16 years is a long time... mistakes anger hurt pain joy love warmth family. This no way is related to anyone here but just wanted to share a different side.
The last 4 years of my marriage were definitely not story book. I wont go into details about the circumstances because i dont want or need pity. I am just putting this out there.
So I found out he had another this broke me shattered me. I begged him to stay. I had no job had been a stay at home mom for about 3 years. Anyway he said ok. So something in me told me I had to do better. I made sure dinners were done the house was clean kids were calm and I enrolled in school because f*ck if I was gonna be without a education if he did this again. Anyway flash forward I finished nursing school graduated with honors, went and got my assciates in medical something or other (yep I use that a lot) again graduated with honors. He missed this graduation. Anyway I started to work as a nurse and within 3 months of being hired I found out he was at it again with the same person. I sat down with him as a secure person and asked him what he wanted. He said out I said theres the door his face dropped.there was no begging no tears no anger. On my step daughters 17th birthday he went to work kept sending me messages of how he was confused wanted me and on and on.. I told him I refused to he the other woman. He never came back and never slept in my bed again, and left it to me to explain to my babies where he was. I shut the door and refused to ever open it. He disappeared on 3 little humans, that makes him a POS in my eyes.
Anyway there is a lot more to this that I wont write but now onto why I titled it what I did. I blamed her. She didnt know things though.. yes 3 years later she did but she still only had his lies. She wasnt the other woman I was!!! She may have started out as that but I became that. He fell in love with her but was obligated to me I became the place he had to go she became the place he loved to be.
So though it's hard to say I was the other woman. I kept him from his happiness only by a vow made in church. I distracted him from his joy.
I realized that I wont ever be the other woman. I wont dabble in poly because I cant handle the idea of being a distraction for someone else's happiness. I wont sit at home longing for his attention wanting him to love me the way he does her. I wont let myself feel hurt pain or sadness because my persons heart belongs to another. No matter what I do I wont ever be the other woman again.
The feelings of unworthiness mistrust and hurt are to overwhelming. I have been the other woman more than once and on both sides. I was the other woman in a mental relationship and I realized its just the same as what the physical did to me. I am possibly hurting and making someone else feel like the other woman.
Guys if your heart and mind dont belong to the same person you can devastate not just yourself but 2 other people. I dont judge anyone in open relationships or poly I just know deep down I could never to that. I dont share well...
