What does high protocol mean to you?

What does high protocol mean to you?

event horizon{NotLooking} • Mar 2, 2019

This is one of the elements of BDSM that seems quite nebulous, and different for each individual, couple, etc. I'd appreciate answers from both Dominants/Mistresses, as well as submissives/slaves.
I'm curious what high protocol involves for you in your D/s or M/s interactions and relationships. What titles do you use? What are some of your rules that may differ from others? What do you consider common protocol rules?

For me, when I think of high protocol, I think of submissives & slaves being made to use titles with their Dommes, "yes Miss", "thank you miss", "at once, your Royal Highness Miss ______!", etc etc. I also think of deference, and high levels of respect -- the submissive may require permission from their Dominant to do certain things. They may only be allowed to speak when spoken to. Also, the submissive/slave may be made to dress a certain way, and/or have their outfits chosen for them. So many possibilities.

So, do tell, how does protocol come into play for you? What do you like about it? How do you use it?

Thanks.

Phanes​(dom male) • Mar 2, 2019

This is a list of expectations for both Myself and the "one" that I try to live by whenever I am within a relationship. Of course they are not set in stone; depends on the "one" I am with and their needs/desires/expectations of Me that are not listed

https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=11470&postid=4050

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Mar 2, 2019

I personally hate titles, used toward me, and it's one way to guarantee I will be short with you and tell you off. If you're not my love, imo, you have no right to use such things toward me. I don't own you, you don't belong to me, just talk to me/treat me like a normal person.

Even with my love I'm not a huge fan, but I feel like it has its purpose in some scenarios, like being on here. We don't use titles in person, we just use things like "babe", "sweetheart", "love", ect. And I prefer it that way. Titles weird me out. Again, just in reference to myself.

I'm a normal person who just so happens to enjoy being in control of aspects of my relationship. Doesn't mean I need to be called anything special by anyone other than my love.

If someone wants titles though? Go for it. However, do not force my love to use them with you, as I am /not/ okay with that, and do not force your sub to use them with me as, again, I'm not okay with that. That's all I care about haha.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Mar 2, 2019

I'm highly informal, but my first experience with the scene was OG gay leather folks, so I see and respect high protocol done right. It just doesn't work for my style. I use Daddy or Sir, babygirl as generic, all girls have their own special terms of endearment which I won't share here. DD/lg bubble private like that.

Where I absolutely don't use high protocol is in rules and punishment. I find it restrictive, harsh and not conducive to good bond. (For me and mine only. If it works and helps bond for you and yours, awesome.)

By way of example, I recently felt the need to punish one of my subs. She had lied to me about something when asked directly. I knew at the time she was lying, and understand why she did now.

The lie still happened. I told her that I wasn't going anywhere, but that all D/s activities and terms of affection were off the table until she could share the truth. If she felt she couldn't, she was welcome to be released with my love and support. I asked her if she would accept punishment.

She accepted. I waited until she had time and space to carry it out, and negotiated terms to it. It involved sending a video. I was patient, and listened to her concerns. I modified the punishment accordingly.

She sent the video. It was beautiful, and not extremely traumatic. It pushed her boundaries, but did not cross them and she did it out of love and regret, not fear and complusion.

Immediately after, I told her she was a good girl and that Daddy forgave her. It was done and forgotten except for the beauty in her apology.

At her prompting, the punishment video was shared with my other subs with their consent. It was not a warning, but an opportunity to bond and see how I punish very serious offenses.

The sharing helped, and led into some great discussion and support between the girls about body image issues.

We're all closer and more loving for the experience.

This is why I don't do high protocol. I would have been trapped by it and forced to be harsher in punishment. I would not have given her choice or allowed feedback. It would have been brutal on all.

Instead, I'm writing this, with her and my others consent and veto...they saw this draft and approved before I posted. Had they objected or edited, I would not have shared as is.

People>kink. Always.

Love and truth wins.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Mar 2, 2019

I consider high protocol to be very restrictive. Things like complete silence unless directly spoken to, walking behind your Dom, sitting or kneeling in a specific way, referring to your Dom by one given title, not making eye contact without permission, etc.

This isn’t something Sir requires. I am always respectful in the way I speak and I do call him Sir, but he allows me to speak my mind, encourages it even. He does lead when we walk, but I follow naturally by his side with his hand in mine, I’m not required to walk at a certain length or degree behind him. He may indicate where he prefers that I sit or tell me to kneel, but he doesn’t point out things like poor posture or the angle in which my head is tilted. I typically call him Sir, but he allows me to refer to him as “Lovie” in playful or familiar settings and by his given name when introducing him to others. And as far as eye contact; I laugh at this because we both tend to stare at eachother quite a bit, but during times of deep conversation or a scene I tend to keep my eyes more downcast unless I feel that I’m being encouraged to look up at him.

So while we do keep things D/s 24/7, I wouldn’t consider us to be engaging in high protocol. Typically I see that more in a Master/slave dynamic.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 2, 2019

I'm old.

At this point high protocol is eating dinner with my boxers on.

Wearing a bra.

Holding in a fart.

Not all at the same time, mind you.
That's just pretentious.


We do some things that are considered high protocol daily and others we never do.

If you want to know what some high protocol looks like watch "Upstairs Downstairs "


My high protocol is tailored to me.
It is a concept that all to unfortunately we use to bash each other with.
Who is "real" and who isn't.

Now, honestly speaking, I can teach high protocol party etiquette and high protocol day to day.

BUT there is no globally recognized standard.

So- it is very possible that what I teach is not what they would need in another's house.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 3, 2019

For me High protocol scenes create a lack of consistency in me. To many rules take away from my play. I'm not a sieve head, I just often get caught in my own head space. I can be selfish that way. Simplicity, creates me a space where I can fly.
Other times my play is more based on his needs with a more formal, higher level of protocol. A lack of continuity or consistency doesn't do my primary any good as he needs it. Keeping it (general every day play) simple, I will be consistent and work for both our needs. I do however tend to more protocol based when punishments are needed or the submissive needs to be re grounded to their status. It works for us ...As Master Bear said there is universal standard, only what works for you and yours.

SoaringFree​(sub female) • Mar 3, 2019

During normal conversation, we use baby or honey but I can tell the shift. When it's play time or I feel I'm being given a task, I will automatically switch to Sir. It's not even something I think about. On the other side, when I need my Dom or I'm feeling playful, me calling him Sir signals him that I'm in need. Really, in both cases it just kind of happened. I love that it was never pre-arranged. It is just natural.

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 3, 2019

Definitely high protocol. When I am in masochist mode (sexual situations" I enjoy-- no-- get hot when I am ordered to keep my eyes lowered, use "sir" "Ma'am" and "Master/ Mistress" Of course being a brat I'll break that to earn a slap or a hard paddle on my ass, but as for me, they call me anything they want.

The more I am put into my place the more I get off. I wrote elsewhere I'm a feminist's nightmare, during sex, kinky or regular, my purpose is for my partner(s) pleasure, for in being a sex object I experience the highest satisfaction my body has to offer so in a way it's a win-win.

event horizon{NotLooking} • Mar 5, 2019

I think this sounds great! Having casual pet names, and also a special title to signal that it's on lol. I've been doing that myself for a while. I'll have a sub I'm interested in/seeing call me Miss, casually (or subs in general if I'm in a high protocol setting).. but I tend to tell the ones I'm interested in that Ma'am is extra credit. To me it's got just that bit more respect in it than Miss, and I'm super into it being used to flirt with/signal to me, and while we're scening. So much so that I've even been turned on by it accidentally if a cute, say, retail clerk or other service professional says something like "Yes Ma'am", lol. Oh, and same goes for Chef. If a sub can be a good sous chef to me in the kitchen, and says things like "yes, Chef" when given a task, hooooo. It's on lol.

Thanks to everybody for your replies on this! It's great reading them all, and seeing what the scope of perception and/or utilization is for high protocol. ^.^