When she was little she was told to keep quiet. Dont let anyone see weakness. Dont give them a reason to keep hurting you. Keep your feelings in a box stuff them away becasue they will only hurt you.
As she grew this lesson kept getting played over and over. Dont let them in to that part of who you are. No one deserves to see. You are a strong young woman and if you show emotion they will think your weak.
First relationship fails, divorce comes. Somehow it's all her fault. The neglect, the lack of communication, and disrespect or support to the family were all acceptable to give to her becasue she was a army wife who didnt do as told.
Second marriage fear over takes only to be proven that speaking and sharing your feelings leaves you the one hurt. It gets used against you and becomes a weapon.
Children are present and they see the real woman. The loving supportive caring nurturing woman. They see her soul.
The woman then finds this life and is asked to show her feelings Express them. After years and years of stuffing them to protect herself she looks at the person making the request and thinks I cant. If you know you'll leave, if you know you will see my weakness, if you know you'll use it against me.
She can show you when she is with you but when she returns to her life she wont be able to express her need for you, that is a weakness, she has to be strong she has to be closed off to protect her kids. The thing is in her mind she thinks you should know she needs you.
This is me! 100% I assume people know I need them. I refuse to ask for help because hell no will I depend on someone. I know I keep my feelings hidden becasue it's a weakness. My kids see the real me, they get the strong powerful super soccermom. Inside I'm breaking every minute of everyday. I beat myself up, I have fears and anxieties. I feel like a failure.
I'm writing this becasue I know many of us are in this situation, we deny our emotions we close people out or we put on a happy face and fake it till we make it. I found writing/journaling helps me face my emotions head on. If I write what I'm felling in the moment I can then figure out why. The key is to just write the emotion not think about it till after it's on paper.
Anyway were not alone in this journey ever. Always reach out a hand, always show support even if its crying together. Your nightmare maybe my dream so maybe i can show you a different side. Talk it out communicate
