The Worst Mistake a Dominant or Submissive Can Make

The Worst Mistake a Dominant or Submissive Can Make

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female){LJ} • Nov 3, 2021

I posted this on my blog too but it was suggested it might be a good topic here.

I think this could be an interesting discussion.


What do you think the worst mistake a dominant can make is?


What about for a submissive?



For a dominant, I think the biggest mistake is assuming you know it all. There is always more to learn and ways to grow. To add onto this, not taking the time to get to know your submissive a bit before you try to start giving tasks.


For a submissive, I think it’s not speaking up for yourself. A dominant is not a mind reader (although sometimes they make me wonder with how perceptive they can be). It’s up to us to let them know how we’re feeling, what we liked or didn’t like, if something hurts too bad today, you want to try something new, something you previously liked you don’t enjoy anymore etc.

Looking forward to seeing your answers and comments!


I purposely didn’t put ignoring safe words or not having safe words. I think those are obvious.

dananddawn • Nov 3, 2021

"I purposely didn’t put ignoring safe words or not having safe words. I think those are obvious."

Though not obvious to all. You'd be surprised how many that are new don't know about safewords. And how many don't play with safewords.

Personally, after 22 years with my partner, I'm still allowed safewords. They are rarely used (can't remember the last t ime) because he knows me so well, but still allowed because he's not a mind reader and my body changes day to day. This way he can play and knows I'll speak up if needed. ....and some people will say, "I expect grown up words instead of safe words." ....not me. Sometimes it's hard for me to be vocal, especially if I'm all wound up in subspace. But, I'm trained to use safewords, which my brain can remember.

BTW....if I ever played with someone that said safewords weren't allowed or that ignored my safewords, I wouldn't play with them. Just sayin'.

Anyway....just wanted to mention that it's not obvious for everyone.

~dawn

CapnRick​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2021

I'll chime in with what seems to be the most often dislike mentioned by subs on profile pages regarding Doms: Dishonesty/untruths. This one is right up there with Ghosting.
Going the other way, I am not at all sure, since I almost never read Dom profiles.....I will hazard a guess that issues around misrepresented weight, age, status might be right up there as mistakes subs might make that irritate Doms on initial meetings.

Fun topc, will enjoy other's feelings.

DanielBelum​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2021

For a dom...not being able to/unwilling to say "I don't know"

Sir'smisty​(sub female) • Nov 3, 2021

Or for either side of the slash: not being able to admit to being wrong.

It was the first time I felt more than just playmate energy towards my Dom... When He messed up, we discussed it and He didn't make excuses, He just apologized.

But is that *the* biggest mistake?
I'm not sure... I'll mull it over and add more later.

DaddyPP​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2021

For both sides, and op kind of alluded to this, lack of honest communication. This is the same for every relationship whether vanilla or alternative. Communication is the cornerstone, without it nothing else can stand.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Nov 3, 2021

Both sides: Assuming.

DaddyDrago​(dom male){LilAmethys} • Nov 3, 2021

Both sides: Unwilling to travel your own individual path.

Learning is each of our responsibilities.
Healing can ONLY be ours to do (yes with support, not the same as expecting our partner to 'save', 'fix', 'heal', us).
Putting unnecessary, unrealistic strain on either side to be something they cannot be......

Savior

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Nov 4, 2021

Personally, I'd say for both sides it's gotta be not listening.

It's one thing to communicate but both parties have to be participating in all sides of communication. That doesn't mean just speaking up it means listenting to and hearing one another.

Not listening can cause SO many problems from tiny seemingly insignificant things to huge life changing events.

DOM DADDY One​(dom male) • Nov 4, 2021

For a Submissive - being afraid of saying no or failing to speak up to negotiate a scenario
For a Dominant - not providing enough or adequate aftercare

Something else to think about as well: “Mutual Respect”
It is in reality the submissive who holds the power in a D/s by virtue of their ability to say no or stop. There may be a few people who would disagree with this statement. If you truly think about it, if a Dom truly respects a sub and their decisions, then it has to be valid.