The Chimera's Whispers

So thanks to SSG for organizing a Little's chill out day~
Even though I don't fully identify as a little, I do enjoy embracing the traits now and then so I half-assedly participated.

I kicked back and watched a few Disney movies:

While munching some Mac N' cheese from the box. (Kind of gross, I usually will make it from scratch. but, it's something from childhood I still love.)

 

As I was watching movies and digesting my Mac N' Cheese, Master called! Turned out, he wanted to have a "play" session on the phone with me. So, we got into things....

Squidlet looks nervous.... Master allowed me to pick 3 toys, he also wanted me to have my collar (Switching out from my day collar), and restraints.  (Dildos and lubricant are left out of the pic, those don't need to be included...)
Master really got into my head tonight... I have a major kink about breeding... Not pregnancy mind you, but the ACT of breeding. Master played into that kink and mentioned keeping me chained down and locked up for a few days, repeatedly having his way with me until I was bred properly...
I'm on the tail-end of my birth control before I switch to the pills I take for my cycle... So that timeline of him keeping me helpless for days actually fit. It thrilled me, and added to what we were doing.
I melted... I hit subspace.

So here I sit, suckling on candies, drinking water, and cuddling Squidlet with my blanket~ 
Nice Saturday! I think Squidlet agrees.

 

::Edit::
Make that 2 happy endings~ Master wanted a round II. Bwehehe

In relation to my previous blog post. How things kind of come full circle and return back to you... Some things I've mentioned, done, and said in the past are coming back to me again in my time with my Master. It happens far too often to not be startled or take notice. 

Plus, I'm also big on omens and symbolism, with a dash of superstitious too.

One big instance that made me stop and mildly freak out was at one point Master told me that home is where I am. When he's by my side, he's home... Years back, when I was in love with my ex - I told him the very same thing. Almost word for word... It kind of spooked me. Made me mildly paranoid (My ex was stalking me online for awhile, so for quite while I had my guard up.)

Another is the mention of The red thread of fate. Master brought this up on his own one evening. It made me stop once again. I had spoken of the same thing to me ex as well... Hell, back in the day I even made an illustration for him depicting such a belief in my youth foolishly thinking that he and I were meant to be. (In my defense, he dangled marriage like a carrot on a stick to keep me around, and for awhile I did think we were going to be married.)

For those who don't know: The red thread of fate is a belief that two people who are destined by fate to meet. Regardless of time, place, distance, and circumstance. They are connected by a red thread. The thread can tangle, extend, stretch, even contract. But, it will never break. This belief originated in East Asia, primarily China - they believed the Gods of fate (Specifically the Gods of love) ties a red thread to the index finger of lovers who are meant to be together.  There are plenty of other ideas of "Threads of fate" branching off of this belief as well.

Now mind you, reader. I'm not saying "Oh, my Master is the one for me! It's fate! It's destiny!" and all that star-crossed mumbo-jumbo I've seen a few other subs spout off. I do have some faith in such- but, more or less it amuses me that Master mentioned the very same belief to me when I had focused on such in the past.

It's not just on my end either. There's been a few times where Master has stopped and had to kind of shake himself. I've said and done some things that happened in his past that are very uncannily similar and came back to him in return.

A small example is he and I had a small tiff. He called it an argument- I told him I didn't see it like that. I saw it as a "Disagreement" because it was to me, a disagreement. I thought one thing, he thought another and we butted heads. But, it mildly weirded him out. He mentioned his own Ex had said the very same thing to him in the past. She didn't see arguments as arguments, she called them "Disagreements."

 

It's a jumble of different things that we keep discovering with one another. In a weird way, I enjoy it immensely, even if it is rather uncanny and even a little scary.

It amuses me greatly...    How things come back to you.  In the end, sometimes things just come full circle.

Lemme start with my first experiences with BDSM and the lifestyle.  

When I first experienced anything close to BDSM- I actually stumbled into it. I was teasing my ex about a picture of his I had edited. (I was mean as a teenager.) and he exclaimed "I'll do anything! I'll even be your pet!"
Well, naturally my snarky teen-self paused and went "Oh?" (Granted later, I realized he wanted this all to happen, this was all a big manipulation to get me into it. He wanted me to be his Owner.)
At the time I didn't have the foggiest inclination of BDSM or the lifestyle. I accepted, and thus began my first dynamic of a Owner/pet relationship and some Petplay.   After that agreement had been struck, I did some research on Master/pet dynamics. Mind you, at that time I didn't find much. Be it my naivete and not putting in the correct phrases, words, criteria into google. Or, there just not being any material posted online. (This was over 10 years ago. Internet was different then.) Or maybe it was a blend of both. My naivete and lack of material. I saw my pet truly like I would a dog. I threw balls for him, I got him a modified Choke-chain for a collar (If I ripped on it, I modified it so it only made noise, the choke chain would stop well before it'd ever genuinely choke him.) he even had his own tag. 

After a time, he wanted more. He wanted sex, and deeper intimacy. Intimacy one doesn't normally give their pets. (Granted, in such dynamics sex is included. For me, I didn't want that. I was only about 18/19 or so At that time, if I was going to be sexual with someone, I wanted a boyfriend. Someone that was my equal. I'm glad that now, even so many years later. I made that choice.)
So, we dissolved the Owner/pet dynamic. It was my choice not to have sex with my pet and it was his choice to either remain my pet, or advance into deeper intimacy.

Now... Before people come at me and criticize that in ANY dynamic, there should be deep bonds and intimacy. I understand that. But, I'd like to remind readers that:
A.) I was still very young, inexperienced, and I made my choice. I wasn't comfortable with sex in my dynamic.
B.) the decision was ultimately left to my ex to decide. He made his choice.
& C.) I had my own desires and wants.

It wasn't until my mid to late 20's did I really get to witness BDSM lifestyles and watch firsthand how a D/s dynamic works. My best friend was a submissive to a mutual friend of ours. I remember riding in the car with them up to their Mistress' house (It was like an hour drive or so.) and I'd tease my friend on different things. Like when they were having issues adding "Mistress" to their questions, answers, etc.
Or, one time. We were driving up because we were going to visit and my friend was going to have a scene with their Mistress (Usually I'd visit the Mistress' boyfriend, we'd hang out and talk while the other two had their fun.) my best friend forgot their collar...  At the time, I teased my poor friend in the car. But oh... Now that I understand better the meaning and gravity behind that sort of a thing. I wince even now.
My poor friend was a mess, and faced some punishment when we arrived.

Now, my best friend switches with their partner - and got to watch ME struggle with adding Sir (Now Master) to my responses, questions, etc. They get the satisfaction of watching the throes a new subbie goes through.
Boy, karma is such a mean bitch.
My best friend was even present when Master and I got my new training collar. I'm glad they were there. It's nice that it's come full circle.

In a back-asswards way. It's wholesome to me.

I tell Master a lot that the shoe is on the other foot for me. All of these things I experience with him, I've witness with my best friend, or my "Would-be" previous dynamic. ((If we can classify it as such since I was so clueless.)) I find it extremely amusing that Master calls me his pet, and I DO have traits of a pet, a little, a brat, and more. 


Isn't it interesting how life just drops subtle hints or comes full circle?
To me it is...

 

 

 

While my Dom visited, we visited my local BDSM club. They were having an open play party that night, and the next night was a special Leap Year's play party.
We went to the first play party, and we did a scene together.  We used the new toy-box we have been building, and also borrowed some of the house-toys the Club had to offer.

Afterwards when we got back to our Airbnb. I mentioned to my Dom; "You know...I think I could have kept going... Do you think we could do that again tomorrow, but harder?" 
I could almost hear the creak of the new door opening.

After a long discussion. I told my Dominant I wanted to push my limits. He became very stern and serious about it.

The next day we went out for lunch and we carefully went over verbal and nonverbal safewords/safe-gestures. We also touched base on the Club's safeword if we needed a Dungeon-Master to step in to assist.

Then, we went over boundaries, and the Club's rules together. Along with comprising a list of questions we would need to ask the club as well.
My Dominant warned me that unless I specified in my list of boundaries; nothing would be off the table.  I took it in stride and I listed a few of my big red "No's" 
One example is Degradation and humiliation by name calling. It's SLOWLY becoming a soft limit. I've let him call me a "Breeding Bitch" before after I called myself that. But, I know I still need to work on my self esteem. During a scene, my mind becomes vulnerable. If he were to cut loose and degrade me by calling me something like. "You filthy little whore. You just love being a skanky little slut, don't you?"
Some subs would drool and fall all over themselves with that sort of talk. Personally, I'd meltdown. I'd believe those words and base my worth to that. Especially if it comes from someone I adore like my Master...
It'd only serve to tear me apart.  I know it would. And I expressed that worry to my Master during our discussion. I'm thankful he was respectful of it.

Another example is face-slapping. I've gotten into a few scraps growing up, and for some reason. Girls get it in their heads that face slapping is like... Some manner of intensely damaging thing.
Face slapping for me is just slamming your palm on a big red button that makes me want to deck that person in the face. (And I have a mean right hook- or so I've been told... )

After our deep discussion on those boundaries, we prepped for that night.

My Dominant spoiled me rotten... He bought a myriad of new toys that the club sold to use on me that night, a mix of thuddy things, stingy things, and pressure point-things. (Some of the ends can be used to press into pressure points.)
He surprised me with them.

I let him unleash a little more of his sadistic side, and I pushed my limit that night. Usually our scenes only run 45 minutes. This one lasted an hour and a half. Double the usual.
We moved from the A-frame to a bench where I was essentially- on my knees. I had singing welts and bruises all over my backside and thighs.  His hits became harder and harder, and I was a drooling mess. (I'll try to blame the bar gag, but lets face it. It was moreso because I was in a really nice place mentally... )

I couldn't handle clothespins on my nipples before - I managed to have over 5 on my chest this time around. Surprisingly, this time I didn't cry. Usually one of my coping mechanisms is that I tear up and cry- it's like a reset button. I can keep going after I have a cry. This time I didn't. I kept rolling with it, and slid deep into sub space. We brought my textured blanket, and Squidlet along and I'm so glad we did that. It was really nice to cuddle under my blanket and cling to both my Dom and Squidlet after.

My Dominant kept telling me how proud he was of me. And you know what?
I'm a little proud of myself too. 

We both really pushed my limits that night, and I had fun, and I'm hoping he did too. It was a really nice way to kind of cap off this visit.

I miss him a lot...

 

 

 

Mood music mini-playlist, because why not?

I am quite positive the Littles on this site are going to be thrilled a bit.

 

In the past I've mentioned I carry traits of a little. Like many others; there's many different facets, angles, sides, and traits to my personality. "One size" does not fit all, especially me.

Firstly, I'll admit I have a major liking for soft-things. I love making nests in my bed comprising of many different blankets and pillows.

I also have a major weakness for stuffies. Especially if I find them eye-catching or extremely cute.

  My Dom got to see first hand those traits of a "little" within me while visiting me.

We went to the Florida Aquarium while he was visiting. I have done work for another smaller aquarium in the past; and heard the Florida Aquarium wasn't much to write home about; this was also over 7 years ago.
Since then, they've completely remodeled and really stepped their game up. so, we went ahead and went.

My Dominant watched the excited, ever-curious, adventurous, scientific, nerdy, somewhat shy inner little girl in me come forth. I wanted to see everything. I wanted to touch as much as possible (when it was safe to. Touching something that can pinch, bite, or sting isn't always good.)

As we ventured around the Aquarium together hand in hand, we looked at all of the exhibits. At the end of it all, my Dominant walked me through the Gift Shop and asked me if I wanted anything.
Modestly, I gave a soft "No, Master." so only he'd hear me.
He immediately knew I was lying.
He brought me back around and told me to pick out what caught my eye, his tone stern. Clearly, this was not up for debate.

Dubiously, we wandered the gift-shop again and I stopped by this brightly colored, pink and orange squid plushie. The material used for it was soft, and smooth. (I love some textures and this was one I liked a lot.)
I gently twirled my finger into one of the tentacles and murmured I liked this toy. He just beamed at me, kissed my temple, plucked it off the hanger it was on and told me not to look at the price tag.
(I'm a worry wart, I didn't want him to spend too much money on me.)
Obediently I did, we went to the register, to which he had me read some of the books on another shelf a short distance away, and he got me this cute, stuffed Squid plushie.


I... Can't get over it. It's too cute, and unique. The colors are vibrant, and eye catching.

So! Littles of The Cage. Lovers of plushies, pillow forts, cute things, and pink.

Meet Squidlet. AKA Calamari.

It's been subtle changes. A quiet edit to my profile. I haven't overly told anyone but a select couple of people to begin with.

Now that I have access to my work-station, I can really sit down and write~

 

To those who are reading, they may notice an update to my online avatar that's been posted here on The Cage.

A change in the appearance somewhat. A collar has been sketched on her neck to reflect the recent change that's occurred. To mark my next step in my journey.
(As dark of a thought as it is, if things change and do not work; then it will be removed if needed. I'm hoping not, however.)
 I'm no longer simply under consideration.


After a long, very deep, heartfelt discussion. I am now collared and being trained by AshenFenrir.

With his recent visit we've made a few new discoveries, and pushed my limits a bit. (In a good way.)
I'm finding I can seriously take a beating, and keep on rollin'.
Also, my Dom has caught glimpses of traits of a little within me. (No, I am by no means a little. But, there are traits there he saw and drew out a little bit.)

These discoveries and experiences will be elaborated further in their own respective blog posts.

It's very interesting, to see how quickly I've grown, developed, and expanded within myself these last few months. With my submission, in a weird backwards way I've found my confidence in a few things grow.

The same sweet little star-tag that was on my day-restraint has now moved to my collar. I adore it's presence there. It's jingle. Even my day collar has a tiny jingly bell on it. Fitting, since he has a tendency to call me "Kitten."

Hicky, compliments of my Dom~ hah. I'm eager to see what training he has in store for me ahead. What new experiences lie in wait.
What new twists and turns my 'path' will follow now.

 

The world had shifted on it's axis. Before that moment, everything had been a colorful blur. How her day had gone, what she had done, where she had been...A smudge in her timeline. Now, her mind was hyper-focused on singular things. The room was black, the blindfold over her eyes prevented her sight. He had been wickedly clever enough to keep the lights low, so even if she could attempt to be cheeky and peek under the blindfold, she wouldn't see much. The scent of his body-wash permeated around her. Off of her own body, off of his body, it even clung to the sheets.  She focused on those warm calloused hands caressing down her sides; following the rounded curves and dips of her body down towards her thighs before they lifted. The soft breath of his exhales as they traversed down her back. The faint jingle of chains they had bought from the hardware store together. The gentle tug of the O ring of her restraints on her ankles jostled.
He was chaining her ankles together.
She fidgeted as she heard the click of the small locks on the chains. Signalling that even if she had wanted to - she wasn't going anywhere. His hand placed against the back of her shoulders, then pushed gently. She leaned forwards, and soon her own weight was used against her with gravity's pull.  Practically face-first, she was against the bedding. Her assend was up in the air and she fidgeted, trying to slide her knees beneath her to help reposition herself; squirming as she didn't have the use of her hands. It was that moment, something whispered to her. Like a demon, hissing sweet nothings. She loved and hated that whisper. As soon as she heard it, a sting of pain licked across the back of one of her thighs. It caused her back to arch down and she gasped sharply. It wasn't as sharp of a pain as she had before, but it was enough to make her jolt.

"Easy, my pet..." His voice said to her from somewhere behind her,  making her muscles relax. The timbre of his tone had dropped low, a near purr- or was it a growl? She wasn't entirely sure at that moment. Her head turned to try and listen to him more. In response, the crackle of multiple strips of leather was heard and soon, thudded against the middle of her back. Again, again, again. The thudding sensations collided with her flesh, making her sag into the bed and sigh heavily. At the end of it, another lick of pain skittered across her left asscheek- biting her. She jolted again with a yelp that tapered down into moan. Another bite, this time on her other asscheek giving it equal attention, then a sting on her thigh. Focusing in the same regions before something snapped at her outer thigh making her writhe. Soon, in that moment; it had returned to thudding sensations against her mid-back and behind her shoulders. It made her press into the bed more, her chin resting against the bedding as she panted.  It was then, that sting found itself directly between her legs. Making her yelp sharply and jerk in response as white hot pain kissed her labia and clit, causing her womanhood to quiver.  "Mnn... Color?" Came his voice, filled with mild concern at her response. As she caught her breath, her heart having picked up it's pace, her body working through the pain she inwardly took a moment to review herself. She was fine, the pain hurt, but it was already fading, and her womanhood felt warm in result. "Green." she replied faintly. "Good."- she could hear the smile in his tone. At that, the flogger gently tapped against the backs of her thighs before it moved inward. Tapping against her already warmed-womanhood before it gained speed and swat at her again. This time, the leather strips curled. Snapping at her inner thighs and against her labia, making her yowl once more and fidget in place. Before she could recover from that, the flogger found itself against her ass, then her thighs, and her back. Making her writhe as she panted heavily, taking each biting blow as they came.

She could feel it. The heavy sinking feeling. Her mind was slowing down, stumbling, fumbling. Trying to white-knuckle onto thoughts, but they'd slip free and bounce in the same manner trying to clutch a wet soap-bar would happen. It would pop free and drop out of her grip. Unable to truly hold on to it. Pressure had begun to form just beneath her navel, and it was growing. Heat from mingled impacting stings and her own arousal made her feet like she was in a sauna.
"Don't you fucking cum yet, you don't have my permission." His growl warned, right against her ear. She could feel the posts of her own cartilage piercing vibrate in response and she shuddered. "Yes, Sir..." she managed to breathe.

Pressure was felt on her scalp, then aching pain as her head was forced up and back. He had gripped her hair and pulled. Naturally, her jaw clenched shut and she hissed through her teeth primitively, like a caught wild animal. "Open your mouth, my pet." he breathed. There was urgency there, she could hear it. He was aroused. Obediently, her mouth opened. Cold rubber could be felt against her lips and pushing inwards. It was the bar gag. She was all too familiar with it. As it pressed in between her teeth she felt her jaw immediately snap down. Biting into the thick silicone. She always wanted to bite when she was like this, so it was just as well he put a gag in her mouth. Lest it be parts of his body her teeth would find. (Commonly, his shoulder.) She ground her teeth on the bar gag while he fastened it into place behind her head. It dug into the corners of her mouth, and already she felt her own saliva pooling against it. She focused on it. Chewing at the silicone without damaging it, and trying to reposition it in her mouth. The bastard didn't budge an inch.
Her Sir had taken advantage of her distraction and oral fixation. His hand slid into her hair and gripped onto it, making her head lift and her nostrils flared with a sharpened exhale.  Soon, she felt the heat of him against her thighs and tracing inwards. Pressing against her entrance. She felt him throb and she moaned deeply into the gag; the sound muffled and muted. Her body ached as he pushed in slowly. The entrance to her womanhood pushed open by the tip of his length. She could feel him invade the deeper portions of her body and she shuddered, moaning again. Her head inclined up to ease the pressure on her scalp. While she did this, a trickle of saliva escaped from the corner of her mouth and dribbled down the side of her chin, down her neck, down to the bedding. Like a cold, teasing finger tracing the contours of her throat.

He moaned breathlessly when he hilted himself within her pulpy folds, her muscles clenched, then rippled, then released. Only to grip around his manhood once again. As if she were trying to trap him in place. His hips drew back, then drove forwards. Making her fidget and give yet another muffled moan. Her head turned as best as it could with his hand gripping her hair. His grip tightened somewhat as he immediately set the pace. The impact of his body against her bruised and stinging assend and thighs made her recall the pain of the flogger he had been using earlier. Pleasure washed over her, the delight of being taken, and close to him. Her hands writhed against her restraints behind her, and he moved his hand from her hair. Gripping her bound wrists. Soon, his opposite hand collided with the side of her rump in a resounding, open palmed swat. Making her jolt hard and gasp.  His pace increased, his hand came down again, then again. Lavishing her backside with red, fiery handprints.

She must of started sagging into the bed as opposed to keeping her assend up and her body tripod on her knees. His hands curled against her thighs and pulled. Pulling her back up. His movements had become erratic as he pumped into her, his now glistening wet length pistoned in and out, the soft slap of his hips could be heard against her upturned backside. Accompanied by the lewd wet crackle of her wetness being churned, and punctuated by her muffled whimpers and moans, alongside his own.  He was taking precisely what was his.
With it, her mind couldn't focus any longer. It was just her, and him. Despite the blind, she knew her eyes had become glassy in the haze of what she was feeling. Heavy at first, but lighter. Her mind had turned off, flatlined. Faded. Leaving a 'blank screen' as it were. She was descending.
"Ngh... Come now, my pet... Right fucking n-now!" His voice caught somewhat. She could hear his tone change, raise in pitch. He was close. Wildly, the primitive want for him to fill her womb, fill her insides, completely fill her; mark her as his arose and she tried to squirm. The pressure had mounted just beneath her navel and as if he had pressed a button. Heat rushed down her thighs in a heavy wave. Wetness bloomed and trickled around his length and smeared across her thighs as she tensed momentarily. Moaning deeply into the gag, her muscles once again clenching hard, quivering, then releasing. Only to clench once more. 
"Good.. Mpph- Good girl... Nhg!" Her Sir whispered as he soon pushed his hips against her ass, plunging himself deep into her. She could feel the ache of his tip pushing deep into her body and he throbbed somewhat. He was releasing deep within her.  Her moans devolved into soft whimpers against the gag as she finally sagged beneath him. He leaned over her, kissing behind her shoulders and neck. "Very well done, my pet... I'm so proud of you." His arms circled around her as he just let himself rest over her a few moments. Holding her while she drifted, light, airy. Floating off into oblivion temporarily. She couldn't keep up with him now, the world was hazy, and in a fog-like dream. Her wrists and ankles were released and she lay on the bed, splayed out. He removed the gag and she panted there, oblivious her chin was wet with drool. He chuckled and soon, slid into bed with her. Pulling her into his chest while she buried her face into him with a low hum. Inhaling the scent of him.
Her thoughts could return later. For now, she'd float. Nestled in his arms.

For some reason, I'm having issues falling back asleep. I passed out after my Dom and I had a little bit of a 'play' session, and now, I'm having trouble finding sleep again. She's such an elusive creature...
I know he's asleep right now. I'm hoping he gets all the rest he needs for his workday later today.

On my mind, is the thought of punishment. No; I haven't done anything to warrant any punishments. _{Thank Gods}. A friend of mine I was hanging out with earlier tonight was talking to me and joking about how I like punishments, and that's all part of the fun of my dynamic, right? That she'll tell on me to my Dominant to get me into trouble.

Absolutely wrong.

 

Firstly, there is no "Funishments" within in our dynamic. My Dominant doesn't provoke me, or set me up to fail/mess up in the hopes I get in trouble so he can "Punish" me. 
((I get this works for some dynamics, when a sub acts up to get her Dom's attention; or the Dom enjoys punishing his sub in a more playful manner this way- etc. Personally, I do not agree with this; but your kink is not my kink, and what works for my dynamic might not work for yours and vice-versa.))
Personally, I've been through enough and raised up to where, if I'm being punished. It's not fun, you made a mistake, or fuck up and you're going to learn from it. Punishing me for the sake of playfulness would just hurt, and leave me feeling resentful. It would just brood animosity towards my Dominant.

My Dominant has a similar mindset to a degree. Punishments aren't fun. They're not meant to be.  I'm thankful my Dominant is reasonable and logical enough to administer punishments to me when I genuinely deserve them, or the severity of said punishments to fit the "crime" so to speak.

Punishment for me is just that. A punishment. It's not enjoyable, in fact I detest them. I work to avoid them.
Primarily because if I make a mistake? I let my Dominant down. Depending on what I've done wrong, I could have disappointed him. And that hurts so much more than someone just being angry with you.
"I'm not angry... I'm just really disappointed in you..." Ouffff.... That stings.  Especially coming from someone who guides me and means a lot to me.

For some subs, they get spankings. Which can be fun, kinda hot. I've been warned if I do something that warrants it. I'll be kneeling on uncooked rice while holding a penny to the wall with my nose. Each time penny drops? My time starts over. ^{(This sounds hilarious, I guarantee you it's not.)}
This is not a complaint, this is an example of what I mean when I say I don't like punishments. 

If I make a mistake, or an error. Chances are, it goes in hand with something important that my Dom needs. A prime example? Is my private Diary posts.
My Dominant has assigned me to write a diary entry every single night before 10pm.  My diary is my safe-space. If I have something in my mind I don't feel comfortable saying to him directly, my diary is a place I can express those feelings without reprimand. This is a tool he uses not only to see how my day went, but to observe my mental state, see what's going on in my mind, and keep our channels of communication open.If I don't post my Diary, or if I'm late on it. Then my Dominant is missing an important tool to observe my health and well-being. Thus, making him unable to do his part as my Dominant. In a long round-about way, it hurts myself.

 

Last time I was late on my diary post, my Dominant had me write lines on a sheet of paper. Front and back. My wrist hurt, my fingers cramped. But, by the Gods, I did it. I grueled through it; and you know what?
Since then. I haven't been late on my damn diary post.

To further my example of my Dom being reasonable in his administering of punishments. A few days ago, I was fighting a massive migraine. I fell asleep in the early evening and woke up around 11:30pm.
My diary had not been posted.
I had expressed to my Dom earlier that day that I wasn't feeling well, I was in bed. He understood I didn't post my Diary because I was sick, and unable to do so.
I was scared I would be punished, and I was upset with myself for letting him down. I immediately informed him I was awake again, apologized for the lack of diary update, updated my diary, then tentatively; I told him I'd accept whatever punishment he'd give me for being tardy on my diary post. He said me knowing he was disappointed in me not being on time was enough of a punishment.It still hurt, but he knew I was sick. He took that into consideration. He understood and wasn't unreasonable about it.

It's key factors like this that make me happy to submit myself to him. It's exactly what I was hoping to find. Yes, I am his. For the most part (We're still slowly working on the power exchange.) he owns me.    And yet, he still remembers that I'm a person. A living, breathing person. Sometimes I'm going to be sick, or unable to do something. And granted, as long as I communicate to him, he'll know and understand.

 

Ultimately. One thing I adore. Is if I do something to warrant a punishment. My Dominant administers my punishment, I do the punishment, and then every time? He tells me he forgives me. (Usually after I apologize again.), then we move on. It's not brought up again. He doesn't hold it over my head, or remind me of it... I'm thankful for this.

Guh- gushing and rambling. I think it's time to crawl back to bed.
But yes. I don't like punishments...

I'm extending a branch/topic of conversation to others.
- Do you get "funishments" in your dynamic?
- How do those occur?
- Do you get punished too if you misbehave? How severe do they get?
- Do you enjoy your punishments if/when you receive them? Hate them?

- Do you like giving your punishments to your sub?
- How severe do you make your punishments?
- HOW do you punish your sub if they misbehave?
- Do you forgive and forget after, or remind them later as a training tool? 

Fill me in~

(If that's not too personal of questions.) 

 

^{Also yes, I'm reusing old art. Too tired to draw more, plus I don't have time. I gotta crawl back to bed.}

Truthfully, this blogpost is more of a "thought-spill." if anything. Just me, free-writing, throwing things onto a page.  Literally spilling thoughts. It's one of my ways to help map out my brain and "take a load off" so to speak.

So with my adventure into the lifestyle in more of a sub's aspect of things.  I'll admit I've learned a lot. Prior to this experience, I knew very little next to nothing on just how DEEP things can go. The different aspects, different dynamics, and how much more there is to these dynamics than what stereotypical media might have one believe. 
(And no, I do not mean 50's shades of gray when I reference the media.)

With it, I've also realized I've grown and molded into something of my own. Like always, true to my little coined alias I use online.
I feel like a chimera.
A conglomerate mish-mash of different things.  No one label really fits me; which is natural.
People aren't meant to be compartmentalized into boxes. No one label "fits" all.



It wasn't until a few months ago did I discover some new, darker, deeper portions of my own psyche and embraced them. 

I've found with a DD/lg dynamic - I adore the tenderness that's there. The way one will take care of the other and vice versa. In my own ways, I too can fall into aspects of such. Be it my silliness, my love for soft stuffies/blankets, pillow forts, coloring/crafts, blowing bubbles, and more. Simpler, cuter activities that I often times quietly enjoy on my own. I do get bratty and playful, sometimes just childishly stamping my foot and saying "NO!" just for the sake of saying "no." to see what reactions I get.

With a Owner/pet or Master/pet dynamic - I'm still learning some things. But, I've found some of the things I just do subconsciously can be quite animalistic. (A prime example is for someone I really care about, I'm not afraid to rub my face on them, or give a subtle touch on their arm, or press against their side.) Which works well in such a dynamic. I actually enjoy the idea now of being placed into a cage for whatever reason; it's grown on me. Even dedicated bowls placed for me to use I enjoy (though, feeding me on the ground out of a doggie dish, I'm not interested in. That's a more humiliating aspect I dislike. ) 

Like the DD/lg dynamic. I adore the tenderness and sweetness that can be there. The way one takes care of another - and I often consider that stability there, the dependability is especially appealing. Which is odd to me because truthfully? I did have a happy childhood. Granted, there's a few bumps in that road - but overall it was a good childhood.

And thanks to my Dom, I have found I enjoy impact play. So much so I actually dreamed about it the other day when I was resting since I wasn't feeling well. I actually felt my muscles relax when I dreamed about receiving a beating... I wouldn't necessarily say a "painslut" for such. But, the fact I dreamed about getting hit with floggers and such while chained to a post mildly surprised me. I dunno, developing masochist a little bit? The thought of getting hit with a flogger and such doesn't turn me on like it would some others. I ease into it and flow into the sensations as they happen, and grow into them.  So hence why I'm skeptical of even considering such a title. 

I enjoy some primal aspects too. Like struggling, being difficult. Growling, snarling, biting, etc. Essentially making someone 'win' the right to 'mate'.  Though, my Dom hasn't overly touched into this really. I have experienced it in my past, and can be a lot of fun I've thoroughly enjoyed it.

I know there's a few other things I've dabbled in, that I'm just not remembering right now since I'm coming out of a migraine.

It's a strange winding road. One of which I'm extremely curious about, and eager to learn more. What about others?
Do you all find yourselves blurring lines and falling into multiple things, or pulling traits of other types of dynamics with you as your own?
What about Doms too? Not just subs.  Do they find themselves in those crossroads too? More than one 'label' apply?



In the end... I know it boils down to we all just want to find someone else we connect with, or just looking to have fun.
So long as they're safe, sane, and consensual. Why not? 

 

Tick,
         tick,
                tick,
                        tick...

She could hear it. The persistent ticking of her wall clock nearby, coupled with the white noise of her box-fan facing towards her bed blowing air. It was a wonder she could potentially fall asleep with the noise, but she could. In fact, usually the cool breeze generated by the box fan coupled with the sound almost immediately made her muscles relax.

But, tonight something was missing. There was a variable missing in the equation.  The bed felt bigger. Roomier. Spacious. Which, most people might of found to be delightful.

She despised it.
She prided herself on being the sort of creature that nested and burrowed into the bedding. A conglomerate of blankets, pillows, stuffies, and other soft things she had accumulated. Even with it cluttered with these soft things it still missed something vital. It missed Him.   Pondering the absence over in the darkness of her room, the faint flicker of light from her monitor's screen saver made shadows dance on the walls from across the room. Slowly her face turned. Burying into the silk of the shirt he had left behind with her. His scent had long since faded from it, and the trick of balling it around the puffy wash-sponge he left behind as a backup no longer worked.

The shirt had been since washed, and now it smelt like her, and her room. Just the presence of it used to be enough to help her drift to sleep. Tonight, it seemed; would be more difficult than the others. She lay there, resting her cheek on the breast pocket of the shirt, mimicking how her cheek might press to his chest were he to wear it.
A sigh escaped her and her fingers curled into a loose fist by her mouth. Her mind wandered, curious as to what he might of been up to on his side of the spectrum. Her eyes closed, feigning sleep. Maybe pretending might coax the elusive creature that is slumber to dubiously come forth.
She tried to imagine his fingers slowly brushing through her hair, down the back of her head, neck, and back. The slow rhythmic breathing.
In...  Out...  In...  Out...
The faint sound of his heartbeat under her ear. Even the relatively awkward sounds of organs squelching and working within his body. She tried to focus on those things, recall them back to the forefront of her mind.
The whir of the box fan faded. The ticking of her wall clock droned on- unnoticed. 
She felt heavier. Like she was sinking into her bed a little. Her heart beat slowed, her breathing deepened.
Ah.... There it was... Sleep began her embrace, as if she were lured by the thoughts of the piece her bed was missing.  As sleep began to embrace her, she comforted both herself and slumber with a single faint phrase, low and barely audible.
"Soon... Very soon... He'll be here... Soon..."