Just me

So i have a story to share that I wrote with a Dom. I was talking to this Dom seriously and he even conversed with some of my friends. He had an idea that we write a story together because he knows my love writing and expressing myself. In the course of writing this and us seriously discussing .my submission he was approached by another here on cage. He apparently replied and poof the story didnt have the Doms end, and I was left spinning. Even though a pheonix will rise were bond to crash and burn up eventually! 

Part 1:

She sits in the cabin remembering the day of adventure. She took this trip to recenter to be alone. The windows are open and there is a cold breeze coming in so she goes to the fire place and starts a fire. She gets it going but the incredible feeling of the heat on her keeps her right there. Shes in her little thin white cotton nightgown and nothing else. She sits in front of the fire place closing her eyes soaking in the heat. The cool breeze floats off the lake in through the window and kisses her back. Such different feelings the heat and cold. There are no lights on in the cabin just the candles soft glow and the fire place.
She came here to try to understand his offer. Could she do what he asked could she give herself to someone completely without question or hesitation. It was 2 days ago when he asked her to be his, mind body and soul. She told him she need to process what that meant and he gave her the space. Hed texted her that morning and she told him where she was going and ended with a question. She didnt tell him where she was there would be no service so she wouldnt see his answer. Her question she remembered well " what does that mean to be yours? Can one ever really belong to one person?"

• 48 hours felt like an eternity, he tried to stay busy, he loves to work with his hands, he goes to his workshop and tries to keep his mind off of her. His kitten, he knew right away that she was what he wanted. The way she reeled him in with her words, mysterious, exciting, sexy. It had only been a short time since their paths had crossed, but immediately he felt that ache of want. He had asked her to be his, he wanted her, only her. The way her eyes gazed at him he knew she wanted him to. The hesitation, she was scared, confused, she wanted him but just couldn’t say those words. I am yours! She had asked him to give her some time. Of course he would give her all the time she needed, but please don’t make me wait he thinks. He gets the message, she is going to the cabin, and the question she had asked plays through his mind. He knew what he had to do and immediately got on his motorcycle and began the drive to get his one, his kitten, his love! He arrives and finds her walking around the lake. She is beautiful, he stays away, just watching her, he spends hours staying at s close distance, he can tell she is struggling and all he wants to do is grab her and pull her to him, holding her and keeping her safe. But not yet. She moves to the cabin as the sun sets, she is starting a fire, she is beautiful in her white nightgown, he can’t stop it he needs her and the time is now! He slips in the cabin and moves to the bedroom as she leans over to stir the fire. He moves to the bed and takes the flower Petels from his bag, he arranges them in the bed to say the word,Words, soul mates! Two simple words, but they encompass all that he feels. He lights candles and places them in the room, he sits in the corner chair waiting for her to enter....

She had a strange feeling earlier at the lake a sense of being watched. She thought about that as she sat by the fire. What could it have been. It didnt scare her but made her feel safe and not so alone. While she was thinking of this she heard a noise some sort of scraping sound or a zipper... no it was just in her imagination no way that is what she heard she was the only person around for miles..
She stirred the fire and started to think about the last time she was with him. How he touched her his lips caressed her skin how badly she wanted him to kiss her everywhere. Her hands started to wander over her night gown. Remembering how his hands felt on her skin. How it felt so right. She let her fingers slide slowly down her chest and then rubbed her breast oh to feel his lips here as she pinched a nipple.. then she heard another sound and snapped out of her fantasy.
She decided that wasnt in her head she heard that so she gets up quietly looks around and she notices a light glow from the bedroom. She racks her brain did she leave the light on... no it wasnt bright enough for a light. She slowly inches toward the room panic starting to set in. Someone is here she can feel it she knows. She realizes the panic isnt that at all its excitement why the hell is she excited. There is someone in the cabin and they are in her room. She tiptoes more, closer to the door inching slowly... she pushes the door and gasps.. she sees the bed the words on it... instantly she knows hes here.
She walks slowly into the room and sees him sitting in the chair a small smirk on his face. She feels moisture between her legs the intense desire to be his but the flash of anger gets her too... you she says.. but how.. why and this.. she motions to the bed then she sees it in his hand hes holding a paper the arrangement he had shown her before and instantly she drops to her knees.

• That’s it kitten, I have given you 2 days, it is time to decide! I will be yours, yours alone, you will be mine and mine alone! You asked me and now it’s time for me to show you. He sets the paperwork down on the bed as he walks up to her. she had instantly gotten into the pose he had taught her, nadu head bowed, legs spread, on her knees with hands palms up on her thighs. You have practiced , that pleases me. But before we can begin I need an answer, he pulls something from a bag, she still has her bowed and has not moved. Kneel in front of me. She immediately gets to her knees and crawls to his feet, head still bowed not making eye contact. I smile to myself knowing I have her! She is in position now, look at me now kitten! She raises her head slowly and there’s eyes meet, I instantly get hard, god she is beautiful he thinks to himself, trying not to let any emotions bubble to the surface. I pull a collar from behind my back and say, kitten this symbolizes out commitment to each other, if you allow me to place this, then from this point on you belong to me! I will care for you, love you, honor you and help you become the best you can be, but you have to do so willingly... it is time to make a choice, yes or no, his heart feels like it is going to pound right out of his chest. He needs her and knows she is almost his..
She didnt underatand why she went to her knees automatic reaction to him. The position he taught her days before the one she thought was crazy. She wasnt sure what he was saying but then she heard it his command to look at him.
Slowly she raised her eyes to meet his and in that moment she knew she was his undeniably his. She barely noticed the shiny silver in his hands then his words snapped her out of her daze. Her eyes flashed at the dainty silver thread in his hands. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Thin silver chain with a small rose. The clasp she could see locked.
She moved close to him crawled to him and assumed the position again. She spoke words that would forever change her, Sir this sub asks to be yours mind body and soul but in asking I need you to know you also will have my heart be careful with it because it is fragile. Please accept my submission and I will do all I can to be the best for you
She then dropped her gaze again and waited for his response. The seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours.. she needed to hear his words feel what he felt.
She wanted to touch him grab him and kiss him to say thank you but she knew she had to wait...

I took this picture on a rainy night and it was amazing to actually capture 3 bolts at different times.The thing with me is every picture tells a story so for me it maybe one thing but for you something else. Heres what I see now

Lightening snaps lights the way for a split second you can see. 

Everything in brilliant pure light.

Then fade to black

The power and rawness of natural energy can be felt to your core. It makes your body vibrate your heart jump and every hair on your body stand up. It brings fear, comfort, joy, and excitement.

I wait for my lightening to strike standing in the dark. I wait for my light to shine and ignite all of me. Even a force of nature wont dim out this light because like the picture it is raw real and true. With so many paths to choose but all leading to one core bolt the one tied to my soul. 

It's so funny I wear the most comfortable uniform that I can think of for a profession scrubs, but I cant ever wait to get home peel them off and get into my pjs, or just jean's and a t-shirt. 

Changing out of the scrubs is like taking the take charge woman layer off and then I just get to be me. 

So i know I've said this before but today looking back I realize how much I write.  I was challenged by a Daddy when I started on cage to write a story so he could see where I was at mentally.  I've never shared this here and today I figured why not. Why is it only for me and a very few select to see..why not let my writing drift in the land of anonymity 

I sit at the station waiting. I know he comes in today. Thinking he's late and I may not get my chance to see him. I hear the click of the gate and instantly know he's here. My body reacts as it only does when he comes in the building. My skin is electrified my breathing hitches my cheeks blush and there is a tingle everywhere. Then when I think I can't take it anymore or hide from what he does to me without even seeing him I hear him say hello and I gasp. Thank god he's not talking to me he would hear it in my voice if I had to respond. I get up to walk away from the station knowing what seeing him will do to me. As I start to walk down the hall I hear him say "excuse me"... I keep walking there is no way he feels the draw that I do, no way he's talking to me. I quicken my pace to get around the corner and the end of the hall so he can't see my body betray my head. My head says he's not yours, he doesn't want you, you can't do this its wrong.. My body says I'm his without even a touch. I stop at the end of the hall bracing myself anainst the door, there was no way for him to know where I went the hall is deserted no staff no patients just me and my pounding heart. Its beating so loud its all I can hear. I lay my head against the door feel the cool of the glass on my forehead,eyes close, my hands at my side trembling... Breathe in breathe out... Slow it down, its just you here alone.. And then my body reacts my skin ignites he's close before I can turn to see my hands are taken behind my back both held by one of his... His other on my neck... He whispers to me "keep your eyes closed and don't move" my body shakes and all I can say is very quietly "OK." He thightens his grip on my wrists and says " I was talking to you and you walked away, when you answer me you will do so with respect do you understand?" No words will form, my brain can't keep up with what's happening. He pulls me back against him my back to his chest I can feel him breathing in my ear, he's waiting for me to say something... God woman find the words they are there in your head just say it is all I can think... His grip on my neck becomes tighter as he asks "did you hear me girl" with those words it all becomes clear, I whisper "yes Sir"his hand drops from my neck, taking both wrists he guides me to the right my eyes still closed I'm relying on only him. He stops us, I don't know where I am or how long we walked, he releases me and I realize my hands are tied. I think when did he do this... Oh lord how did I miss this. He says "stay there and keep your eyes closed." Doing as I'm told I hear movement it is behind me. I smell him everywhere and my stomach has butterflies. Then I feel something soft on my face covering my eyes and I am blindfolded. My sight taken now by his choice and not mine. I stand shaking lost in the sounds around me, I hear him walking soft steps around me, I hear people off in the distance. I get lost in my thoughts about how I've wanted this, how I never thought it would happen. God shut up stop thinking pay attention where is he. I can't hear him, focus, listen for his breathing. I can't hear anything and then I feel his hand on my cheek, pulling my chin up, I didn't even realize my head was bowed. I hold my breath as his thumb slide along my lip my tongue touches his thumb, he stops moving and says "no you may not" his hand leaves my face and immediately I feel the cold. I want his touch his warmth the calm he brought with a simple touch. How does he know how to get to me? As if reading my mind he says "I've been watching you, learning what I can from a distance. You think you have control, you think you can hide the way you feel but I know you." My breath is shaking when I feel him untie my hands... I don't move I dont say a word, I feel the bottom of my top move and he says "hands above your head" again no words come I put my hands above my head as I do I feel a smack on my ass, I jump, "I've told you once when I speak to you you will answer with respect one last chance" I reply softly "yes Sir" "good girl" he says. Then I feel his fingers slide up my sides as my top moves slowly up. He holds my top right below my breasts I realize I'm still not breathing. His hands move to the front of me on my stomach and lightly rub. Then he drags his fingers to my back when I feel my bra come loose. I inhale deeply. His hands come to the front of me one more time but now he takes my bra moves it and my short up and squeezes by breasts. He pinches my nipples and gives them a twist, I let out a whimper. He hasn't told me I could make a sound I need to be quiet I need to focus. When I think I have control he whispers in my ear "you like that don't you?" Then bites my ear. I can't answer I'm to surprised to say anything. He twists my nipples harder and says "answer me" barely able to breathe I say "yes sir" he has my body on fire I don't know what to do. My knees are weak my heart is racing in one sweep he has removed my top and bra I hear them hit the floor. His hands come down my sides and he tells me to turn. I do as instructed stopping facing him head down his had touches my face and he says "head up" his finger comes across my lips and i open slightly remembering what he said I stop. He tells me I did good to remember and to open I do as told and a finger slips in, automaticlly my lips close and I suck his finger. He tells me "I can't wait to feel this elsewhere" I smile and lightly clamp his fingers with my teeth. His other hand is running the edge of my scrubs... I have goose bumps waiting to feel his next move. Before I know it he's turning me around again and pulling my scrubs down. "Nice surprise, no panties.. Feet out" "yes sir" I'm standing there bared to him my body shaking I can't see his face to know what he thinks. He's not saying anything I don't know if he approves god I can't take this I need to see his face his eyes will tell me what he's thinking. I reach for the blindfold as my hand touches my face my hands are snatched up and behind my back, he's tieing them again then I'm being pushed over something... Its cold and only my chest is on it... Ah a bedside table what the hell is he gonna..... ouch that hurt my ass cheek is on fire, I jumped when contact was made, I then feel soft rubbing where it stings then the other side smack he says "that's 2 count for me when we get to 10 I will stop do you understand?" I can't answer the words won't come oh my god answer, words come out it's 2 fucking words. Smack "yes sir 3" "no darling that was for not answering you still have 2" "yes sir" "good girl" He uses his foot to push my legs apart, enough that the table is holding my weight, then right cheek smack I jump and say "3 Sir". Then the left smack "4 Sir"... By the time we get to 8 I can feel the sting everywhere, the tears are barely forming and then smack right side a tear falls and I say with a shaky voice "9 Sir" he rubs my ass and says "such a pretty pink" I can't think at this point all I feel is the burn and my arms going numb from laying on them. He continues to rub my ass and is drawing out the last, he pulls his hand away and I wait to feel it... One more just one more and I'm done... Instead of a smack I feel something cold touch me and I jump. Down my spine a cold slow trail is being drawn oh my god its cold I feel water roll to my sides ICE! oh lord its ice! Just as I realize this smack shit shit shit what do I say..... His cold hand is rubbing my ass cheek and he says "darling your suppose to say something aren't you" snapping my head back into what he expects, I say "10 Sir" I feel his fingers move to my pussy and one goes in, then another "mmm so wet you liked that didn't you?" "Yes Sir" I didn't even know that him spanking me would turn me on. There is still a cold spot on my back where its quickly turning to a puddle as my body heats and reacts to his fingers... In and out turning and twisting faster and then his thumb finds my clit... Holy crap he's good. He's going to make me cum. "Your getting so wet but you may not cum until I tell you do you understand?" "Yes Sir" I want to cum his fingers are magic but he said no think about something anything don't cum. He starts to tell me why I received 10. The words go in but don't fully register, something about walking away and not answering correctly and to never ignore him. Pay attention brain work! All I can focus on are his fingers. "Sir I can't hold back I need to cum" "no you can and you will hold back" then a smack of his hand right on my pussy. I yelp and jump as he pulls me to a standing position again. He turns me around and says kneel. I do as I'm told listening around me I hear him take his pants off.. I'm waiting back cold ass stinging on my knees and he says "open your mouth" again I do as told not knowing what I'm.going to get he puts ice in it. My lips close as it melts I swallow when its gone and he says open, I do as I'm told and this time there is soft at warm. I let my tongue touch and realize its his cock, I lean forward to to take more of him in my mouth his hands grab my hair I let my tongue go around the tip tasting him he pulls my hair making my head jerk back. He holds my head in place both hands in my hair I keep my mouth open and again he let's me taste him I can't move my head but he goes in and out slowly each time a little further in I close my lips around him covering him completely with my lips sucking as he moves. He hits the back of my throat trigging my gag reflex. He holds himself there. I try to breathe to calm the reflex and start to move my tongue around him. I hear him.moan and in that moment everything in me relaxes I feel my pussy wet with want, I feel my insides scream for him. I've stopped the reflex he moans again and I know in that moment I've made him happy. I reach up to touch him my hands still tied I reach to feel him. I let my fingers touch his cock as he pulls out a little, I find his balls and caress them he keeps moving in and out faster and faster using my hair to guide me. My hands on him my lips sucking and my tounge touching then i feel it that little twitch that tells me he's close I suck harder wanting it. He let's loose and I feel the warmth go down my throat I hear him moan such a sexy sound I want more he's not moving and his grip on my hair has lessened so I move for him. Sucking every last drop I can. He pulls back and yanks me up by my hair, he reaches down between my legs and runs his finger over my clit electricity shoots thru me. "So wet for me" he says. He then takes his fingers puts them in me and pulls out he does this a few times unable to control my moans one comes out he then takes his fingers and puts them in my mouth I suck them clean. As I let go of his fingers I feel something against my knees it has to be the bed. He tells me to turn and I do as told. Then his hands find my breasts he's against me I can feel his chest rise And fall I can feel him growing hard again im lost in him. I feel him pinch my nipples making my head drop, pinch and twist.. Then he pushes me forward I lean over the bed, my feet still on the floor he kicks them apart and his fingers enter me. In and out over and over. Bringing me to the edge again he reminds me I am not allowed to cum until he tells me. He stops and I want more, he holds my hips and I feel his cock against me, barely at the entrance of my pussy, his fingers dig into my hips and he pulls me back as he thrusts into me.. I can't catch my breath oh god yes I lift my self up on my hands, not an easy thing still tied together, I must have put my head in the right place because he has a handful of hair now as he's pounding my pussy I feel a smack on my ass. The sensations are all over the place I can't focus on anything "Sir please can I cum" again he says no.. Shit I can't focus I need to distract he keeps going and I can't keep quiet. His hand slides up my back and around to my clit rubbing it.. Oh god I can't "please Sir" my legs start to shake my breathing labored I can't take anymore and just when I think I'm done his fingers go faster "please please please Sir" he's quiet and I'm lost in thought I have to control... Then he says it "cum for me" my brain isn't sure if I heard right but my body reacts, he slaps my ass again and like that I come undone. I collapse on the bed my body shaking and trembling I feel him laying on top of me his breathing matches mine and all I can think is was this real. I say "thank you Sir" and he says are "you ready for another"....

Have you ever felt like you lost part of yourself? 

Been so confused you cant shake the heavy feeling

I try to be positive happy and see the good in all situations even when they are my own imperfections.  

To trust a person and give them all of you no secrets nothing hidden is a huge thing. It took me a long time to do this a long time to give me knowing full well I could suffer. The suffering would be mine alone.  

In doing this I learned about me I can do it I can be me and figure my way through the pain.

I can be happy and joyful to have learned a lesson in my beautiful disaster. 

Closing a chapter is always hard. Not know what unfolds in the next can be scary but you'll never know till you turn the page. 

Broken

Funny I always find an outlet here and can always Express myself pretty well but right now that one word says enough....

This Phoenix will rise again from the ashes  

Unidentified triggers.
Sometimes a person can say something or do something that sets off a panic or an anxiety we didn't realise was there.
Today that happened. I'm glad it did and I'm so thankful I was able to speak up and not stuff it down.
Open communication is key in every avenue of our life.

Physical manifestations surface from the war raging inside.
Headaches, sadness, unworthiness, uncontrollable emotions, stomach aches and overall zombie feeling.
Choose to end the war. Cause another pain, keep the war going and loose myself to the darkness.
I have no fight left not even for me, how can I be expected to fight for another.
Just as I sink a hand grabs me a friend she talks with me we figure out where I got lost
I slowly start to feel the burn again the want to be me. She encourages and helps and before I know it one has turned to 3
3 beautiful souls helping me fight my way back up.
Each bringing something different to the table but picking me up reminding me I am strong.
I don't know exactly how it happend or what dropped me but I crashed hard. It took me to that dark place and the demons tried to pull me under. These 3 wouldnt let it happen.
I've never seen people stand up and fight for another I've always done that no matter what it cost me always put others before me only to have them not acknowledge or see what I was doing. So today Mark's the end of the internal war. I have a super support system who reminds me to self care, be fierce, that I am stronger than I see and that ripping the band aid off is better than the slow hard fall.
My circle my bubble knows all and doesnt judge me for who I am but helps me grow and understand. So to my bubble thank you

How can your heart belong to someone else even when you know it's not suppose to be,
How can your mind belong to someone who has matched to you perfectly
How can your soul feel so alone when you have those around you who are suppose to lift you up?
When did life get so confusing? How can one body feel so many different emotions. The heart tied to another because of a commitment teachings and a friendship, the ache of the same heart because there is no growth there anymore.
The soul that's lost because no one can get it out of the protected shell it's in, cant find a way to keep the demons away so it has the chance to shine. It drifts all alone looking for its other half. Even when the brain thinks its found the match the soul knows and sends the gut feeling of this is wrong..
Then there is the mind connecting being challenged spinning deeper and deeper. Needing more and more greedy little bastard.
Mentally I find people I connect with each unique and somehow the same, they miss the mark somewhere else. They see my heart and choose to hurt it, they see my soul but say its to guarded.
My heart is a jig saw puzzle at this point in my life...missing some pieces as I never fully get it back. Glued back together in other spots.
My brain is growing tired of trying to be what the other person needs always wanting to be the best version of me for them then somehow I disappoint them...
My soul poor sweet soul. The demons are slowly killing it it doesnt even know joy or love anymore. It tries to escape but has become weak.
The one will not live with out the others and then I become just a shell....

I will never understand how when someone's life changes so drastically such as a break up all their social media changes. I never deleted anything I posted or said about my ex because that is my past and made me who I am today.  It doesn't mean I still love him but reminds me of the road I have traveled.  Even when I was heart broken and still in love I didnt change my past by deleting or removing pictures of him. 

I am grateful for each lesson taught to me even in my darkest moments. My words back then remind me, my pictures remind me and most of all they show me how much I've grown. 

I know I know it's hard to see which is why I dont do fb or ig often but now and then its nice to see where my life has changed even here my old blogs i wont ever take them down.