OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours}

A Demi in Isolation

Whimsical thoughts. Never wrong and never right. Not an artist or a writer by any stretch of the imagination. I am just, me. I have stopped questioning it.

Asking for Time to be Myself

3 years ago. October 9, 2020 at 10:12 PM

Some thoughts that have been running through my head as of recently. Self discovery is very fulfilling.

Foreword: I am not living these things right now and I am not in a bad place upon reflection. Reflection is something I do unemotionally, as I try and look at things outside my own experiences. Though I use 'I' a lot, I hope some people relate to these writings. With that said:

Asking for Time to be Myself

Is it wrong? Is it so selfish of me to ask for time to be myself? To nurture, regress, do all the things that scatter on the floor in my mind. All the little pieces that never get picked up and put away. That litter the spaces, never getting attention, because they just don't fit us and everything I want to be for us.

Is it an Insult? For me to want to be wild and free, and want that part for myself? It is not yours, it is mine, and sometimes I don't want the pressure of showing it to you. Of completely opening up, being that level of vulnerable is not easy... and to be honest... it dampens the joy I get from it. Letting loose doesn't have the same freedom to it... when you are letting someone analyze it. Does it make it wrong that I don't always want you there? I don't think so.

Is it Simple of me? To think that I don't have to find someone that weaves so intricately with my very fabric, that I have spent my whole life dying different colors, that we will be soul mates on every level and I will just want to give him everything?... Maybe... but the realist in me doubts it. I don't hold out for every light to turn on, every color to match. Because I celebrate the beauty in difference.

So how do I ask for time? How do I request what I want. When do I insist that I need it? What do I do when confronted with concerns that I am not being my true self, all the time? Maybe you just don't understand that life is both and all. I get it. When you are with someone... you want to be everything for them. Still...

Asking for my time, should never be a reflection on our time.

Devotedsub(sub female){His} - I learned this the hard way. Everyone needs time for themselves, whether in a relationship or not. And if you don't give each other time.. It will wear both of you down. If one isn't giving the other person time, it will wear them down. Ultimately.. It will cause havoc, and eventually one will say enough.. And will be done. It most certainly is not unreasonable for you to want "me time."

3 years ago

Mama Bear JJ(dom female){koa} - Absolutely, everyone needs time for themselves. Because of my mental health issues, I'm not always immediately ready to talk about things when they come up, the things that are too much or triggers for me. My mind has to shut down for a bit, feel whatever I'm emotion I'm feeling in the moment in full force, and then process what is happened before I drop it at someone else's feet or write about it.

My last DD was the same way because of his own mental health issues. The way we resolved the issue was to make "SPACE" a safeword. Either one of us could use it. It was meant to let the other know that we needed time on our own to process something, help wasn't needed yet, and that it shouldn't be taken personally. Once it is used you are left alone until you approach and let the other know you are ready to talk about it. There are no hurt feelings because it allows shutting down while giving an alert that you are doing so and that it is just temporary, that a a discussion will be had once you are ready.

Maybe something similar could work for you. We also had designated days where there was no obligation on either side to do more than a check in ... like the weekends are free, you aren't expected to spend time together, just say good morning/night and that's it unless both of you want more. Just another idea.

3 years ago

ursa(sub female) - Oracle, your words ring so true for me.
I think so often we can forget that we are, in fact, whole people without our other "halves" or partners, especially as submissives. Partners and Doms can bring out the best of us, and dedicating our time to them can give so much pleasure to us and to them, but everyone needs some space to themselves. If you give away all of your time, what will be left for you? How can you be your best self if you don't have time to reflect on you, to just *be* you, and then make sure you have what you need?

I think Juicy Jess has the right idea. If you need a safe word to ask for space, so be it. Everyone needs to come up for air sooner or later.

3 years ago

Sweet Ginger(sub female){⚓ } - I agree..time is valuable and although it's exciting and rewarding spending time with our "One" for the health of the relationship and our own mental health, we need or "me time " and it's no reflection on the other person. Unfortunately, this was a huge issue with my former "Daddy ", he took any "me time " away from him, as a reflection of me not wanting to be with him, that I was somehow rejecting him. This slowly destroyed our relationship.. I would spend hours with him, then need to run an errand or whatever and I was questioned how long it would take. If it took longer than expected, he would be upset, i hated feeling like I was disappointing him, but I also hated feelibg like he didn't trust me enough..no one can live like that..well maybe some can, but I can't..

Anyways, we all need our time to reflect and recharge our own emotional batteries.

3 years ago

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours} - I also had a hard time expressing to my Sir that he needed to request alone time as well. That is would not reflect if he asked for it proactively.. and not reactively when he was exhausted. And trying to get him to see that I needed the alone time he needed lol... it just always became problematic. But, that is the learning point from it.

3 years ago

Sweet Ginger(sub female){⚓ } - Yes, communication is the key, its important for both people, in the relationship to have their "me time " not a reflection of any rejection. Relationships take work and understanding each other. My "Daddy " apparently didn't want any "me time " this made me feel guilty for desiring mine sometimes..relationships flow best, I think, when we respect each others boundaries, communicate, instead of talking things personally, just my thoughts..
Great post, btw.

3 years ago

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OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours}

A Demi in Isolation

Asking for Time to be Myself

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours}