Who I am or Who am I?

I'm on my path of discovery. I'm new but not new to the lifestyle. I'm just in search of where I fit in.

Double Standard

2 years ago. July 31, 2021 at 3:20 AM

I officially give up on trying to understand this lifestyle. It's too confusing and fully unfair. It's overly dramatic which is making me bored.

I stayed off of Cage so I could keep peace with my Dom. This was my choice not his but things just didn't work out for us. I hate being second to others.

Now, I have so many questions.

Why is there a separate set of rules for the Dom and the Sub? If a Dom isn't feeling dominant, then it's ok. Even though he isn't doing his job, it's ok. WTF? & If u try to make him feel dominant or push him/her, then u r wrong... And this can end up going in a million different ways from a punishment for irritating him all the way up to the most severe action of being dismissed.

(Again! WTF?)

On the opposite side, if a submissive isn't feeling submissive, it's wrong. Wrong? If she/he is being hurt by personal things that are affecting her/his mindset, then she/he should suck it up, do whatever task, handle her/his own pain and figure out a way to be submissive! (Really? Again! WTF? )

But why can't that be for both sides? Each of you suck it up and do your job then? Why is it the sub's fault if she/he isn't in a submissive mindset but not the Dom's fault if they aren't feeling dominant?

This is a double standard. In my opinion, it's wrong. Sorry if this is offensive, but it's a jackass way to do things. Both should try to help the other get into the proper mindset or back off until the time is right.

The thing is, I've grown in this lifestyle. I just don't understand it and tbh there's no one to talk to or ask questions. So now I'm frustrated. Don't know where to go from here but what I do know is that I absolutely can't do double standards. That's a hard limit for me now. I would punch a Dom over this. Hell, I would punch any dude over this.

Just Thinking Out Aloud

😑 ---needing to punch somebody--- 😑

~In Search of Truth~

K y i v - It is not a democracy... 😉

2 years ago

SweetBrattyLittle(sub female) - Then it shouldn't be anything at all. If a sub loses a family member or is subjected to some cruel life circumstance, then it's Dom's duty to fall back and put the sub's life first. That goes for the sub too... Not just the Dom. It's only Doms, who are domineering jerks, who make this type of statement, that would put this lifestyle before the sub's life. Submission is a gift. Sad that I'm encountering Doms who do not understand that quality.

2 years ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - You do Not have to tolerate a double standard which is why discussions happen before anything. Talk, talk, and more talk. Talk about the "what-if's" and if they don't match up or a compromise can't be reached, it's OK. It's ok to not match up and walk away, so long as you tried you will ALWAYS succeed, even if the relationship doesn't.

People first, kink second. Our kinks are a part of US not the other way around. They are ONE PART that makes up a person and if the WHOLE person isn't respected, then the kink should take a backseat.

Life happens. Emotions happen and allowing space for that is JUST AS IMPORTANT as anything else because if your emotional cup is running on empty (or is overflowing), they you need to either stop and refill it or stop and clean up the mess first....

You can NOT enjoy your kink (drink) of choice if there is nothing to drink nor can you enjoy it if it spilling over and making a mess. (Think about that first cup of coffee/tea in the morning...)

2 years ago

SweetBrattyLittle(sub female) - Perfectly stated. What u stated goes for any relationship. No point in moving forward if you are hurting. Hurt people...hurt people. But I've also encountered where a Dom believes only the lifestyle exist. You are part of the lifestyle.. Not the other way around.

2 years ago

Curiousmind(sub female){Owned} - I feel like it’s not the lifestyle in general but the individual dynamics you have encountered you struggle to understand. I strongly believe if a dynamic is based on a human connection first of all then there is an unlikely place for those described scenarios. I hope you don’t give up on the lifestyle but rather take a break for yourself…focus on yourself for time being and then approach new possibilities by seeking human connection, friendship and compatibility on the soul level before exploring the kink, the power exchange part of the relationship. If the foundation is right, the growth , the journey will be flourishing and fulfilling one.
Best wishes 🌺🦋

2 years ago

SweetBrattyLittle(sub female) - Everything is fresh. Not sure what I want to do...but I r definitely right. I wouldn't jump into another vanilla relationship. So I know I'm not ready for another bdsm relationship. However insightful as u are, I find more doms who believe this. I started joining groups. I'm super shy so I don't talk much in groups but I do listen. I listen to broken hearted subs saying the exact same thing in different ways. Sad...

2 years ago

lifeofdom(dom male) - I would be inclined to say that the kink relationship is not going well, quite the opposiye: it's going down the drain. For the lack of dialogue..
Double standards will ruin the relationship.. Find common ground, find time for kink and time for yourselves.. Looks like you need it.. But that should start from the dominant.. Unless he/she is completely oblivious to the issue..

2 years ago

FedoraAndABowtie(dom male) - Civilized Stallion has a blog on here that provides insight into different aspects of relationships, it might help you understand what is puzzling you either directly or indirectly.

2 years ago

SweetBrattyLittle(sub female) - Thank you. Will look into it.

2 years ago

Satindragon - I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But if you are so upset you want to hit something. You should tape up your hands and find a heavy bag. Or go for a long run and clear your head.

Life is about choices. Sometimes we need to learn how to respond not react.

Have you talked to your Dom? Is he aware of your feelings? Neither party are mind readers.

2 years ago

SweetBrattyLittle(sub female) - Oh. I'm sorry. There's this new thing called reading comprehension. It's new...try it out. I never said I would hit him. I never said he or I was a mind reader. For your fucking info, I talked. A FUCKING LOT! I'm sorry if you can accept being the type to accept your pain and just but I have self respect. Oh! & Last thing... All of this, wasn't a mind reading issue...this shit didn't even start with me. He put the lifestyle before my fucking kid's life! Not even mine! So shut the fuck up!

2 years ago

Satindragon - Lol. Life’s about choices.

2 years ago

slaveMikayla(sub female){MstrJ } - Quite a few of the above have addressed this well... but I've got a more basic question for you, and your answer will shine a lot on what is going here.
"Even though he isn't doing his job, it's ok." .... and to you and your understanding what IS your Dominant's job? That isnt a sarcastic question at all!
What to your Dominant's mind was YOUR job?
Were these "jobs" negotiated and discussed or are these expectations that this "Dom" and potentially other "Doms" have instilled in you are expected and basic facts of life as it were?
I don't think any of us can truly adequately address what was going on here without that basic understanding.

2 years ago

SweetBrattyLittle(sub female) - Loaded commitment. LoL. Seriously though, jobs were discussed. My thing is, if both have have dire life circumstances that are affecting them, who should be given understanding? If jobs were not discussed, is it ok that if a Dom is having a bad situation then they should be excused...is that the same for the sub. Is it ok to risk a sub life or leave because jobs were not discussed and a sub is falling short? I learned from a lot of other subs. So let me reiterate, our jobs were discussed but I genuinely care about ppl. Their life will always come first in my view.

2 years ago

Gaiawolf(sub female){RogueWolf} - It's not right to be held to a double standard. And the right Dom will not do that. Communication is key and if you are not being heard then you are not being valued and respected as a human being and need to speak your piece and make yourself heard. If they don't want to listen or understand then they are not a true Dom because a true Dom wants to hear from you and make you safe and secure in your submission.

2 years ago

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SweetBrattyLittle​(sub female)

Who I am or Who am I?

Double Standard

SweetBrattyLittle(sub female)