Just me

The leaves dance in the wind

Her hair tickles the back of her neck

She closes her eyes to feel the warm sun

Stopping to take it all in

Breathing in the moment

She thinks of him.

Wanting him to know what he means to her

Hoping she's given enough to him

Does he know her mind calms with his voice

Her heart races with his words

The days are better because he is here

She opens her eyes

Seeing the snow capped mountains

Thinking how pure something can be

Even in a place like this

For a short moment in time

Innocent untouched beauty

A smile crosses her lips

Again she thinks of him

Another way nature reminds her.

This thing they have is theirs

Pure untouched by another.

Emotions innocently creeping in

A blank slate for their story to be written

Time will only tell how many chapters unfold

Where the hero will take her.

What adventures wait them hand in hand.

A car drives by snapping her back to the now.

Knowing her job is waiting she sighs

Time to walk back to the place she has to be

Take her role and play the part.

Deep in her she knows he is the keeper

To the part she gives freely.

He owns her heart mind body and soul.

I have been a little off lately not wanting to blog. Today on my break this is what came to me. It's crazy how most of my thoughts have been unfinished left as partial writing but it's not because I'm not inspired its because I write differently right now.
I came across an old blog of mine entitled flowers. It reminded me of where I came from and how I tend to shy away and let others take the spot light. I havent done that this past month. I've lived in the moment, breathed in with him and found that even in my crazy thoughts he still finds me.

This starter flower is blooming...

So many Christmas songs to choose from but the first has always been my favorite. Then who doesn't love a little sugar plums. The best memory I have was sitting with my grandparents watching the Nutcracker. God I was going to be a ballerina. 6 years old and the joy and amazement i felt watching this ballet. So amazing it still gives me goosebumps.

This song still rings true for me. Home is where the heart is...

New year
I see all these posts about leaving the negative behind. Walking away from the negative. I'm all for that. My concern is how do you know if the negative is someone else and not you.

I cant speak for others but I think if I say I'm walking away from the negative it is bringing more to me. Instead I choose to see the beauty in every person who has come into my life. I am thankful for them all because they taught me something. At one point there was positive with them and I choose to focus on that.

Paths criss cross and who we are when we walk away is only for us to decide. So I will unblock all my paths. I wont deny someone the chance to help me grow because I am afraid my emotions (anger) will get the better of me.

This year I will listen and analyze before I react. I will not give multiple chances but I will try to not have dramatic painful endings. If I cant leave someone better than I found them then I need to look at me and see where I can grow. Friends come and go, but it is up to us what we take with us from each one.

I have a lot of growing to do. I have a few great people I've let in and I will learn from them and be better. I am not darkness or negativity and I am so sorry if that is what you see. I will be better than I was and each day grow more and more.

Sometimes looking back reminds us where we came from. Others blogs may have sparked this one but taking my walk through my past with Sir has shown me how much I've grown and just how much I've always been the same. 

The ashes blew away as her wings started her flight. Higher she climbed feeling the strength come back to her. She soared far above the ground feeling the life being reborn in her. She traveled far from her start, stopping now and then to sit back and watch things from the trees. Every now and then something would catch her eye. She would drift above the ground to see what it was.

The beautiful things would try to catch her but her fire was to hot. She always stayed just out of reach. She learned from each creature she encountered. Growing more and thriving in who she was becoming.

One day her wings grew tired. She stopped to watch the creatures around her. She liked this place. Safe and out of reach but able to interact as she needed. Many days had passed as she watched. She realized her fire was slowly dying. She wasnt strong enough to take flight and find her freedom again.

A creature she had never spoke to came passing by. She had seen him from the shadow's of the trees. Never attempting to talk to him she just watched. As he passed by the tree she shifted to watch. A small branch from the tree fell infront of him. He looked up and she tried to hide.

He smirked leaving a satchel behind as he walked away. She waited for the night to fall and went to see what was in it. She opened it and saw the food. She ate and then climbed back into the tree. For days this went on. The creature would pass by and leave her a small something to eat. She felt her strength coming back and her energy grow, all from the kind efforts the creature made.

The day finally came when she felt strong enough to take flight. She once again spread her wings and soared high. She swooped around the creatures looking for the kind one. She couldnt find him. She went back to the tree and she saw the beautiful glow. She landed off in the distance a little, and on the ground. Her feet hadn't touched the ground in so long she enjoyed the feeling.

She slowly walked to the beautiful glow. It looked just like her flames. She approached cautiously reaching out. She touched the flames staring at them. She glanced up and saw the creature on the other side. He stood and slowly walked to the fire. The flames between them gave her the safety to take him all in.

He was a beautiful creature. A winter wolf. Strong powerful graceful and skilled. She could see the hunter in his eyes. There was something more beyond that, a peace she had never felt before.

He slowly walked around the fire. Taking his time. She was mesmerised by him. She saw how close he was and stepped into the fire to keep him away from her. He reached his paw in and pulled her out. The flames didn't hurt her becasue she was one with them. She didnt understand how they didt hurt him. He pulled her close to him not fazed by the dangerous heat she put off. He guided her to the tree and had her sit.

She sat and wrapped her wings around herself. A shield from the pain he was sure to inflict on her like the others. He sat next to her. It was almost as if he was warming himself beside her. She looked at him and he drew her in. She slowly let her guard down and they began to talk.

The night was ending and he had to go. They had talked the whole night away. As he was leaving she noticed his fur had been burned. She looked and said she was sorry. She would fly away to avoid hurting him.

He touched her again cooling her flames and explained, "you are the warmth I need as i am the cool you need. Look at your self and see how your flames have changed with me here. You may hurt others but its becasue they are not like me. They didnt see the beauty you hold, they never could see your soul. You wont hurt me with your fire becasue I am you. The other half of you."

She looked at him closer and she understood he was the ice and she was the fire. Both extremes apart but together they were fluid, a necessity to others. Together they were stronger.

Nights came and went they continued their talks. She looked forward to each new night to learn more. Hed feed her and cared for her. Shed listen and warm him. Their bond grew stronger.

One night he came and called for her. She was scared to show him who she really was. He told her to come out and talk he knew she was there. She came around the tree to see an amazing man standing there. She felt it was him she knew it was him. She slipped out of the shadows just a girl. She didnt need to hide behind her flames, she was safe with him.

The wolf's heart had been warmed leaving a wonderful man, the phoenix's flames had cooled leaving just a girl. He reached out his hand and she put hers in his. They started to walk away hand in hand. She looked at him and smiled thinking of course it would take the wolf to tame the phoenix.

Today there was a blog written about gentleman Doms. I was truly amazed and blessed to see this blog and have my Sir mentioned in it. It's nice to see others give praise to people out there.

In response to this blog I was filled with words I wanted to express. So as i am sick please forgive me if it's not fluid and i just ramble on.

Being a lady who deserves a gentleman in this day and age isnt easy. I have been taught to stand and fight battles on my own. I have been jaded and closed off to many because of this. I need to be fiercely independent and stand for what I believe in. In doing this my alpha side comes off as arrogant, unappreciative and cocky.

When I met my Sir he was able to match my sarcasm and all the twists I threw at him. We became friends and are still growing as friends. I had my super walls up and wasnt going to let him in but the more I saw his kind soul the faster I tore down the bricks. When very few bricks were left he saw me.

The woman who needed him. The woman who wouldnt ask for help or support but longed to have it. His manners and protective nature let me feel safe. I quickly became the lady I should be. I still stand up for my beliefs but I do so knowing I reflect him. I use my manners instead if the "resting bitch face" I've been told I have.

I find strength in him and grow more with him. I try to be the same for him. He values my opinion and wants to hear it. I have found I turn to him when I struggle with a choice. He is my safe place to land. This week I have been so sick and he has shown me so much of his true self. I mean come on medical professionals are the worst to take care of and being this sick I am a whiney brat. He took it all with grace and knew it was because I needed him. He kept me on a path to recovery encouraged me and when my guilt about not working came into play he reminded me that I am no good to anyone if i cant be the best me.

So to my Sir thank you for being you and in doing so being respected by so many here. You are the hand I reach out for, the light in the dark, the comfort when I'm in pain the friend when i need to vent and the love when I am lost.

I am so proud to be your lady, and will gladly sit by your side or bow at your feet.

Thank you to the author of gentleman Doms for inspiring this and reminding me how blessed I am to have a gentleman who brings out the lady in me.

??

Close the book time to move on

The stories have become twisted

Warped and tangled

Things I thought were true are not as they seem

People I thought i could trust have taken 

Parts of me i cant get back

I have hurt people and been hurt

To what extreme do i let it effect me

Words we share here are not just words

They can become weapons

In a war I'm unwilling to fight

In finding happiness

I see the grief I have caused

The pain and loss

When all I ever wanted was happiness

Clarity comes in strange ways

I realize that my journey here is just that mine

I have shared been me and been open

I have hidden, been shy and closed off

Today I close the book I move on

I pick up another book where I will try to be the best me

I will stand beside my friends and support them in all endeavours

I will encourage cheer and celebrate with them

I will comfort and love them when needed

I will be the person I feel I deserve to have in my life

I will stand proud of who I serve

I will give him my all

Encourage support and eventually love

I will make him proud of me even in my own

Moments of doubt

I will make sure he doesnt loose sight of himself

While caring for others

I will learn and grow with him

I will finally no longer be an I

I will be a we.

In him I see the me I want to be,

I reflect the man he

is to me

Five days since she had seen him. Five days since she touched him. She smiled as she heard his breath catch then that little hiss of approval. His hand touched her lifting her a little and her skin was on fire. Goose bumps spread like wild fire across her she shuddered a little trying to hold still and stay in the pose. He told her to rise and she was so anxious she had yet to get this right and had been practicing all week. She stood in one motion and inside her head she cheered. She presented herself for him standing. She was rewarded when he guided her to the table. Another touch to the small of her back his hand melting her. He sat down in the chair and she pulled the plates out to serve him.
She placed his and then hers. She then poured the tea. Slightly close to him so her breast would brush against him. She finished setting his meal for him and knelt at his feet. She had her area set up to eat with him but knew to wait. She glanced at him and saw the smile play on his lips. He told her to join him and started to eat. Letting him take the first bite and then hearing the moan and his words she was excited to try it.
Putting her chopstick in her plate her hand trembled. She was trying to not spill scooping up the bite a single stray noodle fell off the chopsticks. She looked at him and he shook his head. She closed her eyes and blushed. She felt his lips then nibbling her breast. She moaned as her stomach growled quietly. She was hungry for him.
She glanced at the box wondering what it was. He finally let her see. She inhaled when she saw the thin leather. A beautiful green. Silver buckle and loop. It was grace and beauty in one item. She grinned silver was her favorite. Her hand rose to touch it when she heard him say he felt this may be the direction they are headed, her fingers lightly touched the leather. It was soft.
She glanced at him again, he told her to eat but she asked to be excused for a minute. He cocked his head and told her she may.
She gracefully walked down the hall to retrieve the box she had for him.
She came back to the table placed the box in front of him and asked to sit again. It was a thin longer box. She took the time to wrap it and tie a green bow around it. He the asked " what's this?" She asked to speak freely and he granted her.
"This is a way for me to say thank you. You have opened my eyes to a world I never knew. So i ask that you give me the ribbon when you are done and when you look at the items remember even simple things can bring pleasure in the right hands."
He pulled the green ribbion and handed it to her. She wrapped it around the bottom of her braid and tied it off. He then slowly took the paper off and placed it folded back on the table. He took off the lid and moved the tissue. He pulled an emerald green silk tie out. There were two clothes pins under it and she smirked. She bowed her head and continued to eat. She glanced at him holding the tie and pins her heart started to race.
She hoped he understood what she was feeling, she braved the words not looking up at him "Sir I want to go in the direction you choose to guide me. I will hold your hand and walk where you lead I trust you will guide me safely and protect me. We will work hard, together we will be unstoppable. I offer you my trust, honesty, loyalty, and friendship."
She paused and waited for him...

Ha! I bet you thought this was gonna  me judging some fetish....

Nope just a thank you and a sorry. I have been really sick since Sunday night. Fevers have been high some conversations I don't remember having and some comments turned into just rambling. 

So to my sis thank you for worring about me and little e your constant checking in on her and i is amazing. To my fellow islanders I'm so sorry if I've rambled on about anything I plead the 5th and blame the fever! 

To you cagers my lord if I said anything I shouldn't have I'm sorry no offense. Thank you for putting up with my typos and crazy talk.lol

To my Sir... multiple calls, texts, and emails have meant the world to me. To you I owe the biggest apology. I have been crabby. Whiney, difficult, needy,and bratty. (Nurses make the worst patients! Ask the doctor who saw me yesterday he said so himself) to you Sir thank you. It really has meant so much to me to have you reminding me to eat and rest. To stop and not move lol not even journal. I know some conversations the past few days I have spaced out or not been able to talk and I thank you so much for making me listen. 

Thank you and hopefully soon I'll be back up to my old funny self. 

So i read a blog this Am that got me thinking. It had a good point. Anyone here knows how I feel about collars which is why I submitted the way I did in my blog. Anyway..... 

Subs it is also our responsibility to be true to our collar. If someone messages you then kindly inform them you are taken and end the conversation. We do not have to answer back. I answer to only one and if the messages continue then there is a block option. We also shouldn't be reaching out to others if we are considering a Dom, and yes I am guilty of this. Now the exception to this I feel is if there are Dom/mes that know your situation and help you grow with the other person. I dont suggest reaching out to a new Dom/me and being their friend while starting your new adventure with your possible. Communicate this with your potential though. 

No one should come before your potential/current ever on either side.they should know your feelings and fears before you share them with someone else.  

Dom/mes: should know and respect the collar here because it is a unity. They also should be willing to defend what is theirs if needed. In reaching outside and talking to others you may make your own feel  unworthy. I was once told as we were talking about my submission "if I was as committed to you as I thought I was why did I even answer another's email." The next day this other was in his collar. Just an example of what I've gone through here.i felt so lost and unimportant to know I didnt check all the  boxes for him. All because he answered another's email. I'm so thankful for it now because I found my Sir. 

Now with that being said there is a human quality that is missing. Respect. If you know someone is getting to know someone a potential, and they are your friend you shouldn't be messaging them. If you are getting to know someone and a friend messages you you should let them know hey I'm getting to know this potential and let me see where were going I'm devoting my time to them. (I guess I'm saying it more in the my friend is a Dom and I am a sub kinda way) either that or get to know their potential. Have some respect. 

I learn a lot from everyone here but when I started talking to my Sir I stopped responding to others. He was my sole focus because I needed to see where we matched up. This didnt happen right away because as all of you know we just started to write together. The only communication we had were the parts of our story we sent back and forth. When things started to change even building the friendship I gave him my attention. I didnt answer messages I didnt seek others out. I talked to my sub friends and tried to understand the feelings I was having but all while telling him first. 

Anyway there is an overall lack of respect. On both sides of the fence. As this person said in a blog this is all very real to most of us here. D/s is based on trust and respect. So if you are looking to make a bad impression keep doing what your doing and send out you copied and pasted hellos across the board. Remember though in order to get respect you have to give it and keep earning it.  

Submitting
Distance may makes the physical collar hard to place so here they came up with placing eachothers names. When I first came to cage it meant so much the idea of being so connected that 2 people were willing to announce it. I watched "collars" go on and off, people switching people all the time. I became jaded to the idea I loved so much. Collars on cage to me became meaningless to me. There was no respect to the one wearing it or the persons name in it. (Yes this isnt true for all) anyway I refused to wear one.
So I have considered a few before, we have talked gotten close but something always happened. So years later a lot of possibilities and even more thinking I came up with an idea. Yes it may not be unique to me (although i havent seen it) this is my plan. I strongly believe a sub has to offer her submission to her potential before its official. He has to be given the choice just as much as she does. So to bring back what i feel the collar means here is my plan (hoping I dont land on my face)

*kneeling head bowed*

I offer You me, to serve You to be Yours.
I give You my trust my faith my loyalty my body my brain my heart and my soul.
I will be Your best friend, Your confidant, Your strength, courage, support, Your girl, Your muse Your kitten, slut, toy, slave, and lover.
I will be the best I can be for You and I.
I will learn and grow with You and I will travel this path by Your side.
I leave the choice to You.
Will You take this sub to be Your own...

Holding my breath while I wait.

J