The Belly

Hey everyone, I've gotten a few of the same questions, so I'm just gonna give some insight here?

I know....f*** this guy, right? 

1. I'm confused by your blog. You say you don't want a relationship but you're looking for someone to relocate?

Answer: I only speak on the relationship options that are directly presented to me. There are a lot of women looking for a man as a come up or just use him for money. To be clear, I am not a sugar daddy, bull, cuckold, or penpal. With regard to a relationship, I'm willing to put in the same amount of time and effort that I receive.

It may seem confusing because my answer doesn't fit a set definition in a set time/place where I give a blanket expectation to every person I meet. I'm looking to be with someone after finding the right balance between life, work, interests, goals, and compatibility. Sometimes that formula may say it's best for us to be casual, friends, live together, move to the same city for one or both of our careers. I prefer organic relationships to standard suicide run situationships (yeah I made that up, patented too). 

2. How dominant are you?

Answer: If I had to give a scale of 1 to 10. I would say a solid 7 with the potential to be your personal 10. There is a lot of work needed from both sides in order to fully support the best performance, stamina, and leadership attributes of a dom. I could show up and be strict, fit, hung, considerate, and perfect dom. But it's useless with a sub who chooses to not listen, party every night, and act in a disrespectful or destructive manner that does nothing for the progress of the relationship. 

If our goals and personalities align, I will learn your fantasies so that the rewards are better. I'll learn your fears and physical limits so that punishments are more effective. I believe in grabbing and spanking my sub in a playful manner or put her in a spreader bar if she has bad posture or speaks out of turn. I also believe in caning my sub's feet and repeatedly denying orgasms, or doing physical training to exhaustion if she fails a task or slacks off. I do have a sadist side, that only comes out after we build a connection and talk about house rules, limits, scene play out, safe words, and aftercare (if needed.) After that, I can turn up the heat until you have to walk out of the kitchen. Come visit. Try me. 

3. Are you monogamous?

Answer: 90 percent Yes. 10 percent open to talking about what setup works best for us. 

4. How do finances work when you're with a sub?

Answer: I'm looking for a partner, not a dependent. If we live apart, we handle our own bills. If we live together, everything is 50/50.

5. What are your thoughts/experiences with CNC?

Answer: My thoughts: Consensual non-consent and branch activities like it is a pretty broad range of tastes and levels of intensity. I enjoy it when it's done right. I had one sub who liked to roll dice to see what kind of dom/sub/CNC/punishment stuff we would do. She liked to gamble and I like to sort of chance and variety it brings. 

I have had another sub who liked to have a small board sign in my house with green on one side and red on the other. Green means anything goes. Red means CNC is off. At any time, my sub is allowed to change the board. This ensures feedback and is a communication anchor that will let me know when my sub may be on her cycle, is physically hurt, needs another kind of attention, or is just not feeling CNC. Of course, we have agreed that I make final decisions but I prefer a dynamic with feedback, communication, and reliability. So far, when talking about ease of transition between scenes, phases, and levels of intensity, this set up has worked best. 

6. Red flag time. Do you have any kids? When were you last tested for STDs? Do you have a criminal record or have you had a DUI?

1. Yes. Being fair: I have been deployed most of my life. I live on my own at this time. Yes, I try to be an involved parent. 
2. April 9th 2020. I get tested monthly. 
3. Clean background. Ask then look me up. 

Just quit. I loved the job, but it's time for a change. 

I will be taking the next year off of work and will be focusing on finishing my book and improving my health + quality of life. 

In the meantime, where does that leave me as a dom?

I'm open to moving anywhere, or maybe just bite the bullet and get an RV so I can see the 50 states and visit old friends and family on the way. Or just to hell with it and move to Colombia, Spain, Portugal or Thailand. 

Along the way, finding a submissive who is open-minded, financially stable, and able to relocate has been difficult. 

Like everyone, I get lonely/horny/frustrated with this seemingly endless search. I'm not the type to give up, but perhaps I'm doing something inefficiently or need to learn of another BDSM community where I could find someone I click with.

A bit about me: 5'11, fit, have my life together, about to take on some new adventures. I'm 420 friendly, Xbox gamer, firm and fair. I can be a bit of a sadist. But I do come with hard limits on bodily fluids, blood, scarring, or anything illegal. Clean, rough, and disciplined are the three words that would best describe my approach

What I look for in a submissive: Fit (or willing to be), current passport, stable income. Committed to the dynamic and willing to fully give herself to me. With the understanding that she is getting the best of me as well. 

Here's the kicker, I do not want children and I am not going to buy an oversized house any time soon. I have had this talk with many friends, why do so many women want to have children with little to no plan on how to afford them? The planet is overpopulated, CDC estimates that it costs $250,000 minimum to raise a child. I just recently have run into a few doms who have had subs fake or try to trick their way into being pregnant. 

I'm just blabbing at this point. Seeking to have a clear mind and conscience before I attack the day. I feel a bit better now. If you're reading this far, I hope that you shake off whatever weights have been dragging you down. I hope you are reunited with your sense of humanity, work ethic, and overall appreciation for what/who you have in your life. I know I will. Good luck and good night. 

My most recent interaction with a sub kind of hit me with a glass slipper. From the very start she was clear that her goal was marriage. Personally, she was nice. Smart. No kids. Consistent with communication. Had a deeper understanding of dom/sub dynamics. 

Logistically. She was In debt. Working an entry level position. Hadn't finished her degree and so on and so on. 

From my standpoint. The current status, statistics and environment of modern marriage is not ideal for any type of growth. I was clear that I would only consider marriage if there was a plan for advancement, maturity and stability on both sides. She repeatedly inquired about my emotional state and my feelings toward her.

I was honest and she was unsatisfied. Considering the fact that I deploy a lot for my job and she was starting a new career. I understood.

Now I'm back on the scene. But I'm starting to question aspects of this whole setup. The doms pursue, court, and entice. While subs sift through truck loads of messages expecting their dream dom to drop from the sky. That process is flawed and broken in so many ways. For those who say "that's how it's supposed to be." I ask you, has the result been what you desire? 

I am near exhausted sorting through profiles that are:

1. long winded with no physical description or pictures. 

2. Blank with just a picture of a bdsm pop quiz result and some deep quote bullshitm 

3. An entire profile dedicated to being a detailed dossier on all of the disappointments and heartbreaks. 

......

I'm usually upbeat and rolling with the punches. But today just really hit below the belt. But I will take it for it is and try again tomorrow. Because the one for me isnt just going to fall out of the sky. I have to find her while she is trying to find me. She will work, communicate and reach out in response to my efforts and we will build up from there. 

I believe in that. I believe in genuine grit more than I believe in fate. I hope that people who are tired or bored see this and remind themselves what they are going through the grind for. And if what you're doing isn't working, try something new. Don't just be on the defensive. Attack, blitz, flank, and adapt your strategies to win. 

This post was mostly just a time killer rant for me. Just waiting on standby and ranting. 

I have been a straight dom throughout this entire experience. 

I went to a kink club in tampa. My sub felt ill and went back to our place. I stayed for a bit and mingled. There was a guy just sitting by himself in the corner. Pale white, swimmer build, about 5'7 with dirty blonde hair. I noticed he had a raiders wristband, so we connected. We chatted for a bit and he was super up beat. We talked about console games for a while and then got around to how we both ended up in Tampa. He went and bought both of us drinks and came back with a smoke for both of us. 

After a while, he got around to how he had been stood up and kicked out of his folks house. He came out to his parents, and to his surprise his dad was understanding but his mother wanted him gone. She took back his car and sold it. He then moved in with his dom, who had stood him up tonight and asked him to move out. 

Then he went back to asking me how I passed a certain raid in a game because he could never get past it. I asked what he does for a living...........digital nomad. Savings of 22k. I offered the spare bedroom at my place and we lived together and I was his fin dom for almost a year. I built him his own stock portfolio, set up auto pay for his bills and cut off all those pesky subscriptions. Taught him how to cook, fix cars and other basic life skills that many people expect from each other but aren't willing to sit down and teach. 

We never did anything physical but I noticed that he was severely lacking in social and mental discipline. At this point I realized that we have loads of people just going through the motions of adulthood without actually maturing insight, independence and a sense of responsibility. Reach out and help people. You all know someone who is lacking, it doesn't cost one cent to sit them down and help build a plan based on what you have learned. 

As an adult, we should be mindful of contributing to our neighbors and community. You would be surprised how far a 20 minute real conversation can get. I continued on with dating and engaging with female subs and recognized that I had to separate their lack of experience with bsdm FROM their lack of knowledge of how to operate as an adult in the real world. 

Now, what does this have to do with the CAGE? I have seen the following posts: 
1. Doms posting about immature and inexperienced subs who collapse the dynamic. 
2. Subs posting about neglectful and inconsistent doms. 

Solution: Separate the core issues in your experience (as a dom/sub) by their origin and level of other people's involvement. Recognize your short comings and what type of person you would balance well with. Just shouting out your kinks with no substance about you, what you do for a living or what you look like is ineffective. Give some fertile soil for seeds of potential to grow. 

Right now I am focusing on accomplishing my financial and education goals. 

My last submissive did not want to be involved because of this. She had a bit of a brat/little side to her, but we were firm on that not being a driving element in this dynamic. Being childish is different from being stubborn. 

I now have an understanding why.

She had wasted her college years with little to no awareness of finances or a set budget. 

When I was trying to suggest a budget, she kept taking it personally and after the break up, she admitted she was uncomfortable, a little jealous, and feeling overwhelmed when the gap (between where she should be and where she is in life) was put on paper. 

I was comforting and respectful, the same way I am with anyone who asks me to help with their stock, property or personal finance portfolio. I explained that I would be more than willing to structure and guide, but her internal struggles kept bubbling to the surface and I came to the realization that I was facing something more than just the issue at hand. 

It took three weeks for her to tell me that her family business was failing and she kept this to herself because......reasons. 

I went back to the base communication efforts. Before we have a dynamic, we have to be stable and trusting of one another. Like checking the vehicle before taking on the challenges of driving in bad weather and traffic. 

It doesn't feel like either of us failed, there are just a lot of unanswered questions and a stubborn unwillingness to bring that to the table. After this, I think I will avoid brat littles. I operate better with someone who understands life responsibilities and builds their expectations of our dynamic from there. Not the other way around. 

Right now I'm working in the Middle East as a military contractor. To say the least, this has put a peculiar twist on my personal relationships. I, begrudgingly, have come around to the online. I prefer having someone in person, the body language, the sarcasm, the physical and mental attraction mixing. 

But here, I just don't understand people who sign up for a website, say nothing about themselves and expect results.

Now: please get that I understand the following...

1. Everyone is free to make their own choices and present themselves at their own level of comfort and discretion. 

2. I'm talking about ME. I am allowed to want I want and like what I like. So fuck you high horse princess victim types. 

Moving on, I come from a military life. Spent a lot of time chasing assholes around the world with fake bank accounts pseudo-back linked to more bullshit and so on. There has been little to no effort to discern shyness and concerned anonmonity from ignorant lethargy. 

I'm only speaking on this because I'm getting one word message after message from "new" subs with blank profiles. 

Had a friend sit me down and she asked why i stress about this. I'm not stressed, I'm addressing this openly. She didnt get it. I asked her how she felt when a guy just sends a dic k pic. No message with a blank profile. Just a cock pic. She looked at me, then her coffee and shut the hell up for 3 minutes. So satisfying.