This one is NOT about food

How is it despite working on the important things in life that our minds do not allow us a reprieve? 

Yesterday, I had a very productive day and brought a lot of positivity into my life. I brought out my trumpet which I haven't played since high school and tried to work through some scales. I'm super rusty but at least there is still some muscle memory that I have in place. I did all sorts of little things I enjoy, dancing and trying to learn a new martial art. Really though they were all half assed attempts but I was doing something. Taking action and being AWESOME! 

Today is a little bit different, and yet exactly the same. I was cleaning up after my breakfast doing my dishes, which I normally leave to do right before I make dinner. Progress! I had just finished and was mixing up some water for my plant and I was overwhelmed with the thought "I am useless." While standing in my kitchen doing the things I needed to be successful and survive. For no DAMN reason... 

My mind is not my friend and we have never gotten along. I just wish I could learn to shut up sometimes and let life be. I'm fortunate that I didn't slip much farther down that path but why does it have to rear its ugly head in the first place? Why can't I just be happy with who I am? 

I have never been diagnosed with any mental disorders, but the mind can be a struggle and a half. So to those out there struggling, we all have to deal with some demon that plagues our lives. Be kind to one another, and remember to laugh when you have the opportunity. 

Tonight I am sitting at my desk at work. I have just begun my night shift and I have more than a few hours remaining to my shift. Tomorrow when I arrive home I will encounter a situation that I do not desire. To be blunt this next week is going to FUCKING suck! 

But at this moment in time I have a few options ahead of me. I can choose to be a similar person of my past, I can approach the problem in anger, I can approach it with distrust, I can even approach it with any number of negative emotions that fill me right now. 

I have a few other options in my bag as well. I can approach this situation as an opportunity. Bad things happen in life, we CANNOT avoid them. Traumatic events happen, people die, we make mistakes and choose poor paths for ourselves that create destruction in our lives and around us. To each one of us there is something in our life, in this moment, or one from our past, or one that will occur in our future that creates an obstacle. A mountain that blocks any way forward for us. A demon that holds sway over our thoughts and actions. 

It's what we do when faced with those moments that makes us who we are. The best way to look at the situation is based on the comparison of our previous self. Knowing this situation I will be walking into tomorrow I can already choose how I will approach it. I can be pissed off and angry, or I can try and handle this situation better than my previous self. I can be cool headed and calm, I can choose that for me. That might be difficult especially when I let my emotions begin to dictate how I react, instead of responding. So knowing myself and where some of my shortcomings are I can begin to prepare. 

We are all fools, which I think is a really positive thing. We WILL fail, over and over. It's apart of being human. We must accept this. We have to realize this truth about ourselves and look at it in the face and stare it down. The thing we must remember is to fail upwards. Try something, and learn from your experiences. Learn what to do, or maybe learn what NOT to do. And maybe repeat that process of learning what not to do, until you finally understand exactly what TO do. 

Life is a giant mess and everyone will have struggles and problems that are specific to them. Ultimately we must learn to overcome what we can by ourselves. Of course we can ask for assistance and guidance from those around us, our trusted friends and family. Maybe even some strangers who hold similar kinks and can understand where our minds are. But if we are not able to strike out and stand up for our own well being we have lost the game of life. Motivation cannot be achieved from some outside source, it must be driven from within for significant change to occur and to remain! 

My parents told me to brush my teeth when I was a child after breakfast and before bed. My entire life during my youth my parents asked me "Did you brush your teeth?" As a grown adult responsible for my own well being there is no one to tell me when to brush my teeth, or to take action in my own life. That choice is all mine. I have unlimited potential in this moment to make any decision for myself. I can choose to stare at my personal demons and scoff at them! I can choose to be better than I was previously! 

I'm tired of allowing the darkness of my past to rule my present. I am not the same man I was 3 months ago, and I won't be the same man in 3 months time. But where I go, who I become, the mistakes I make are all mine to choose. We should not fear failure but embrace it as the most intelligent instructor. We can improve and make better choices, and so long as we stumble forward with an open mindset we can become that better version of ourselves. 

It's not easy, and no matter what you face just remember it may be tragic and hard to overcome but we cannot let it break us. We must always do our best to move forward, even if that next step ends up with our face on the pavement. Because even falling down is progress. 

We must move forward on our own, but there are people here with experience that could offer insights into our own turbulent strife. Be open minded and tolerant of those around you, offer your support if you think it may add value or benefit to someone else. Remember we are all human, and sometimes we do need a little assistance to pick ourselves up. Offer what you can and who knows it may help you learn something about yourself too.

We have all the potential in the world to improve who we are, and once we decide to take that for ourselves there isn't anything that can take it away from us. So let's work on banishing our demons, on building that resilience within ourselves. But we must also be open to the thought of accepting help from those that offer it during our times of crisis. Be pragmatic about your situation but recognize that there is an amazing community that we can help build up to offer words of council and support. Let's create a safe space where everyone feels included to vent their frustration or ask embarassing questions. We should not judge those who lay themselves bare in front of us, but appreciate their courage and offer our strength to them. 

To those that have taken the time to read this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Let's work on being better by ourselves, and together. Because we all have that potential. 

So I had a problem with my furnace not quite working over the last few days, and I tried a couple of YouTube hacks that didn't solve my problem. As soon as the technician shows up he tells me that my furnace has a fracture on the heat exchanger, which could have been potentially deadly to me. 

As it stands I have shut everything off to the furnace and am waiting for my appointment to get a quote on buying a brand new furnace. He should be showing up in an hour, so I'm hoping the bill isn't insanely expensive. 

Be safe everyone and maybe have your furnaces looked at, especially if you own a Carrier furnace. They are terribly designed and will fail in shorter timeframes than most other furnaces. 

Good morning everybody,

I was pondering a thought over these last few days about how we choose to spend our time. You see Tik Tok videos of people putting themselves into sweaters so they can't move and other talented skills being portrayed. But what about it? Everyone in their lives have some goals they probably want to accomplish, whether they are short term or long term. If you happen to be reading this and think to yourself, well I don't really have ANY goals I suggest you take a deep look and figure some out. Because goals in our lives give us focus, and purpose. They can create a set bar that we would like to achieve, and when we manage to successfully accomplish that task we get a huge sense of appreciation for the effort put forward to master that task. It can release endorphins that fill us with energy, or happiness or just that REALLY "good feeling". 

So I wanted to take a moment to share with you my thoughts and some small accomplishments that I have managed to achieve recently in my life. I have started to train in calisthenics since I'm broke and don't like to spend money at the gym. The only restriction to my training is the determination I have to put the effort forward and lift myself. Some days I do really well get very motivated and manage a long 30 min exercise program. Some days I only get in 5 minutes here or there. The thing is I put a little effort into my training each day and try to stay as CONSISTENT as possible. One of my biggest goals for myself in my training is to be able to accomplish a hand stand push up. It sounds impressive and I am making headway, but you know where I'm stuck? I haven't been able to do a handstand since I was in junior high school. Yeah big talk from a guy who can't even manage to balance himself properly yet, but this is what I'm talking about when setting goals. My ultimate goal is to master calisthenics. In order to do that I'm picking one technique that I have no ability to do now, the hand stand push up and working towards it. But that goal can't be accomplished until I master another skill first. The handstand. Today I managed to hold a hand stand for 2 seconds, and that may not seem like much but to me I got so excited I smashed my knee into my couch while jumping for joy. I mean 2 seconds, who cares right? Consider the fact that 6 months ago I couldn't even manage to put myself upside down. Progress! 

So why am I talking about this here and now? First I got excited and I wanted to share with everyone. Secondly, this idea of mastery applies to BDSM in a massive and I think extremely important role. You first have to break down the thought process into two portions. No matter what kinks you are into there are two sides to it, the doms side and the subs side. Maybe a few others if there are multiple people introduced into your dynamic. Whatever the case may be, you have to evaluate each kink and the potential hazards that might come along with it. In my case, I LOVE the aesthetic of shibari. One day I would even be interested in learning about suspended rope play. I'm sure you can see the thread I'm trying to follow here as there are some inherently large risks associated with suspending someone by ropes. If you have no clue what you are doing (that's me right now) then you can easily hurt the person you are supposed to be caring for with all of your being. So you have to begin at square 1 and figure out how to tie a knot, and MASTER tying that knot so you know, and the person who trusts you enough to put them in an EXTREMELY VULNERABLE position also knows they are safe. Each individual has to look at the experience for what it can be, and get excited about it, especially when you find something that fills your soul to a depth you have never felt before. But realize each one of those particular kinks has dangers associated with it too. You need to gain mastery over the little bits and pieces of that craft, so that you can guarantee you are safe and reliable enough to let someone risk their well being with you. Just remember though, it takes time and experience. You can't master knowing how to tie a knot without trying it hundreds of thousands of times. Keep in mind though you need to be mindful of the technique in which you learn! You can do a pushup and maybe managed to do 50 of them, but if you practice the wrong way you end up causing damage to your shoulders and do not get the benefit of those 50 pushups if you were to do them with the proper technique. Maybe you managed to use proper technique and now you can only manage 10. It's a big difference but those 10 proper push ups will improve your strength more than the 50 not done well at all. 

So let's be mindful. Let's take a moment to look at something and examine it closely. Think about the potential, the good, the exciting and the bad. Are you fully dedicating yourself to a mastery of a skill so that you can protect the person who gives themselves to you? Because if you aren't, you become a hazard to those in this community and to yourself. You need to consider what you do and how you plan to get there. Okay yeah learn how to SAFELY suspend someone with nothing but rope? I'm interested but I have a mountain of steps in front of me to master this. I can't take any shortcuts because at the end of the day the person I am putting at risk is the one who means EVERYTHING to me. Why would I throw them into a dangerous situation with no ability or skill to properly care for them and treat them if something were to go wrong. That's my responsibility as your Dom to make sure nothing goes wrong, and I'm not doing my job to protect you if I don't have the necessary skills. 

Now I can't speak to the mind of a sub, but I want to try to be fair here and offer a doms opinion on the matter thinking as a sub. So let's say you are interested in trying X but you have never done it before. You trust your Dom to know he is capable of making sure in the event something goes wrong he will properly care for you and have your well being as his first and most important interest. So you get into X situation and realize the thought of this act was more stimulating than the act itself. You realize "Hey, I'm not into this as much as I was". You call out your safeword, or just say "I'm done" you get let down/out of that situation no problem. Now what happens when your Dom doesn't know what in the hell he is doing? Now as a sub trapped in a situation you suddenly realized is NOT for you and now your Dom is stumbling around trying to react to the fact that things did not go as planned. So I would offer to those subs out there to consider deeply this person you are giving this trust to, and get to know them. Their level of ability and maybe that dangerous act you are both interested in can one day be accomplished together. Just remember that there is no rush to accomplishing your goals. Take your time and feel out what's right for you. Realize as well the idea of something is not always the reality. You can change your mind, and do not be afraid to say "I am not okay with this". If you are with someone who has your best interests at heart they will back off reevaluate and try another approach. If they don't back off then you are in two different spheres of desire, and it may be best to leave that situation. You need to consider what is the best thing for you as no one can live your life for you, and if you choose to give over control to this other being make certain that they are genuinely interested in your well being. 

No matter the case, take the time to gain skills. Take the time to get to know yourself. Know what you are capable of, recognize your strengths and weaknesses. The best part though? Weakness does not have to stay that way, so long as you put honest effort to improving that skill it can be turned into a strength. Lets have some fun though because that is what we are here for but let's take a small moment to consider all the ramifications of the things we deeply desire. The good and the bad. 

Good luck to all of us out there, and be safe! Don't forget to take this self isolation time to focus on YOU and maybe gain some new skills. 

Hi there and welcome! My name is Jonathan and I am glad I did some digging on the internet and found this website and this community. 

I am recently single, about 2 months ago my wife and I separated. We had been together a total of 10 years, married for 5. I had found that I was drawn to the world of BDSM, from some of the articles and materials I read. In my last relationship we began to explore a D/s dynamic almost towards the end of our relationship and it was truly exhilarating. It was like finding an oasis in the desert. It brought an entirely new way of approaching life to me, and I found I was addicted. I've wanted to explore and learn all that I can as I'm still quite inexperienced for now. So I had made a determination. I want to live a dominant life, a life that embodies the act of commanding the space around me that is my dominion. I want to find peace and calmness in a world of pandemics, earthquakes, destruction and death. I'm very much working on me, how I view the world changes a little each day and I feel more confident in myself than I have in years. Except when I was a kid, I held nothing back and put everything out there and I didn't give a rip who saw or made fun or laughed. I was just doing something I loved and that was enough. I'm trying to get back into that headspace and I am making progress but Jonathan (kid version) still has me crushed at this point. It takes time and effort, and nothing WORTH gaining is ever EASY. So I am here hoping to learn more, hoping to make some connections with amazing people (I already have, thank you TheCage!!!!) and hoping to come out of this mess we call life just a tiny bit better than yesterday. 

Also I feel the need to mention I am trying to become more involved in those around me, and unfortunately I caved and downloaded Tik Tok and I do have snapchat as well. Not that I use them or have any idea on how to use them... I mean it took me a few tries to even get this Blog right. I had also downloaded some dating apps but I got instantly frustrated with them! I just wanted to talk to some PEOPLE but no one responds! Which is why when I found this website of like minded individuals who actually have an interest in bettering the community, helping those with questions, actually taking 5 minutes out of your day to connect with someone else I was blown away! I'm so damn excited to be here, to learn, to communicate and grow. We all can learn from those around us we just need to keep an open mind. 

Best wishes to all those this Easter! Whether you choose to celebrate or not have an amazing and wonderful day. #NailedIt

Hi there, I am brand new to the site and THIS is my first blog here. I didn't realize the description was exactly what it's defined as. I got a little carried away. The moment I realized my mistake was when I tried to add a photo. Of the eggs. That I made. In the description. 

Anyways I hope I figure this out at some point. 

Umm actually does anyone know how to add photos from your phone?