Good morning all my beautiful people! It seems as of late many true people here on the cage are opening up and wanting to heal, which is a wonderful thing. We are just not here to write smut stories about our long distant doms or subs and play a fake reality of what a D/S relationship is.
I woke this morning in a new light after yesterday, I am alive. I opened my eyes and said a morning prayer, drank 16oz of water, got up, opened the windows, let the birds song in, and fresh air. I walked into a dark kitchen; keeping lights off started the coffee. As coffee prepared I began my stretches right on the kitchen floor, focusing on each muscle as I stretched. The aroma of brewing coffee mixed with a morning breeze and birds singing sets your soul.
I took my coffee and went to a dark living room. Took a folded blanket and sat it on the floor, and this is where I sat. I sipped my coffee. Closed my eyes and did deep breathing exercises. Pulling in the positive of ”i am me, I am strong, I am worthy, I am here, I am alive” holding then exhale the negative ” I am weak, I am worthless, I am nothing, I am broken” I sit and think of my past, my now and my future. Sometimes there are tears, sometimes smiles. I sit and just be. Letting emotions in and sitting with it finally.
I believe that there are three groups on here. 1- the newbies; who are intrigued by the life as they feel a pull towards this, but are unsure what to do. So they lurk and learn, they may leave learning this isn't for them. Or lean towards one of the groups.
2- the Fakes; we all know they are here, they run through Doms and subs like shit through a goose. Changing their obedience weekly to suit the flavor of the week. They like to play the games. You see it all the time. The insta doms, with their first messages of ”i am a dom, now get on your knees and suck my cock” . Or ”you will do this this and this, because I said so and you don't question” they send unsolicited messages saying they want to train you to be their sub. Yea no thanks. They are just wanting to put a notch on the headboard. Then the insta-subs. Who just write porn (which is fun, not knocking it), they have a pretend life. They have no depth, they will say, I don't have likes or dislikes because I'm a sub and my dom is to make all those decisions, not me. They will choke down liver and onions because he says to. They will dom jump for the instant excitement. Their profiles may read ”whatever he says and likes” they just want to play. Hey if that floats your goat then so be it.
Group 3- my favorite! (I'm rather biased, since this is where I fall and find beauty) we are the strong ones. We are the wounded one's. We know the beauty of the soul. We know love and have been hurt with that love. We see the depth in which we want to enter. Are we afraid in this group? Fuck, yes, we are! Which is awesome! We are not here to play games (well sometimes we are, but that's another story, lol) we want to grow as who we are, we know who we are and want to grow in that. I know who I am and what I want so here I am. If I didn't know who I was or wanted I would be in group 2 dom jumping. We talk about may topics in this group, many times it's about personal problems and issues. We know our desires and kinks and wish to explore them. Not toss them around with a fake weekly- to me that sounds exhausting. (sipping my coffee). We go through our struggles in this group and get support from both Doms and Subs, and we give support back when needed. We battle ourselves and show that, it may be a fight but it will open in the end. Here we are free.
So who am I? I've known who I am for a long time, but kept it hidden out of fear. But I dont want fear anymore. Let me introduce myself.
Hi I'm Heart of Persephone aka Ann, Im a recovering codependent, a survivor of emotional, verbal and some physical abuse. I have been used and tossed. I have fought against and denied who I really am out of fear.im ready to show who me is! I am a submissive, not because I was forced down by abusers, it's because I see the true beauty of submission. I am healing, attending therapy, growing daily and seeing my past in a new light, embracing that past. I've met my monster and yesterday I learned how it became, my monster was formed February 18, 1993. I love my monster, I love me. I love deeply. My submission is real, I cannot fight it anymore. because fighting would be like trying to breath under water, which is impossible. I offer up every part of me, I no more have a cloak covering parts of me. I stand here before all. These are my flaws. I've lied and have cheated in the past. I have denied openness, I have bit my tongue and not spoken. I am not that anymore. When I spoke my truth yesterday, my heart and soul opened. I have to live by laws and boundaries. I am a submissive, I wish to serve only one, give and hold and stand with, be a compliment. I will speak my mind and voice my desires, likes and dislikes, for my throat is no longer crushed. I will not lie to protect myself. For I am better than that. For I am me. I must live a submissive life, for that is my beauty and grace. Submission is not weakness but a true strength in giving.
So here we can open and be free and learn greatly, and we can heal.
I continue to work on my recovery of co-dependency, which will never end. watching closely to see what triggers it and I write it down. I have placed myself into a self imposed type of personal rehab. I have structured my days very tightly almost to the minute. I have set times where I wake, eat, sleep and when I meditate, exercise and talk with others. This give me time to go deep into Knowing me.
So all my beautiful wounded friends, I love you all. I love me. Please forgive me and accept me as I am, and watch me grow.
* I know it's not an overnight journey and I have so much work to go on me, before I can do anything else. But I know what my likes are and what I feel a gravitation to. So for now I work on me and grow. I am worth it.
