ErosRising(dom male){Hekate}

The Phoenix - Eros' Rising

"Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.”

I Want It All (Just A Rant)

3 years ago. June 7, 2021 at 6:00 PM

(Not speaking about play partners only in this post)

Sitting talking to a couple of friends of mine in the lifestyle, we came to realize something.

It seems, more so than ever, that more and more Dom’s are shifting.

My opinion, as if it matters, is that they are only looking for the rainbows and butterflies in dynamic.

It seems as though they only want the good and not the bad and the ugly that goes with a D/s relationship.

It seems as though when the going gets tough, they tuck tail and bolt.

I have heard this on to many occasions so hence why I say a shift.

Where does this leave the subs? It leaves them in turmoil, sometimes shattered or worse.

When you are in a D/s relationship, it brings a deep and powerful dynamic that is stronger physically, emotionally, and mentally.

A relationship that is supposed to be built on communication and trust.

For me personally, if I am entering into a relationship, I want it all. I want the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I am going to be there no matter. My Dominance does not stop when my submissive is going through something. This is when I lead from beneath to steady her and lift her up.

It will be in the darkness of what is going on that she will need me the most. This is where I need to be.

This is how I was mentored. This is how I was taught.

To see and hear the opposite now taking place and what is is doing to their partners is disheartening to say the very least.

If you are going to enter into lifestyle with a partner, enter it knowing that the bad and the ugly will happen and that this is when you are needed most.

You need to want it all!

(I will now get off my soap box)

Boo78(sub female) - Now that is a very beautiful breath of fresh air Eros. For those who needed to hear that today..including me..thank you x

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Thank you. Glad it could bring something to someone.

3 years ago

LongerJohnny(dom male) -
Nah, stay on the soapbox. Speak!
100% agreed.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Thank you LJ. 🙏. Happy to see another Dom that agrees. Figure I might piss some off with it though.

3 years ago

LongerJohnny(dom male) -
Fuck 'em if they don't get it, you nailed it.
A Dom's first duty is to his sub. It's sad that that's the part so many people miss.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - It is very true. When I am in dynamic, she is my first priority. A lot of Dom’s don’t get it though.

3 years ago

alawey(sub female){(OWNED BY } - If I may speak for me Wolf . Seeing that he doesn't come much any more.

I can say that my Wolf would totally agree also. I can say this because after being in a relationship almost 4 yrs and living together for almost 3 . We have been thru ALOT. From deaths of family members and close friends to the lost of a job . And he is ALWAYS BY MY SIDE.

now for my thoughts I dont look at those you speak of as a real DOM . They may be a dom but not a DOM . Also I think that they are more kinksters than LIFESTYLEERS and there is an ocean between the two

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Thank you for your input and a good show of a D/s relationship. There are definitely differences for sure. My thing is don’t say you are in a committed D/s relationship and then bolt at the first problem. That’s what I am talking about.

3 years ago

JustGreenie - Amen! So many just want the perks of what they think a D/s dynamic is about (sex, power and sex again) They don’t want to put the work in when times get hard or not going the way they thought it was going to go. That is why it is so hard for subs to trust or want to meet anyone. They are wondering in their back of their mind, how long before this goes bad. That is all because of fake experiences in which they were tricked to believe was real. Sorry just got to me a bit. The lifestyle is not a kinky game. Get a clue

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Very well put!!

3 years ago

The Kinky Poet(other male) - Great write, interesting read
Love and light T.K.P

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Thank you TKP. Just my take

3 years ago

Kerri36(sub female) - Yes!! And thank you!

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - You’re welcome

3 years ago

Bluebutterfly(sub female){Havelock } - Agreed. Take the rough with the smooth. A relationship always has both and if a dom/domme does a runner at the first hurdle then they have no business being in the lifestyle.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - See below. lmao

3 years ago

TreasureMe(sub female){Consumed} - We need you cemented to the soap box. And say it louder so the Doms in the back could hear you lol

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - To me (my opinion) is that they shouldn’t be in a relationship period. The maturity level is not there. And in our lifestyle, it takes even more.
(Again, my opinion)

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Opps I put this under the wrong spot, but you all know what I mean.

3 years ago

GingerSpiced(sub female){MJimT} - All I can say its.. Well said and thank you !!

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Thank you and you’re welcome.

3 years ago

Morley(sub female){Max Sterne} - Soooooooo true on soooooo many levels. Very Well said. It's either you take ALL of me, especially the bad and ugly or you don't get me. Like the saying goes "If you can't handle or be there for me at my fucking worst, I certainly am not going to give you my fucking best." (Swear words added because I have a potty mouth 😜) Again, great post! 🌼❤️🤍

3 years ago

TreasureMe(sub female){Consumed} - Love your potty mouth Morley lol. Say more fucks please?

3 years ago

Morley(sub female){Max Sterne} - Hehehehe, oh girl, you know when I get started... I don't stop. 😂

3 years ago

TreasureMe(sub female){Consumed} - Lmao yes I remember. I'm giving you an innocent nudge *flutters eyelashes*

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - lol. I would expect nothing less from you as far as the swear words.🤣🤣🤣
It is true though. If they can’t handle the worst, why give them the best?
I want to earn submission, I cannot do that if I am not engaged in it all. That’s why I titled the post the way I did. 😉

3 years ago

SweetSirRendering(sub female) - this is absolute truth and thank you for sharing and for being One of the ones that get it, for reminding others how it should be. i will take this moment to add, from a submissive perspective it should be this exactly for everyone in the relationship. my dominant will be good bad and ugly, and i will be there (as we all should) when he needs me. they need us too.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Thank you for the compliment, as well as saying that it should work both ways. This is true. Us Big Bad Dom’s do have bad and ugly too.🤣🤣🤣
We should all realize that and work with our partners and be hand in hand with them in all that we face and go through. ❤️

3 years ago

Bluebutterfly(sub female){Havelock } - There is a limit though. All relationships are work and the good/ bad and ugly is all part of life but if those things start to make people; on either side of the slash, feel unsafe or feeling like you are treading on egg shells all the time then it’s time to walk away.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Agreed. There is a limit when it comes to safety. One should never feel as if they are walking on egg shells. But that is not what I am talking about here. What I am talking about is normal life events.
When a person walks away because things are getting hard (non safety issues), it shows that they were not committed to begin with.
We all have stuff. Difficult things happen in life, if a person is not willing to walk along side their partner to help support them through those times and they just bolt instead, what were they in it for? The rainbows and butterflies.
Maybe I am wrong or maybe it is just me, but when I have a partner, I want to be there in the good and the bad. And I want the same from my partner. As a Dom, I am all in. I take on the responsibility of my subs well being; emotionally, physically, and mentally. It is essential to me because being in this lifestyle creates, in my opinion, a deeper bond than a vanilla relationship. We do things that require a deeper amount of trust and dedication with our partners.
Sorry - another rant. lol

3 years ago

Bluebutterfly(sub female){Havelock } - I totally agree and I understand totally what you were talking about in the original post. I just didn’t want a new person reading and thinking they put up with everything and anything. X

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Good call. And thank you.

3 years ago

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours} - Maybe not "shifting" per say? Just... the bad ones, who only want control and to never be questioned and be entertained only, not have to put in their worth, just are always available and on the market (Go figure, strange how that works) so as the good ones, or ones who get to that next level of learning thin out, it just leaves less comparables.

Could also be a generation thing, but I try and not be ageist as I don't think it is a Gen Z or Millennial or Boomer specific happenstance SorryNotSorry 😏

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - I don’t see it as and age thing. If you really want my honest opinion, I think it is a lack of mentorship, training, and maturity. There are to many that think because the saw some videos or a movie that they are a Dom or sub. But they have never really spoken with people that have been in lifestyle. It is only what they saw or read. So they think that it is all rainbows and butterfly farts.
I have heard this type of thing happening through different generations. It is also because there are a lot of people that are just selfish.🙄🙄

3 years ago

SweetSirRendering(sub female) - and gen x is forgotten again 🤣

3 years ago

Mufasadagreat - True words that only the real can understand

3 years ago

Grey Eyes(sub female){Owned} - I agree with you. I need depth in my dynamic relationship that can only come from understanding each other, feeling each other and being there for each other. It is essential and takes time.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - 100% And someone can’t bail just because they don’t want to deal with the hard stuff. Partnerships have it all and if you want to truly say that you live the lifestyle, then be prepared to deal with it all.

3 years ago

Grey Eyes(sub female){Owned} - Yes, I don't want to say the hard stuff is worse than vanilla relationships...but it's different I think. And bailing is so easy in this modern world, where so much is easily disposable for so many.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Hard stuff is hard stuff. It doesn’t matter. The thing is that we (Lifestylers) should better understand. It doesn’t matter which side of the / we are on, our partnerships are built on trust and communication. We are either taking or handing over consent. That is a huge deal. It takes trust. When someone bales out because of the bad or ugly, it breaks trust in my opinion.

3 years ago

Dominus eius(dom male){LittleLott} - Hi Eros,

Well written and I wholeheartedly agree. I wonder whether your comment about:

“This is how I was mentored. This is how I was taught.”

is maybe a clue as to why things have shifted this way. How many more recent Doms have actually been mentored or taught? How many are self taught from either pornography or online sources. While I’m not belittling the online sources - it’s very easy for the reader to focus on the areas that seem important to them - rather than having a guiding hand making sure they have a balanced viewpoint.

If you’re just starting out and begin googling for sources to learn from - what’s going to catch your eye? It’s not the holistic side is it?

That’s not to say there aren’t exceptions - it’s just a thought as to why there may be a shift taking place....

For me personally, yes I’m relatively new. However, I’ve come into this with my wife as my submissive - so already have that bond and desire to work through the emotional and support in addition to the play......

As always - just my opinion - for what it’s worth.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Your opinion is valid. And I am in agreement with exactly that. It is easy to only glean the information you want from online sources. It was different when I entered the scene since internet was still relatively small. I was actually mentored by someone. Today, that doesn’t really happen as much. And because of that, people are missing a lot of the key things. They tend to only check out the “play” portion and not what it takes to be in a lifestyle relationship.
Thank you as always Dominis.

3 years ago

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ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate}

The Phoenix - Eros' Rising

I Want It All (Just A Rant)

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate}