If you enjoy my blog or have a question, please feel free to message me. I don't bite (unless we both agreed on it. Lol.)
I really appreciate you reading and enjoying my blog.
Please don't feel nervous or hesitate to write me, I'm always looking for feedback and friends.
Again, thank you.
I talked to several people this weekend. This was of weekend were the bulb turned on over my head a few times.
I am on a path of happiness and joy.
Dominance wise. . .
It will make me happy.
Thank you for all your birthday wishes on.
Also thank you for reading my blog. As a writer, it means a lot to me.
I also want to note tumblr has finally gotten uncomfortably politically correct and some idoit ruined it with dealing with stupid minors (in adult situation or so I've heard.) Anyway, they are getting rid of their adult content and all adult themed blogs, including mine are getting taken down, sigh.
http://behindthemistress.tumblr.com
I am going to keep posting here and on my fetlife of same screename.
I will be posting my erotica on literotica.com
I will have links after the new years.
And thank you for reading and please keep doing so.
It was Thursday. I'm now 36. My birthday was simple my brother made me dinner and I'm having cake tomorrow.
I guess I wanted more but it's what I get for being such a picky, b*tchy dominant who is single.
I have several online friends, but not too many in real life, no one wants to put up with mymood swings.
Sighs. It was nice, simple, but lonely.
Reason I’m single
1. I’m afraid not finding someone who can truly deal with me. (My emotional and mental issues) (My depression, anger, anxiety, and PTSD have me all over. It’s hard to be happy with these issues hanging in my emotional shadows. I know so many who try to think happiness is with sex, but not with me. Note: that is number 2. I will give you three things that make me happy: writing for hours, cats, and cooking/baking.)
2. My physical health issues (I cannot enjoy sex anymore, it’s painful to orgasm. The thing is I do like sex, but I cannot enjoy it anymore. I also have stomach issues as well as sleep and anemic issues. I can be easily cranky because I’m in pain or meh, or sickly. I may not seem so online as I can hide my meh-ness with words.)
3. I’m afraid of being cheated on and hurt again (It was very complicated with my ex, as I didn’t realize he was demi-sexual like me. He didn’t just need the sex, but the connection with the sex. He couldn’t just fuck someone else and still love me. He had to love them too. If I had known I would have never let him look for other friends with benefits. My health issues what killed our relationship. I am afraid if I deny another guy sex even with a cock cage, he’ll still find a way to take it off and cheat on me.)
4. I’m still attached the idea of my ex and what we had (I like that we shared common interests and still have our own time. We read and wrote together and he embraced my love of horror and vampires. He would get excited over things and loved to see me happy. I loved his fearless passion in life. He got me three cats; my fur babies. I really want that again.)
5. I’m afraid I’ll get a lying submissive who is secretly a manipulative dominant. (They say that “I don’t know what I want,” “I am experimenting to figure out who I am,” or say “I am new.” They say that “I tried being a dominant but it wasn’t for me,” “I’m only dominant at work,” or “I’m only dominant with submissive women.” However that moment I am weak, because of my health, the dominance in those men will manipulate and take advantage of my weakness. Many say I over think this, but think about it’s been weeks since you have cum, and I am sick and you are horny . . . I really see annoyance or manipulation will come into play.)
6. I’m afraid to guy who wants to submissive just so he does not have to think. (I want actual connection with another person with their own personality, not a puppet. They just want to be a part of female led female because they trust and feel that I will help find their true potential while they support and help me find my happiness. We have own goals and goals we will have together.)
7. I’m afraid that I will not find someone that will get me or I will have another true connection with. (I am dominant, but need someone who is into me as a person. I can be sarcastic, creative, needy, funny, hopeful, and many more. I need vanilla elements as well as dominance in my life. I need to been in control or my anxiety and paranoia goes crazy. I love to cuddle, kiss, date, do thing with my special submissive other. I want to share their hobbies and have them enjoy mine. I love to write, cook, bake, cats, watch sports, paint, color, swim, walk, movies, music, dice RPG, dinning out and trying new things.)
8. I need to micromanage. (I’m more into managing others than dominating over sex. I love to control the budget with allowance, (I’m not the type to spend all of the money on myself), I like to make the month menu and discuss what meals and snacks we want that month. I like to know all of the bills are paid. It’s a comfort for me.)
9. My family needs me at times. (We help each other with doctor appointments and such. I need my hopeful, possible, future submissive boyfriend needs to know I am very close with my family. They know I am dominant.)
10. I am NOT into pain. (I have rules for my submissive, but I am not into painful punishments. Giving and receiving pain are a turn off for me. I’m more into creative punishment. I want more of a relationship and less of a training session. I am into communication. I need a submissive boyfriend willing to communicate with me daily, not ghosting, catfishing, or deleting random accounts.)
I feel that I know most of these are excuses I am hiding behind. However I just really do not want to get hurt again, I am still healing. (Yes, it been three years, but Tom and I were together 8 years. Female led relationship we were in did not just happen overnight. We communicated months before we met but we exchanged pics, stories, ideas etc, once we did meet, we experimented with what we needed, wanted and liked, and what we didn’t like. We connected and I NEED that part again. I know that for sure. It was like chocolate chip vanilla type of relationship with openness to some kink. We chatted online, but never got to extreme cybering, which is good as even the idea of sex is a tease to me. It wasn’t until after we had physical sex that he ever helped with my written erotic work.)
I know what I want and what I need. I know my limits and what I don’t want. I will NOT settle! I was in love once and if I only had one chance, I do not regret it. If I get another chance for love, I’ll be happy, but it will NOT happen overnight. I need someone to read my blogs like this one and understand me, and still want me. (I’m not into pics of your junk, or how many cock cages I am getting you or what medical procedure you can do to make you less of man. Those type of guys do not get me. I want someone who wants me for me, not just because I am a natural dominant. I want a relationship, not training sessions.)
If I get cats, friends and my blog readers, I will be happy too. Happiness starts with me, I just want someone to share it with.
Main message I am a complicated dominant, and I am willing to wait for what I need and want.
I Hate Pop and Secret, Surprise Quizzes! The truth is we all do.
The thing is. . . do NOT test me online with sexual issues or the ultimate question: "Can I cum, Mistress?"
The answer is and always will be "No."
If you read at least a few of my blogs, you will realize I'm seeking a submissive boyfriend for a long term female led relationships possible marriage in real life.
(I am NOT seeking an online boy toy.
I am NOT into playing online games.
If you are more into online instruction, then getting to know me, please move on. )
I was in a real, physical female led relationship for 8 years and I know I want it again. (We lived 8 miles away, but we talked and got to know each other online for months before we met.)
I want a loving boyfriend as much as submissive. I will wait to find Mr. Right.
1. Please do NOT rude.
A. If someone took the time to message, please message them back. Even if it is to say that you're not interested. Give them a reason a why. . . Or they may keep messaging you to know why. (If you are messaging me, please read my entire profile and my blog, I'm very specific in what I want.)
B. Do not ghost or block someone with no reason. It's nice to reply back, but be nice and merciful and give someone a reason to move on.
C. Dominant or submissive both use "please" and "thank you." They are NOT begging or weak words. They are professional politeness.
2. I want a reading submissive boyfriend. This means read my entire profiles, if you don't read how am I to expect you read my other work? (I want you to read my blogs, stories and novels.) I'm a writer first even before a dominant. (I'm just a writer who loves to be control.)
3. Some of these sites, I'm on to post my blogs, other it's to find like minded people, friends and ultimately a submissive boyfriend for a long term female led relationships possible marriage who truly gets me. I'm NOT currently into sex, so I do NOT want to see pictures of your private parts. I am NOT posting any of mine.
If you look at my profile on this page you would see a lot of deal breakers.
Over my years in a flr, I learned what I want, what I need, and what I truly like. I also know what I don't need or don't like. . .
Today, I got hit on by a married man, this has happened several times. If you are married fix it with your wife or move on. (If you are staying for the kids, I don't want you anyway as I am not into kids. If you are married and still seek another relationship. I do not want apart of that circus. I'm seeking a submissive boyfriend of my own for me and only me to eventually be my submissive husband. I eventually want marriage with the right guy, the one who gets me. I will not be second in your life. I am a dominant, and I will be first. )
Note my top ten limit dealbreakers (if you are any of these, please seek elsewhere.)
1. Men who are taken, married or just want sessions (no one night stands or your idea of cam fun)
2. Men who have or want kids (Im not into kids, I want cats)
3. I'm not into smokers or heavy drinkers(I don't smoker and can't really drink much. I prefer not to be around those who I do.)
4. Men under 24 or over 45 (I prefer guts closer to my age.)
5. Slave who dont want to be treated humanely (I'm NOT sadistic)
6. Those into pain (again, I'm NOT sadistic, Im not even into spanking)
7. Cross dressing or sissies (I want my submissive boyfriend to be a guy and look like a guy)
8. Bald guys (it has to do with a bad past)
9. No super young inexperienced virgins or doms who want to see if they can be submissive (I'm not the one for you.)
10. Non readers (I'm a writer, and I need my submissive boyfriend to be about read and comment on my work.)
I know what I want and I know there is only a small percentage out there. (I know it exist as I have had it before. I know if I look hard enough I can get it again. I will NOT settle. There are over 6 billion people in this world, Im sure my special submissive boyfriendhusband is out there.)
Please reader would are not any of these find me, sigh.
I've noticed that the longer I've not had sex (or an decent orgasm, almost a year now). . . The less I'm into the fetishes. (I was never into the cross-dress, pain, furry, or sissy fetish, yet they keep finding me, not reading my profile entirely, sighs. Can't my submissive boyfriend please just stay a guy? I know that those fetishes turn on a spark for some people, but not me. I hope you find your right fetish-kinky partners.)
I used to like the bondage, but I can't enjoy it: to be honest . . .getting wet and horny is just a bitter tease to me. . . (It makes my bitchy-bear come out, and I hate being mean. Its not the natural me.)
Now I just rather plan someone's life that loves me and loves me in control while they stay in a cock cage.
I need to control the situation.
I love calendar, date books, rules, charts, lists. . . They make sense to me. Something is either finish or not.
My submissive boyfriend deserves a reward or punishment for things done or not done.
Control gives me importance and turns me on, wakes me up, but not in a sexual way. It in a sucessful achievement way.
I have goals and dreams I want accomplish in my life. I want an ambitious submissive boyfriend. He cannot be the type to sit around all day. He need to work and show me that he wants to achieve something too more than my happiness. (That's a huge challenge by its self. )
I think I'm searching for a unicorn.
I used to love sex. But now I CANOT enjoy it.
(Please do not think you have the magical or gold dick and/or tongue, because 90% of men cannot please me orally and the 10% are taken.)
I have written about my health before but I guess I have to write about it again.
Note: Please if can't handle detailed medical issues, then move on. If you want to know why I can't enjoy sex then read on. . .
Anyway, whenever I orgasm . . . (whether it's oral, pentration sex, a lucky tongue, toys, or my own fingers) it causes cramps that can last for days.
These cramp are like my pelvis is getting rolled inside out and it's pulling my thighs and lower back into it. It's like a heated knife stabbing me in a rhythmic tones. It starts and once I think I relax, it does it again. It throbs, burns, pulsates, and it not anything low in pain than a 6. Over-the-counter meds do not work and most doctors will not listen to me. Sighs. Only thing that hurt worst were my four female biposies.
(My own mom describes these cramps similar to labor pains.)
When my body gets stiff and trembles before I gush, it turns on my oversensitive pelvis and these cramps for days. I've had this condition for almost 5 years now and I've to at least 6 different doctors. (My last doctor believes it's a fiberiod causing it to make my entire pelvic sensitive and I'm working on getting it removed. She is way more concerned about my heavy bleeding. . . I just want to be done and a hysterectomy.)
The idea of this pain is serious turn off. In fact, I have not had an orgasm since February. I have not been turned on in almost a year.
I have not found a decent guy worthy enough to try to see how bad it is. He would have to be my boyfriend and concerned and interested over me, not just how fast can he fucking turn me on.
My submissive ex of 8 years of female led relationship cheated on me, because I couldn't give him sex. Most regular guys run. (My dominant side thinks if I cant cum why should he, especially without earning it.)
The longer I've been like this, the more I do not desire sex. I mean I haven't been horny for over a year and it amazing how many men and women just think with their junk. Then they want to know why they are lonely, with an STD, or pregnant. Yet they have no connection.
Even my dominance has changed from my health. . . I rather have a submissive boyfriend who understands me than one who is brat, pet or whatever sexual kinky thing he can be. I just want a guy who like me and wants to help me find my happiness. Is it too much ask for?
== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
100% Dominant
92% Rigger
89% Master/Mistress
88% Vanilla
58% Owner
43% Daddy/Mommy
36% Brat tamer
35% Primal (Hunter)
4% Experimentalist
1% Exhibitionist
1% Primal (Prey)
1% Voyeur
1% Boy/Girl
0% Rope bunny
0% Ageplayer
0% Slave
0% Degradee
0% Brat
0% Submissive
0% Masochist
0% Degrader
0% Pet
0% Sadist
0% Non-monogamist
0% Switch