sure the toy is wet. Finding her clit he turns the vibrator on and starts thrusting in and out of her arse again. Her screams of pleasure spurring him on till he feels her crumble beneath him again. But he came to play tonight. Without missing a beat he pushes the vibrator inside her. Making her completely full in both holes. Moving one in and the other out in an orchestrated rhythm. With every stroke making himself faster, feeling his lust for her heighten. Her screams make him move faster again. He woke up so incredibly needing of her that his appetite is fierce. Taking whats his he cums deep in her arse, the pleasure creating a massive rush to the head. Collapsing on her trembling frame, he cuddles her up. So sticky and sweaty that the bed is soaked. 
Soft kisses, warm arms, still buried deep inside. 
"Come princess let me clean you up" slowly he dettaches himself from her body and carries her through to the bathroom where he can care for her and lovinging clean her. Before carrying her back to the room and holding her tight in his arms till morning light.

This is not my writing but i thought it was important to share and the author has given permission.

We are all aware of looking for red flags when seeking a partner/relationship of any kind but how about the green flags. For me I resignated with this so much and I realised that it is also what draws me to people. It takes more than a few conversations for me to feel anything for another human, additionally I need to spend time around them as how they act and interact is equally if not more important. To me I am not impressed with your long list of kinky awards and toy collection. It is the person you are on the inside. If I am to let you into my life, be around my children and give you physical control over me when I'm in a vulnerable state, then I need to have confidence not only in your abilities but in your character. 

********

If the person doesn't blame their ex or call them mental and says, yeah I had a part in our demise ✅

When they take time to understand when you are upset ✅

Someone who can disagree amicably and handle conflict well in an Adult (Transactional Analysis) present way and actively listens, ACTIVELY ✅

Someone who doesn't always give solutions, you get space to realise ✅

Someone who is clear and consistent re intent ✅

When they are transparent around their own issues and preferences ✅

Relative response, if you make a mistake and they are supportive and proportional when a mistake is made, as we all make mistakes ✅

Has time for you and takes that time ✅

They support your life goals and improvements ✅

They respond to calls and texts and engage and communicate when they say they're going to ✅

Opinions are shared without judgement ✅

You are a priority and vice versa ✅

They have a life without you, friends, hobbies and interests ✅

They dont shame you in public and will talk when ready privately and can doing the embarrassing conversations about what works and doesn't, especially around sex and play and they listen and accept constructive criticism ✅

They treat humans decently, kind to the server and the person on the phone ✅

They say sorry and act on the sorry is said once and acted upon ✅

You hear self reflection and action ✅

They understand your need for space and or doing something alone, it isn't personal ✅

When something is thrown around about you, they believe you and check facts not fiction ✅

Understands boundaries until you are ready play wise ✅

When you hear they have your back and they do so in public ✅

You laugh together, with each other and at each other ✅

When that person sees negatives as experiences and a chance to grow ✅

Silence is ok and present ✅

Acts immediately and has a discussion around a safe word being called with accountability ✅

That passion that they have isn't a had as they've met you, they pursue their passions ✅

They use we when the shit hits the fan for you or both (or all, poly) how can we fix this ✅

You feel nourished after time together vs drained ✅

They encourage you to do and manage things alone ✅

They say no at times and yes at others, they have boundaries ✅

You grow together, learn and expand consistently ✅

Works with you on limits if YOU want to expand them ✅

You have decent similarities and healthy differences but mutual goals ✅

Appreciates you, your actions and lack of ✅

Any more?
When we look for our ex, parents etc be careful what you wish for as you will find it ❌

You should look for ❌ of course AND along side look for ✅ NOT instead of.

Words By TheKinkShrink

This word has been on my mind this week. It has become apparent to me through some of my readings that I have closed off the allowance of pleasure into my adult sexual life. Additionally realizing where the restrictions and fears that I carry with pleasure come from.

It might seem like a easy concept to allow yourself to experience pleasure but when you have closed yourself off to it, it can be overwhelming to consider opening it back up again. Even my own masturbation is very regimented and is generally only done to release energy, not for pleasure.  Thankfully right now I am in a really good headspace and finally able to address the restrictions of my past without necessarily embracing the emotions that come with them. Im done with pulling myself apart. Those days are over. Now it is more about the joyful journey.

We all carry family soul contracts with us. Things that we were told or things that we automatically do, that have been passed down from generation to generation. Some we are aware of and others we are not. Some cause trauma and confusion and we have no idea why they trigger us. We can carry fears from other peoples pasts and make them our own. Even simple words or actions can come back to the basics of the environment that we were brought up in. How to dress, what to believe, how to act. 

A really simple example I came across was this.

A woman when making her roast dinner was asked why she cuts the end of her roast off. “Well because that’s how my mother does it.”….. When they asked her mother, “why do you cut off the end of the roast”….. “Because that’s what your grandmother does.”……. “Grandmother why do you cut the end of the roast off”…… “ Well back in my day the ovens were smaller so we had to cut the end off to make it fit in the oven”

So now 2 more generations of woman have continued the tradition without actually understanding why it is that they do this. The same can be applied to almost every element of your life. I'm not here to say we should place blame on our family members, but more to recognize that we are handed these things and that we do actually have a choice as to if we wish to use them. We just have to ask the question.

So I grew up rather modest, a tomboy and very happily did so. In fact I feel gratitude for those boundaries as they kept me safe as a teenager. But now as a woman I find some of those boundaries crippling. Especially when it comes to allowing myself pleasure. To be selfish in pleasure. Not only in sex (for me especially in sex) but also in allowing myself fun things in my life.

So now starts the process of unravelling parts of me that were never mine in the first place. Placing stereotypes on what is considered to be a slut. And why is that thought of as a negative word? Why can that not be a positive word? Why can that word not exhilarate and excite? Why should I be restricted to one partner? Can I handle more than one partner? Why can I not have a play partner to just simply give me pleasure? If we both receive enjoyment out of it?

Am I able to break down those walls, selfishly indulge in pleasure, orgasms and fun messy goodness and NOT feel expected to return that. Of course I would want to BUT can I on the odd occasion just accept the gift that is being given to me? To purely experience pleasure for the form that it is. Removal of obligation and even emotion. Just feel.  

So here goes my search for a local play partner. To see if I can safely and purposefully enjoy the body that God gave me. Coming from a Christian upbringing where good little girls waited till they were married, never wore short skirts and acted appropriately. To break the bonds of man and embrace the bonds of nature. And in return freeing up my sexual energy. Opening up my creativity and connection to self.

To be honest its a bit scary but also exciting. Here I go jumping in the deep end. I promise to proceed with caution :) 

This was part of my readings today that really hit home for me. Please not it is not my writing

***********

So let’s talk about TRUST issues? Yep, most of us have had them.

Our strength of character is built with our commitment to honour and TRUST our heart’s truth.

Without self-authority we lack emotional muscle to stand up to external authority. We have no credibility nor emotional resilience until we are willing to back ourselves and TRUST our own heart.

TRUSTING often means delaying gratification and waiting.

Impatient people always have TRUST issues.

We are unable to wholeheartedly TRUST another until we have a strong commitment to listen to and honour our own heart’s truth, as inconvenient as it is at times.

I hear often from my Emotional Fitness clients that they …

“Do not TRUST anyone, only myself.”

That is usually the first myth we have to unravel.

If we TRUST ourselves to love honour and respect our heart’s truth fully, we feel safe in relationships with others because we can TRUST ourselves to not self-abandon, even if the other leaves or attempts to play emotional games.

Back in 1995 I was abusing weapons of mass distraction (for some of us that means drugs, alcohol, obsession with money like overspending and gambling, workaholism, food and sex). I was not a TRUSTWORTHY person back then, I was impatient and unable to delay gratification.

When we live in our ego (head and body focus) we’re disconnected from our heart’s voice, so our heartfelt needs consistently go unmet. So we don’t feel good for long or often enough when it comes to our ego, nothing is ever enough for long.

Those of us who become emotionally malnourished and hungry-hearted grab at pleasure, often cheating or stealing what is not ours like a starving person on their knees looking for breadcrumbs of love.

When we do not self-honour we play games with our truth, ignoring our fragilities and magnifying our ego and relationships backfire. We lose.

TRUST is a seed to be grown and nurtured within our own heart first.

We cannot give away what we haven’t got.

The quality and level of TRUST we have in our selected intimate circle mirrors the level of TRUST we have with ourselves.

As we improve our level of Emotional Fitness the stronger and clearer we receive the uncomplicated instinctive signals from our heart to guide us through life.

They are simply energetic signals that inform us to either …”Stop” …”Go” …

And when we get the …”I don’t knows” we can absolutely TRUST it for we’re being messaged to just “Wait” and decide not to decide.

If we are living in our ego, delayed gratification is not a faculty of the head and body so waiting becomes unbearable and not an option. Our heart can and will patiently wait, whereas our ego when getting a yellow light of caution signalling to wait will often say “Oh stuff it” and ignore it.

Impatience indicates a malnourished, disconnected heart with TRUST issues.

Our wise heart when cautioned will TRUST and wait.

As we work on building our heart’s muscle and TRUSTING we discover that good things do eventually come to those of us willing to do the emotional work, which sometimes involves waiting.

Let us become more willing to TRUST our truth and say “No” or “I’m going to wait” if it means honouring our heart … instead of gambling with our ego.

Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™

This is a continuation from my last blog. The end to my little day dream. And for those naughty ones of you (I hope thats all of you) you might get a kick out of knowing I wrote this while waiting at my chiropractors office. Doesnt help that my chiro is young and hot lol..... I hope you enjoy MY little ending. I dont often write these but it was fun.

❤❤❤❤

Feeling my breathing start to quicken as I anticipate your next move. 

Your strong hand gently caressing my slightly pink skin. That distinct feeling of the leather tails from your flogger dancing ever so gently over my back and bare skin. Tickling. I wiggle my bum in approval and giggle, before I feel your fingers inside me and instant pleasure washes over me. Soft moans are released from mouth as I try to push up against you. Greedy for your loving. Tails still dancing on my back. Your magical fingers find that spot that drives me crazy. Like an instant button, you know me so well. I feel it building like a balloon being blown up to burst. Just before you let me reach my peak you with draw your hand.

"Such a pretty peice of meat you are my love" 
Gently at first you start flogging my shoulders. Like a massage helping me release all the tension from the week. Seeping out of me with every thud. Completely relaxed and obviously way too quiet for you as again I feel your fingers pressing my internal buttons, forcefully awakening me back to the moment. You make me edge over and over with floggings in between. A beautiful melody making my body and brain forget everything and just... flow with the rhythm. Until I am begging for you to let me cum. The pain has built up I dont even feel the floggings anymore, just the sound. As I place all my energy in trying to not cum, not wanting to disappoint you.
You pull my blindfold off and roll me onto my back, kissing me possessively. 

"Stand up baby girl" I hear your words but my body doesnt understand, so you help me to my feet. Hands still bound in my cuffs.
You lay me down on a bed of towels on the floor and my mind wonders when you had time to do that. You pull rope from your play bag and I eagerly watch as you tie the rope to my cuffs and then overhead to the coffee table. More rope is used to tie my legs to themselves, bent like I'm in a deep squat position. Completely open and barely able to move. I test your ropes by pulling and wriggling which grants me a playful but stinging smack. 

"Stay still" you smirk.

I know why you removed my blindfold now. For the simple pleasure we both enjoy of looking deep into eachothers eyes when you bring me to orgasm. Your hand around my throat as you kiss me. I could get lost in you forever. 

"Are you going to be a good girl and give me what I want" 

"That depends what you want" 
SLAP on the side of my face

"You know what I want" 

I bite my lip
"Then take it" 

Nothing gets me going more than hearing your growl. That deep primal sound almost like a purr. Knowing that you are as excited as me.
Oh god the feel of your mouth on my clit and your fingers inside me, is almost too much as I beg for you to let me cum. You push deeper and suck harder, growling at me. Thats what you're after. Completely bound I let go. There's no fight just release as a releif washes over me. Body shuddering as you hold my pelvis down and keep going. 
At some point I had closed my eyes and find your lips on mine. Both of us tasting me.
"Again baby girl and this time leave your eyes open. You must look at me"
Oh crap. I nod as I try to catch my breath. 
We have moved from orgasm denial to forced orgasms. Over and over to the point i loose count. The towel is soaking, sweat dripping and even tied my legs are trembling. 
Before I was begging for you to let me cum and now I'm begging for you to stop. Only once I am an utter puddle of drawn out lust do you stop. Only once you are satisfied I have nothing left.

Releasing me from my binds you slowly massage my limbs. My eyes are open no more, exhausted. But not enough to not wrap my arms around you. You lay with your heavy weight on me, kissing me softly.
"My turn baby" 
I open my eyes confused. Then I feel you enter me and I gasp at the change in size. This whole time it was just your hands or your toys. Now I get the real deal. I cant help but smile at you as you make sweet slow love to me. You now I'm exhausted. The closeness. The connection and the tenderness. I love wrapping every part of me around you, feeling you so deep, knowing you are mine. 
"I love you Daddy" little tears run down my face. You make me feel so much that it comes out of me in every form. I cant hold it in.
Lovingly you hold my throat "Mmmm I love you too baby. Now cum one last time for me"

Sitting on the floor in my naked form, I  finish my work and close my laptop. I sneak and look at you over my shoulder, and see you sitting in your favourite chair reading a book. We've both been so busy this week that even though I've had you around me I find myself missing you and longing for you. I try to do a little nude cat stretch to grab your attention. But your eyes do not leave the page. Slowly I  turn and face towards you crawling on all fours. Placing myself between your legs, lay my head just above your knee, nuzzling my face into your thigh. You sneak a little smile as your warm hand caresses the side of my cheek, your fingers entwine in my hair. My eyes close as I enjoy your simple touch. You know I've missed you, its written all over my face. The stress of the week making my body rigged and tired. Yet under your touch I melt and relax. My home. My safety. My love. Without realising that I'm smiling, I open my eyes to see your loving gaze. No longer reading your book. Your other hand reaching down to cup my face and draw me to your lips.
"Have you finished your work little one?"
I smile even bigger
"Yes Daddy I have"
"Good" I feel your grip tighten in my hair and your passion take over my mouth. Stealing my breath. As you hold me in place, your other hand wonders making my skin tingle with excitement. Pinching my already hard nipples, cupping my breasts and squeezing my bottom. Pulling away quickly ending our kiss, your strong voice taking comand. 
"Inspection time, present" 
I cant help get excited at your command and assume your favorite position.  On my knees, chest to the floor, arms out in front, knees apart and hips/butt high. Completely open. I feel your eyes as you watch me silently. Circling me like prey.  Your fingers run up my spine and over my curves before reaching my wetness. A slap on the arse is your signal you are happy with my cleanliness and position. 

Returning to your chair I feel the warmth of pleasure start to build inside me. That feeling of wanting to give you everything mixed with love and excitement for you. "Come here little one" 
I keep my eyes locked on yours as I crawl back to you slowly. 
"I've missed you Daddy, let me take care of you" you smile that wicked smile. You love it when I play the part. You simply give me a nod as you watch me unzip your shorts to find my prize. 

I take my time running my lips over your softness, enjoying every moment, every bump. Tasting, sucking and enjoying.... slowly. I might be sweet but I also want to torture you. Make you want me as much as I want you. You know my little game and all the tricks I try to play. You let me think I have my way just for a little while before you take control. Which is what I'm secretly waiting for. Im wanting your wolf, your lion to come out and play. I can slowly lick this lollipop all day to wait for him. 

Gripping my hair again you set the pace, but you wont let me have my prize. 

"Dont be greedy" you tell me as drool drips down my chin. Standing up to remove your shorts completely you tell me to position myself on the lounge. Head down bum up, as you leave to go grab some toys. It feels like you are gone for hours as I patiently wait. With my face in the cushions I can't see you, so I try to strain my ears to hear. Since you removed your shoes and your clothes you have suddenly become so silent and its not till you are close that I can sense you.

A loud smack of your hand on my bare skin and the sting makes me give a small squeal of surprise. A few more to pinken my skin and warm me up. Something soft and cool then touches my skin, you turn my head to cover my eyes with a satin scarf. You love to play the mind games. Hard then soft. Cold and hot. Anything to trick my mind and I love it. Keep me guessing and anticipating. I feel the fur of my leather cuffs going around my wrists as you then pull me to the position that you want.

I instantly recognise the touch of the crop lightly running up and down the inside of my inner thighs. On the third or forth pass you give my clitorus a light tap. Then my thighs. And repeat a few times. Never knowing when it might bite me. I hear you make a noise behind me as you change your toys.

I am here for your pleasure. I am yours and you are mine. Let the fun begin......  

This week has brought a few things to light. The most prominent thought for me at the moment is the phrase "Quality over Quantity". 

I have a busy life, as most of us do, and it seems to continuously grow in tasks and responsibilities. To the point that I have had to schedule my life like an excel spreadsheet. I have plenty of quantity but yet there is no balance. The time i give to what is important to me is not generally that of quality. I can be present in body but not in mind. Just because I put in the hours does not guarantee the end result was what was desire. 

As a society we have become accustomed to the idea or fantasy that being busy equals success. That filling our time and being able to manage that according displays some sort of super power. Instead I feel it is possibly an excuse for other things. To ignore the parts of ourselves we dont wish to hear. 
There is something to be said about finding a rhythm.

Im going back to basics, which im not sure how just yet but it is what I keep continuously keep hearing within myself. To gi e quality time and effort over quantity. Being attentive and in the present moment whether it is study, working on my business or being with my loved ones. To not take that time for granted but enjoy the moments. Even the ones that dont feel very fulfilling at that time, because it might mean more to others to have my attention (like my children). 

So just because you are putting in the time, or making a commitment does not equal the results if you are not present in that moment, your efforts are almost pointless. Good intentions also do not equal results. So for me juggling everything in the air it's about finding the rhythm. Watching each ball and knowing its path and how it is integrated with the other balls in the air. As more balls are added, to be in amazement at what i have acheived and have gratitude for everything that comes my way. Rather than struggling and making a mess of things before dropping all the balls altogether. 

So if you find yourself in a rush, a push then slow and listen. Breathe and figure out what is actually needed and let go of the rest. Give you attention to where it is needed and not to the distractions around us