Under The Whip

It's like wrestling an alligator and then blaming the alligator when you get bit. They knew it was an alligator; it told you it was an alligator.

I am truly upset and disgusted by that quote. It is beyond me how anyone could express such harmful views, and it is disheartening to know that these kinds of thoughts exist. The words are not only hurtful, but they also reflect a deep lack of empathy and understanding. It is hard to believe that anyone would think this way, and it leaves me feeling both frustrated and disgusted. They know who they are, and they ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Consent is Non Negotiable!!!

In recent times, I've seen a troubling trend within the BDSM and kink community: the dismissal of individuals who speak out about violations of their consent or personal boundaries. This goes beyond mere disagreement. It is a toxic mindset that essentially shames those who have bravely shared their experiences of discomfort or abuse. The very notion that someone should be labeled as a “complainer” or blamed for their own victimization because they chose to participate in what some define as “risky play” is not only disgusting, it is a fundamental misunderstanding of the principles on which BDSM and kink stand.

As someone deeply engaged in this community, I’ve experienced the rich benefits that consensual practices can offer. In BDSM consent is not just an afterthought; it is the bedrock principle that ensures the safety and enjoyment of all parties involved. When someone decides to engage in kink, it is essential that the lines of consent are clear, explicit, and respected. Any failure in this regard taints the integrity of the entire practice.

The fallacy that anyone expressing discomfort or violation in their experiences should have “known better” is incredibly damaging. It implies that there is a hierarchy within consent, and that some individuals’ boundaries are less valid than others. The truth is, every participant has the right to establish their own limits, and those limits must be respected. I have witnessed firsthand how those who speak out about any transgression are often met with derision rather than support. This behavior creates an insidious environment where potential victims may feel discouraged from speaking out for fear of being ostracized or minimized.

In a healthy BDSM and kink culture, there should be no tolerance for individuals who vilify others for asserting their boundaries. Dismissing someone’s concerns as “complaining” is a dangerous signal to the wider community: that speaking up about personal violation or boundary crossing is an act of weakness, not strength. In our pursuit of pleasure within kink, we must never forget that peace of mind and emotional safety are paramount.

This community thrives on the principles of respect and trust, and we should hold one another accountable for maintaining these values. Anyone who claims to be part of the BDSM community but undermines the fundamental principle of consent should not be welcomed with open arms. We must take a unified stand against this behavior, as it is crucial to creating an environment where everyone feels safe to explore their boundaries without fear of judgment or retribution.

It is vital to remember that consent can be complex and nuanced. Each person’s experience is valid, and none can be invalidated because others might perceive them as “risky.” Every voice should be heard with empathy, and every cry for help should be met with compassion.

Those who dismiss the importance of consent and dismiss individuals who speak out about their experiences to mere “complainers” are acting contrary to everything our community stands for. The strength of BDSM and kink lies in our commitment to consent and mutual respect. As members of this space, it is our responsibility to uplift one another and ensure that every individual is free to express themselves, safely and without fear. Only then can we truly thrive as a community dedicated to pleasure and authenticity.

Is there a decision you've made that you wish you could undo? Why?

Disclaimer: I want to acknowledge that I’ve only lightly touched on this topic, as it was an incredibly difficult period in my life. Going into further detail would have been too overwhelming for me, and I recognize that doing so might also trigger painful emotions for others.

TLDR: I will never again allow someone I barely know to take control of me or violate my boundaries and consent, under any circumstances.

In 2020, my Master Damon recognized that there were some personal skills he wanted to develop as a Dominant. He believed that working with a mentor would be beneficial for his own growth, and in his wisdom, he decided to seek one out. The idea of a mentor was not unfamiliar to me. Many Dominants work with mentors to continue refining their craft. As someone who also mentors others, I understand the value in learning from someone experienced, especially when it comes to navigating complex power dynamics.

However, when Damon’s mentor suggested that I allow him to take control of me during this time, I had to take a step back and consider it. The mentor explained that, for the duration of his program, he was not permitted to have ownership over a slave. Which meant I would temporarily be placed under his care. It was a request that didn’t seem entirely out of the ordinary. After all, mentors often step in and take charge in these situations, especially when it is easier to teach someone without the added responsibility of maintaining an active dynamic with a partner.

At first I agreed to the arrangement. I trusted Damon, and I understood that this was a temporary situation for his growth. For a while, it wasn’t all that difficult. The mentor’s authority didn’t feel overwhelming, and I was able to follow his guidance without too much emotional strain. However, as the months went on, things began to change in ways I never expected.

The mentor, over time became increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive. It was subtle at first. Something I could brush off or justify. As the year passed, it became harder to ignore. I found myself questioning my own reality. Unsure of what was truly happening. He would tell Damon one thing, and me something entirely different, keeping us at odds, trying to destroy our relationship. He violated my consent multiple times. And for reasons I still don’t fully understand, I allowed it to happen. In hindsight I acknowledge that I didn’t recognize the abuse for what it was in those moments. But I also accept full accountability for allowing it to continue for as long as I did. That was my responsibility, and I own that every single day

.

A year into this toxic situation, I reached my breaking point. I realized that I could no longer tolerate the mistreatment. I decided it was time to take control of my own life again. I told the mentor that I was done. I also told Damon that we needed to either end this mentorship and refocus on our relationship or that I would walk away and he could find someone else when he was done. I wasn’t going to let this continue any longer.

The trauma from that year still affects me. It is something I carry with me, and it has become a part of my healing journey. I didn’t expect to face this type of pain, but I also understand that healing takes time. Every day I work on moving forward, reclaiming my strength, and processing the emotional scars that remain. I don’t blame myself for the choices I made during that time, but I do hold myself accountable for not recognizing the signs sooner. Growth often comes through hardship, and this experience, though painful, is part of my growth as a person, a submissive, and a member of this community.

As I heal I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and more mindful of my boundaries. I’ve learned to trust my instincts and speak up when something doesn’t feel right. I continue to work through the emotional residue of that experience. Slowly rebuilding the trust I once had, and embracing the lessons that came with it. While I may never forget the impact of that year, I believe that I am stronger for having gone through it.

I share this not for sympathy, but as a reminder that healing is a process. We all go through tough times, and while those times may leave scars, they do not define us. I am still on this journey, and I will keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Note: I am not angry with Damon over this situation. The moment I explained what was happening, he ended everything with this mentor. I trust Damon with my life, and we both thought we could trust this person. My anger is directed at the situation and the deception we endured. This person had an agenda to manipulate and steal me away, and that is something I will not tolerate.

I will not accept any harassment directed towards Damon for what happened. Anyone in my circle who engages in this behavior will be blocked from both my account and his.

What do you think happens after we die?

I often find myself pondering what truly happens after we leave this world. I wish with all my heart that there was a paradise, like the ones we dream about. A place where all our dreams come true, where there's no sadness, hate, or deceit. A world where everything is as perfect as we wish it could be. However, I don’t believe such a place exists, even if stories of Valhalla and Folkvangr paint beautiful pictures of an afterlife.

What I do believe is reincarnation. I believe that our souls are reborn into new lives. Continuing their journey growing and evolving with each passing lifetime. And maybe, we don’t always come back as humans. The universe is vast, and I think our souls can take on many forms. Perhaps as a different gender, a different species, or even something we can’t fully comprehend.

I also believe in soulmates. Not in the traditional sense, but in a way that transcends time and form. Maybe in one life, your soulmate is your romantic partner. In another, they could be your closest friend, or even a beloved pet who teaches you unconditional love in a way only they can. Our souls are fluid, constantly changing, learning, and connecting in ways that are beyond our understanding.

In this life I was born a female. In my next, I may return as a male or perhaps as a different being altogether. And in every life I believe the people who are meant to be with me, whether as a partner, friend, or even a creature by my side, will find me again. In whatever form I may take. The connections we share are not bound by time or shape. They are bound by love and the lessons we share along the way.

Though we may never truly know what comes after we die. I find peace in the idea that we continue, in one form or another. Always evolving, always learning, and always finding those who are meant to walk beside us.

Disclaimer: This is my personal interpretation of the quotes below, along with my own reflections on the Gorean lifestyle. Please note that my perspective is shaped by my experiences, and I understand that others may have different views.

As a member of the Gorean lifestyle community, I’ve often found myself frustrated by the rigid interpretations that dominate conversations around gender roles within our culture. There seems to be a prevailing notion that Gor is exclusively about traditional gender roles, but this perspective overlooks a significant part of Gorean lore that embraces diversity. It is disheartening to witness so many individuals dismissing the rich diversity of relationships present in the source material, especially when it comes to homosexuality.

Take, for example, the Waniyanpi. These characters are more than just a footnote in Gor’s extensive narrative. They represent a culture where same-sex relationships exist, highlighting that love can transcend gender boundaries. The Waniyanpi, while less frequently discussed, are a cornerstone of the Gorean universe that exemplifies the complexities of desire and loyalty irrespective of societal norms. Their existence challenges the oversimplified, binary thinking that is so prevalent in discussions about gender roles in Gor.

We cannot ignore the subtle yet profound relationship between Appanius and Milo in the City of Ar. While some choose to interpret their bond strictly within the confines of Master and slave dynamics, evidence points to a deeper connection. One that hints at romantic feelings beyond mere ownership. This relationship is a testament to the fact that the Gorean narrative does not exclusively support a single mode of interaction. Just because these relationships are implied rather than explicitly stated does not grant us the liberty to erase them from our understanding of what it means to be Gorean.

The danger lies in holding onto a version of Gor that sounds remarkably like a rigid doctrine, a "bible" of sorts that dictates behavior in a way that is far too simplistic. Literature is meant to be interpreted, explored, and discussed. Reducing the characters and their relationships to stereotypes undermines the very essence of storytelling. To assert that the majority of the novels automatically create strict gender roles negates the rich diversity of experiences, challenges, and relationships found throughout the narrative.

One of the most compelling aspects of the Gorean lifestyle is its inherent capacity for varied interpretations. An individual’s journey into Gorean philosophy should be fueled by personal exploration of the texts rather than a blind adherence to traditional norms. Instead of feeling confined to a singular narrative, we should celebrate the multiplicity of relationships that shape our community.

It is high time we encourage open discussions about the existence of homosexual relationships in Gor, acknowledging their significance and allowing them to coexist alongside traditional dynamics. Our goal should not be the endorsement of any singular way of living but rather the inclusion of all interpretations that enrich our understanding of what it means to be Gorean.

Let us push beyond the confines of traditional gender roles and recognize the beautiful complexity of relationships depicted in the Gorean world. We owe it to ourselves, and to the myriad experiences of those who embrace this lifestyle, to expand our conversations and welcome every facet of love that exists within those pages. Only then can we truly embody the spirit of Gor in its entirety.

Book Quotes and References

It is not clear, historically, whether the values of slaves were imposed on the Waniyanpi by their masters, or whether the Waniyanpi invented their ethos to dignify and ennoble their own weakness. It may be mentioned that, interestingly, since the Waniyanpi repudiate nature, and natural relationships, that there is, in the compounds, an unusual incidence of homosexuality, both of the male and female varieties. This is perhaps a natural enough development considering the conditioned obstacles placed in the way of more usual relationships. It also fits in better with the values of Sameness.
Bood Brothers of Gor – Page 155

“Appanius and Milo must be on intimate terms,” I said.
“Yes,” she said. “The master treats him almost as though he might be a free man. They discuss matters of business and the theater. Even in the great hall, at the common suppers, he has Milo above the salt and at his right hand.”
Magicians of Gor Book 25 – Page 310

“At any rate,” I said, “it seems they have been seeing one another.”
“It cannot be!” he said.
“Your slave, it seems, has been carrying on a shameless affair with her.”
“That cannot be,” he said.
“I have seen him,” I said. “He is a big, handsome fellow. Why could it not be?”
“He would not betray me!” he said. Magicians of Gor Book 25 Page 418

“My Milo, my Milo!” wept Appanius, looking down at the much-beaten slave. “The most beautiful slave in Ar! My beloved slave!
“My beloved Milo!”
“He has betrayed you,” said one of the retainers.
“How could you do it?” asked Appanius. “Have I not been good to you? Have I not been kind? Have you wanted for anything?
“Have I not given you everything!” Magicians of Gor Book 25 Page 426

“So, Milo,” said Appanius, “you would make of me a laughing stock?”
“No, Master,” said the slave.
“One can well imagine him laughing about how he betrayed you with a woman,” said one of the retainers. Magicians of Gor Book 25 Page 427

Do you think people are born good, or do they learn to be good?

* TLDR: I do not believe people are good or evil.

When it comes to the concept of good and evil, many find themselves deep in a philosophical debate that questions the nature of morality. Are people born inherently good, or do they learn to be good? While this question has sparked countless discussions across different communities, including the BDSM community, it might be more productive to view morality as a spectrum. In truth, the classification of individuals as simply "good" or "evil" is overly simplistic and fails to capture the complexity of human experiences.

In the BDSM lifestyle, personal ethics and morality take center stage. Each individual has their own core values and code of ethics that shape their preferences and boundaries. What may appear to be a morally gray area to one person can be a fulfilling and acceptable practice for another. This is a core principle of BDSM: consent. Within this community, the emphasis on consensual practices underscores the belief that personal autonomy and mutual respect create a safe space for exploration.

Many people involved in BDSM view their journey as an exploration of self identity rather than a moral judgment. For individuals who choose to partake in BDSM. It can be a means of self discovery, empowerment, and healing. This journey is deeply personal, as each participant navigates their own psyche to uncover desires and boundaries. Within this context, the concept of good versus evil is almost irrelevant. What matters is that each person engages in practices that align with their comfort levels and consensual agreements.

This nuanced perspective invites a broader discussion about understanding differences in moral frameworks. In a world where everyone has varied experiences that shape their views on ethics, it is essential to recognize that each person's perception of right and wrong may differ significantly from one another. Instead of labeling others based on our own moral compass, embracing diversity and fostering open dialogue allow the BDSM community to thrive in a healthy and inclusive manner.

One of the beautiful aspects of the BDSM community is its embrace of non conformity. Members often find solace among fellow individuals who share the view that seeking pleasure and understanding oneself does not require adherence to traditional moral standards. It is a realm where people can challenge societal norms and embrace their true selves, enhancing their emotional and psychological well being.

As we traverse the complexities of morality, it becomes clear that uniformity isn't essential for harmony. Whether someone finds joy in BDSM expression, as long as it is consensual and respectful, their journey is valid. The more we acknowledge these individual differences, the more we contribute to a compassionate community that celebrates freedom of choice, authenticity, and adventure.

When discussing the nature of good and evil, particularly in the BDSM community, it is vital to prioritize individual experiences and philosophies. Instead of seeking a singular truth about morality. We can appreciate the wide variety of paths people take to understand themselves and their desires. Ultimately, it is this diversity that enriches our community and fosters deeper, more meaningful connections among its members.

If you could know the absolute truth to one question. What question would you ask?

TLDR: I know my heritage is Norse, Irish, and French. I can trace my lineage back to the late 1400s. After that all documentation are either lost, or in other languages.

If only I could ask just one question and be told the full, uncensored truth to it. It would be this: Where do I really come from? Not where I come from geographically, or by blood ties, but further, more personal. I want to know about where I come from with regards to my family. My ancestors. Their histories, their triumphs, their failures. I would like to know the lives they lived the legacies they left behind and how they altered the world they inhabited. To me, discovering my heritage would be more than a curiosity.

It would be a key to comprehending myself on a much deeper level. There is something about being severed from your heritage that can render the present disjointed. It is like attempting to solve a puzzle with no picture on the box to guide you through. Without the knowledge of where you're from, you may feel that you don't even have a clue of where you are going or why you are even going there. Having this ability to discover the histories of where others came from in advance makes me feel like it could fill in some of those gaps.

Like discovering a sense of belonging that I've always sensed just beyond my grasp. I consider my ancestors and wonder what they did with their lives. Were they warriors or poets? Rebels or farmers? Did they leave something grand behind? Or did they live quiet lives of kindness and honor, leaving their mark on the world in subtle ways? I can only marvel at the victories and disappointments they experienced. The things they learned, and the knowledge they imparted down through the centuries.

There is power in knowing that your heritage is made up of real people who fought and made their mark. Knowing these things would be like finding a missing part of me. Perhaps it could assist me in overcoming the feelings of inadequacy that sometimes engulf me. The quiet whisper of doubt that tells me I'm not enough. There is power to be found in knowing you are a part of something greater than yourself. That the same blood that runs through my veins ran through the veins of those who weathered storms, struggled and made it out on the other side.

I can not help but think that learning about my heritage would also help me with my struggle with confidence. When I look back on my heritage I wonder if it can give me the courage to keep my head held high. To be more bold. To stop running behind walls of shyness and fear. Step out into the unknown especially if it is towards exploring life's novelties. It takes a fragility that has to do with trust, receptiveness, and faith. It is something I have been drawn to, but my own fears hold me back from really going after it. Especially with aspects of the BDSM lifestyle.

If I could tap into the strength and the toughness of those who came before me. I would no longer lack confidence. I could stand in my own power, with a deep sense of knowing that I am not alone. That I carry the histories of generations within me, each one imparting me with a piece of wisdom and strength. It could be that the self assurance I seek is not something I must build from scratch but something that can be reawakened. In the sense of recognizing that I have always been a part of something so much greater than myself. So many times, what we're actually searching for is realizing where we came from.

I believe that by uncovering my ancestors' stories. I would be able to repair pieces of myself that exist in fragments. I no longer would have to go out and seek validation from the world and instead find it within the unbroken lineage of my heritage. To know where I truly belong could be the key that unlocks a part of me that is bold, self assured, and free. I will keep seeking, whether in family records, in books on history, or even during the calm moments when I reflect on the things we don't know. Perhaps in seeking, I will be able to gain the courage to embrace not just the questions, but the answers as well. Perhaps it is time to learn from those stories what they have to teach.

So tell me, what is it you would want to know?

What moment in your life do you think shaped you the most in BDSM?

When I first became involved in the lifestyle, I was introduced to the world of Gor. By chance, I stumbled upon a Gorean chat room that was labeled as an "Auction House." To this day, I’m not entirely sure why I entered, but that moment set the course for my journey. It eventually led me to Mitch, the second Gorean Master I served. I spent eight years on and off with him and his House. Through a combination of dedicated study of the novels, rigorous training, and striving to always be pleasing, I earned the title of First Girl among a chain of eight women. An achievement that required immense effort and commitment. At the time, Mitch and I were in a long distance relationship, but in every sense, I was fully his, serving as a Kajira.

That was, until he asked me to marry him.

At that point in my life, I had no desire to marry again. Having been married once before, albeit for reasons other than romance, left me feeling utterly trapped and suffocated. But that’s a story for another time. After much discussion, Mitch and I agreed to end our dynamic. He asked me to remain as the First Girl of the House until I could train one of the others to take my place. During this period, he introduced us to Cnea, a new girl he had met through a video game, who became Girl Number Nine. Mitch and Cnea then began to form a real life Master/slave dynamic. However, Cnea refused to adhere to the established protocols or the chain of command within the House. When this was brought to Mitch’s attention, he decided she didn't need to follow the same rules the other Kajirae were bound by.

And just like that, the other girls and I decided to leave him.

I felt utterly lost after that. I had no idea what to do or where to go. At my core, I’ve always been a Kajira, but that experience left a bitter taste when it came to Gor. It was then that I decided to explore other avenues. I began researching BDSM and other dynamics, which eventually led me to Sir Seven. We began talking, and he offered to mentor me. The mentorship was long and demanding, but I remained committed. Despite Sir Seven often expressing his doubts. Saying he didn’t think I would complete the mentorship or truly embrace submission, believing my personality and mindset were far too Dominant. Here I am today: a full TPE, Gorean Leathergirl. I take great pride in this identity and in continuing my journey, even as a Kajira with a Dominant personality.

Through Sir Seven's unwavering dedication to my training and guidance, he set me on a truly transformative path. I learned about my rights to consent, boundaries, safewords, and so much more. Because of him, I began to approach this world with greater seriousness, and I started to grow, not only as a person within this lifestyle but, more importantly, as a slave. He helped me rediscover my love for teaching, and once I had completed my mentorship, I eagerly absorbed every bit of knowledge I could find. I eventually began mentoring other submissive women. Some in traditional TPE M/s dynamics and others as Gorean Kajirae. It is incredible to me how Sir Seven reignited that passion within me. At one point in my life, I had been a teacher but left to pursue a different career in the vanilla world. Now, education is my life. I mentor, I teach, I write, and I do my best to educate others in this beautiful world of BDSM. All because one person recognized something in me and pointed me toward a new path.

I will forever love and cherish him as one of the most significant people to have ever entered my life.

Sir Seven eventually found a slave of his own, and as a result, he stepped back from everyone. He and his partner established their homestead, went off the grid, and as far as I know, they are living their best life. I miss him, but because of the invaluable teachings he imparted, I was able to find my own path and dynamic. That is how I met Damon, my Gorean Leatherman. I have been with Damon happily for the past nine years. We’ve grown tremendously together, and he has accepted every part of me. He never faltered when I set boundaries or insisted on safewords. He understood my needs, and when he realized there were some he couldn’t fulfill, he supported the idea of expanding our dynamic and helped me find Calvin. Now, I belong to two amazing Gorean Leathermen, and I live a full TPE Gorean Leather lifestyle. I have never been happier than I am serving both of them. They encourage me to teach, to mentor, to write. They want me to have a voice, and when the outside world’s whispers grow too loud, they shield and protect me, constantly reminding me that, in all my beautiful imperfections, I am their chosen slave.

My life may not be understood by others, and we may never be fully accepted in the Gorean lifestyle or any other community. But that will never matter to me. I love them. I chose them, and they chose me. I am happy, and I will never sacrifice that peace for anyone in this world.

That’s how my journey shifted. One pivotal moment that changed everything. What’s your moment?

This will be a collection of thirty days, dedicated to reflecting on the things I deeply appreciate and feel gratitude for in my Masters. Each day, I will note three specific actions or qualities they’ve shown that I’m thankful for. This practice is meant to help me stay grounded, cultivate a heart of gratitude, and shift my focus toward the positive, allowing me to see their goodness more clearly instead of dwelling on the negatives.

Also, they have NO idea I have done this.

Day 1:
Calvin Koch:

Getting on webcam to calm me down.
Explaining things to me I dont understand
Getting all of his stuff done promptly when I asked so we can spend time together.

Damon Koch:

Bringing me home chimichangas
Taking my mother to the store
Getting a book for us to work on our dynamics more.

Day 2:

Calvin Koch:

Helped a stranger today.
Came rushing out from his nap thinking I was in danger.
Checked on me in the middle of the night when I had a nightmare.

Damon Koch:

Drove without complaining even though it was stressful, bumper to bumper.
Ordered me extra happy meals just so I can get more presents for my collection.
Was happy giving me some privacy with my Master Calvin. Even though he did not have to.

Day 3:
Calvin Koch:

Helped me with legal work.
Listened to me without judgment today about how my feelings changed on a legal topic.
Surprises me with information he has been gathering to assist both of my parents in their situations.

Damon Koch:

Did the adulting thing with the car
Listened to me when I was upset without getting defensive.
Reminded me about class on Zoom

Day 4:
Calvin Koch:

Helping my mother out of the car.
Cleaning the litterbox without asking
Constantly asking me if what we just did I considered quality time.

Damon Koch:
Did a great job on his tests at work
Is doing better on his carb count
Took care of me during bed time

Day 5:
Calvin Koch:

Took my mother to the store
Made dinner for everyone even though it wasnt his job.
Calls his mother to make sure she is okay.

Damon Koch:

Took personal time to decompress. I love it when he advocates for his mental health.
Helped me locate something via a phone call.
Offered to pick me up take out since Pork is for dinner and I dont like pork.

Day 6:
Calvin Koch:

Got me an ice pack without my asking for it.
Did not ask me what I wanted for breakfast. ARFID issues. If you know. You know.
Helped Damon box chicken even though he was in a lot of pain

Damon Koch:
Renewed his work license by passing mandated tests.
Helped Calvin with dinner.
Got me something different to eat so I didnt have to eat burgers.

Day 7:
Calvin Koch:

Helped keep the doors closed at the MAsT Meeting.
Was helpful keeping the table cleaned up for the waitress
Participated in all the conversations at the meeting. So proud of him.

Damon Koch:

Ordered my foods without really asking me what I wanted. Appreciated it.
Participated at the MAsT meeting. So proud of him as well.
Took care of my migraine swiftly. I would have gone to the ER but he rescued me.
BOTH: Really stepped up in the Dominant headspace tonight and it allowed my anxiety to calm down so I am grateful immensely for this.

Day 8:
Calvin Koch:

Appreciate him assisting in the community of new comers instead of just being super exclusive.
Found out that our car has a recall and got us that information.
Took care of hard chores even though he was exhausted and running on fumes

Damon Koch:

So happy that he reached out to the Dominants at the MAsT meeting on our behalf.
Created the most beautiful art piece of an elf. I love it when he draws
Was able to admit where he has done wrong to me about something in our relationship for the last nine years. I am grateful for him doing this.

Day 9:
Calvin Koch:

Got soaked in the rain so my mother and I would not need to.
Protected me when we almost got into a car accident.
Was always present throughout the day.

Damon Koch:

Picked up my nephew even if he didnt want to but it was pouring rain so I appreciate him doing so.
Did not panic while he was driving a stressful time today.
Ran to get the car in the rain so my mom and I didnt have to get soaked. He brought the car to us at the store instead. So kind.

Day 10:
Calvin Koch:

Did the laundry while Damon and I were out shopping.
Helped me get some information on a topic in kink.
Did his best to make spaghetti sauce that I would enjoy. So sweet.

Damon Koch:

Did really good about getting his shift maintained at work
Talked my mom into trying something new which I appreciated so much.
Made sure he relaxed after our busy day so he could decompress.

Day 11:
Calvin Koch:

Started working on the Handbook.
Spent some great bonding time with Damon for a good nearly two hours while they had their cigars.
Communicated and cleared up some misunderstandings without being defensive.

Damon Koch:

Got up on the treadmill and is sticking to it.
Made sure to stay clear of me so I do not get sick.
Went out of his way to get my mom something to eat.

Day12:
Calvin Koch:

Made my mom waffles even though she was too stubborn to ask for them.
Was supportive of me going to the store without him. Which is huge.
Did the head caress thing I really love without me having to beg for it.

Damon Koch:

Painted my toes for me even though he was still feeling really sick.
Did a great job on promoting the novel he is writing. So proud of him.
Is actively taking time to accomplish a goal.

Day 13:
Calvin Koch:

Just held me without complaint when I was super emotional about my friend possibly being cancer free.
Put me to bed when I fell asleep on the couch
Was very kind and polite to the waiter, even though the level of service was not up to our standards.

Damon Koch:

Let me try to do something and did not get upset with me when I could not complete the task.
Paid the bill for a friend of ours when we went out to dinner and didnt even have to be asked or anything. So kind.
Picked out a dress for me. How amazing I felt wearing it.

Day 14:
Calvin Koch:

heard me in pain in the middle of the night and got me my Mr. Pickles to snuggle to make me feel better.
Comes out to check on me to make sure there is not an issue.
Always sits with me in the steam even though he hates it.

Damon Koch:

Made a better omelet than IHOP.
Did some research to protect me.
Show great concern about my feelings in regards to our dynamic.

Day 15:
Calvin Koch:

Took care of me in the shower when I was dying my hair becuase I have limited range of motion with my arm.
Never gets upset when asked to do something.
Took a really adorable picture of himself with the kitties. So amazing.

Damon Koch:

Sat through a very difficult situation but remained a very mature adult about it.
Came into a voice chat and met someone I was friends with who does not have the same beliefs as us. Yet he had good character and integrity and did not judge this person. Instead it was a very pleasant conversation. Bridging the gap!
Went out of his way to get my mother lunch from a restaurant even though he wasnt feeling well.

Day 16:
Calvin Koch:

Took a cute picture of Damon and I.
Helped to get the paystubs
Got all dressed up. He looked so dapper and delicious.

Damon Koch:

Kept me calm at the doctors.
Took me to play Pokemon Go since I was sad
Sticking to his diet. So proud of him

Day 17:
Calvin Koch:

Did really cute things in regards to loving himself.
Played with the rope which makes me feel so free
Took care of the DMV for his Real ID to travel.

Damon Koch:

Made the most awesome of Business Cards
Makes me laugh so much. I appreciate that
Did the adulting thing with the DMV

Day 18:
Calvin Koch:

Handled the toilet issue without being asked.
Did not stress me out, but handled things without my even knowing.
Goes out of his way to make sure I am smiling.

Damon Koch:

Handled important stuff with the new slave.
Does cute little silly dances for me. Like the Ice Ice Baby.
Works so damn hard at work. I am so proud of him.

Day 19:
Calvin Koch:

Working hard on the Koch Handbook.
Called around to get information for me for Damon's birthday.
Helped my mother pick out Damon's Birthday present.

Damon Koch:

Got a ton of followers on TikTok promoting his upcoming novel.
Proud of him for getting on the new team at work
I love how he drives so safelty.

Day 20:
Calvin Koch:

Instantly came in the house to make sure my mom was safe.
Fixed the toilet like a boss.
Is always so kind and generous. Something I really admire and love about him.

Damon Koch:

Talked to me calmly about our relationship issues from the past.
Admitted that he was not Emotionally Intelligent enough when we first got together.
Did not cut me off while I was talking during Dom talk.

Day 21:
Calvin Koch:

Is a hard worker and never complains.
always count on him to be honest and loyal in your relationship.
He is invested in creating a loving, supportive environment for our House.

Damon Koch:

Saved a Bunny from our Dog. (Poor Bunny)
Did some house chores while Calvin and I were sleeping.
Did some great focus today on his hobbies.

Day 22:
Calvin Koch:

Sees the relationship as a partnership and works together with us to overcome challenges.
Shows kindness and empathy to everyone.
I love that he takes care of the animals so much since I havent been able to easily].

Damon Koch:

Always willing to try new things and explore life’s adventures with me.
Even though he doesn't like it. He always gives us the time and space we need.
Has always been a great father figure to our daughter.

Day 23:
Calvin Koch:

Takes the time to listen to our thoughts and feelings.
Always treats us with respect, valuing our opinions, feelings, and needs.
Always pulls me back with just three little words, "I Got You!"

Damon Koch:

Always does small acts of kindness that brighten your day, whether it is making your favorite meal or leaving sweet notes.
He is always there for us during both the good and tough times.
Chases away all of my spooky monsters.

Day 24:
Calvin Koch:

Is always helpful and I appreciate his willingness to be that way.
Is adorable when he sleeps.
I love how he says the cats arent his, but the moment he gets near the cats he scoops up the one that loves him the most and snuggles him

Damon Koch:

Doesn't care about watching cartoons with me. Which I love because he is so silly.
Proud of him for not getting onto Amazon to shop since I ordered his bday present and asked him NOT to get on that website until Tuesday. He Agreed. Thank you, my Master
Goes out of his way to make sure I eat something.

Day 25:
Calvin Koch:

The guidance he gave me today. Even if it was for Pokemon Go.
The little messages I get in songs, little videos, notes, etc. That he sends to remind me that he loves me so much.
His calmness keeps me grounded.

Damon Koch:

His Perseverance is so alluring to me
Shows me in ways that I cannot even realize. When I never think I matter, seeing that he has done research without my knowledge reminds me that he cares.
His resilience to push through when he is emotionally exhausted. Gives me hope that I can do things as a blind disabled person if I just push through. He is my inspiration.

Day 26:
Calvin Koch:

I am grateful that he is such a family man.
I absolutely love and appreciate his genuine laugh
His desire to learn is inspiring to me.

Damon Koch:

Even though his genre of books is not my favorite. I still love and appreciate him rushing home to tell me all about them.
Love that he is finding creative ways to expand his vocabulary and reading comprehension.
Grateful that he is man enough to show his emotions and he came to me to lean on for support with his stress.

Day 27:
Calvin Koch:

I appreciate that he has no issue about getting my feminine products.
So appreciative that he attempted to make me a smoothie for the first time.
His love for Damon makes my heart skip a beat.

Damon Koch:

I appreciate that he holds himself and others accountable, and more so that he does it in the moment.
I appreciate him doing his best to grow as a human. I may not see him always doing the things but I recognize and see his growth.
I appreciate his fun loving spirit, and the fact he enjoys being silly and making me laugh randomly.

Day 28:
Calvin Koch:

How amazing he is at video games. Even the ones he has never played before, he can get into it and he just owns the game like it is his bitch.
His logical way of thinking.
His self control as he knows what he is capable of.

Damon Koch:

How amazing he is at art. The fact he can look at something and draw it right then and there and it comes out a million times better.
How protective he is of people.
I love and appreciate the way he lights up when I am in lit]tle space.

Day 29:
Calvin Koch:

Doesnt flip out when I go quiet and I just exist.
I love how protective he is.
Peacefully talked to me about how they were healing.

Damon Koch:

Thinks he is adorable for not being the Cockatoo, when he is. Inside joke
I love the way he feeds the kitties. Its so sweet and endearing.
His support of me Emotionally.

Day 30:
Calvin Koch:

The fact we share the same values.
My Mr Fix It.
His vast knowledge of strange facts that no one cares about, but makes me love him.

Damon Koch:

I love that we have been able to grow together in our relationship. That Damon still is growing and evolving into an even greater person then he was the day before.
He has always just accepted me for who I am, no matter my flaws.
The way he guides as a Master. He is so intelligent and patient. When I look back nine years ago from where we started to where we are today. All I can say is seeing how he has grown as a man, as my partner, and as my Master. I am just so proud of him, and where has has lead me over these years. It has been a journey, up and down but we are dedicated to each other and I am so grateful he has never given up on me, himself, or us.

Over the past month, as I’ve taken the time each day to reflect on the things I appreciate about my Masters, I’ve experienced a profound shift in my perspective. This practice has allowed me to see them not just as my Masters, but as beautiful, complex people, each with their own unique qualities that deserve recognition and gratitude. In the past, I have often found myself focused on the things I find challenging, the moments of tension, or the imperfections I perceive. But through this exercise, I have come to realize just how much goodness there is within them, and how much I have been blind to it because of my tendency to focus on the negative.

It hss been humbling to truly acknowledge the depth of their kindness, wisdom, and care. I see more clearly now that they are not just the authority figures I often view them as, but individuals who are worthy of my respect, love, and admiration. I am still growing, and this process has shown me where I need to work on shifting my mindset and developing a more compassionate and positive outlook, not only toward them but also toward myself.

I love my Masters with every part of who I am. My heart, my body, my mind, and my soul. I may not always express this love as fully as I should, but I am deeply grateful for the chance to recognize and reflect on their goodness. I never want to take them for granted or let the small things overshadow the immense value they bring into my life. I’m truly happy to see them in a more positive light and to grow alongside them, always striving to be better and to appreciate them more fully.

The dynamics of a Master/slave relationship, like any deeply consensual and intentional dynamic, require careful balance and mutual understanding. While these relationships are built on a foundation of power exchange, one of the key challenges, often overlooked, is the fine line between control and granting the individual autonomy that each partner, whether they hold the title of Master or slave, deserves.

I want to explore what it means to navigate this balance, and why it is such an essential component of a healthy and sustainable M/s dynamic. At least from my own perspective.

The Complex Nature of Control

The very word "control" can be misleading, often carrying a negative connotation of oppression or Domination. However, in a consensual M/s dynamic, control isn’t about authoritarian rule. Rather, it is about the responsibility one partner takes in guiding and shaping the other’s actions, choices, and behavior. It is a nuanced form of leadership that, when done ethically, can lead to growth, trust, and an even deeper bond between the Master and the slave.

Control in an M/s relationship is not the same as manipulation or forcing someone into submission against their will. Instead, it is about exercising power responsibly, with the goal of enhancing the experience for both parties. The Master’s role is to ensure that the slave feels safe and supported within the structure of their dynamic, while also challenging them to grow, adapt, and explore their boundaries.

This power dynamic comes with its challenges. It is easy to think that control means making all decisions, setting all the rules, and shaping every moment of the relationship. But that’s where the balance comes into play. Too much control can stifle the individuality of the person being dominated, potentially leading to resentment or emotional exhaustion. Without room for autonomy, the slave may begin to feel as though their own voice and desires are being erased.

Autonomy Within the Structure

On the flip side, autonomy is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship, including within an M/s dynamic. Autonomy doesn’t necessarily mean complete independence or freedom from structure. It is about recognizing that the slave is still a whole, complex individual, with their own desires, goals, and needs. Even in a dynamic where power is exchanged, the slave retains their humanity and deserves space to explore who they are, what they want, and how they wish to grow within the dynamic.

For the Master, this means understanding that the slave’s autonomy is not something to be disregarded or minimized. Instead, it is something to be nurtured, even within the confines of the control that the Master may exercise. This involves an ongoing dialogue, checking in with each other to ensure that the slave is still emotionally and mentally healthy, and that their needs are being met. Both in and out of the dynamic.

One of the most important things to remember is that autonomy doesn’t conflict with control, but rather complements it. A Master who acknowledges the slave’s autonomy can still hold the reins of control, but they will do so with a sense of respect and understanding that the slave is not an object or a vessel to be molded without consideration for their will. Rather, they are a partner in this exchange, and the relationship is something they are choosing to participate in.

How to Cultivate a Healthy Balance

Ongoing Communication

The cornerstone of any successful M/s dynamic is communication. When the balance between control and autonomy begins to tip in one direction, it is essential to have an open dialogue. The Master should create an environment where the slave feels comfortable voicing concerns or desires. This means checking in regularly and using these moments to recalibrate, ensuring that both parties feel heard and valued.

Respect Boundaries

Boundaries are critical in maintaining a healthy power exchange. A Master must always be aware of the slave’s physical, emotional, and psychological limits, and should never push beyond what has been discussed and consented to. The act of respecting boundaries is, in itself, a way to honor the autonomy of the slave, even within the context of control.

Flexibility Within Structure

A common misconception about M/s relationships is that they are rigid, inflexible, and overly structured. While it is true that structure can provide a sense of security and order, it is equally important to recognize that people are constantly evolving. The slave will change over time, and the dynamic must be flexible enough to allow for this evolution. The Master must be prepared to adjust rules, expectations, and the level of control to match these changes, ensuring that the relationship remains empowering and fulfilling for both partners.

Mutual Growth

Both the Master and the slave should see the relationship as a means of mutual growth. The Master grows by becoming a more skilled and compassionate leader, while the slave grows by deepening their understanding of their own desires, limits, and potential. This mutual growth allows the M/s dynamic to be a source of fulfillment, rather than one tha  becomes burdensome or draining.

Safe and Consensual Exploration

Finally, autonomy isn’t about complete freedom to act without consequences. In an M/s dynamic, both parties are bound by consent, and the exploration of desires, fantasies, and boundaries is something that is actively discussed and agreed upon. This structured exploration, under the guidance of the Master, is where autonomy and control can coexist. The Master allows the slave the space to explore themselves within agreed-upon parameters, while still guiding the experience in a way that keeps both parties grounded and safe.

At the heart of a successful Master/slave dynamic is balance. It is not about absolute control or unrestrained freedom, but about finding that sweet spot where both the Master and the slave feel seen, heard, and respected in their individuality. The Master’s role is not to erase the autonomy of the slave but to guide them through their journey of growth, exploration, and fulfillment. And for the slave, autonomy is not about rejecting the power exchange entirely, but about embracing it in a way that allows for personal growth, joy, and connection.

In the end, when control and autonomy are balanced in a consensual and respectful way, both the Master and the slave can experience the true depth and richness of their dynamic. A partnership where both individuals can thrive, explore, and ultimately transform together.

Read The Poem Below
Then Answer the questions with detail and honest thought behind it all.

The scorched earth was ignored and neglected No evidence of last year’s beauties A garden sits smothered in weeds now.
Useless land in this condition, Taking her, while holding hands They begin their lesson of the Garden.

They stand looking at the overgrowth
Tears silently fall inside because of the carelessness Gently turning to his sweet, he says, “It will be up to you to clear this place,
this space of neglect and hate.”
She stares with questioning disbelief at his want, sadness closes shut.

Timidly among weeds she takes her place.
Softness of her body amongst such sharpness, In disbelief how this could be expected.
Bowing in submission she begins pulling.
Anger filled with silent rage, as she’s crying
There are shouting words inside, “Help me.”

Under shade of tree not wanting the sun
He drinks the soothingly cool lemonade
Watching her shoulders becoming reddened
Matching the glow on her cheeks
Wiping away the sweat on his brow
Nothing need be said, simply watching

Tired and near exhaustion
The land is being stripped free
On knees inching forward still pulling
Her once delicate hands now bleed
A tear slips from her eye her shoulder quickly hides the evidence

The area now cleared she stares in his direction.
Easing from this space he inspects the yard.
There in the distance was a bush covered in thorn Eyes of disbelief as he instructs its removal.
Too tired and weak, she simply obeys.

Clean, bare and pure she can do no more.
He eases her into his arms to carry her off.
A heated bath with silken bubbles awaits her, delicately undressed from frame
every muscle in her body aches.
No longer can she hold onto the emotion
In this water what was known now breaks
Soft whispers, soothing music and candlelight Invade her void.

The next morning she was pampered,
A feast brought to her in bed.
There in a fresh light, Opened blinds exposed the work she had done A proud smile upon their faces as they laughed in delight.
Helping her into clothing his gentle kisses embraced her completely.

To the Garden where she will sit
being her Master, he shall plant the flowers.
First choice is of the Gardenia shrub
Rich aromatic flavor filling their sense of scent.

To the row of Wisteria hanging over vine
The dotted roses of yellow, crimson, and white Daisies, hibiscus, and jasmine will grow in time. The garden now planted and complete

Near his love again, their eyes meet
Adoring the beauty of this creation.
Falling into their kissing hour
in the arms of the other, he asks
What are you holding behind your back?
Silently she extends a closed hand
Opening slowly she exposes to him
A thorn.

His lesson now complete
They’ll discuss in beautiful detail
The true meaning of their Garden
And what she has learned today

Dead Rose Garden - Rottenvenom-d3jlqoy

What part of your life is neglected?
What is the “one” thing you would change?
What was the largest sacrifice you’ve made?
Do you trust enough to give to another completely?
What was the last thing you quit?
Would you ask for help if truly needed?
When was the last time you asked?
Do you consider yourself emotional?
Would you fight or argue in public?
What are you most proud of?
What was the last thing you gave away?
What part of your body is most sensitive to touch?
How often do you find time for yourself?
What was/will be your most intimate moment?
What do you love most about yourself?
What is most sacred to you?
What is one thing you can’t replace?
What is symbolic of the thorn?
Do you currently hold any?
What did this lesson teach you?