A lot of the people who approach me about polyamory aren’t completely sure if I’m just using it as an excuse to fuck around or if I’m actually covering up some sort of fear of commitment. It’s difficult to convince anyone who’s already made up their mind about something before they’ve even given you a chance to explain yourself and it’s mainly been for that reason that I usually choose to remain silent until such a time as it becomes necessary to clarify.
I have someone in my life who’s support and advice has always been of great comfort to me. She and I have a very close bond that will probably never die and it’s a complete joy to have her in my life. She has a very elegant description of what polyamory is and in the years I’ve known her I’ve adopted it as my own; Polyamory is not a “lifestyle.” Polyamory is a “love-style.”
Polyamory isn’t about collecting as many lovers as possible or about sexual gratification on any level. Being poly isn’t so much of a choice as it is just accepting that you are incapable of rejecting or dismissing love wherever it presents itself in a pure form. If I fall in love with you then I will always be in love with you unless YOU do something to make that feeling go away. It does not mean that I won’t fall in love with someone else. It just means that if I do it will have absolutely no bearing on my love for you.
For me personally, it can be very hard to fall for anyone and it’s never something that happens quickly. Every relationship I’ve ever been in has formed organically over a prolonged period and has almost always stemmed from a close friendship. I tend to be attracted to free spirited individuals and while I consider myself pansexual I’ve only been in committed relationships with females.
Polyamory requires complete openness and honesty. I often times seek advice from the individual(s) I’m involved with regarding a new love interest and they generally consult with me about theirs. Does jealousy ever get in the way? Absolutely. I’m guilty of being the green eyed monster on more than one occasion but I always remind myself that my insecurity is unfounded because whenever I have needed love and support it has always been there for me.
I laugh when people tell me I have a fear of commitment because nothing could be further from the truth. I have two teenaged daughters who have never wanted for anything. I have a very amicable relationship with their mother. I have other commitments that vary from casual friendships to the very close relationship I share with my before mentioned beloved. I won’t go into too much detail about them but I can promise you that if I care about you I will go out of my way to see to your happiness.
I hope this has shed a little bit of light on what polyamory really is when practiced responsibly and with pure intentions. I hope that I’ve been able to surprise a few of you who previously felt it was something more sinister...and I hope that to the individuals out there who may feel as I do but just couldn’t quite put it into words, I’ve helped clarify the feelings they’ve always experienced in their hearts.
