Okay this week has ranked pretty high on the stress factor meter for me. Training a building that has over 100 licensed staff to go to computer documentation, in a very short time frame and going live on monday has freaked my OCD brain out. To many scenarios to plan for.
So I havent been sleeping this week much and those who know me know that usually the Dreamons come when that happens. Nope apparently they have a better trigger to wait for. My ex..........
"We need to have a talk on Sunday," which to me means him and the wife are ganging up on me. "We need to have a talk with the kids," to me means you need to have the same rules at your house as I do at mine even though I only have them one night a week every 3 weeks, yep award winning dad there.
So now I'm stressed over work, I'm stressed about the talk and I'm in fear of what will come to get me Saturday night.
This this right here is why I want to surrender. To have that moment where i dont have to say these words but "he" can see me and wrap me up in his safety. To know I wont have to fight at it alone (I know I'm not alone but I mean physically) to know that when my head is spinning I can feel safe or be put on my knees where only his voice exists.
My demons are real, they are triggered by certain things. They make my heart race and my stomach drop. They are my anxieties they are (haha good typo as I'm proofing this it said my anxieties ate my frears) my fears and they are mine.
So to all those who read this please know your not the only crazy control freak, OCD, overplanning, overthinking, glass half empty person out there!
Shoot my glass is almost empty which means bartender poor me another... (its coffee by the way)
Have a great day today everyone
This control freak is gonna put on that boss smile and fight another day.
Happy blogging
💜phe💜
