The Story of Us

Three or fours years or so I cooked a huge Christmas feast for my staff, because we worked holidays. My younger sister & family had recently moved back to GA and I invited them to join us. We played a silly game after dinner that had me laughing along with everyone else. As we were cleaning I was chatting with my sister about how funny the game was and said that was the hardest and most I’d laughed in forever. I said “I don’t laugh much anymore”. It was a simple statement but true. My life had become one day being a carbon copy of the next and other than my pets, I had very little joy in my life. Certainly nothing to bring on laughter. Not long after this I went through a dark time. During those days I was just existing and truly didn’t plan to do that much longer. 

One morning I woke up and the clouds were or clear. For the first time in months I didn’t feel like my existence was a burden on humanity. I decided that day to change the narrative of my life and I did exactly that. I made huge sweeping changes in my life. No more routine that I had wedged myself into, change change change. Some were positive and enjoyable and others were gut wrenching. I left a wake of disaster behind me in some cases. I focused on me, for the very first time on my life. I have and did for others where I could but never to the detriment of me. This was completely unlike me. I like to say that I rebuilt myself during this period. I found myself again. 

During this time I reconnected with my Master from 17 years before. Through every relationship I had, no man had ever measured up, and that statement is true to this day. I’ve carried his ownership mark on my body for all of our years apart and never had it removed or covered. I always knew that I belonged to him, I guess, it was always him. That indelible impression. I was happy but never content because of the distance. We’d spend fantastic weeks together but as soon as we were apart I’d turn into a desperate clingy mess. We managed it but it was quickly apparent that I needed more to be complete. He strongly suggested (Maybe ordered) I find a girlfriend/submissive. I was resistant at first but knowing he was right, I was lonely and needed a companion that was more than a friend. 

I always knew I liked women. I’d had solo and threesome experiences throughout my adulthood. I also knew that I was dominant towards women. So I embarked on the search to find a female to date. Dating the same sex isn’t any less drama-filled than dating the opposite sex. I was traumatized soon into it. Lied to and even worse I dated one woman who gas lighted me so badly that I truly thought I was losing my mind. She made me question if I was the good person I had always thought I was. At the end of our relationship I started spending more and more time in the chat rooms here. It was a safe place that she was not in and I could relax and not have every statement scrutinized and questioned  I wanted to end things but I was terrified of what she might do to me if I did, as I’d seen her retaliate against others who had crossed her.  The chat room became my safe place and I enjoyed myself there.  One night I met Laura aim the chat room and the rest is Cage history  my blogs are full of missives of love and devotion... feel free to read and vomit from the sickenly sweet content. There is absolutely no shame in how I feel about her amd how devoted I am to our journey and relationship. My Master approves and graciously has allowed us to grow and love, asking very little from me during this time. I love him and I’m forever grateful. 

Now, onto the subject of this blog. I know it’s a long and winding way to get here, but I blog like I talk and the story isn’t enough without exposition.

Laughter....

I recently realized how much I laugh now. Giggles, snickers. chortles, guffaws, evil chuckles, and great big belly laughs that hurt my ribs and bring tears to my eyes. My days are filled with joy and laughter.  Oh, how my existence has changed!  I greet the day happily and look forward to tomorrow  This doesn’t mean I don’t have down days, I’m human, but they are rare and even with a sad day, i find joy.  I  grateful for those very dark times in my past and for the sometimes painful changes I had to make to get to this place.  

Service isn’t always about being ass up for a flogging. Service is about filling a need even if it wasn’t something you realized was missing. Laura has helped me find my laughter and induces it more often then not. She makes me laugh, y’all. We are silly and find joy in the smallest things or moments. I forgot how obnoxious and loud my laughter could be until I met her. Her service to me encompasses so much more, but the last few days I’ve been reflecting on how she helped me find my laughter again. I’m forever grateful that she chose me and that we are now spending our lives together. 

In the great words on the basic white girl distressed wood sign hanging over millions of couches.... “Live, Laugh, Love” and never regret the journey that brought you to where you ended up. 💗❤️💗❤️

Random thoughts as I peruse the blogs and forums....

**Mentors are ADVISORS. Experienced and trusted advisors. You do not train under a mentor with them as a dominant and you a submissive. If someone calls themselves a mentor but demands service or wants to control you or any aspect of your life... run away, far and fast!  

**If you begin a dynamic with a dominant and early on they instruct you to buy a bunch of implements and toys, this is not ok. If they demand that you change your look as far as clothing/shoes/lingerie and are not willing to subsidize the purchases... NO!  

**Just because someone is loquacious, does not make them an expert. Spouting a whole bunch of rhetoric they pull from other posts, websites, blogs does not mean they know what they are talking about. If you openly admit you are new to the lifestyle, you don’t get to educate people in the way. Making up random facts to make yourself look intelligent is dangerous to others. Sit down young’un and learn something before telling others what to do  Also stop encouraging people that are new and clueless to educate 

**The BDSM test is rubbish... complete and utter rubbish. It’s so easily manipulated, you can make the results be whatever you want them to be. If you feel like it’s a great resource, I have a stack of old Cosmos that I’ll send you so you can tailor your life to what their ridiculous quizzes say you are. If you want to improve your relationship and vetting then what you should spend your time filling out a BDSM Check List such as this one(there are many others): 

https://bdsm-checklist.pdffiller.com/

This is a comprehensive list of activities and interests, that should be updated at regular intervals as your experience and relationships change. It should be done by everyone, no matter your lifestyle role. It helps your vetting be more thorough. I cannot tell you how many time I’ve seen someone say “He did (insert activity here) and I had a meltdown” and when asked if they vetted for that particular activity, the answer is almost always “NO”.  This can help mitigate situations such as this. So save your time that you’d use doing the BDSM test, and do a checklist instead. 

**The way I’ve seen cunnilingus described by some of you in your erotic writings makes me wonder a couple of things.

1. If you’ve ever went down on a woman. 

2.  If the answer is “yes”, if this is why you are single. 
Unless your tongue is the length of Gene Simmons, thrusting it inside the vagina isn’t going to have your lady writhing and screaming in ecstasy.  The sensation is pleasant when someone pays attention to that area but it’s not going to be orgasm inducing, the average tongue just isn’t long enough to reach the G-spot or thick enough to stretch the vagina pleasantly. If your girl is screaming, she’s faking to boost your ego. (Ladies, please fucking stop this, let’s agree to give credit where credit is due and not reward bad skills). Also, I’ve seen it described as “chomping on lips”... No, just no. Nips and nibbles to make a lady jump is fun but not going to be what induces an orgasm.... and let’s face it... the orgasm or the ruining of one 😈... is the end result.  Stick to the clit mostly for pleasure, talk to your partner and learn what makes them quiver  Normalize feedback after (or even during sex) to find the things that work for your partner. Let go of the shame and embarrassment of “not doing it right” and LEARN what works for that particular woman. We are not all the same and experience and enjoy different things.
(Note:  Pussy worship is a completely different act and is meant to encompass much more attention and time). 

As I sat in the bright Colorado sun this morning I pinched myself to make sure that this isn’t just a dream.  If it is, it’s the most wonderful beautiful dream and I hope I never wake up  

One year

I’ve went through so much in this year, my life a roller coaster.... you’ve been my rock, my support, my ever present.  I’m grateful that you saw me and even more so, the better me inside that I aspire to be  I am grateful but also in awe that you decided to be mine.  Every morning when you wake up and smile at me (even though I know how much you hate mornings) I pledge my heart to you all over again  

I’m excited every day about our life ahead and the adventures we will share.  I spent most of my life living in a very small box and being ok with that fact.  Meeting you had opened the world... my fears lessened and I find that I’d be willing to face anything just to see you smile.

i love you and I’m devoted to you

You are:

My partner

My best friend

My confidant

My biggest cheerleader 

My adorable girlfriend 

My inspiration for who I want to be in this world. 

My infuriatingly sassy distraction

My peace, the center of the hurricane  

My love

My boi/submissive

My EVERYTHING 

I have no regrets and I’ll never look back as we travel this path together.  Thank you for loving me and for being mine  I pledge to spend the rest of my life loving you as you deserve to be loved!  Happy Anniversary, my boi... here’s to many more!

Y’all really gotta find something better to do than point fingers and vilify innocent folks. I woke this morning from blissful slumber to find an off-site message from someone telling me that Laura and I were having a war waged on us by another Cage member. 

Let me make something crystal freaking clear..... 

Just over a week ago we trekked 1200+ miles across the country together to bring me home to CO to start my forever with her.  We’ve spent the time since adjusting to sharing our time & space. Nesting. Working to consolidate our lives. I am incommunicado (to even my closest real life friends at home who are messaging for updates) about 95% of the time. Not to be rude to anyone, but because I am in constant wonderment of this beautiful boi that belongs to me and the life we are sharing. Over the last several months I have been doing a “Cage cleanse” as it were becoming less dependent on coming here and doubly so on the chat room that I used to frequent. I still love it and many of my friends, but frankly I found my dream girl, what more do I need?  So those that are Lobby regulars can confirm our scarcity. 

I really don’t have time or energy for the crap. The childish games. The head games that are probably being used on this person that seems to think that the happiest humans on the planet have the energy or inclination to dig into anyone’s life to spit vitriol. We are literally living  our best lives at the moment... so look elsewhere for your nefarious villains. You are barking up the wrong tree. Instead I’d look more closely at my closest confidants... the sage advice of... “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” probably comes into play here. Those that make an obvious public stand against you are less likely to be sneaky and deceitful.... it’s more likely someone who has used considerable effort to befriend and support you. But I digress....

To recap.... in the last month  I packed up my entire life and shoved it in a 6x8 pod that is currently taunting us to unload it  A week before I left GA my sweet 15 year old dog died in her sleep just over a week before she could have been in a home again.  I didn’t even have time to grieve her properly.  5 days ago I received a call that one of my very best friends died suddenly from an asthma attack at the age of 45.  Someone I adored and considered one of my closest confidants is gone and I didn’t even get to say goodbye.  I am living a life of extreme juxtaposition.  Deliriously happy & in love and at the same time shrouded in my own grief... but instead of working through this stuff I feel the need to come defend myself. 

I have publicly disagreed with people  I don’t use “reporting” to play games  Dearest Admins  feel free to chime in that I have reported one person, who was removed, that was speaking of pedo things. I have also asked for assistance for a young lady who claimed her ex was threatening to dox her and had sensitive photos, chats, etc ... she posted this stuff in the chat room and I also told her I let the admins know and that they would reach out to her.  Laura has reported one person also who was removed from the site, due to racist and homophobic hate speech.  I have nothing to hide, if I don’t agree with you, I’ll debate publicly or privately in pm, but reporting is for dangerous behaviors that threaten the safety of our community and I only use it as such.

So now I’m going back to living and experiencing my real life.  Falsely vilify me and mine if it helps you get through the night... because I sleep soundly knowing that I have done nothing to warrant this BS.  

I’ve often said that I have 2 pieces of advice that solve pretty much all issues in life  so today I’ll leave you with one of them.... “Grow up”  

Never in a million years would I have believed that my life would have taken such a wonderful turn. A crazy adventure of a ton of late nights, whirlwind romantic visits and finally an insane trip across 6 states and 1200+ miles with all my worldly possessions and 5 tiny dogs in tow. It feels like a dream to wake up beside my love, my darling boi, every morning. To reach out and touch her whenever I want and not have to worry about saying goodbye. 

We are still exhausted from the trip. So much fatigue that more than a few hours awake warrants a nap. I’m feeling the effects of the altitude finally and fighting headaches and dizziness. We are settling in and nesting. My dogs are being dicks but slowly adjusting.  I am a morning person, obnoxiously awake as soon as my eyes pop open and she’s a night owl who likes to sleep in. It’s not perfect but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My heart is happy, the happiest it’s ever been. She’s my heart, the last piece of the puzzle, my forever. 

Happy 11 months, Laura my love. Thank you for being mine and bringing me home. 

Pay no attention to that person behind the curtain.....

This is probably a "hot take" but I'm throwing the issue to the wolves..... Just because someone tags themselves a dominant, does NOT mean they are right all the time.  Also, agreeing and being pukingly sweet to someone just because they claim to be a dominant does not make you a desirable submissive.  I often see posts from dominants, that frankly are questionable and there are without fail several posts from submissives validating some bullshit.  I am not always right and I’m ok with someone disagreeing with me, especially if they can explain why (and it makes sense). If you post something that is wrong, dangerous, morally bankrupt or total BS, I’m not going to stroke your ego and write my own dialogue in my head, trying to validate your crap and make you into an imaginary hero. I’d rather someone dislike what I say than for me to wonder if turning a blind eye puts someone else in danger. 

I used to hide my head in the sand and believe that we should all get along. The FLDS women are told to “keep sweet” and that’s something I adapted in my own life... but after years of screaming inside my head... I finally decided that I would never be that person again. The funny thing is... I’m nice.  Really nice. As I’m preparing to move away I have realized how many lives I have impacted in the nearly 10 years I’ve lived in Atlanta. Being nice isn’t enough now, and you have to stand for what’s right.  And many of you probably don’t believe that I’m nice anyway based off my angry rants. If that’s you, you’re wrong about me and let someone ever slight you and I’ll be in your corner, just as I would anyone else. 

it’s ok to have a backbone... yes even to a dominant. Intelligence, morals and common sense are very attractive qualities in a submissive... it isn’t just all about how good you suck dick. Don’t eat a salad (unless you love salad) on the first date!  Challenge their minds, share experiences and disagree. It’s ok, you’re not a mindless robot and trust me they don’t want one of those anyway. . And when it’s time to negotiate... please don’t say “whatever you want” because you just want to please them.. that’s how you become unhappy & unsatisfied. 

In case you haven’t been listening.... I’ll simplify it with this great cartoon by Kris Straub.

And thats at all I have to say about this.... for now....

Do you know peace?

I was a seeker of peace my entire life.  I have traveled down many roads trying to find it.  

Religion:   I never felt good enough.  Even during church services, my mind would race with my own shortcomings.

Rescue:  People say that rescuing animals is like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon.  I've helped save a lot of animals, but it's never enough.

Shopping:  The minutia that filled my spaces to distract me from my unhappiness.  Momentary rushes of happy, but so fleeting.  

Love:  One failed marriage (HS sweetheart) and a failed 14 year vanilla passionless relationship. 

Sex:  Casual, fuck buddies, one night stands.  How much sex until I fill the void?

Women:  My history with dating females wasn't stellar.  I chose poorly and settled for less than I really wanted.

BDSM:  As a submissive, most successful, but my need for perfection often clouded my relationships.  My constant need for reassurance of affection would become a burden for someone who loved me.  Also the memory of my Master from the past haunted me and no one measured up.  He and I found each other again after 17 years apart, and it has always felt as if we were never apart.

As a Dominant, a HOT MESS.  Most of my attempts of being a top were disastrous.  I knew for a long time that I was a switch, but my experiences were more funny that fulfilling.  I realized that topping men was not an option and quickly made that clear if approached.  I found that all the feelings of being a top would rise up during  even vanilla dates with women, but as mentioned, it rarely went well.  

Enter Laura...

I was smitten with her almost immediately.  She made me laugh.  She challenged my mind and pushed me to think outside the box, even though I thought I was a fairly liberal thinker. She pushed me away, all the while she would hold on by the very tips of her fingers.  There were times when I wonder at how hard she would push. I knew I wanted her in my life, but was fearful that she wasn't ready, and she'd tell me straight out that she wasn't "you knew where I was at when we met".

We texted for over a month before we ever talked on the phone.  She hated the phone but quickly it became our lifeline.  I'm smiling at the memory of that first call, when I could almost sense her disappointment when she realized I didn't sound like Dixie Carter on Designing Women and called her out on it.  I was going through things in my life, both professional and personal, but she was there.  Always reassuring me that I could feel what I needed to feel, not to suppress my sadness or anger.  "How can I better support you"  I remember when I saw those words on my screen after a particularly long and emotionally exhausting rant.  I didn't know how to answer her, but those words have become my touchstone.  We helped each other through a lot of crap those first few months, things got ugly at times but we were always there for each other.  We had a semblance of a dynamic, it was obvious that our sexual chemistry was there but I quickly realized that I had deeper feelings.  When I finally told her, in the wee hours of the morning, right here in The Cage chatroom that I was falling in love with her and she said that she might be feeling the same, my life suddenly changed.  I would sleep, the sleep of someone at peace.  My mind no longer raced at the failings of my days.  It seemed that I had found my missing piece.  For 10 months, I've lived a dream and I'm terrified that I might wake up.  Never have I known a more compassionate, beautiful, intelligent, sexy or loving person.  What I have with her is the stuff that the poets write about, that singers sing about and better than any rom com movie you've ever seen. In 2 weeks I'll be waking up at home with her, our life together finally started.  I don't bemoan the days of long distance, it gave us opportunity to work through things and come out stronger.  I am excited that we will be growing in our dynamic and exploring more.  Making her more and more mine, and I'm greedy that way, I'll only accept forever from her from here on out, and I'm so happy she's on board.  The world is a little less scary with her by my side and curled up happily at my feet. 

I want you to let these words seep into your soul and stay there.  DO NOT GIVE UP, DO NOT SETTLE!  The right person for you is out there, it might take a long time to find them, but they are there.  Don't accept less than feeling safe, loved and complete... because it's possible, that's what love should feel like, not an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.  

You see.... all these years of searching for peace.... I was actually searching for my missing piece...

In 19 days we will be on the road to bring me, my 6 dogs and my 2000 (exaggeration) pairs of shoes HOME to Colorado and Laura.  How grateful I am for this place that brought her to me.  For our friends here on The Cage that were supportive and cheered us on, THANK YOU! 

We are currently in the final planning stages of the move.  Plane ticket & rental car to be booked.  Pod ordered.  Going through 3 storage units to figure out what to bring, as some of my stuff is mixed into the stuff that belongs to my soon to be former employer.  She's making space in her home to accommodate the influx of my crap and furkids.  It's happening fast, but we are taking time for love, always love.  It always amazes me how easily we compromise, even with strong opinions, we find the place that brings us both joy. I'm sure in the end it will be a whirlwind of activity as that is what happens when you bring two procrastinators together... it might not be pretty, but we will get it done!   

I had a moment of panic... knowing that I'm leaving and likely won't get to say goodbye to hardly anyone.  Although Georgia is "open", my friends are being very cautious.  I respect that... but oh how I want to hug them tight and thank them for being the very best friends in the world.  I didn't really think I would care, but turns out I do.  I care about not seeing their kids grow up.  I care about not saving animals with them anymore.  I care that we are still in a very uncertain time and what tomorrow might bring.  I'm leaving behind 2 of my super senior dogs with my ex, so I might not ever see them alive again.  I vacillate between deliriously happy and deep sadness.  She supports me and instead of getting defensive, and saying things like "Well you don't have to come", she instead says "It's ok to be sad, it's a big change."  It's such a revelation to be loved as such, and she's taught me what love actually should look like.... and it's beautiful.  

And though this is another post about finding the love of my life..... I feel as though I should add...There will be lots of kinky fuckery... I mean LOTS!  I've never been a full time Top/Dominant.  Our evolution is organic and we are both learning so much.  I'm looking forward to always learning and going forward, and becoming the best Dominant for her.  I strongly believe that we should never stop learning and growing, and I would definitely call myself a novice Dom, despite being in the lifestyle for nearly 20 years.... but the bulk of those years I was a submissive/slave.  Hopefully post Corona, I will be able to search out learning opportunities that will enhance our dynamic.  

Well, there you have it... our plan is made.  We hope to chronicle our crazy 2 day trip 1200 miles across the states with 6 dogs (3-15 year olds, 2-11 years olds and a 6 year old) here on our blogs.  I'm sure it will be hilarious and I wonder if we will make it more than 20 minutes at a time for potty breaks... LOL.  Thank you again for your love and support!  There are several of you that have listened to me waxing poetic about my love for her, long before she was ready to accept it and I certainly do appreciate you!  

19 days y'all... and even less, until she's in my arms!

While the chat room is still open to all (thank you Cage powers that be) and everyone us stuck at home we will be having a Game Night tonight! So join us (the chat regulars) tonight, March 27, 2020 at 10:00pm EST for a rousing game of our version of Never Have I Ever with the Hotseat. (Drinking at home is optional)

You are welcome to join the Game Night chat room after entering the Lobby.  Please come!!!

Everyone plays... no lurking!