Fear and insecurities plague each and every one of us from time to time. Some people are able to overcome or manage those fears quite well while others can become completely crippled by them.
No one is immune to fear. It’s part of the human condition. It’s engrained in our instincts to be naturally afraid of certain things like pain for example. This is a healthy fear. Pain tells us that something is wrong. Being afraid of pain helps us to avoid harmful situations. This is a constructive use of fearful emotions.
We also have irrational fears. These are fears of things we have absolutely no control over. For example being afraid of death. That sounds like a legitimate fear doesn’t it? No one wants to die. Just the thought of it can make anyone uneasy. But do you have any control over when or how you die? No, not really. So fearing one’s own inevitable demise is an irrational fear that serves no real constructive purpose.
Irrational fear causes us to do strange things. Fearing loss can make us hold on too tightly. Fearing intimacy keeps us from connecting. Fearing commitment isolates us from others. In short irrational fear causes us to miss opportunities that lead to happiness and contentment.
I personally have dealt (and am still dealing) with the fear of loss. Specifically the fear of losing someone that I love. This can be caused by two things. Either it’s a trust issue or a lack confidence or possibly both. In my case it’s a confidence insecurity. I over analyze everything including my ability and worthiness in my relationship role. This causes me to overcompensate with inconsiderate, rash or impulsive actions that usually result in doing more harm than good. After a great deal of self reflection I’ve concluded that my feelings…my need…my love, no matter how strong, could never be enough to to keep anyone if that person does not want to stay. If my partner doesn’t wish to remain in a relationship then there is nothing I can say or do to keep her from leaving.
It’s irrational to think I have any control over the way someone feels about me. All I can do is show her my love and do everything I can to make her happy and have faith that when she says she loves me she means it.
Irrational fear keeps us from enjoying what we have. It holds us back from the things we want. It traps us into thinking that certain things aren’t available to us. It cripples and consumes us until we forget why we are here in the first place; to live and to love.
If fear is holding you back from something or making you go out of your way to avoid certain situations then talk to someone about it. If you don’t have anyone to talk to then feel free to hit me up. If I can’t help I’ll help you find someone who can.
Don’t let fear dictate the outcome of your life.
