Firecracker Diaries - A combination of stories, random thoughts and an appreciation log of life with Daddy

Without Him Day 8

As soon as he gets home this next time...we are going on a trip!! His family reunion! I’m super excited!!! And nervous!!! 

I’m going to get to see all the places he grew up in...be in the place that made him, him. What a great experience I’m about to get! I’m going to see a whole new place...and it’s his home. I’m also going to meet his family...that’s where the nerves come into play!! I just hope that they will see how much I love him...and know that I’m going to always be good to him.

What to wear??? That’s the biggest thing...right??? Lol. I’m excited to see new sights and experience new sights...but most of all I’m excited to spend quality time with him! Make new memories with him...

Until tomorrow...

Without Him Day 7

Being without him plays with your mind...especially when your alone. You doubt things for no reason...the littlest things will occupy your mind. The missed words spoken or the no words spoken can consume your mind...over nothing.

Why do we women take the smallest thing that is nothing and try to make something out of it. I think we are all guilty of this. Letting our minds run wild can be a dangerous thing. 

I’ve learned over the time past couple of years to really think about something’s before I react. That hasn’t always worked out for the best...but when it comes to my emotions...it absolutely does! I’ve had to really try and get in touch with myself and determine if what I’m feeling is actually warranted. Check myself and make sure I’m not making something out of nothing...but more than that...reminding myself that I need to enjoy the beauty of each moment...and take from it the good and don’t let myself doubt. It’s much easier sometimes to find or assume something is wrong.

Overthinking is a huge problem for me...in a lot of aspects of my life. Sometimes it’s good....but mostly I have to remind myself to enjoy what I have...and love every part of it.

It’s a process...I’m working on it...but I think I’m getting much better!!

Until tomorrow....

Without Him Day 6

When times get tight or tough...you have a couple of choices. I’ve always been the optimistic type...everything is going to be ok, etc. There are the types that see the world has horrible and all consuming...the ones that it’s always someone else’s fault...the ones that ignore the issues. But not me...I’ve always been able to see a ray of sunshine through the storm.

Now that I have someone that I defines why I exist...it’s even easier to see that sunshine and find hope in every situation. When I see my Love going through something...all I want to do is help him or get him out of it. Just as I would expect him to do for me. So when I decided to just take care of something’s today...I just did. I didn’t discuss with him first...and I should have...but I was just waiting to be able to really talk about it. Thankfully he understood.

But I hope some day he will feel comfortable with me being able to do for him too. To truly understand that when it matters most we are partners in this relationship. And even though I’m the submissive...I’m strong enough to hold him too. To see that real love is about being there for each other through everything.

I love you Daddy....

Until tomorrow...

Without Him Day 5

I feel like I do a lot of complaining on here as of late...I want to make sure that everyone understands that’s not my intention. I love my Master very much...and it’s always hard being without him. I don’t understand it sometimes...how I can be so connected to someone that I feel so lost without him. But I am very blessed to have him. He is my one and this life is hard sometimes...but the benefits far out weighs the sacrifices.

Who knew submitting yourself to someone...in every sense of the word...was has hard but as rewarding as it is. To have a Master that truly owns his dominance of you, loves you, is true to you, protects you, cares about everything you are, wants the best of everything for you, adores you, corrects you, laughs with you and shares his soul with yours is worth paying whatever price there is to pay.

So even though I express my pain and sadness on here...my Master is my world. I would take the pain to have to time with him that I have...over and over again. So even though my sadness when he’s gone...I still have the joy of knowing this man is mine and I am his.

Until tomorrow....

Without Him Day 4

Master asked me to change up my daily pictures. He’s right...I’m mean I have gotten into a routine of getting up, getting ready and as I’m putting on my shoes that’s when I take the pictures. The result for him was the same pictures...just different shirts! I mean the whole reason I was doing that is so I wouldn’t forget and add more punishments...but I didn’t think about the redundancy of what he was seeing.

So today I mixed it up. I put on one of his jackets and nothing else...hung the mirror over the door and took some provocative pictures. Now...of coarse I took probably a thousand of them...to send him 3. It’s funny how taking pictures of yourself can make you doubt everything about your body!!!

But the point of these is so he can see me...not just what I look like that day...but what I realized today was that he wants to see the parts of me that made him fall in love with me...he wants to see my emotions, my personality, my silliness, my tease, my sultry, my just woke up face, my everyday thinking of him moments. He wants to have a snapshot of the woman that’s here waiting for him...and whatever part of life she is going to share today to make him feel he is with me. I get now....

I love you Daddy...and I can’t wait to surprise you every day!! Xoxoxo

Until tomorrow...

Without Him Day 3

I cleaned out my purse, made breakfast, went to the zoo, did laundry, watched super hero movies....and still thought about him every single second.

I even pause and smelled his clothes as I separated the laundry. I hug is pillows tight at night. I struggle to fall asleep...even though when he is home I can fall asleep in nano seconds!

It’s kind of sad...kind of sweet. There has to be some sort of word or diagnosis for my feelings about him...it’s more than love...it’s more than just an obsession...it’s something I have never felt or even knew existed!

I see his face on video chat and my heart just melts...each and every time. It still gets stronger...it hasn’t dulled or slowed with time. I still feel we grow stronger each day...

I’m missing him terribly...I’ve cried over commercials, property brothers and Facebook videos....I’m sure there will be a few more before the night is over.

Until tomorrow...

Without Him Day 2

I can feel myself falling into that funk. You know the one where you feel so empty without him that it physically hurts. All I want to do is have him back...2 nights is too long...18 more is cruel. 

I’m keeping busy though!! I went and had my lips done today!! I love them!! My lipstick is gonna look killer!! And I’m kinda into the pain...lol

I think the nights are the hardest...and it’s like it drags out...taunting me with loneliness. In every corner reminding me of him.

All I can do is pray the time flies...

Until tomorrow...

Without Him Day 1

So the night was terrible...always the first night without him is miserable. Tossing and turning...hearing every single noise...getting up twice to see if someone is breaking in...stuffing the pillows around you to simulate his body...nothing works!!!

Then comes the day time...he has to work and so do I...so there is limited communication. It just feels empty...like my soul has left my body. Just numb...but also sad.

I know that the first days are the hardest and I keep myself busy...I know that I will have tears this weekend...I’m learning how to cope with this...but I don’t like it. I just want to have the means to be with him always... someday...

Until tomorrow...

Daddy’s D-Day

I didn’t blog last night so I could soak in my last moments with him. I knew I was breaking a rule and that’s ok...I will gladly take the punishment for spending every last possible moment with him.

We got up early this morning and headed to the airport. All I can pray for is that these next 20 days fly by. I miss him so much already...but my schedule will be pretty full for the next 20!!

Our last night together was sweet and simple...just holding each other. Laughing and enjoying our time. Nothing crazy or wild...just the sweetness of being in each other’s arms.

We held hands like we always do all the way to the airport...and kisses and hugs at the drop off. I was able to hold myself together...even though my heart was screaming.

I love this man with my everything...

Until tomorrow...

Daddy’s Home Day 8

I went to bed last night after I blogged...my sweet Master beside me. I feel asleep as he watched TV. I went to sleep wondering if I had done something to make him not want to make love or take me...not that anything had happened...he had just said earlier in the day something to the effect of you better be ready for tonight.

Due to something that happened between us in the past...something that I did...I have been really fun shy about showing him how much I want him sexually. Not that he denies me...but if it were up to me...I could have sex with him 24/7....and because I only have 10 days to get my fix in...I really have to contain myself. It’s hard...really hard!!! And because of my dumb head...my love sometimes is translated into physical contact.

So anyway...went to sleep feeling a little rejected...but not enough to try and talk about it...I mean nothing was wrong!!!! But then....I’m thinking sometime around midnight...I was awaken to him moving the hair from my neck and ear so he could kiss and nibble...he was rubbing my body up and down went he finally reached around and pulled my leg up...then started to play with my pussy...he massaged my clit, rubbed my lips and fucked me with his fingers until I came. Then he moved in between my legs while I was in my side and proceeded to move himself deep inside me. He continued to fill me with ever inch making me cum over and over! He moved to his back and I couldn’t help but take him in my mouth. He let me play for a minute then he had be ride him backwards...he was slapping my ass and driving me crazy...pulling my hair and pulling me in deep on him. He finally took me from behind in a position that had him sideways and able to get every single inch of his masterful cock inside of me....so deep inside of me I could feel his heart beating...his orgasm inside of me was amazing...and made me explode once again...

Best wake up ever....and I’m so glad I was wrong about being rejected...

Until tomorrow...