I, like the velveteen rabbit, have been made REAL. I have gone through the process of seeing my own truest self and nature. I know WHO I am, and that can never be taken from me.
I am a slave hearted submissive with a heart the size of the ocean and an emotional capacity wider than the sky.
I am a woman of Faith, though a believer of the truth and validity many religions.
I am a singer, a trained chef, and an amateur artist of no remarkable talent ^__^.
I am above all else; myself, the velveteen slave.
The Man who "made me Real" has moved on from the chapter of my life, however I will always remain with the deep and abiding understanding of who I am; for "once you are made real you can never be made unreal again."
This blog is a catalogue of my journey. It includes the lessons that I've learned while walking down my path. It serves to help me remember those lessons that I might retain them. It is my hope that it can provide insight to others as well, perhaps spark an understanding or a feeling of camaraderie.
~The Velveteen slave; Faith; His Mikayla{MstrJ}
*The girl accepted MstrJ's collar on 2/10/22 and her new name; Mikayla <3
I'm from a relatively developed country where life is pretty stable and easy.
I live in a very different situation in a country where life is not stable, and nothing is easy.
Every summer I get to rejoin life in a "stable" country with Him...
It's bizarre moving back and forth between the two. Apparently I'm pretty mailable as far as what I can handle goes, which is bizarre because I would have said that change is hard for me.
One of the things I LOVE is the ability to come and "make a Home" here. This morning as I was going about my cleaning I had the following thought:
Give me an old ratty t-shirt and some water and I'll have the house spic and span inside of 24 hours. THANK YOU 3rd world cleaning skills!
... but give me 1st world cleaning products and I swear to God I'll happily spend 10 hours a day cleaning house and still manage to find things to do in a week! ^__^
Things I'm immensely grateful for at the moment:
windows that close and keep out the dust
SWIFFER! fuck Iove you Swiffer!
Easy Off oven spray <3
"Steel wool" that doesnt cut my hands to shreds
self checkout lines
the little white rags that I can wash... and a washing machine that is reliable! omfg I love the washing machine.
dish soap that is kind to my hands and still gets the job done.
Shower doors that keep the water *inside*
GRASS (and even the lawnmower to cut it!)
the crockpot. I could write a poem to a crockpot I swear to God.
Rice cookers are freaking magic.
Costco... I can not words how much I love Costco
Central heating and air... you do not appreciate your life if you have not understood what life is without them and most importantly THE AIR FILERS RELATED.
Windows that let light in....
Reliable power without rolling power outages.
Sidewalks.
Paved streets.
Bikes outside.
vegetable gardens with actual dirt... brown/black dirt.
Insect sound and birdsong.
Gophers. I'm sorry I adore them. I get that they are considered a nuisance, but I adore them.
The rain.
Clouds.
The mountains... and rivers and the sound of moving water.
My breadmaker which I have YET to make anything even remotely good in... but I will manage!
CARPETS!
Family.
I am sitting here writing that list with tears of gratitude.
I love my life. I love my work. I love my kiddo. I would give anything for this to be our life *always*... for her to get to understand that this life exists too. For now I have to look at the kids' wet socks hanging on the fence of the community playground... the bikes resting in the grass, and watch the kiddos who would be her friends and thank God for giving me a Master who is patient enough to wait for this to be forever. Who loves her and us both enough to find the patience. Thank You for having the patience to wait for forever.... You are the greatest gift in my life. I swear I will never ever take all of this for granted.
Ok, so I know I went quiet about two weeks ago, that was right about the time that the school year was wrapping up (read busy to the extreme) and also right when He and I agreed that I'd take the step I took yesterday.
So a bit of background for those who may not be familiar with MstrJ and my dynamic... W/we are a long distance TPE M/s couple. W/we have been together for over 4 years now. One of the most common questions W/we get revolves around the concept of how can we be TPE or even M/s while living literally halfway around the globe. Yes, O/our dynamic is a bit more complicated and takes some finessing differently than it would if W/we lived in the same space 24/7. W/we both wish W/we did, and W/we look forward to when W/we will... but it is a sacrifice that W/we both make for very necessary reasons.
Yesterday was the first *serious* step in a line of steps that W/we have been discussing and working towards for years now. For myself, I'm a slave, what makes me so is that my absolute driving desire is to be of use and of pleasure in every way possible. There is no part of who I am or what I do that is outside the realm of His control *if and when and how He desires.* That's an important distinction, because if W/we defined it such that He micromanages every single action every single minute of the day, then nope, THAT is not possible halfway around the world.
What it looks like on an everyday basis is W/we talk through the day and all foreseeable things in advance. I know what it is He expects of me at home, at work, and with regard to O/our daughter. If things go sideways I understand in which circumstances I'm to make my best judgment call and when I'm supposed to pause and contact Him for decision making/directive. If I get it wrong in the moment, that is okay... it's a learning opportunity for next time. You better believe I don't get it wrong a second time though!
That brings us to long term goals and plans... those are all His jurisdiction. He gives me the map or sometimes just one step in advance and I do my utmost to follow it. One of the maps W/we are following brings us into another area of O/our preferred dynamic. I also enjoy the concept that He is helping make me into His physical ideal. I mean I'd be hard pressed to find a slave who, when asked, would not want to be her Master's absolute ideal in every way. It just seems logical to me. So for years now W/we have been working on my physical health. I've lost over 70lbs (and gained a bit back), I've become much more physically fit (but I'm not anywhere near "done"). I've gotten braces on my lower teeth. I keep my nails to the length and shape He prefers. I do not cut my hair because He far prefers it long (long enough to use as a leash if desired). At one point I lost too much weight and it affected my behind in a way He did not prefer, so some was gained back to round that back out. The point of this is to say W/we are now moving into the more "serious" /tangible aspects of that map. It's exciting... it's terrifying... it's fucking painful... and it's so incredibly worth it.
Last year there was a day I went to school dressed in a new floor length gown and a student of mine stood looking at me in absolute awe. Her chin on the ground and she exclaimed Miss Mikayla, you look like a PRINCESS! Now... what I realized in that moment is that THAT is the exact look I hope to be on His face someday. It's a ways away.
On the map is likely: I am going to need some surgery to fix loose skin from weight loss. I definitely need and want to get my boobs fixed. I was at one time a 38 HHH. Now I'm a 32 DDD. That amount of weight and the weight loss have not done fantastic things, add to it that I'm a mom of two and definitely nursed both of my kids for years... so yep that needs to be handled.
Some Men would look at all of that and walk away looking for their ready made insert label here. MstrJ however, has decided that who I am as a person, as a slave, as a mother, as a teacher, as a human, and as His property is far FAR more impossible to find, teach, or replicate... and the other things can and will be altered so that He ends up with the "whole package". I could not be more grateful. Yes, I am generally pleased with how I look, but for me it is most rewarding to "do hard thing for the sake of my Person, my Master." Yesterday was incredibly difficult. I'm terrified of needles, so the two weeks after W/we decided this would be done was nerve wracking! I was certainly a bundle of nerves and I was researching all the time. Yesterday pretty much all I could do was pace.
He had to work, sadly, which meant He gave me a pep talk on the way out the door and kept tabs on me throughout the day. I wore a shirt He bought me, the bra He bought me, the pants He provided... the shoes He sent me back with last time... and His cologne. I also took my bear in my bag. Sitting there I had the book I've been reading which is His family's autobiographical novel about immigrating to the US. I sat in the waiting room reading the novel His mom edited for His great grandmother about HER mother and father. No, it was not pleasant. Yes, it hurt like a bitch. Yes, I cried. Yes, I nearly tapped out when the doc hit two very deep spaces that were NOT numbed. Yes, last night was terrible and this morning was no better... but it's getting better now. However hearing Him tell me how grateful He is and how proud of me He is that I'm willing to walk through these spaces to please Him in this way... <3 THAT is where my slave heart finds joy. I HOPE that the end result is what He envisioned. W/we won't know for a bit yet. I go back to the doc next Thursday and Master will decide if W/we get the other half of the syringe or not... Yes, part of me prays to everything holy that the half W/we did is enough. I fucking do not want to do that again! I hate needles... but if He decides that W/we need to finish it then that is what W/we will do. I definitely think that this cemented for me that I'd personally prefer to do the surgeries where He is... or at the very least have Him here to help me in the beginning... but that is a decision He will make when the time comes.
Until then I'm holding on to two mental pictures: #1 hoping that He looks at me the way my student did when all is said and done...
#2 hoping that in 12 days He really enjoy the look of my new and improved lips being very busy ... *cough* *wink*
So this is going to be unusually brief, but I'm about to walk out the door. Today is a big step for me, might be relatively minor for a lot of people, but for me, it's huge.
Today is the first day of summer vacation WHOOHOO! Another year down in the books. It's been a fantastic year. Not the topic today though.
Today marks 13 days till I'm on a plane.... and the first step towards making relatively real permanent physical changes with MstrJ in mind.
So I turn 40 in two weeks, and I'd said for a long time that I fully intended to give myself a very specific birthday present in the form of fixing some physical issues that year.
Nope, today is not the day I get my mom boobs fixed. That's still a ways down the line... but I AM having my first forray into any form of plastic anything. I'm excited. I'm terrified. I'm losing my mind. I HATE needles. I love Him with every fiber of my being. Soooooo last year I got braces and fixed my lower teeth (my uppers are already gorgeous.) I love my eyes, they are beautiful. I am lucky I really don't have that many wrinkles and certainly nothing I'd worry about fixing. I have an adorable nose and beautiful cheek bones. So long as I keep up with my bike my jaw line and neck are really pretty. ^__^ However, honestly I have itty bitty lips and a tiny mouth which do suit me, but as I get older my lips seem to get smaller and smaller. Sooooooo today I'm going to go get lip filler. I'm excited. I'm fucking terrified.
I used to have a literal phobia of needles which I got over with pregnancy. I used to sit for bloodwork saying aloud "I love my son I love my son I love my son" to manage to have the needed tests. So today I'm going to sit there and mentally say "I love my Master I love my Master I love my Master" and pray the entire damn time that it comes out well.
Got home an hour ago but it took this long to be able to be functional. Holy crap that hurt. It was an interesting sense of camaraderie in the place. Most places you go here people don't exactly *talk*... but in this office sitting there I had more "real" conversations with women than I've ever had here. It was really interesting. The procedure itself was really really painful, I'll be honest. I legit cried and almost tapped out at the end. The positive side is the clinic itself was very clean and I'm 100% sure that what was being used was real and safe (which could be iffy here, so that's worth it even if the doc himself may need some updating on his technique cause good lord. )
So I was only able to get half a syringe in this time because my lips are so tiny. I think I watched him evaluate the feasibility of mine *at all* in the beginning. So I go back in a week to get the rest done.
Those words have been said to me soooo many times and with sooo many different connotations. My mother used to tell me often how beautiful I was when I cried... then several boyfriends... yes an ex D type or three... but the one person who has never said it is MstrJ; and fuck I love Him for it.
36 days!
MstrJ and I have been talking about tears for the last few days under the context of sincerity, emotion, and the types of Sadism. The specifics of the conversation will not be shared here, but I will share here that one of the most powerful moments in O/our relationship for HIM came early on when I came to Him crying out of sincere contrition over a wrong I had done Him. I had not overstepped intentionally, and He completely understands now where my heart and mind were at; but apparently it was one of the most powerful moments for Him.
Tonight I cried very different tears, having nothing to do with Him, but only He could hold me and make it okay. Nothing can ever make it "right" but half a world away He cuddled the stuffed dog which has been in my family for over 100 years (it was my grandmother's). He went to His room, got it off His bed, and wrapped His arms around it as a surrogate for me. I buried my head into the pillow I have from His bed and sobbed and felt very very held. Thank You for all of the ways You hold space for me. Thank you for allowing me to see all of You. Thank You for trusting me. Thank You for giving a shit about things that hurt me, things that predate You. Thank You for never being annoyed with me when I have to bring those hurts to You.
I am definitely a strange one.... one of my favorite surprises is the time MstrJ took me out to Drumheller to see the Royal Tyrell Museum which houses a whole slew of fossils!
I don't know how many of you would volunteer to spend the day running around a museum or science center and actually stopping to read all of the signs... but for me, it's great fun!
After W/we spent hours walking around the museum W/we went for a hike up into the nearby Coulis.
Most of the results of Covid were terrible, no one can argue that. HOWEVER, one unexpected benefit of Covid was the ability to engage in a very specific type of discrete public play that would, otherwise, not have happened.
A longstanding fantasy of mine had revolved around MstrJ meeting me at the airport with a bag. What was in the bag did not matter to me at all, just a bag of whatever He desired. My job when I got to the airport was to go to the washroom and change into whatever was *in* the bag. Having no forewarding to time to mentally prepare. Now, I'm neurodivergent. Handling "surprises" is NOT something I typically enjoy. Part of this was a trust exercise. Part of it was to get me out of my logical headspace and into an altered one.
Last winter (2022) when I went to visit Him, He definitely liked that idea and agreed that that would be a ton of fun. So when He met me at the airport in the evening (that detail is important) He did indeed have a bag. Most of the items in the bag were actually things I'd picked out with Him and had sent before my arrival for winter. I have soft longjohns, snow pants, a very warm jacket, a sweater, a hat, scarf, and mittens set, warm socks and snowboots... but what was in the bag I did NOT know about were some interesting toys! I did not look at anything in the bag until I was sent to the washroom with my bag.
When I arrived in the bathroom I found 3 toys waiting at the bottom. #1 a plug (ok that's doable)
#2 made me sqwee with happy... (it has now become my favorite toy of all time), it was a remote control vibrator
Side note: HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!! This version has a phone app that does this???? *Looks at Him pleadingly* 0____0
ok where were we... oh yes! and then the star of today's blog...
#3. Now... when I SAW #3 I had some feelings. They went something like this OMGWTF,SD CKQNCQCMNQKNFK1FKLJBBFJF1JKBFEJBWHATHTEFUCKAM IGOINGTODOWITH THAT???? (My brain kinda melted and malfunctioned a bit. Then I focused on getting all the way dressed with the rest and then looked at #3 took a deep breath and put it where it belonged. Promptly put my hat and scarf on... took a look in the mirror to be sure that nothing was obvious and proceeded out of the washroom.
Two things became readily apparent #1 my glasses had to come off, they were fogging up so badly I could not see.
Secondly, drool was going to be a PROBLEM. I was very grateful for the scarf I was wearing or it would have been VERY clear to anyone around.
MstrJ checked in repeatedly as I got to Him, as W/we walked out to the van, as He helped me handle my seatbelt, as W/we drove... "are you ok?" "still green?" *nods nods*
On the way home He decided to stop U/us at Costco to grab a few things. As W/we walked in I grabbed the cart. W/we were halfway across the crosswalk when H/he hit the remote in His pocket. I am 100% sure that I screamed/moaned/jumped whatever. I sure as hell reacted. I gripped the cart and kept walking. He put His arm around my waist and grinned down at me. I think the mask was a blessing at that point or my face would have given the game away. He showed His membership card and W/we walked in. I was grateful to be out of the cold as I'd by now discovered problem #3 the cold + droool = fffffuuuuuucccckkkkkk that's cold!
He was having a time playing with the remote and I was grateful that He was actually steering me, because I was absolutely incapable of any rational thought or decision making. At one point I was simply hanging onto the cart for dear life as I lost all composure. He had steered us to the side wall of the store and luckily no one was around when I literally had to stand still and lean against Him hands gripping the cart for dear life begging absolutely incoherently due to the gag to be allowed to cum.
So now, looking back, this specific series of events is my #2 favorite "scene" of all time. I believe that the gag was instrumental in achieving that for me, and that would not have been possible without Covid. ^__^ look for the bright side, or at least make the most of interesting situations, eh?
my Everything, I miss You more than words can say. Thank You for all of the ways that You drive me crazy in the best ways. Thank You for listening to my own desires every bit as much as Yours. adore Your creativity. I adore Your mentality. I can not wait to get home to You to see what this summer brings!
I have a couple of ways I evaluate a man when I am first getting to know him. I will not share them all here, because that would defeat the purpose. However, I will discuss one. I have learned through experience the truth of the rule: "How a man will treat his parents is how he will treat his wife. How his mama treats his father and vice versa, most of the time that's the general range of what his relationship will be."
I've seen it for the better, I've seen it for the worse.
Remember a few blogs ago the boy whose father would bring his mom flowers when he got paid? They had the most beautiful relationship.
My first fiancée... his parents used to sit and hold hands in church after having been married for over 30 years. There was not a single thing wrong with my relationship with Adam. We would have been a fantastic couple, had I gotten out of my own way long enough to let that happen. Everything that went wrong was a combination of my own youth, misunderstandings about myself, and his misguided ideas born out of love not malice.
My first husband's parents had an AWFUL relationship. He was henpecked AF, and there was nothing loving or healthy in that household.... and I saw those same tendencies in my life.
My second husband had a very rocky relationship with his father, but worse I watched as his father was horribly neglected in his last years. I will not detail it here, but I still to this day cry because of the things I witnessed. Had I understood Arabic better at the time and understood the level of disrespect this woman showed to this man I would NEVER have married their son. I hear the indignation of some saying I shouldnt hold the son responsible for his mother's actions... but he never stopped it. He never stepped in He never ever tried to help... and later on I was on the receiving end of the same mentalities. (I did step in and actively attempt to help in the ways I could. I sat for hours upon hours with a soft bristle brush, Johnson's baby soap and baby oil cleaning his legs which had not been bathed in far far far too long. He was bedridden and could not care for himself) I did not understand that he was being told to "shut up a little" when he called for them. I only understood much later. ... How a man treats his family is how he will treat his partner (and probably holds true for women too)
It is very very very important to me to actively support MstrJ in his relationship with His family. It's very normal when children grow up that they move away and get busy with their lives and their own families and responsibilities. When W/we met it was the start of Covid and everything was locked down. We all know the toll this took on families and relationships. So when it came time to meet and go to His neck of the woods the first time, things were JUST starting to open up. His family had not been together together in YEARS. So I did what I do... and I came up with a plan. Kill 3 birds with one stone. I planned a huge family reunion for them. Most of them had never been to His home, many of them had not seen each other in years and were struggling to find a comfortable reason and way to reconnect, and finally serving Him in such a way that introducing me to His family was easy, logical, and brought Him honor. So W/we planned the First Annual (now semi-annual) MstrJ Birthday Bash.
I'm going to toot my own horn here for one minute:
IT WAS FUCKUNG FANTASTIC.
W/we had the whole family (over 25 people) broken out into teams and scrambled together so that adults were mixed with kids they didn't know well so they could bond. W/we had moms with their youngest so everyone felt comfy.
I got shirts made with a custom logo with everyone's name!
I organized a whole slew of games including a scavenger hunt that took them on foot all around His village (gave Him a chance to show off where He lived) gave the older guys a chance to show the littluns how to solve puzzles and got everyone active.
W/we had games like a water balloon fight and bobbing for apples!
It was incredible. Everyone had a great time from the youngest at a few months old right through to His dad, the Patriarch of the family.
I have soooooo many favorite memories from the event:
I had no idea how COMPETITIVE He is... but his mom outdoes Him! She is out for BLOOD man! At one point it was Him vs her on the bobbing for apples. I thought she was going to bite Him, she literally body checked Him out of the way ROFL! (She is what I'd call a sweet southern belle "Bless Your Heart" style if she was in the US) so this was VERY strange and comical!)
I loved seeing the grins on the older men's faces when they came in with the kids from the scavenger hunt with snow cones and ice creams! The men just grinning over having had a chance to spend time with the younger generation.
I loved seeing a few people take advantage of the "cool off/quiet room" I provided for people who needed an introvert breather.
Then when W/we were all enjoying the BBQ buffet lunch MstrJ and I put on His sister in law came over to inquire about the ring on my finger. She literally thought He had given it to me. I laughed and explained it's a family heirloom... but the reason it made me smile is because it was not said in a shocked/negative tone. "So, what is THIS?" she asks with a huge grin "Did NAME give it to you?"
Then my absolute favorite uncle of His walks over puts his arm around my neck and chimes in "So are you officially family now? Wait, no, scratch that, it doesn't matter. I claim you as family. You are my family." OMG I could not love that man more. <3
Later in the afternoon as all of the family is enjoying making smores and sitting by the firepit that W/we constructed together with stones W/we hauled down by hand from literally up a darn mountain (I'll write that one one day... but same mountain that houses Fun Rock)... they were having smores and same uncle asks: "SO have you ever had a Canadian Camp Pie?" Uh... a what? He grins and walks outside carrying a piece of equipment I've never seen in my life and comes back and introduces me to a BEAUTIFUL campfire cooked raspberry jam sandwich toasted over a fire in a doodad specifically made for that purpose. It was less the sandwich and more the fact that someone specifically went out of their way to include me.
At the end of the day all of those purposes were definitely achieved...
The family reconnected on a very meaningful level, and all of them had a chance to see people they have not seen in years even before covid.
MstrJ had the chance to show then His home, and they got a chance to have a house warming that they never had the chance to before.
He got a chance to show everyone that this relationship is healthy, happy, loving, and real; something that could not be said of past relationships. Actions speak louder than words.
W/we are discussing plans for this year's semiannual Birthday Bash. <3 I'm hoping it will actually be a weekend 2-3 day event which will see either both sides of the family or the other side of the family come down. I love expressing my love for Him this way. I love that He can make use of my talents this way. I love serving Him in a way that brings value and joy to Him and His family.
Thank You for making me a REAL part of Your life. Thank You for making me part of Your family. Thank You for allowing me to show You love in these ways. I love every single person in Your family, and I love the ways W/we can bring life and joy into O/our space.
Love of my Life, You know the picture I love post in the world is the one of You and Your siblings laughing. Please please never ever lose this picture. I want to keep it beside the one of my grandmother holding my mother as an infant, with my two aunts looking over her shoulder. This picture of You, because of all it represents, is among the most precious 5 things in the world to me. I'd love to make a framed version of it alongside the one Dad asked to take with You the day on the mountain when He said he was proud of You.... I'm so blessed and grateful for these memories.
I've gotten my fair share of very odd compliments in my life:
"Your moral compass is pointing due north and refuses to budge!" (said as a cutdown, but I consider it a compliment)
"There is nothing happy median about you, you are a balls to the walls, all out, CANNONBALL all in kinda girl."
"Did you ever consider for a second that YOU are the reward?" (discussing the use of the word "karma")
"You have been the test for more "Doms" than you know. Men get close to you, walk up to you, measure themselves and then walk away. You never know it happens, but they do."
These were said by people before MstrJ.
Before Him I had a very hard time accepting compliments. He had to do actual work to teach me how to hear them and accept them.
Before MstrJ I had to write them down in a book to hold onto them because I could not internalize them.
MstrJ has given me more compliments than I can ever write here, but I have a few favorites... the strangest one and the one I'd like to explain here is "I'd happily divorce her" said about me to several people on several occasions. Yes, I hear the almost audible WTF most of you just uttered. HOW is that a compliment?
Ok, it was not originally said to cause that reaction. It was a completely legitimate statement, and it is a reason He loves me.
Let me explain.
When W/we met W/we were actually both going through the end stages of respective divorces. Mine was messy AF and included a custody battle. His was ugly, if not messy.
I think this was the greatest gift W/we have been given.
I was witness to His behavior at the end of a marriage. I watched Him intentionally consider her needs moving forward. I listened to Him genuinely discuss what He needed and could do to set her up for potential success in her life, EVEN AT A COST TO HIM. This woman who had hurt Him DEEPLY. I was tiger GRRRRR pissed FOR Him. I wanted to rip her G/D head off! He was a gentleman at every step. I respected every decision. I even had a moment where I had to talk His father down and explain WHY He was doing what He was doing and why he should be proud of His son (and not try to browbeat Him into picking fights He didnt believe in). I'd go through a divorce with Him and trust that He would not be out for blood. It would suck. It would hurt... but I could divorce Him.
He was witness to the tail end of my divorce, especially the custody battle. He has seen how I handle parental issues with my daughter's father. He has seen what I will (and won't) do. He has seen how I communicate (and don't) how I'm honest but not transparent and the logic between those things. It is as a result of that that, when asked why He would consider marriage again, he replies: "I would happily divorce her". He then goes on to explain that He knows even when things are down and all hell has broken loose and everything is in tatters I'm not vengeful. I'm respectful. I'm not out for myself alone and I am not cruel or malicious. These things are not in me, no matter what someone has done to me. He trusts me with my future and His, not only in the best of times; but also if it does not work out.
Yep, W/we would happily divorce each other, and by that, we mean that Wwe can see a future together because if it were to end we know that it would not do so in flames and animosity, it would be terrible... it would be devastating. Neither of U/us wants that or can imagine any situation that would cause it to happen... but it is only because of this knowledge that W/we can truly say "I trust Y/you" not just in the good, but in the harder times too.
Here's to finding the O/one Y/you would happily divorce. ;)
Thank You for seeing me, for knowing me, for loving me, for being the Man worthy of my trust and respect. Hurry up forever, I am ready! (So long as the Love shall last.)