Secret Window

Do you ever find that you have days where you're just inexplicably... emotional? Sensitive?

I don't mean in the way that, say, you cry because a flower lost its petals, or you laugh hysterically at something that happened 37.6 years ago. Those days do happen, but that's not today - not for me, at least.

Today is one of those days when my longing takes a stronger hold than usual; my longing for somebody... my person.

I'm not ready nor looking for a relationship. I fear that I will never feel prepared or at the right place for one, or that I will simply never find my person; I'm terrified to even think of that. However, there are days when my ever-present desire for one becomes impossible to ignore, to not feel.

Such a dichotomy of emotions. Fear, and a longing for love.

I want my partner; somebody to talk to; somebody to be there for me, and somebody that I can be there for; somebody that I can lie on the couch next to in the evening, completely at ease in our silence; somebody that I can comfort and provide for; somebody that I can cook and clean for; somebody that will smile because I made them proud and laugh because I did or said something stupid again; somebody that will let me cheat at Monopoly, tolerate my horrible singing, teach me something new, help me learn a new instrument, chuckle at another burnt loaf of bread, and sigh in resignation when they learn of my math skills; somebody that will be happy when I do something that they asked of me, and delighted when I do it even before I was asked; somebody that will play with my hair when I'm curled up at their feet; somebody that I can give my entire being to and trust that I will always be okay in their care; somebody that I can open up to and share my thoughts/feelings/desires/emotions with, and somebody that will do the same with me; somebody that trusts me enough to be completely open, honest, and vulnerable with me, and know that I will be content simply to listen, free of all judgment; somebody who knows that sometimes I just don't feel like talking, and they can talk enough for the two of us while I just listen; somebody that can speak for me in circumstances where I'm anxious, nervous, or uncomfortable; somebody that isn't afraid to speak their mind and their truth; somebody who, even though they may be the protector, knows that I will always be there for them when they need me, standing tall at their side; somebody who hangs my drawings up on the fridge, knows what I want for dinner when even I don't know, and knows how I make my tea or what juice I like; somebody that knows when I just want, or even need, to be held; somebody who knows that I am happiest at home in their company, and that I don't need nor want constant socializing and outings; somebody who knows that they are my ultimate comfort, my unyielding protection, my safe haven, my serenity, and somebody that grants me the utmost privilege of being the same for them; somebody who helps to ensure that our love lasts a few eternities; somebody who is my heart and soul - my everything.

There are so many feelings and things that my entire being yearns for, but some of them just can't be put into words. Some things that my heart wants but doesn't care to share with my brain. Things that really can't be vocalized no matter how much I want to, simply because talking about it helps to ease the pain of wanting to reach for something but knowing that you're too far away to grab it just yet.

Longing just kinda sucks.

These days - when those thoughts and feelings ring a constant, piercing church bell in my mind - suck.

Knowing that this pining and hurt is always present but that I am not at all ready for a relationship really, really sucks.

To all three of those: "You can go suck a f-ck"

"The search for God is absurd?"
"It is if everyone dies alone."
"Does that scare you?"
"I don't want to be alone.”

How do you know when you've found the one?

The one that your heart melts for;

the one that your soul yearns for;

the one that your mind sings for?

Does the sky look more blue every morning, and the moon more divine every night? Does the sun feel warmer on your skin? Do the stars have a brighter shine that breaks up the never-ending darkness that mirrors what you feel inside?

Do you look forward to waking up every morning, simply because you know that your reality is now better than your dreams? Do you long to wake next to them, make their morning coffee and a warm breakfast, greet them in the evening with dinner on the table, fall asleep next to them, and start all over again? Do they make you laugh with their horribly corny jokes? Do they make you cry, only to then make you laugh again? Do you help each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly? Do you tease and poke fun at each other, knowing it is all in jest? Did physical touch, which you were once deprived of, become your love language? Do you hold their hand walking into a store or down the sidewalk because they are your greatest comfort - your unwavering protection? Do you find reassurance in their mere presence, and solace in their silence?

Can you already see and hope for your future? Can you imagine taking a trip to the shelter and adopting a puppy together? Can you dream of finding and making a home together? Can you visualize how you will look standing next to one another at the end of the aisle? Can you already picture sitting side-by-side on the back porch during a summer's evening, watching your children chase each other through the too-long grass?

Can you imagine having never had these experiences?

...can you imagine your life without them in it?

It's not often when I can say that I hold genuine affection for someone I've never even had an interaction with, but Bob Ross is one of those people. He truly was such a special soul, and you can't help but feel warm inside whenever he put his brush to the canvas and reassured us of our happy accidents. Just listening to him speak brings such comfort and serenity that I often fall asleep to these videos, so I wanted to share one of them just in case somebody needs to feel that comfort as well; he might bring it to you, he might not, but I simply hope that he can help someone that may need it right now.

"Look around. Look at what we have. Beauty is everywhere — you only have to look to see it."

I feel like a bird with a broken wing
Damaged by all the bad I've seen
I want to fly away with you now and feel new things
But I get frustrated I can't yet, so I let off steam

Sometimes I feel trapped, up on a beam
High above a crowded scene
Reluctant to move. for I fear I'll fall
I know I can't fly all the way yet, so I stall

I make up excuses to change the focus
I can't stand my condition, so I try not to let anyone notice
I hide it inside like there's nothing wrong
But sometimes the list can get really long

Please understand when it happens
And just sit with me here
Sometimes I will need you to dry my tears
Stay by my side as I learn how to glide
Help me one step at a time. so we can finally fly

Will Reyes

At any given time, I have approximately 3.14 questions bumping into my singular brain cell (give or take a few if I'm feeling extra frisky); I thought that I might write some of them down in hopes that a couple kind and wonderful and beautiful and intelligent people might have an answer to one.

...did my flattery work?

1) What in the ever-loving bejeezus is "sounding"? I have come across that term in many a profile, always listed as a limit, but have never seen someone actually talk about it and explain what that is.

2) What exactly does needle play entail? How... do you play with needles? Does that mean to give someone a piercing of some type, or something completely different?

3) Is getting a brand/tattoo of a partner common, uncommon, or practically unheard of (in your experience/opinion)? Could it be, or is it, considered almost like a super-duper permanent collar? Is it more often a territorial/ownership type thing, or more often a sign of commitment? Do you have an opinion on them - for or against?

4) If you have a collar, has someone ever noticed it or approached you regarding it? As in, has a stranger ever walked up to you whilst grocery shopping and said "So... you like getting spanked, eh?"

If so, is it fairly obvious what it is, or is it more of a day collar/necklace?

5) In your own personal experience, are your limits something that you've tried and didn't like, or something that you will not try/know that you won't enjoy? A combination of both?

(This obviously doesn't apply to things that are illegal or morally indefensible; you would think that those would just be a given)

6) How does one go about public play without bringing, well, the public into it? If you're outside around people who haven't consented to your scene, how does that play out?

7) If two switches are in a relationship/dynamic, how is it decided when each person will be the Dom or sub? Does it just happen naturally and you go with the flow? What if both people are feeling submissive at the same time, or vice versa?

8) In your personal experience/dynamic, does your role carry over into everyday life? Say you're a Dominant - if you're in public with your submissive, do you still act dominant towards them (and they respond the same as always), or are you just "normal" people? "Normal" isn't the word that I'm looking for here, but it's the best I can think of at the moment. Non-BDSMy people.

I don't mean this in the way that you'd make them drop to their knees on the sidewalk, rather if it's clear that you're always the one in charge, regardless of circumstance/whereabouts.

9) Sadists - is there a certain level or amount of pain that you enjoy inflicting, or is it the response in your partner that you're looking for? If you poked one person with a stick and whipped the other until they bruised, but they both gave the same response due to their differing tolerance for pain, would that still be satisfying for you?

10) Do you believe that the dynamic/lifestyle is more important? Do you believe that a lovin', touchin', squeezin' relationship is more important? Do you only find appeal in a dynamic, or does building a relationship with your partner before the dynamic create a stronger, more powerful bond (in your opinion/experience)?

11) Have any of you watched the movie "365 Days"? Did you find it as horribly awkward, bordering on unwatchable, as I did? I don't know if it's because it was just an unbelievably bad movie, or because I was so uncomfortable I would've preferred crawling out of my skin to watching it again, but I laughed through the entire thing.

Both, is the answer to that.

Are you lost, baby gorl? 

12) People that actually like celery -   ...why? 

13) Do you remember the line to be "Mirror, Mirror on the wall..." or "Magic Mirror on the wall..."?

I've always remembered it to be Mirror Mirror, but that is, in fact, incredibly incorrect.

Inconceivable.

I was once asked if I listened to music that matched my mood, or if I listened to music to change my mood; at the time my answer was both, but I've become increasingly aware of the fact that I listen to what I feel.

I don't often talk about how I'm feeling, even less so do I let myself actually express it, but music is one thing that has always allowed me to do so without judgment or criticism. It says more than I ever could, or even more than I may want to. It's a way for me to get it all out when I don't have any other way to, or when I just don't feel like talking.

I always get over whatever I'm feeling soon enough - music just helps in the meantime.

What would your answer to that question be?

What song speaks to you right now?

Born a child of the night and that stain taints forever
Black of heart and the dark is the one place you treasure
There is not one legend who has wasted life
Wishing worth beyond earth is absurd in the never, death won't die

So close to heaven and so damn far from God
Lost to the shadows, just ashes in the dust

He will creep as you sleep, take your dreams and debase them
Traumatized, your demise is his prize when awakened
There is not one legend who'd not realized
The deceased find no peace in the place where he takes them

So close to heaven and so damn far from God
Lost to the shadows, just ashes in the dust

The wind's an omen, one soul is stolen
The wind's an omen, one soul is gone

So close to heaven and so damn far from God
Lost to the shadows, just ashes in the dust
So close to heaven and so damn far from God
Lost to the shadows, just ashes in the dust

Dragging down is effortless, lifting up takes love
Dragging down is effortless. welcome to the dust

What song(s), without fail, will get stuck in your head every time you hear it, whether you actually like the song or not?

One of mine is September by Earth, Wind & Fire.

It gets obnoxious after the tenth "ba-dee-ya" playing on repeat in my head, especially considering I only know the chorus. 

What is one thing, or a few, about yourself that most people would find controversial? Something that might make them think "is this person messing with me, or have they finally lost their mind?"

This is all meant in jest and good fun! Please don't say anything that would genuinely offend/hurt someone, or cause a kerfuffle. 

A few examples...

•When I make s'mores, I like my marshmallow completely burnt on the outside

•I like Megadeth more than Metallica (this one usually ruffles some feathers ?)

•I like movies that are so stupid/off-the-wall/downright awful, that they are actually funny (think Tenacious D POD, Army of Darkness, Idle Hands, Disaster Movie)

•One drink that I like to order when I go out to eat is half rootbeer, half lemonade; this is typically the only way that I drink rootbeer 

I would love to learn some random facts about y'all that normally wouldn't come up in conversation, so please do join in! I always think it's fun to hear about other people's little idiosyncrasies ?

Hiya!!

This challenge really caught my attention, so I figured I'd give my two cents! I absolutely love music, and I must admit that I have few... guilty pleasure songs, but I have a particular one in mind. 

Christian Woman by Type O Negative

Not only are the lyrics of this song quite fitting, but I have always loved Peter Steele's voice. I would call it lust and sin in a pretty tall bottle, though I'm not sure that it would have done him justice. 

Original post found here: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=55006

Thanks a bunch for the idea!

I'm adding this one solely for the music video, but it's the toned down, censored version.

This is the version that I prefer ?

A cross upon her bedroom wall
From grace she will fall
An image burning in her mind
And between her thighs

A dying God-man full of pain
When will you cum again ?

Before him beg to serve or please
On your back or knees
There's no forgiveness for her sins
Prefers punishment ?
Would you suffer eternally
Or internally ?

For her lust
She'll burn in hell
Her soul done medium well
All through mass manual stimulation
Salvation

Corpus Christi
She needs
Corpus Christi
Corpus Christi

She'd like to know God
Love God
Feel her God
Inside of her
Deep inside of her

Hiya!!

I wanted to share a song that I felt might resonate with some people; I have heard so many stories shared here that are very similar to the message conveyed.

I hope that y'all kinky people enjoy it! We are all slightly... disturbed, after all. 

*Ba Dum Tsss*

I've begun to realize

That whenever I am with you

You deliver me from the pain in my life

Easy now to recognize

All the misery I have been through

It was beating me to submission

'Til the day you arrived

Certainly, I felt alive

Strength I had lost was revived

I'm mending inside and we both know why

'Cause you're mine

I knew I could be whole if you were mine

I'll vanquish any foe because you're mine

Been betrayed too many times

Didn't think I would ever recover

That it'd haunt me for the rest of my life

Then you opened up my eyes

And you helped me rediscover

With what you resurrected

A man who had died

Your power regave me new life

Made me reborn and refined

Rebuilt from inside and we both know why

'Cause you're mine

I knew I could be whole if you were mine

I'll vanquish any foe because you're mine

I never thought I would ever escape

At times, I wanted to die

Feared that it all was just a little too late

For then, I wouldn't survive

I let you in and let go of the hate

My heart recovered now, I

Owe you a debt that I can never repay

I still believe 'cause you're mine

I'm burning inside and we both know why

'Cause you're mine

I knew I could be whole if you were mine

I'll vanquish any foe because you're mine

I can regain control because you're mine

I can take over the world because you're mine

Mine