Under The Whip

“Love is scary. Love is risky. Love is unsafe. Love isn’t for the faint of heart. Love takes courage. Love and fear can’t coexist. Love means giving people permission to break your heart over and over and over.” Dr. Lissa Rankin

The quote by Dr. Lissa Rankin resonates deeply with my personal understanding of some Master/slave dynamics within BDSM. At first glance, it might seem like an unorthodox comparison. After all, the perceived connotations of BDSM often revolve around control and power exchange. However, love and trust play foundational roles that make this dynamic not just a lifestyle but a profoundly emotional experience.

Love particularly in the context of BDSM is indeed scary. It requires a level of vulnerability that many shy away from. In the Master/slave relationship, the slave gives up a significant degree of autonomy, entrusting their well being and desires to their Master. This relinquishing of control necessitates not only a trusting bond but also an immense amount of courage. As I reflect on my experiences. The intimacy that develops when you willingly give your heart and trust to someone else in this way can be both exhilarating and terrifying.

Dr. Rankin's assertion that “love takes courage” couldn't be more valid in this world. Engaging in a Master/slave relationship meant stepping out of my comfort zone and embracing a different concept of love. One that is grounded in mutual respect, understanding, and consent. The balance of power can shift easily within these dynamics, making the relationship dance a complex one. I learned that vulnerability is not just about physical submission but emotional honesty, revealing the parts of ourselves that we might otherwise hide away.

The notion that “love and fear can’t coexist” is particularly relevant. In my experience, fear often breeds from uncertainty or a lack of communication. Both of which can jeopardize the trust that is essential in a Master/slave dynamic. I remember a time when I hesitated to voice my concerns regarding a scene we were exploring. The fear of disappointing my Masters clouded my judgment. In retrospect, it was that very fear that threatened the safety and trust between us. A realization dawned on me. True love thrives on open dialogue and consent, creating an environment where both parties feel secure enough to express their insecurities or desires.

Dr. Rankin's thought that love means granting permission for others to break your heart speaks volumes. Particularly in Master/slave dynamics, the emotional stakes are incredibly high. This kind of love recognizes the risks involved. One must understand that the power dynamics can evoke profound emotional reactions. Navigating these feelings often feels like walking a tightrope. Balancing affection with the possibility of heartbreak.

However, it is in this dance of balance that genuine connection forms. The realization that loving someone deeply, even in a power exchange, means accepting the risk of heartbreak has been an eye opener. It has taught me that love can be both a sanctuary and a battleground. A space where we can explore our deepest selves if we dare to step into it with courage.

The Master/slave dynamic epitomizes the complexities of love. It intertwines trust, courage, vulnerability, and the ever present risk of emotional turmoil. Embracing these elements makes the relationships formed within this framework not just a pursuit of pleasure, but an exploration of what it truly means to love and be loved in a world that often feels unsafe.

Do you believe in fate or that we create our own destinies?

Growing up, I was often told that everything happens for a reason. The notion of fate or destiny seemed deeply ingrained in the fabric of our daily conversations. However, as I navigated the twists and turns of life, my perspective began to evolve. Through personal experiences I've come to reject the idea that we are mere puppets in the hands of fate. Instead, I firmly believe that we are responsible for cultivating our own journeys. A sentiment that has significantly shaped my life.

Rejecting fate means embracing the concept of personal responsibility. I realized that waiting for external forces to align perfectly wasn’t a sustainable approach to finding fulfillment or happiness. Instead I took a step back and began focusing on myself. This journey started with confronting my own trauma and emotional baggage. I understood that in order to attract the right people into my life, I first had to shed the weight of my past. It was an arduous and often painful process, but each conversation, each reflection brought me closer to emotional maturity.

In working on myself, I discovered the importance of emotional intelligence. By learning to recognize my own emotions and understand the emotions of others. I became more attuned to authentic connections. Rather than just seeking companionship, I started cultivating relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. I learned that authenticity acts like a magnet. When we operate from a place of sincerity and moral integrity, we naturally attract those who resonate with our values.

Living authentically is central to my belief that we can create the relationships we desire. It is about being true to ourselves, despite societal expectations or pressure. When I made the conscious decision to express my true self, I noticed a significant shift in the people who entered my life. Those who appreciated my authenticity surrounded me. Enriching my life in ways I never anticipated. It was such a liberating feeling to connect with individuals who not only accepted me but also inspired me to grow further.

I realized that my path was not just about attracting the right people. It was also about being the right person. We attract what we project, and when we strive to be decent, kind, and morally grounded individuals, we invite similarly aligned individuals into our lives. Maintaining a commitment to personal growth is essential. Each time I tackled a new challenge or overcame a fear, I became a better version of myself. A version that was more equipped to connect deeply with others.

My journey has taught me that destinies are not handed to us. We craft our own through our choices and actions. By addressing our own struggles and focusing on self improvement. We unlock the potential for meaningful relationships. Sure there may be moments when life surprises us, but rather than attributing them to fate, I choose to see them as opportunities to learn and grow. It is this philosophy of personal empowerment that continues to guide me. Reminding me that we hold the pen to our own narratives.

Do you believe in fate? Do you believe each choice is part of your destiny? Tell me all about it.

What does happiness mean to you?

In today’s fast-paced world, there’s often this unspoken pressure to always be happy. Social media, constantly shows us curated snapshots of people living their “best lives,” which makes it easy to think happiness should be a constant, unshakeable state. But from my experience, I've come to realize that happiness isn’t something we can hold onto all the time, and it is okay if isn't. Instead I’ve learned it is about finding those brief moments of joy that color our lives and focusing on contentment. Which has led me to feel more fulfilled overall.

One thing I’ve accepted is that happiness isn’t meant to be a 24/7 experience. In my experience this mix of highs and lows. There are moments when joy fills me up, but there are also times of sadness, frustration, and even anger. I have learned that these feelings are just part of being human. They shape how I view the world and my experiences. Instead of trying to constantly chase after happiness, I have found that appreciating the small, happy moments are what truly make life meaningful.

What has been most important for me is understanding that aiming for happy moments doesn’t mean I have to push away negative emotions or pretend that everything’s perfect. It is more about becoming aware of my emotional state and accepting that it is going to change. For me happiness might come from a beautiful sunset, a good laugh with friends, or getting lost in a book. These moments, though fleeting, remind me that there is light in life. Even in the midst of challenges. When I focus on these moments, I’ve learned to appreciate life’s fleeting moments, rather than getting stuck in the pursuit of a never ending state of joy.

I’ve also realized that contentment offers a much more solid foundation for a fulfilling life. Being content doesn’t mean I am always “happy,” but it is about recognizing what I have and finding satisfaction in that. It helps me navigate life’s ups and downs with more resilience. Contentment allows me to embrace those quieter moments, knowing that even when life isn’t at its peak, it is still enough. It is this inner peace that helps me adapt and grow through whatever life throws my way.

Another thing I’ve learned is that living authentically is key to finding peace. By embracing who I truly am, my interests, values, and passions. I’ve found that when my actions align with my true self, I protect my inner peace. This authenticity has helped me find joy in the little things and face life’s challenges with more grace.

I have also realized the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self care. Recognizing the activities and relationships that restore me has become crucial. I make choices that nurture my mental and emotional health, and in doing so I create a space where those happy moments can appear naturally, without feeling like I have to force them.

While I know many of us strive for happiness. I’ve come to understand that the real goal is to focus on appreciating the fleeting moments of joy and embracing contentment. Happiness doesn’t need to be a daily expectation. It is the simple pleasures and living authentically that have brought richness and balance to my life. I’ve learned to embrace the journey, respect my emotional ups and downs, and prioritize peace. When I do this, I find that life feels more fulfilling, without the constant pressure to live up to an idealized version of happiness.

So tell me, what does happiness mean to you?

It's like wrestling an alligator and then blaming the alligator when you get bit. They knew it was an alligator; it told you it was an alligator.

I am truly upset and disgusted by that quote. It is beyond me how anyone could express such harmful views, and it is disheartening to know that these kinds of thoughts exist. The words are not only hurtful, but they also reflect a deep lack of empathy and understanding. It is hard to believe that anyone would think this way, and it leaves me feeling both frustrated and disgusted. They know who they are, and they ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Consent is Non Negotiable!!!

In recent times, I've seen a troubling trend within the BDSM and kink community: the dismissal of individuals who speak out about violations of their consent or personal boundaries. This goes beyond mere disagreement. It is a toxic mindset that essentially shames those who have bravely shared their experiences of discomfort or abuse. The very notion that someone should be labeled as a “complainer” or blamed for their own victimization because they chose to participate in what some define as “risky play” is not only disgusting, it is a fundamental misunderstanding of the principles on which BDSM and kink stand.

As someone deeply engaged in this community, I’ve experienced the rich benefits that consensual practices can offer. In BDSM consent is not just an afterthought; it is the bedrock principle that ensures the safety and enjoyment of all parties involved. When someone decides to engage in kink, it is essential that the lines of consent are clear, explicit, and respected. Any failure in this regard taints the integrity of the entire practice.

The fallacy that anyone expressing discomfort or violation in their experiences should have “known better” is incredibly damaging. It implies that there is a hierarchy within consent, and that some individuals’ boundaries are less valid than others. The truth is, every participant has the right to establish their own limits, and those limits must be respected. I have witnessed firsthand how those who speak out about any transgression are often met with derision rather than support. This behavior creates an insidious environment where potential victims may feel discouraged from speaking out for fear of being ostracized or minimized.

In a healthy BDSM and kink culture, there should be no tolerance for individuals who vilify others for asserting their boundaries. Dismissing someone’s concerns as “complaining” is a dangerous signal to the wider community: that speaking up about personal violation or boundary crossing is an act of weakness, not strength. In our pursuit of pleasure within kink, we must never forget that peace of mind and emotional safety are paramount.

This community thrives on the principles of respect and trust, and we should hold one another accountable for maintaining these values. Anyone who claims to be part of the BDSM community but undermines the fundamental principle of consent should not be welcomed with open arms. We must take a unified stand against this behavior, as it is crucial to creating an environment where everyone feels safe to explore their boundaries without fear of judgment or retribution.

It is vital to remember that consent can be complex and nuanced. Each person’s experience is valid, and none can be invalidated because others might perceive them as “risky.” Every voice should be heard with empathy, and every cry for help should be met with compassion.

Those who dismiss the importance of consent and dismiss individuals who speak out about their experiences to mere “complainers” are acting contrary to everything our community stands for. The strength of BDSM and kink lies in our commitment to consent and mutual respect. As members of this space, it is our responsibility to uplift one another and ensure that every individual is free to express themselves, safely and without fear. Only then can we truly thrive as a community dedicated to pleasure and authenticity.

Is there a decision you've made that you wish you could undo? Why?

Disclaimer: I want to acknowledge that I’ve only lightly touched on this topic, as it was an incredibly difficult period in my life. Going into further detail would have been too overwhelming for me, and I recognize that doing so might also trigger painful emotions for others.

TLDR: I will never again allow someone I barely know to take control of me or violate my boundaries and consent, under any circumstances.

In 2020, my Master Damon recognized that there were some personal skills he wanted to develop as a Dominant. He believed that working with a mentor would be beneficial for his own growth, and in his wisdom, he decided to seek one out. The idea of a mentor was not unfamiliar to me. Many Dominants work with mentors to continue refining their craft. As someone who also mentors others, I understand the value in learning from someone experienced, especially when it comes to navigating complex power dynamics.

However, when Damon’s mentor suggested that I allow him to take control of me during this time, I had to take a step back and consider it. The mentor explained that, for the duration of his program, he was not permitted to have ownership over a slave. Which meant I would temporarily be placed under his care. It was a request that didn’t seem entirely out of the ordinary. After all, mentors often step in and take charge in these situations, especially when it is easier to teach someone without the added responsibility of maintaining an active dynamic with a partner.

At first I agreed to the arrangement. I trusted Damon, and I understood that this was a temporary situation for his growth. For a while, it wasn’t all that difficult. The mentor’s authority didn’t feel overwhelming, and I was able to follow his guidance without too much emotional strain. However, as the months went on, things began to change in ways I never expected.

The mentor, over time became increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive. It was subtle at first. Something I could brush off or justify. As the year passed, it became harder to ignore. I found myself questioning my own reality. Unsure of what was truly happening. He would tell Damon one thing, and me something entirely different, keeping us at odds, trying to destroy our relationship. He violated my consent multiple times. And for reasons I still don’t fully understand, I allowed it to happen. In hindsight I acknowledge that I didn’t recognize the abuse for what it was in those moments. But I also accept full accountability for allowing it to continue for as long as I did. That was my responsibility, and I own that every single day

.

A year into this toxic situation, I reached my breaking point. I realized that I could no longer tolerate the mistreatment. I decided it was time to take control of my own life again. I told the mentor that I was done. I also told Damon that we needed to either end this mentorship and refocus on our relationship or that I would walk away and he could find someone else when he was done. I wasn’t going to let this continue any longer.

The trauma from that year still affects me. It is something I carry with me, and it has become a part of my healing journey. I didn’t expect to face this type of pain, but I also understand that healing takes time. Every day I work on moving forward, reclaiming my strength, and processing the emotional scars that remain. I don’t blame myself for the choices I made during that time, but I do hold myself accountable for not recognizing the signs sooner. Growth often comes through hardship, and this experience, though painful, is part of my growth as a person, a submissive, and a member of this community.

As I heal I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and more mindful of my boundaries. I’ve learned to trust my instincts and speak up when something doesn’t feel right. I continue to work through the emotional residue of that experience. Slowly rebuilding the trust I once had, and embracing the lessons that came with it. While I may never forget the impact of that year, I believe that I am stronger for having gone through it.

I share this not for sympathy, but as a reminder that healing is a process. We all go through tough times, and while those times may leave scars, they do not define us. I am still on this journey, and I will keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Note: I am not angry with Damon over this situation. The moment I explained what was happening, he ended everything with this mentor. I trust Damon with my life, and we both thought we could trust this person. My anger is directed at the situation and the deception we endured. This person had an agenda to manipulate and steal me away, and that is something I will not tolerate.

I will not accept any harassment directed towards Damon for what happened. Anyone in my circle who engages in this behavior will be blocked from both my account and his.

What do you think happens after we die?

I often find myself pondering what truly happens after we leave this world. I wish with all my heart that there was a paradise, like the ones we dream about. A place where all our dreams come true, where there's no sadness, hate, or deceit. A world where everything is as perfect as we wish it could be. However, I don’t believe such a place exists, even if stories of Valhalla and Folkvangr paint beautiful pictures of an afterlife.

What I do believe is reincarnation. I believe that our souls are reborn into new lives. Continuing their journey growing and evolving with each passing lifetime. And maybe, we don’t always come back as humans. The universe is vast, and I think our souls can take on many forms. Perhaps as a different gender, a different species, or even something we can’t fully comprehend.

I also believe in soulmates. Not in the traditional sense, but in a way that transcends time and form. Maybe in one life, your soulmate is your romantic partner. In another, they could be your closest friend, or even a beloved pet who teaches you unconditional love in a way only they can. Our souls are fluid, constantly changing, learning, and connecting in ways that are beyond our understanding.

In this life I was born a female. In my next, I may return as a male or perhaps as a different being altogether. And in every life I believe the people who are meant to be with me, whether as a partner, friend, or even a creature by my side, will find me again. In whatever form I may take. The connections we share are not bound by time or shape. They are bound by love and the lessons we share along the way.

Though we may never truly know what comes after we die. I find peace in the idea that we continue, in one form or another. Always evolving, always learning, and always finding those who are meant to walk beside us.

Disclaimer: This is my personal interpretation of the quotes below, along with my own reflections on the Gorean lifestyle. Please note that my perspective is shaped by my experiences, and I understand that others may have different views.

As a member of the Gorean lifestyle community, I’ve often found myself frustrated by the rigid interpretations that dominate conversations around gender roles within our culture. There seems to be a prevailing notion that Gor is exclusively about traditional gender roles, but this perspective overlooks a significant part of Gorean lore that embraces diversity. It is disheartening to witness so many individuals dismissing the rich diversity of relationships present in the source material, especially when it comes to homosexuality.

Take, for example, the Waniyanpi. These characters are more than just a footnote in Gor’s extensive narrative. They represent a culture where same-sex relationships exist, highlighting that love can transcend gender boundaries. The Waniyanpi, while less frequently discussed, are a cornerstone of the Gorean universe that exemplifies the complexities of desire and loyalty irrespective of societal norms. Their existence challenges the oversimplified, binary thinking that is so prevalent in discussions about gender roles in Gor.

We cannot ignore the subtle yet profound relationship between Appanius and Milo in the City of Ar. While some choose to interpret their bond strictly within the confines of Master and slave dynamics, evidence points to a deeper connection. One that hints at romantic feelings beyond mere ownership. This relationship is a testament to the fact that the Gorean narrative does not exclusively support a single mode of interaction. Just because these relationships are implied rather than explicitly stated does not grant us the liberty to erase them from our understanding of what it means to be Gorean.

The danger lies in holding onto a version of Gor that sounds remarkably like a rigid doctrine, a "bible" of sorts that dictates behavior in a way that is far too simplistic. Literature is meant to be interpreted, explored, and discussed. Reducing the characters and their relationships to stereotypes undermines the very essence of storytelling. To assert that the majority of the novels automatically create strict gender roles negates the rich diversity of experiences, challenges, and relationships found throughout the narrative.

One of the most compelling aspects of the Gorean lifestyle is its inherent capacity for varied interpretations. An individual’s journey into Gorean philosophy should be fueled by personal exploration of the texts rather than a blind adherence to traditional norms. Instead of feeling confined to a singular narrative, we should celebrate the multiplicity of relationships that shape our community.

It is high time we encourage open discussions about the existence of homosexual relationships in Gor, acknowledging their significance and allowing them to coexist alongside traditional dynamics. Our goal should not be the endorsement of any singular way of living but rather the inclusion of all interpretations that enrich our understanding of what it means to be Gorean.

Let us push beyond the confines of traditional gender roles and recognize the beautiful complexity of relationships depicted in the Gorean world. We owe it to ourselves, and to the myriad experiences of those who embrace this lifestyle, to expand our conversations and welcome every facet of love that exists within those pages. Only then can we truly embody the spirit of Gor in its entirety.

Book Quotes and References

It is not clear, historically, whether the values of slaves were imposed on the Waniyanpi by their masters, or whether the Waniyanpi invented their ethos to dignify and ennoble their own weakness. It may be mentioned that, interestingly, since the Waniyanpi repudiate nature, and natural relationships, that there is, in the compounds, an unusual incidence of homosexuality, both of the male and female varieties. This is perhaps a natural enough development considering the conditioned obstacles placed in the way of more usual relationships. It also fits in better with the values of Sameness.
Bood Brothers of Gor – Page 155

“Appanius and Milo must be on intimate terms,” I said.
“Yes,” she said. “The master treats him almost as though he might be a free man. They discuss matters of business and the theater. Even in the great hall, at the common suppers, he has Milo above the salt and at his right hand.”
Magicians of Gor Book 25 – Page 310

“At any rate,” I said, “it seems they have been seeing one another.”
“It cannot be!” he said.
“Your slave, it seems, has been carrying on a shameless affair with her.”
“That cannot be,” he said.
“I have seen him,” I said. “He is a big, handsome fellow. Why could it not be?”
“He would not betray me!” he said. Magicians of Gor Book 25 Page 418

“My Milo, my Milo!” wept Appanius, looking down at the much-beaten slave. “The most beautiful slave in Ar! My beloved slave!
“My beloved Milo!”
“He has betrayed you,” said one of the retainers.
“How could you do it?” asked Appanius. “Have I not been good to you? Have I not been kind? Have you wanted for anything?
“Have I not given you everything!” Magicians of Gor Book 25 Page 426

“So, Milo,” said Appanius, “you would make of me a laughing stock?”
“No, Master,” said the slave.
“One can well imagine him laughing about how he betrayed you with a woman,” said one of the retainers. Magicians of Gor Book 25 Page 427

Do you think people are born good, or do they learn to be good?

* TLDR: I do not believe people are good or evil.

When it comes to the concept of good and evil, many find themselves deep in a philosophical debate that questions the nature of morality. Are people born inherently good, or do they learn to be good? While this question has sparked countless discussions across different communities, including the BDSM community, it might be more productive to view morality as a spectrum. In truth, the classification of individuals as simply "good" or "evil" is overly simplistic and fails to capture the complexity of human experiences.

In the BDSM lifestyle, personal ethics and morality take center stage. Each individual has their own core values and code of ethics that shape their preferences and boundaries. What may appear to be a morally gray area to one person can be a fulfilling and acceptable practice for another. This is a core principle of BDSM: consent. Within this community, the emphasis on consensual practices underscores the belief that personal autonomy and mutual respect create a safe space for exploration.

Many people involved in BDSM view their journey as an exploration of self identity rather than a moral judgment. For individuals who choose to partake in BDSM. It can be a means of self discovery, empowerment, and healing. This journey is deeply personal, as each participant navigates their own psyche to uncover desires and boundaries. Within this context, the concept of good versus evil is almost irrelevant. What matters is that each person engages in practices that align with their comfort levels and consensual agreements.

This nuanced perspective invites a broader discussion about understanding differences in moral frameworks. In a world where everyone has varied experiences that shape their views on ethics, it is essential to recognize that each person's perception of right and wrong may differ significantly from one another. Instead of labeling others based on our own moral compass, embracing diversity and fostering open dialogue allow the BDSM community to thrive in a healthy and inclusive manner.

One of the beautiful aspects of the BDSM community is its embrace of non conformity. Members often find solace among fellow individuals who share the view that seeking pleasure and understanding oneself does not require adherence to traditional moral standards. It is a realm where people can challenge societal norms and embrace their true selves, enhancing their emotional and psychological well being.

As we traverse the complexities of morality, it becomes clear that uniformity isn't essential for harmony. Whether someone finds joy in BDSM expression, as long as it is consensual and respectful, their journey is valid. The more we acknowledge these individual differences, the more we contribute to a compassionate community that celebrates freedom of choice, authenticity, and adventure.

When discussing the nature of good and evil, particularly in the BDSM community, it is vital to prioritize individual experiences and philosophies. Instead of seeking a singular truth about morality. We can appreciate the wide variety of paths people take to understand themselves and their desires. Ultimately, it is this diversity that enriches our community and fosters deeper, more meaningful connections among its members.

If you could know the absolute truth to one question. What question would you ask?

TLDR: I know my heritage is Norse, Irish, and French. I can trace my lineage back to the late 1400s. After that all documentation are either lost, or in other languages.

If only I could ask just one question and be told the full, uncensored truth to it. It would be this: Where do I really come from? Not where I come from geographically, or by blood ties, but further, more personal. I want to know about where I come from with regards to my family. My ancestors. Their histories, their triumphs, their failures. I would like to know the lives they lived the legacies they left behind and how they altered the world they inhabited. To me, discovering my heritage would be more than a curiosity.

It would be a key to comprehending myself on a much deeper level. There is something about being severed from your heritage that can render the present disjointed. It is like attempting to solve a puzzle with no picture on the box to guide you through. Without the knowledge of where you're from, you may feel that you don't even have a clue of where you are going or why you are even going there. Having this ability to discover the histories of where others came from in advance makes me feel like it could fill in some of those gaps.

Like discovering a sense of belonging that I've always sensed just beyond my grasp. I consider my ancestors and wonder what they did with their lives. Were they warriors or poets? Rebels or farmers? Did they leave something grand behind? Or did they live quiet lives of kindness and honor, leaving their mark on the world in subtle ways? I can only marvel at the victories and disappointments they experienced. The things they learned, and the knowledge they imparted down through the centuries.

There is power in knowing that your heritage is made up of real people who fought and made their mark. Knowing these things would be like finding a missing part of me. Perhaps it could assist me in overcoming the feelings of inadequacy that sometimes engulf me. The quiet whisper of doubt that tells me I'm not enough. There is power to be found in knowing you are a part of something greater than yourself. That the same blood that runs through my veins ran through the veins of those who weathered storms, struggled and made it out on the other side.

I can not help but think that learning about my heritage would also help me with my struggle with confidence. When I look back on my heritage I wonder if it can give me the courage to keep my head held high. To be more bold. To stop running behind walls of shyness and fear. Step out into the unknown especially if it is towards exploring life's novelties. It takes a fragility that has to do with trust, receptiveness, and faith. It is something I have been drawn to, but my own fears hold me back from really going after it. Especially with aspects of the BDSM lifestyle.

If I could tap into the strength and the toughness of those who came before me. I would no longer lack confidence. I could stand in my own power, with a deep sense of knowing that I am not alone. That I carry the histories of generations within me, each one imparting me with a piece of wisdom and strength. It could be that the self assurance I seek is not something I must build from scratch but something that can be reawakened. In the sense of recognizing that I have always been a part of something so much greater than myself. So many times, what we're actually searching for is realizing where we came from.

I believe that by uncovering my ancestors' stories. I would be able to repair pieces of myself that exist in fragments. I no longer would have to go out and seek validation from the world and instead find it within the unbroken lineage of my heritage. To know where I truly belong could be the key that unlocks a part of me that is bold, self assured, and free. I will keep seeking, whether in family records, in books on history, or even during the calm moments when I reflect on the things we don't know. Perhaps in seeking, I will be able to gain the courage to embrace not just the questions, but the answers as well. Perhaps it is time to learn from those stories what they have to teach.

So tell me, what is it you would want to know?

What moment in your life do you think shaped you the most in BDSM?

When I first became involved in the lifestyle, I was introduced to the world of Gor. By chance, I stumbled upon a Gorean chat room that was labeled as an "Auction House." To this day, I’m not entirely sure why I entered, but that moment set the course for my journey. It eventually led me to Mitch, the second Gorean Master I served. I spent eight years on and off with him and his House. Through a combination of dedicated study of the novels, rigorous training, and striving to always be pleasing, I earned the title of First Girl among a chain of eight women. An achievement that required immense effort and commitment. At the time, Mitch and I were in a long distance relationship, but in every sense, I was fully his, serving as a Kajira.

That was, until he asked me to marry him.

At that point in my life, I had no desire to marry again. Having been married once before, albeit for reasons other than romance, left me feeling utterly trapped and suffocated. But that’s a story for another time. After much discussion, Mitch and I agreed to end our dynamic. He asked me to remain as the First Girl of the House until I could train one of the others to take my place. During this period, he introduced us to Cnea, a new girl he had met through a video game, who became Girl Number Nine. Mitch and Cnea then began to form a real life Master/slave dynamic. However, Cnea refused to adhere to the established protocols or the chain of command within the House. When this was brought to Mitch’s attention, he decided she didn't need to follow the same rules the other Kajirae were bound by.

And just like that, the other girls and I decided to leave him.

I felt utterly lost after that. I had no idea what to do or where to go. At my core, I’ve always been a Kajira, but that experience left a bitter taste when it came to Gor. It was then that I decided to explore other avenues. I began researching BDSM and other dynamics, which eventually led me to Sir Seven. We began talking, and he offered to mentor me. The mentorship was long and demanding, but I remained committed. Despite Sir Seven often expressing his doubts. Saying he didn’t think I would complete the mentorship or truly embrace submission, believing my personality and mindset were far too Dominant. Here I am today: a full TPE, Gorean Leathergirl. I take great pride in this identity and in continuing my journey, even as a Kajira with a Dominant personality.

Through Sir Seven's unwavering dedication to my training and guidance, he set me on a truly transformative path. I learned about my rights to consent, boundaries, safewords, and so much more. Because of him, I began to approach this world with greater seriousness, and I started to grow, not only as a person within this lifestyle but, more importantly, as a slave. He helped me rediscover my love for teaching, and once I had completed my mentorship, I eagerly absorbed every bit of knowledge I could find. I eventually began mentoring other submissive women. Some in traditional TPE M/s dynamics and others as Gorean Kajirae. It is incredible to me how Sir Seven reignited that passion within me. At one point in my life, I had been a teacher but left to pursue a different career in the vanilla world. Now, education is my life. I mentor, I teach, I write, and I do my best to educate others in this beautiful world of BDSM. All because one person recognized something in me and pointed me toward a new path.

I will forever love and cherish him as one of the most significant people to have ever entered my life.

Sir Seven eventually found a slave of his own, and as a result, he stepped back from everyone. He and his partner established their homestead, went off the grid, and as far as I know, they are living their best life. I miss him, but because of the invaluable teachings he imparted, I was able to find my own path and dynamic. That is how I met Damon, my Gorean Leatherman. I have been with Damon happily for the past nine years. We’ve grown tremendously together, and he has accepted every part of me. He never faltered when I set boundaries or insisted on safewords. He understood my needs, and when he realized there were some he couldn’t fulfill, he supported the idea of expanding our dynamic and helped me find Calvin. Now, I belong to two amazing Gorean Leathermen, and I live a full TPE Gorean Leather lifestyle. I have never been happier than I am serving both of them. They encourage me to teach, to mentor, to write. They want me to have a voice, and when the outside world’s whispers grow too loud, they shield and protect me, constantly reminding me that, in all my beautiful imperfections, I am their chosen slave.

My life may not be understood by others, and we may never be fully accepted in the Gorean lifestyle or any other community. But that will never matter to me. I love them. I chose them, and they chose me. I am happy, and I will never sacrifice that peace for anyone in this world.

That’s how my journey shifted. One pivotal moment that changed everything. What’s your moment?