A Secret to tell

      Recently I have been on a journey of self discover. Who is the me I hide from the world? Well here is what I have learned, I'm stubborn, i love teasing and being playful. I like when men are assertive with me. For example if I am arguing with a man and I refuse to yield, then usually fisting their hand in my hair and jerking my mouth to theirs for a kiss of silence usually makes me shut up fairly quickly. Its something my body craves and needs, that assertiveness. I have also learned that I like my independance, I love being able to bring in my own income, and spend it how I like, not how I'm told. I can be a bit reckless in my spending, so I have to reel myself in at times. I dont like going out to eat a lot. Most of the time I like to gorge myself on fruits and vegetable, strawberries, green grapes, and sliced sweet peppers are some of my favorite snacking items. When I am close to my time on the month I crave chocolate, and caffeine, I'm usually very moody, and easily aggravated, and usually about the second day in im in bed crying from the pain, and usually have to have pain meds. I never thought before that if I paid attention to myself, and learned about me that I would discover much, but in fact my mind is slowly bending and molding into self identification. I'm a very blunt and passionate person when I speak to others, people I have noticed are often shocked by the things that come out of my mouth, not because its vulgar or anything like that. Its because I talk like I write. I use words that most people don't I say things that most people try to keep hidden. I talk , like I'm from a different time, like I'm older than I am. I find that rather comforting.

     The knowledge that I am uniquely my own person even in my mannerisms. At night I seem to come alive, I like to pretend I'm this beautiful seductress that the creatures of the night obsess over. My imagination does indeed know no bounds. I love writing, and dancing to music that makes me feel alive. Every once in a while I will simply grab a beer, and dance to loud music that speaks volumes to my soul. There is a sense of freedom in being able to express myself freely when no one is around. Nights are magical for me and myself. I often walk to the mailbox at night, my steps measured and precise the moons glow lighting my way along with the street lights. I like to look around while i think quietly, plus its a great form of exercise, since its pretty far. The morning are not my thing. Im usually very grouchy and confrontational when it comes to getting up early.  I'm also very bad about procrastination. College work sucks, and I feel drained after I finish it, so I usually wait to the last minute to get it done, which is funny because when it comes to working I have noticed I want to get everything done as early as possible. Two very different sides of a coin. I love art and diving into my mind about how it translates and speaks to me as an individual, as well as learning about its history, and the artist and what they sought to create. I'm passionate about romance. I love small gestures, I love great stories, I love everything dealing with it. In fact I get pretty damn happy after watching a movie that touches my heart and ends so perfectly. I understand now, that I will probably never stop believing in true love no matter how many trials and errors I face. I've learned that I am a very forgiving person even when I don't want to be, I'm a bit too soft hearted and try to help every one around me. Some times to a fault. However despite everything I have learned thus far I realize I still have so much more to discover. Yes, to all those wondering, I am working on the next part to an Affair of the Heart. I should have it posted in the next day or two. I think you all will enjoy the direction it is going in. Best wishes to all my readers

SomeonesSoulmate

Damien

     He had been watching her for days now. Perhaps he was a bit obsessed, perhaps not. All he knew was he wanted her and what he wanted he usually got. Damien smirked as he sipped the brandy from the snifter in his hand. he casually swirled it, admiring the light as it reflected off Amara's sun-kissed skin. She was a beauty, but she didn't flaunt it; it was almost as if she didn't recognize the power of her looks. His gaze burrowed into her, willing her to look at him. Then she did, but just as quickly dismissed him. It was like she was interested in someone else. His hand gripped the glass tighter. In fact, it was exactly like that. She had been looking around for someone since she had arrived, but who. Then it clicked. D'Mario. Damien sneered. That weak inept man was not worth her. Of course, he had noticed that she and D’Mario hung out a lot but he had thought it to be just a friendship. Apparently, Amara had other ideas. He rose slowly, straightening his suit as he went. He could, of course, call D'Mario here, but then his beauty's attention would be snared by the wrong person. No, he wanted her attention all to himself. 

     Heading for the kitchens, he walked by different cooks and servers, ignoring the looks, and headed straight for the man giving orders. D'Mario looked up, startled by his sudden appearance, and nodded his head to him, lowering his eyes before raising them once more, " Is there something I could help you with, Sir? I wasn't expecting you to come back here so suddenly, was the food not to your taste, perhaps I could offer you something else from our menu?" Damien could tell that the man was nervous from the way he shifted on his feet, which positively made him gleam with satisfaction. This would be easier than he thought.

"Actually, you can. I want Amara, and you are in my way. She seems to have this foolish notion that you and she could be an item, but .." he paused, his next words coming out in a warning growl, " that is never going to happen."

"ye..yes, yes sir, it will not, she's just a friend, but I ...." D'Mario cleared his throat "I will not allow you to hurt her, she is a good friend, and I feel protective of her. In a big brother kind of way, so don't get any ideas about..." D'Mario's eyes widened, and he fell silent as Damien's demeanor turned aggressive and he stepped in close to D'Mario, forcing him to back up.

" Actually, I'm calling in my favor. I have plans for Miss Amara, plans with which you will not interfere." Damien reached out, straightening D'Mario's outfit and dusting his shoulder off lightly.

 " I would hate to hear that you suddenly disappeared without a trace.”  D'Mario swallowed, looking up at the man before him, debating his odds, but in the end, he simply nodded.

 Suddenly one of his cooks approached him, asking about something, taking his attention away from the man in front of him. When he turned back, Damien was gone.

     Damien turned the corner of the alcove exiting the kitchens and nodded to his right-hand man as he headed back towards the dining area, only to stop and smile broadly. His beauty was right in front of him, heading for the restrooms. He immediately moved to block her way, grinning down at her. Her eyes slowly raised to his, their color and shine leaving him stunned for a moment.

“ If you will excuse me, sir, I need to make use of the ladies' room.” she tried to push his arm out of the way only to find him unmovable. Huffing in irritation, she glared up at him in the most adorable way.

“ Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, you can. My name is Damien, and I will be having the pleasure of your company this evening, pet.” his voice was deep but soft, his dominance coming to the fore. He grinned as she snorted and laughed in disbelief.  

“ You have some nerve ..Damien, was it? However, I am previously engaged with my friend and have plans later this evening, so, I won’t be “joining” you for anything.” Once again, she tried to move past him, only to once again find her way still blocked by his arm. Ever his feisty beauty. He did love a challenge, and she was that and more.

“Ah, but you see pet, that is where you are mistaken..” he nodded to Markus, who proceeded to use chloroform to subdue her. Moving quietly but quickly, he swept her up in his arms as she collapsed. He took a moment to take in her resting features, only to return to his senses as he heard someone approaching. Looking to his right-hand, he turned and headed out the back way while Markus headed out front to get the car. His eyes met D’Mario's as he passed by him, daring him to open his mouth. Only silence came from him. Good man, otherwise, he would end up dead. No one challenged him on his decisions.

     He had made it his life work to make sure that everyone around him knew that he was in charge. His life had been nothing but fights and making money. It was just part of who he was. He grinned down at the sleeping beauty in his arms as he emerged out into the back alley and waited for Markus. It didn’t take long before the sleek black Lincoln pulled up with dark-tinted windows. Markus hurried out and opened the back door so he could slide in with Amara.

     He wondered how she would react to waking up in Arabia. Probably ready to fight. His mind wandered back to the first day he had seen her. She had been walking a client out of her office. Not a care in the world to what was around her; her only focus was on the client and their satisfaction with the company. Her laughter is what had drawn him to look at her. She had been wearing a simple skirt with heels and a white top, all of it designed to look classy but form-fitting. Her hair had been twisted up in an elegant design, and her smile had taken his breath away. He knew right then that she was meant to be his, whether she agreed or not. Shaking his head, he smoothed a stray strand of hair back from her face. “ Such great things await you at my hands pet, you will see.”

Markus chose that moment to speak up “ Sir, are you sure this is a good idea?” his eyes turned dark as silence filled the cabin. Markus looked away first, “ Of course it is your decision Sir, whatever you wish.”

“It matters not what you think or desire. She is coming home with us…..'إنّها لي الآن، لتفعل ما أرجوه. ( she is mine now to do with as I wish)

“Yes Sir, of course. I meant nothing by my remark. “ silence fell after that, until they arrived at the airfield. Looking up to Markus, he replied in a stern tone, “ Make arrangements; I want all of her things brought over by the end of the week. Make sure arrangements are made with her job and finances. I’ll deal with the rest. “

“Of course Sir, will there be anything else before your departure?”

“No, just get it done quickly.” picking Amara up in his arms once more, he left the vehicle and boarded the private jet. No one questioned why an unconscious woman was in his arms. They simply attended to their duties as they were paid to do. He might be a hard ass, but he was a generous hard ass, which meant people turned the other way when he did questionable things. Although this might perhaps be the most irrational and questionable thing, he had done in front of them.  

“ Kana, get the shot, my passenger is afraid of flights, and I would rather her not wake up along the way there.”

“Very well, I will return momentarily.”

Amara turned her head, beginning to stir in his arms. He tensed, preparing for a fight. Luckily Kana was quick to return and administer the shot. With Amara now out, he settled her on one of the seats next to him, letting it back all the way before reaching down to smooth her hair away from her face once more. Unable to resist, he leaned down and kissed her forehead before standing and moving up front to speak with the captain to begin the long flight back home…..

 The captain’s voice crackled over the intercom, announcing their ascent. Damien buckled Amara securely into the seat beside him, fingers lingering on the strap across her waist. She stirred faintly, a furrow forming between her brows, but the sedative held her under.

    Damien watched Amara's chest rise and fall with each breath, her features softened in unconsciousness. The jet's hum filled the silence as he traced the curve of her cheekbone with his thumb. Possession coiled tight in his chest—she belonged here, with him, even if she didn’t realize it yet. Markus’ earlier hesitation lingered like a thorn. Weakness had no place in his world, and doubt even less so. He’d built an empire on certainty, and Amara would learn that soon enough. Her defiance would be tempered, her fire directed where it belonged: toward him, for him. 

     He leaned close, his breath brushing her ear. "نم، عندما تستيقظ سوف تفهم.." (sleep when you wake up you will understand) His tone brooked no argument, even if she couldn’t hear it.

     The plane leveled out, and he reached for the folder Markus had left—details of her life he’d already dismantled. Bank accounts closed, lease terminated, resignation submitted. Clean, efficient. A soft moan escaped her lips. Damien snapped the folder shut and turned, catching the flutter of her lashes. His hand settled on her throat, not squeezing, just resting—a reminder of control.

     "Shh. Not yet." Her pulse jumped beneath his palm, but she stilled, sinking back into oblivion. Satisfaction curled through him. She’d fight when awake, of course. He looked forward to it. Breaking her resistance would be a pleasure, not a chore. For now, he contented himself with watching her, already imagining the moment her hazel eyes would blaze with fury—and then, eventually, submission.." His tone brooked no argument, even if she couldn’t hear it. The plane leveled out. Satisfaction curled through him. She was his and she would learn one way or another.

Amara laughed at something her friend was saying. A flush of red creeping into her cheeks as she tries to brush off the embarrassing nature of the joke. Fanning herself, a smile pasted on her face, she looked around the restaurant quietly. D’mario, the establishment's owner, was one of her closest friends and always kept this particular table open for her. This particular restaurant was a 5-star and always in high demand. She had been the one to help D’mario convince the bank to give him the loan needed for it. They had been friends for years, and he had approached her to do the presentation and work up the financials for the bank. Of course, she had only been too happy to. Since then, they had only grown closer as friends.

    She was surprised he hadn’t managed to get snatched up by all the eligible women in the area since he was such a good-looking man. D’mario was of Italian descent, though you could never tell by his Detroit accent. You could, however, tell by his dark brown eyes, gorgeous curly black hair locks, and olive-toned skin. The fact that he could cook, was in shape and had a love for family that topped even her own, was just a bonus. Let's not even talk about how gorgeous his restaurant was with its gossamer white walls and gold trim. The paintings on the ceilings alone left you breathless when you first walked through the doors. D’mario had undoubtedly done a number with the plans and design for this place. He had wanted to capture the essence of beauty and art, and he had certainly done that. Between the remake of the marble hall ceiling artwork, and the gold trim with stunning designs and inlay, a person didn't stand a chance of not wanting to eat here. Even the tables had Egyptian silk top covers, with specially designed centerpieces that changed daily to draw the guest's eyes. It was, of course, meant as a conversation starter to keep things from getting awkward for people, and in her mind, it worked.

“ Will there be anything else, Miss Martin? Amara looked up at the waiter standing by her table and smiled, shaking her head gently. “ no, that's all Cameron, thank you.” she watched as he walked away and again wondered where D'Mario had gotten to. It wasn't like him to keep her waiting long. She had big plans with him tonight, including revealing her feelings to him, but at this rate she wasn't going to get to. 

“ Amara…AMARA!” Destiny looked at her like she had lost her head again. 

Putting an apologetic smile on her face she gave her friend her attention once more, “I'm sorry, Destiny, what were you saying?” she must have spaced out for a minute thinking.

“I swear, where do you go in that head of yours? Amara smiled and laughed, looking at her friend. Destiny was a beauty for sure with her long black hair and vivid blue eyes. The woman didn't even realize it half the time, while Amara herself was rather plain. She had her brown hair swept up into a bun at the moment, but even when down, it was stick straight with no curl or bounce like Destiny's did. Her eyes were hazel with more gold than green to them, and she was on the plump side, not overly so, but her butt and boobs made it almost impossible to find decent clothes. Lucious was how Destiny described her often, but Amara just didn't see it. 

Standing up, she looked at her friend and mentioned the bathroom before hurrying away. Destiny was fun, but lord, that woman could talk. Smiling to herself, she made her way to the alcove where the bathrooms were and moved to walk in, only to find an arm blocking the way. Frowning Amara looked up and into the most stunning green eyes she had ever seen. They almost seemed to glow in their intensity and were attached to a face that had to of been carved by angels themselves. However, it did nothing to stave off the current irritation at finding her way suddenly blocked. 

“ If you will excuse me, sir, I need to make use of the ladies' room.” she tried to push his arm out of the way only to find him unmovable. Huffing in irritation, she glared up at the man before her

“ Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, you can. My name is Damien, and I will be having the pleasure of your company this evening, pet.” his voice was deep but soft, sending a shiver down her spine. Snorting, she laughed and shook her head in disbelief. 

“ You have some nerve ..Damien, was it? However, I am previously engaged with my friend and have plans later this evening, so I won’t be joining you for anything.” Once again, she tried to move past him, only to once again find her way still blocked his arm still unmovable.

“Ah, but you see pet, that is where you are mistaken...” Amara opened her mouth to tell him off at that point, only to find her nose and mouth covered, and a sickly sweet smell filled her senses. She kicked out, smiling in satisfaction when she heard a grunt right before everything went dark. This was not how her evening was supposed to go.

I stood up for myself today, laid it all bare, told them everything I was and who I was, and what I wanted and needed, and I gotta say, it felt pretty damn good. Welcome to the new me , cause the old me, she doesn't exist anymore. My days of submitting to people who cannot love and appreciate me are finally over. As my mom would say " Fuck the world, cause if you can't live with yourself , then who can you live with". Hell yeah mom, hell fucking yeah.

 
Kristen smiles and grabs Danny's shirt before leaning up on her toes and kissing him hard. Then steps back, " that was for me too"
 
He freezes, her kiss lingering like a brand. His hand twitches at his side, fingers curling into a fist before forcing them to relax. His gaze locks onto hers, dark and unreadable for a heartbeat—then he huffs a sharp laugh, shaking his head. "About damn time you took what you wanted." He steps back, putting deliberate distance between them, but his voice stays low, rough around the edges. "Just remember—next time you do that, I won’t be playing therapist. Understood?"
 
her eyes go dark," don't say things you don't mean Danny"
 
His jaw tightens, the muscle flickering as he meets her gaze head-on. The distance between them crackles with unspoken tension, his voice dropping to a gravel-edged warning. I don’t say things I don’t mean. That’s your ex’s specialty, not mine. He takes a deliberate step forward, closing the gap she created, his eyes boring into hers.," You kissed me. Now own the consequences. Or step back. But don’t test me unless you’re ready for the answer."
 
Kristen looks up at him with a raised eyebrow, " can you give me what I really want, the rough dominate, in control, take no prisoners kind of rough that I'm wanting or are you wanting to step back now?"
 
He doesn’t blink, doesn’t flinch. His voice comes low, stripped bare of any pretense.," Try me and find out. But know this—if I take you, it won’t be a game. It’ll be a claim. And I don’t let go of what’s mine." His hand rises, fingers brushing her jawline, thumb pressing just hard enough to tilt her chin up. "Still want to play?"
 
she grins and kisses him again instead of answering
 
His hand snaps to the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair as he kisses her back—hard, possessive, all restraint shattered. When he breaks away, his breath ghosts over her lips, voice raw. "That’s your answer, then." He steps back abruptly, stripping off his jacket and tossing it aside, eyes never leaving hers. "Last chance to walk away, Kristen. Once I start, I won’t stop until you’re screaming my name."
 
she growls as he kisses her possessively her body already aching for more as she pants staring at him "never"

A feral grin splits his face as he closes the distance again, one hand gripping her hip hard enough to bruise while the other fists in her hair, yanking her head back to expose her throat." Then beg for it. Loud. Let me hear how much you need this." His teeth graze her pulse point, voice a dark promise. "Or should I make you?"

she cries out in pleasure as her head is yanked back. Her eyes grow hooded her breath coming out in a gasp as his teeth scraped her throat. She lifted her eyes and dared to whisper, "make me"
 
A dark laugh rumbles in his chest as he spins her around, slamming her back against the wall. His knee forces her legs apart, pinning her in place as his mouth crashes down on hers again—all teeth and tongue and barely leashed hunger. When he pulls back, his voice is a growl against her lips. "You’ll regret those words before I’m done with you." His hand slides down to her throat, not squeezing—just holding, a silent reminder of who’s in control. "Now. Say it. Who do you belong to tonight?"
 
she feels her breath catch as he slams her against the wall and pins her in place his knee slipping between hers making her moan loud and low, when his hand moves to her throat as he questions her she says huskily "fuck, you do Danny"
 
His grip tightens just enough to make her gasp, eyes blazing with dark satisfaction." Damn right." He drags her away from the wall, spinning her toward the bed with a rough shove. His voice drops to a predatory purr. "On your knees. Now. Show me how badly you want this." He unbuckles his belt with deliberate slowness, the leather sliding free with a sharp hiss. "And if you hesitate, I’ll make you wait until you’re begging. Choose."
 
Kristen moves to her knees quickly, licking her lips as she watched him, dripping wet her eyes dark with desire
 
He fists a hand in her hair, dragging her closer until his cock brushes her lips. His other hand tilts her chin up, thumb pressing against her bottom lip to force her mouth open." No teasing. Take me deep, or I’ll fuck that pretty throat until you choke. Your choice." His voice is steel wrapped in velvet, daring her to disobey.
 
she grins her tongue slipping out to lick the slit of his cock taking the drop of precum there greedily, before taking him in her mouth her tongue swirling around the head of his cock before taking him down her throat , gagging,  then pulling back to take a breath. Her eyes locked on his as they watered and her make-up began to smear
 
A sharp hiss escapes him as she takes him deep, his grip tightening in her hair. His hips jerk forward instinctively before he forces himself still, muscles straining with restraint. "Fuck—that’s it. No mercy."  His thumb strokes her cheek, smearing her ruined makeup as he watches her gag, his voice rough with approval." Look at you. Taking it like you were made for this. Deeper. Now." He pushes her head down firmly, holding her there until her throat flutters around him.
 
Kristen relaxes in his grip as he pushes her down on his cock swallowing rapidly as her hands come up to rest against his thighs her tongue working the underside of his cock

A low groan tears from his throat as she swallows around him, his free hand clamping down on her shoulder to keep himself from thrusting. His voice comes out ragged, strained with the effort to stay controlled. "Good girl. Just like that." He pulls her off with a wet pop, tilting her face up to meet his gaze, pupils blown wide." Now tell me—what do you want next? Say it. Loud. Or I walk."
 
she licks her lips before replying," I want you to fuck me hard and claim me as yours in everyway Danny ....please"
 
His eyes flash, a predator scenting surrender. He yanks her up by the hair, tossing her onto the bed with a force that makes the frame creak. Stalking over her, he rips her jeans down her hips, fingers digging into her thighs as he spreads her wide. "You’ll get what you asked for." His voice drops to a growl as he leans in, teeth scraping her inner thigh." And you’ll fucking remember who gave it to you." Without warning, he drives into her, hard and deep, a single brutal thrust that steals her breath. "Scream for me. Let the whole hotel hear who owns you tonight."
 
she gasps as she is thrown on the bed , amazed at his strength, before her eyes widened as he ripped her jeans off "fuuckk" a moan falls from her lips  as he crawls on top of her spreading her legs, taking her breath, away as he slams inside her making her scream. Her hands come up. One to his back and the other to the back of his neck. Her head falls back and her legs wrap around his hips tightly, " DANNY! FUCK!"
 
   The sound of her scream ignites something primal in him, his hips snapping forward with punishing force. His hand fists in her hair again, wrenching her head back to expose her throat as he drives into her, each thrust deliberate, brutal. "That’s it. Louder." His teeth sink into her shoulder, marking her as his voice rasps against her skin." Every scream, every mark—proof you’re mine. Now come for me. I won’t stop until you do."
 
   she screams and moans with every thrust and then looses it when he bites down hard on her shoulder marking her, her body cumming hard at his order, her walls clenching and unclenching his cock in a tight unforgiving merciless heat. Wave after wave of sheer blinding pleasure washes over her 

   He growls against her skin as she shatters, his rhythm faltering for just a heartbeat before he redoubles his pace, driving into her with relentless precision. His hand slides down to grip her hip, fingers digging in hard enough to leave bruises as he chases his own release. "That’s it—take it. Every fucking inch." His voice breaks on a ragged groan, hips stuttering as he spills deep inside her, teeth clamping down on her collarbone to muffle his own shout. When he finally stills, breath coming hard, he pulls back just enough to meet her gaze, eyes blazing with undisguised possession. "Mine. Say it."
 
she collapses back against the bed body trembling "I'm yours Danny only yours"
 
He catches her chin, forcing her to hold his gaze as he slowly pulls out, a low hum of approval vibrating in his chest. "Good girl." His thumb brushes over her swollen lips, voice dropping to a rough whisper. "Don’t forget it." He collapses beside her, dragging her against his chest, one arm locked around her waist like a steel band. His heartbeat hammers against her back, sweat-slick skin sticking together as he nips at her ear. "Sleep. You’ll need it. This isn’t over."
 
Her gaze locks with his as he says, "good girl", her face flushing with pleasure at his praise. She smiles and lays her head on his chest letting his heart beat lull her to sleep with its steady rhythm.

     His fingers trace idle patterns over her hip, the other arm still anchoring her firmly against him. His breath evens out slowly, but his grip doesn’t loosen—if anything, it tightens possessively whenever she shifts. The room smells of sex and sweat, the AC humming faintly as he finally speaks, voice rough with exhaustion and satisfaction. "You did well tonight." A pause, then quieter, almost to himself:" Too well." His lips brush her shoulder, the bite mark already purpling. "Rest. Tomorrow’s yours to command. But tonight..." A low chuckle. "Tonight you’re mine to keep."

What do you do when your lost?

     For I am indeed lost. Not in a sense that most would think, but lost in a sense of trying to figure out my place in this world. I want a job I can love and enjoy, but have yet to find it. Maybe its in the fact that I keep going for local jobs in customer service. At times I can find contentment in those jobs, a small amount of happiness knowing I made some ones days a little better, even if only for a moment, but then the anxiety of I don't belong here encroaches and I find myself looking for reasons to leave. It begs the question , am I simply lazy? 

     Yet, I find that hard to believe in the fact that I hate being at home Idle and without work. I am in college full time. I make good grades, but I am unhappy. Why? I have an amazing fiance, who works hard, and absolutely loves his job. I have kept jobs for a year at most , but never longer. I want to break it down the things that I love.

I love being outdoors in nature, I love photography and art, capturing moments that no one else would be able to enjoy if I didn't show them through my eyes. 

I love writing short stories, and poems, I love losing myself in games and a good challenge.

I love listening to peoples stories and helping them to think things through, to show them approaches or different ways of thinking of things that they might not have before, I love helping to solve problems.

I love puzzles, and organization, the satisfied feeling i get from taking a room that has no rhyme or reason and is full of junk, and rearranging it to perfection and beauty.

Yet, none of these are things that lead to possibilities for me. Yes, I have looked into photography and that is in the works, but a long time coming, but I am patient and will get there. I am not patient or skilled enough to sit and write books, and psychology is definitely not for me, as I discovered while pursuing my degree. I don't understand why I am so restless and unsettled and have yet to find my belonging. I am ready, just not there yet. It is frustrating and lately I find myself turning to Dad( aka GOD) more and more often than not asking for his guidance and wisdom in this. I should be thanking him for the many blessings he has given me through out my life instead of fussing and asking, but he is the one I go to in all things. For now I guess I am simply a lost lamb waiting for the Shepard to guide me home.

“Aurora’s Light”

Chapter 1

  You would think just for once she could have a normal day. A normal day with no incidents, but no, not her, not in the slightest chance. One minute Aurora was in her room minding her own business and the next she was on her ass in the sand of some freaking desert. Standing up she looked around dusting her stitch pjs off. A scowl of irritation crossing her features, right before she began screaming, “ of all the places to put me, I had to end up here!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH”, feeling impetuous and with no one around to see her she stomped her feet several times like a child, but felt no satisfaction as her feet sank into the hot burning sand beneath her. Starting to sweat almost immediately, she decided perhaps conserving her energy for the time being would be best.

 Picking up the stone around her neck she pressed the center in , and promptly sat down to wait. Her father and his team would get the ping of her location and he would know it had happened again and send a retrieval team after her. This had been happening since she was five. Starting with her first incident. She had gone from in front of the tv in her room to the kitchen in a matter of seconds . It just so happened that her mother and father were in there fighting about God knows what when she popped in. Her parents had looked shocked, maybe a little terrified, while she on the other hand had thought it was a game they were playing. 

Oh yes, It had seemed great at first, until her little trips found her in locations further and further away as she began to get older. At the same time those locations seemed to be rife with trouble. What was this exactly? well she had dubbed it the I.T. gift (short for involuntary transportation) , cause you know being a big movie buff she thought Jumper would give her ideas to lead from.

Her parents had dubbed it the transferences. Most could guess this came from her father being military. In a sense her father being a high ranked general in the military had its perks, but at the same time, it was his main excuse for keeping her hidden from the world. Her mother, being a well paid Account Director, had immediately gone from working abroad, to working from home. Much to her annoyance it meant her mother controlled her day to day life, up until she had turned Eighteen , at which point, she immediately took her life back, as much as she could. There were certain things her parents would never agree to for obvious reasons. Like her living alone. What she would give for a normal life. Hell to even have friends, would be amazing, but no. Not her. This screwed up lot right here was her life. 

 There were of course other gifts she had, but much like the teleportation she had no control of them. Healing, telekinesis…. Telekinesis, ha, Aurora smirked at the irony. She had tried to use it once. Once was enough to learn she would definitely never try to again. The one time she had actually tried she had ended up smacking herself in the face with a book. Leaving her with a broken nose that had also caused what looked like two black eyes to go along with it.

   Yeahhhhh, she had Matilda to thank for that one.   Apparently movies weren't the greatest thing to use for learning advice. She looked down at the watch on her wrist as it began to ring. Seeing it was her dad, she swiped to answer, only to groan as he began his long list of directives on what she was to do until the retrieval team arrived. He had that deep kind of droning voice that could put a crowd to sleep in five mins flat. It was no wonder she didn't listen to him half the time. 

She tuned him out for a moment, as a large dust like cloud grabbed her attention. She closed her eyes and sighed long and loud as she realized just what that cloud was.  

 “Hey, dad not to cut you short, but um I do believe there is a dust storm rushing towards me, and I have no shelter or anything to protect myself from it, what did you say the team's ETA was, cause I'm gonna need them to learn my gifts and teleport here in the next ten mins.” her tone came across as sarcastic, because at this point she was used to things going from bad to worse. No sense in panicking when it never helped to begin with. On the plus side her dads rigorous training regimen kept her in great shape. Which meant if he could tell her how to survive she could put it into action. 

“This is not the time for your jokes Aurora, the dese….”

Aurora growled with impatience and practically yelled through the phone, “Dad this isn’t one of my jokes, unless you want me to die, NOW would be a great time to give me some sound advice!!”

The line went silent for a brief pause making her wonder if she had lost connection before he spoke calmly, “Alright, listen carefully, we don't have much time, I need you to look around see if you can find a high Dune , climb to the other side and begin digging a burrow out as best as you can. You will need this to provide a barrier between you and the worst of the storm. Your also going to need to rip the bottom half of your shirt off, and tie it around your face, this will help you breath, when the sands start kicking up..al...mak...au..auro…”

she growled as the line disconnected, " well fuck you too fate.... karma.... whichever one you are!"

“ Anything else wants to go wrong today? I mean we cant do much worse than we are now….” jumping to her feet she began to run for the highest dune closest to her, and began climbing. Her legs were burning by the time she reached the top , looking over her shoulder she could tell she probably had less than five minutes before the storm hit her location. Taking off at a run, she slid and stumbled her way to the bottom of the other side before quickly beginning to dig out a small burrow with her hands. The wind began to kick up sending sand flying, making it hard for her to see what she was doing. She growled in aggravation, sweat dripping down her temples and into her eyes making them burn even more, as well as making the sand stick to her skin like hot charcoals from a summer night bonfire. Apparently not only did sandstorms cause service issues, but they traveled fast too because her visibility was shit even in this small kickup.

How did she always find herself in these situations?

It was like fate had picked her to be the butt of its jokes or something.

  Moving with haste she finished digging and climbed down into the depression of the burrow before she proceeded to try rip the bottom half of her shirt off.

' Jesus was this made of steel ' feeling no give in the material she lifted it to her mouth and used her teeth to help her rip it.

"Thank you expensive clothes for being a pain in my ass"

  Tying it around her face, she closed her eyes turning into the burrow, just as the storm came over the top of the dune. She wasn’t sure what startled her more, the harsh sting of the sand as it whipped against her body and face, or the sudden hot heat that pressed against her back out of nowhere.

   Darkness and quiet suddenly surrounded her as a blanket of thickness covered her, and an arm wrapped around her middle. Aurora's eyes widened as a scream of panic built in her throat. Who the fuck had just popped up behind her. Because she knew damn well her fathers team was nowhere near her location. She really should stop asking for fate to throw the next bone at her , because apparently she is ready to deliver. Asshole!

Next Chapter : Darius's Arrival

Stepping outside in them midst of winters cold gale, is like receiving kisses from the frost fairies of the vale.

How they laugh and dance and play among the frost covered leaves, while the sun beams bend and play among the cold of the mornings eve.

I assume many would hurry and scatter to and fro seeking to escape that numbing cold, but not me, no never me.

The kiss of a frost fairy or two, the colorful joy of the dancing leaves as they fall, the unbalanced wind seeking to destroy all, yes they call to me and I call back with a joyful laugh. 

Summer is to hot to go and play and leaves me red oh how that I dread.

Spring is fun , but my nose wants to run, and Id rather hide away than sneeze all day.

fall is perfect for all, but winter is just a chosen few.

lucky me that's its I and you. The chill of the wind , the fun of the snow, the laughter that rings out as a sledding we go, such joy to be found all around in that winters cold, that some hope, will never grow old. 

I remembered something today, its actually quite silly to remember, but it is a memory that keeps my youthful joy alive. A memory that for some odd reason I cherish....

     When I was about 16 or 17 our neighbors carried me and my sister to an ice rink. I had never skated on ice before, neither had my little sister, but our neighbors daughter had. It was like learning to roller blade for the first time. Challenging at first, but easier the more we skated. However, I found that every so often I would trip and fall, sliding across the ice on my butt in frustration. Luckily I was young, and full of creative ideas. I began to realize that sliding across the ice was quite fun, and since I didn't care what others thought about me I decided to increase my fun by skating and building up speed and then purposely sliding down to slide across the center of the ice where no other skaters were.

     My laughter as I did this would ring out across the stadium as I slid across the ice , pretty soon my sister and our neighbors daughter would join in on the fun. We ended up skating fast holding hands and sliding across the ice together. We had so much fun that for a while we forgot the world around us. It wasn't until our ride got there that we came back down to reality, and funnily enough found most of the rink was filled with laughter as others sought to find the joy we shared, in their own lives, as they too had started sliding across the ice.
     

     I can remember looking back and seeing all the smiling and laughing faces as we walked towards the exit that day. It brought me such peace to see such happiness, and that perhaps in a small way I had inspired it. Ironically me, my sister, and our neighbors daughter had all gotten soaked to the bone, and ended up with colds. I laughed with my sister about it, and we shared a secret smile because it had been well worth it.

     Even at that age I understood that sometimes, for some, joy and happiness can be fleeting, and sometimes people forget how to just have fun and let go despite what others might think. So for a moment I got to witness the joy and happiness that can be inspired in others by one simple thought, idea, or action.

     Perhaps we should all remember that despite the judgmental eyes around us, our lives are our own, and that our actions can often inspire others to feel the same joy that we do in those moments of happiness.

     I think perhaps this will always be a memory that I cherish for the rest of my life as it taught me such a valuable lesson in the process.
Happy thanksgiving everyone.

There are days I wish I could just shut the world off. Even if it was only for a minute. Silence can be a good thing. Even in the darkest of time, silence can be found to have a comfort of sorts. I don't always understand the way the world works. I watch life as it happens around me. Sometimes I find myself in awe, sometimes in tears at the chaos, and sometimes I am silent in the beauty. 

              Today, I find myself just silent. My mind so overwhelmed that for a time I suppose it will just remain quiet. Undisturbed by the chaos around it. Though, why do I feel like I'm slowly losing my voice, the person that I am. My mind it's just quitting. Like we've reached the climax it's all downhill from here. In the background you can almost hear that lost innocence screaming for me to come back. Why is the world the way the that it is? Why do we go through all these trials, pains, heartbreaks.... Is it all defined for a few perfect moments or is there some bigger picture that I cannot yet, see?

I'm so confused, frustrated, and utterly alone in my views of the world and the joyful horror found in it. Brainwashed, is how I feel, Lost is where I am, and hope is something I barely see. Perhaps I am just tired perhaps not. I think someday the world will eventually shut off, or maybe it will be that I shut off from the world.