This one is NOT about food

Hello Cage friends, 

It's time for an old lesson in a new way (for me, perhaps you've already learnt this and if so good on you!) *There is going to be a lot of randomness this blog, ideas pulled from here and there and I will try to make as much sense as possible but I am a silly man who sometimes does things and communicates complexly*

So I want to start with my day and the way that I've begun to shift my schedule. On my day shifts I am developing a routine of trying to make sure I get a few things accomplished before I run off to work. I wake up just after 4 am, I start my day letting my dogs outside, and use the washroom while they do the same. Once everyone is back inside the house I have a shower to try and wake myself up and get me going. During my shower I've recently explored a few thought experiments. Taking an imaginary situation and "how would I handle being a teacher, what would I try to teach my students, how would I approach instructing them, and many different ways that I might address slackers, goofballs, what would I try and impart as necessary advice and guidance?“ That was the thought experiment that I ran through yesterday. Today was following a new intentional prayer that I am developing for myself. It begins with acknowledging my place in the Universe, that I have certain skills that no one else possesses and generic skills that anyone else may also accomplish. I ask that I have doors opened, that I am given opportunity to use skills only I possess to accomplish what is required of me. That doors be closed. That I am given the opportunity to grow within myself, my patience, my resiliency, my ability to handle difficult situations. I do not have an ironed out this is word for word what I say, but I desire to be a conduit for what the Universe may allow in my life. I want to open myself to the potential of what will happen, and that I will learn to recognize the areas I am being given a chance to enact the power, talent, and ability that I have. Whether gifted innately or that which I have managed to cultivate through experience.

So after going through my intentional prayer I had my thoughts wander back to a previous interaction I had at work on Boxing Day (although I was working nights). There was a mistake made by a crew and a section of main was shut off. Someone called in and I had a conversation about why the water was off and why it couldn't be turned back on. They had been without water for a day or two already and as it was Christmas they were frustrated with the situation. I remember at the end of the conversation one of the last things I told them after explaining everything was "Alright?" It was meant to be "Do you understand?" In the shower today the words from their response came back clearly to my mind "Well no, not alright". I thought through my line of reasoning, how could I have explained the situation better? Was there something that I might have been able to express or clearly inform them about the situation that would have garnered more clarity, understanding and appeasement? In going over this situation again I recognized something very cool and the old lesson that I learned maybe a month ago? It was about placing the dynamic above your girl. About serving the dynamic, instead of the immediate need or want from your s type. It was about recognizing there could be harm in giving in to wants of your s type, and how it could actually deteriorate the overall well being of the dynamic by making that choice. I saw clearly how this is true and I could recognize in this situation that I was placing the overall well being above the want of a single customer. Essentially the worst case scenario is that during the repair some parasite entered the water main, and if I opened that line up I could have sent that tainted water into the homes of those people and injured or potentially killed multiple people. I needed to wait for the lab to come back and test the sample giving us the all clear there is nothing hazardous in the water. But the labs are closed for Christmas and it takes time for them to process the samples. The thing is the customer was explaining their discomfort, they were a little upset and wanty. I had to prioritize the well being of all individuals and I had to place their safety above giving them water that night because if anything were to happen it would have been my responsibility. I saw so very clearly in that moment a better way of explaining the situation, of sharing with them tidbits of what could happen and that they needed to learn a bit of patience and sit in the discomfort until I was able to guarantee their safety. Now, don't get me wrong I didn't handle the situation poorly the first time. But can't we do better with a little self evaluation? Shouldn't we strive to work at being better in the ways we take responsibility, in how we explain ourselves and the manner in which we act? I mean it's the words we choose, the manner in which we approach a situation.

Which segues me into the next portion of this blog. We choose how we are seen and heard and experienced by our actions. It's the manner in which we squint, slyly glance out of the corner of our eye, or stare deeply intently forward with full eye contact. It's the manner in which we stand, the posture we hold, the intensity within our voice, the range of quiet and loud, expressive and soft, the way we hold our hands, the pressure we use.

I had a very interesting conversation with my friend in which she shared with me 3 photos. The images were very similar, and yet the differences between them were exceptional. The funny part is that I am a blind man. If you have read one of my previous blogs I mention that I have aphantasia (the inability to visualize, or a lack of a minds eye). Internally I am a blind man. Externally, I wear glasses and my vision is quite poor. But more than that I don't notice subtle changes. My friend who happens to be an empath was sharing with me the way she read the images. The expressive way she was able to explain the situation by reading the subtle cues of the hands, the shoulders, the jawline, the essence of each situation was radically different. When I looked at the images I had no sense of them, I didn't see anything that she was able to. I was truly blind to what was being said by the two people and the nature of the relationship and interaction they were preserving. The thing that shook me, that rattled my whole being was the depth that can be achieved without a word. Becoming explicitly intentional by the manner in which I hold my hand, the manner in which I turn myself. The way I choose to lean forward, or back, or shift my weight neutrally. How I hold myself can speak volumes when you know what to look for, when you learn to read the energy expressed. I need to become more aware of the nature of my posture, I need to work at understanding what my Dominants Will requires to express. How my eyes, my shoulders, my hands, my torso, my voice, my legs, my feet all can work together to express my Will. Learning how to master this expression, this intention, this fundamental being is paramount to my journey. There is immense depth in the smallest gesture, there can be perfect communication without a single word. I need to master how I express myself. It is a requirement. I need to work at putting more thought into how I choose to express myself. I am learning that I am always where I need to be, but it's about listening to what that situation requires. Allowing myself the opportunity to be the conduit that the Universe will work through, and acting appropriately in every situation, in all spaces, all interactions that I find myself. Some spaces I may learn what NOT to do, and some spaces may test my frustration, and build my patience. Some situations may reward the good work I have been implementing in my life, but each place I am meant to be. Each moment is a chance to grow, to learn, to improve. To be shown that all will occur as it should and if the outcome doesn't align with what I desire or want then perhaps it's because the Universe is telling me this is what I need right now. To take this lesson and then find myself in a more prosperous place in a months time or next week or tomorrow.

I hope you are all well, and I thank you for taking the time to read my words today. I do earnestly hope that you gained an insight, or see a clearer way forward for yourself at the end of this blog. If you feel you've wasted your time here, then feel free to take it up with HR and file a complaint. Have a good day everyone. 

Hello Cage friends, 

I recently had a statement with a friend that created a great sense of understanding within myself. It had been previously discussed and one aspect of the idea made itself known to me. Today while having a seemingly innocuous conversation over an action and feeling I had realization struck my brain space like a bit of a lightning bolt.

So I had written a blog a little bit back now about how I minimize my positive attributes. I look at myself and I do tend to minimize what positive things I bring into different situations. During this recent conversation this morning it was made apparent that I do the exact opposite. 

I not only minimize my positive qualities but I exaggerate the negative aspects of who I am. I've always seen myself through a negative lens. The good I do is never "good enough" while the bad and negative things are blown out of proportion. 

When I look at myself I choose to say "I'm a terrible person. I'm evil. I'm the worst human in existence." This has been the way I see myself my entire life. Each situation I made a poor choice just reinforced this negative self view. I continued down this path of self abuse. I completely disregarded the positive I managed to accomplish, or say that what good I DID do just wasnt enough. While I engorged the negative, inflating it until I saw myself as nothing but vile, despicable, deplorable.

I'm working on this self image. In fact since joining this site I've made tremendous progress on how I view myself. I've recognized that I minimize my good qualities and exaggerate the bad. 

So what's the point of all of this?

Well the question I bring to myself and those who read my blog today is this, what happens when you make a mistake as a Dom? I mean you can't ignore when you make a mistake. When you consider what happens if your s type makes a mistake, brings something to your attention how do you choose to handle it? Do you listen, and fully observe the situation? Do you give yourself some time to consider what happened, why it happened and then dole out a course correction or punishment that is appropriate to the crime?

Thinking through this line of experience I recognized that I do not do that for myself when I make a mistake. I immediately jump to "Worst human ever" with no regard for what happened, the circumstance, why it happened, and working at understanding myself in my mistake. I mean you can't ignore when you make a mistake, some form of course correction needs to occur. But the most critical point is that you need to adequately and fairly understand what was the mistake. Was I selfish? Not really, although my actions were not altruistic. There was an element of self preservation within my actions, but does that make me an awful human being? I used to jump to "ABSOLUTELY YES". Although it's comical because when I witnessed someone else in that situation be it a friend or an s type there is an abundant amount of patience, understanding and support that I try to offer them. When it comes to myself though I used to hold no grace, no room for error, I demanded perfection in every moment, in every circumstance. The thing is it requires the right amount of balance. It takes seeing myself objectively, such that I don't jump to the most terrible I could see myself. I need to observe, evaluate, and take time to consider my actions and what do I NEED to do to properly and accurately correct my course? I was always way to extreme for myself, and in having this conversation with my friend I recognize that I need to be more authentic in how I judge myself. I need to hold the mirror up and see myself as I am, for what my actions are, and not the warped twisted image that I imagine those actions to be. I need to see myself and give myself credit for the good I do, and fairly evaluate myself for the bad. I need to give myself an appropriate level of punishment, course correction or just a slap on the wrist given the circumstance. Then walk forward knowing I can do better.

No one is perfect. But it does no good to view yourself worse than you are. It's not fair. It's not honest. You need to allow the right balance, to simply see yourself as an individual working on sorting themselves out. I need to work at giving myself the same discretion I choose to give my s type. I need to find the right balance for me. Not overshadow the good work I do, or inflate the bad decisions and actions I have made. Be honest, sincere and forthright. I deserve that much and so do you.

To those that read my blog today, thank you for your time. I appreciate that you choose to join me on my journey, I hope you find growth and inspiration for yourself today. 

Hello Cage friends, 

Today I want to bring a bit of positivity. I hope that these words will instill growth, insight and guidance to those who choose to read them.

Now where to begin?

There is a critical piece of understanding that was lost on me. I may have been speaking English for the last 27 years or so (gotta give myself the 2 years of babbling that can't really be considered any language) and I had never understood something before until today. 

What is the difference between a promise and an intention? Two similar ideas, and when misconstrued by replacing one with the other you can walk into a wall that damages your life and that of the person you attach yourself to. I never understood that an intention is something you hope for, yet may or may not be held to on account of life happening. A promise on the other hand is your word set to create a binding, of an action that will happen regardless of life getting in the way.

When you consider the English language, and the myriad of word choices, the meanings behind it, when you truly understand what something means there is an immense power to be held there. I am currently reading a book that was suggested to me by my Mentor. In it one of the very first things the book acknowledges is that BDSM is an art form. It is YOUR art form and how you choose to express that creativity is up to you. The limits of your imagination, and your skill to create into reality that experience.

I have been on a journey to find my Dominant Will. What does that mean, where can I locate it? How will finding my Will actually change my life and the lives of those who serve me? I'm still lacking, still confused, still a little bit lost in this space. Part of finding my Will is learning how I want to choose to perform my art. Part of my Will is locating the hobbies that best serve me, such that I can take what I create inside my mind and exhibit it into the reality of the lives for myself and those who choose me to be their guide. I am learning to look in the right spaces, I am learning more about what a Dominants Will actually entails and gaining a richer understanding for myself what it means to locate my Will. This is a journey that will require patience, and practice. It is the same as learning the English language, what a word means, the depth to which that word holds meaning, and the ways that my intentional word choice, tone, facial expressions, the way I hold my physical presence become embodied and all of this becomes the way I choose to enact my art form of BDSM. It is a journey I am walking, it is a life long endeavour to practice each day to master what will eventually become my own unique performance within the art of the lifestyle. I am finding my kink, learning about new areas I've never understood before and I will admit my understanding is lacking in many areas. I have time to learn though, and when I consider that I hope to have another 70 years mastering all of these techniques, and expressions, I realize that I don't need to rush my process. I still have a long life ahead of me (so long as no unforeseeable doom happens to cut my existence short, which I do not plan on encountering. Of course that's not within my power to actually manage, my life will be as long as it is. As long as I'm gifted time here in this space, all I can do to make sure that it's as lengthy and healthy is to make smart choices about my activity levels, diet choices and general day to day decisions that lead to a healthy lifestyle) All of this understanding takes practice. Takes time. Takes effort to learn and accomplish. It has to be my choice to move forward in these areas, to do it for MYSELF, to understand who I am, to grow within who I am meant to be, so that I can share of my true nature with those who see my value.

There was another critical aspect that the book I'm reading teaches on. It states that the goal within a d/s dynamic is to achieve a level of perfect communication between those who exist within that relationship. What is perfect communication? What does that actually mean? It's about creating an effective and efficient form of understanding between the people involved. Where the words spoken are heard, seen, and intuitively known by all parties. That there would exist no doubt in the comprehension of what was said and MEANT. I desire to create a space where perfect communication can be achieved. I desire to be understood wholly and without any miscommunication. I recently experienced a giant leap forward in understanding the critical difference between an intention, and a promise. There was a gap in my knowledge, based on a previous experience that had altered how I see interactions. How I am now very aware of the words I have said to someone and how they affect and should impact my actions. Although, understanding the difference when I intend to do something and when I promise to do something creates a bright shining lightbulb of clarity when I express myself. Lending to create clearer lines of communication between me and those who I deem important in my life. Now that I understand the difference I've been able to put those slight changes into practice by clearly, intentionally expressing my intention or when I promise something. The words that I choose, the way I voice my thoughts and how I am afraid when I know my ideals are not the same as those around me. I act a very specific way when I imagine that my words will cause an issue, based on differing beliefs and ideals. Again, this is because my history has taught me that when I hold opinions that are different than someone I respect there is a good chance it will erupt into an ugly, intense fight that will bring harm, shame, guilt, fear, and many other negative emotions. That's not the case though. I have acted selfishly. I have acted greedily. I have chosen to try and prove a point that cannot be made because it is completely false. But I stood by and choose to make an even worse mistake, all based on this history that I know is completely false. There is a better way for me to communicate. Although it requires me acknowledging a choice that is unpleasant, but honest. I need to practice these choices intentionally. I need to own up to my actions and hold myself accountable. I need to walk forward and make the decision for the dynamic instead of making the decision for my girl. I need to prioritize the well being of the dynamic and I can do that because the tools have been put in place. I simply need to exercise my authority to honestly express myself, and perfectly communicate what my truth is. The challenge is then I need to admit my truth. Which can be gross, unbecoming, unsightly, but I am human. I have faults. I have vices that hold power over me. The thing is these vices hold power over me because I make foolish choices, and these choices have led me into dishonesty. Which empowers the vice and solidifies the negativity of that situation. What happens when I choose to enact the measures set in place and communicate perfectly though? The vice no longer holds any power over me and I am simply making a choice, and expressing the choice I'm making. So long as I take the time and effort to clearly, concisely express this such that it is understood BEFORE taking that action. I mean it's just polite to let someone know what you are going to do rather than inform them what you have done.

All of these skills require practice. They don't come easily. Understanding the knowledge behind these actions though is essential. Because without the knowledge of the 'whys', of the 'hows' you can't ever exhibit the proper steps to correct the mistakes.

I also wanted to share some insights in other avenues of my life. I am enticed by the idea of mastering my voice, and learning how to beatbox. I have been attempted to learn some different techniques and in doing so the one thing that constantly shows up is the idea that you just need to practice over and over until you master these techniques. 

One of my favourite beatboxers Tom Thum, explained his answer to one of the questions he encounters pretty commonly. "When did you learn you could do this?“ His answer blew me away, as he responded" I knew I could do these things after thousands of hours of practice." It was the simple realization that you put in the work, the consistent effort and you can master the techniques. Yes it takes the knowledge of how to form the sounds, but 'knowing' how to make a noise and 'actually' forming that noise are two completely different things. Just to give you an idea here's a sample of what can be accomplished when you dedicate yourself to mastering those techniques.

If one day I could be half as talented as this gentleman, I would be abundantly happy with my level of success. But with all things, mastering my art form of BDSM, mastering my voice and my own beatbox, it requires that I dedicate myself to achieving that success. I am set in my mind to work towards accomplishing these goals. I will become someone I am proud of for my own ability, skill, and nature. I am excited to move forward in positive ways, I am excited to be able to prove myself. I am excited to act with integrity, with honesty, with transparency. I am excited for my future and where I know I will end up, because I am making the intentional choice to master myself. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my words. I hope you find some enlightenment from my journey, and gain a new sense of understanding within yourself. 

Hello Cage friends, 

It's a new day, a new year and I am sure many are taking time to think back and reflect over the last year. Plan new resolutions and work at improving themselves. 

Honestly I don't believe in New Years resolutions because today is any other day. I still had to work, I still need to take care of my life. Nothing is different about today, yesterday or tomorrow. Each day has as much potential as I can pack into it. Each day has all the potential to be the day that I choose my actions differently. 

I am not planning any resolutions but I have goals that I've set for myself. They have been set months ago and have not been achieved yet and thus I will continue to work at what I need to in order to move closer to each of those goals. 

What's on my list?

Find my will. Find my purpose. Find my place within the universe that I am required to be. Improve my finances. But there are a few million other things that I also am considering, fighting, managing, supporting, and working towards. 

Last night a bit of clarity struck me. 

I had a tough morning driving into work and driving home. I've recently found out something about myself and that happens to be that I have aphantasia. It is the inability to visualize within your mind. I'm currently trying to meditate and each morning when I wake up I shower, handle my animals, prepare for work and part of that is meditating in the morning. I reached a dark thought that all of the work going into meditating and practicing was "pointless" because I can't visualize. I will explain in a minute but the key concept here was the word "pointless". When my mind latched onto that notion my entire energy dipped. I started seeing everything negatively and my drive into work was spent spiraling. The funny part was once at work I got distracted, had some different events occur that radically improved my mood and then once again on the long drive home I delved into my brain and spun around spewing negativity because it was "pointless". 

So! I  have managed to pull myself out of this funk but a few critical things had to occur for that to happen.

I pondered my place in the universe. Where am I supposed to be? What can I do there? How will I know when I find my purpose and how will that affect understanding my will?

All of it, seemed impossible. The purpose of my meditation was to help locate these things for me. But meditation is now "pointless" because I can't visualize. What I mean by that is this. When you close your eyes and think about something you see everyday. Your shower, your friends, your family, or even simpler a red triangle. When I close my eyes I simply stare into the blackness that is the back of my eyelids. I can THINK about a red triangle. A memory of what a red triangle is will become the focus of my thought but no magical red object in the shape of a triangle will fill my mind. It remains black. When I think of my mother's face I recognize that I am thinking of her, but no image of her body, face, features or any image becomes apparent. Same with imagining the sun. I know what it looks like, I understand what a sunrise is, I've witnessed them and can recall from memory that I have. But it's not a visual. It's like playing a text based game such as Zork. You approach a cliff and yet no cliff appears and you may do whatever but nothing actually happens. It's frustrating. It's defeating. It's overwhelming sometimes. These are all the things that "CAN BE".

So I felt like I lost the ability to even find my will because the tool I'm using to find it doesn't actually exist for me. That isn't entirely true, it just means that I need to search other avenues to compensate for what I don't have. It's not over. It's not the end, I just need to accept and rotate my approach. I need a new perspective. 

As I drove home from work a few other ideas popped into my head and once I got home I realized a few things.

So who am I? Well I have some unfortunate but very fortunate news. Part of who I am CAN BE a selfish, lying, addict.

First off I have a very addictive personality. I struggle with use of drugs when I have them around me, I even have a difficult time exhibiting self control. Example. Purchasing a bag of chips from Costco. You know those giant bags of All Dressed chips meant to feed a family or an army? Well once I open that bag I will sit and eat until I tear my mouth and rip into the edges of the soft tissue. I could pour some into a bowl and keep it for a week, or I can finish it in a single sitting. The issue is, I would rather choose to consume it all in one go. Same goes with consuming and watching Netflix. I can choose to sit down and do absolutely very little with my time except to watch episode after episode, and binge shows such that I can finish seasons on my weekends. Now, back to the drugs and the chips. The only way that I can reasonably stop myself (because I know who I am) and the will power to hold myself away from absolutely devoting all of my energy into consuming those products is to NOT purchase them. My will power has to stop me before I bring the chips home, or before I decide to spend money on mushrooms or cannabis. Because once it's purchased and inside my home, I want to spend every minute smoking, taking mushrooms, eating the bag until its all consumed. I am an addict. I am addicted to so many unproductive vices that hold no value in my life. But I lie to myself and those around me touting how "beneficial" they Can BE. There is some truth to that though. There are moments when I have used cannabis appropriately. But not often. There are moments when I've held restraint and used a bowl to portion out a small amount of chips. I had to choose that action though, I had to make that intentional choice. It hasn't occurred on many instances for me though. Because I usually give in to my unnecessary wants and desires.

I had a moment where I lied to my friend on an extremely critical issue and boundary that she had set in her life. So here's where it gets interesting. I CAN BE a liar. I can choose to be dishonest, I can find excuses and reasons to justify my actions. I CAN expunge that what I am doing isnt wrong. That what I'm doing isn't breaching trust, that my lies are harmless and not a big deal. But I lied over and over in my past relationships. I hid things from those important to me for years at a time, holding onto secrets maintaining the elaborate ruse to keep everything from falling apart. Surprise surprise when it catches up to you and dismantles all you have been working to create. I sat on my couch last night and recognized that apart of who I am is a selfish, lying addict. I CAN CHOOSE to let that be apart of who I am. I CAN CHOOSE to destroy my integrity. Break my promises. I can let my lies take hold over me and dismantle what I'm doing.

OR!!!

I can take a moment and recognize who I am. I can see myself authentically. I can admit to my faults and CAN BE a better person. So instead of letting my lies steep inside my relationships I decided to take hold of a new perspective. I'm not broken. I'm working with some tools that don't operate the way they should though, and recognizing that I need to willingly, intentionally, and honestly move forward in such a way that I do not succumb to my addictions. That I don't resort to lying. That I don't hold my interests above someone else's when it comes to matters of breaching their hard limits.

I made a promise to always inform my friend when I was using drugs, such that she would know I was in an altered state of mind. The thing is she knew. I don't hide it well. It's not something that I am capable of smuggling past her. But the worst affront is that I lied to myself saying that it wasn't a big deal. Breaking my word, destroying my integrity, losing faith in myself caused deep seated anguish that I didn't recognize because I lied to myself. It took admitting the truth to set me free. 

When I recognized and saw who I CAN BE, I realized it's the same issue with my aphantasia. I still need to meditate, I just need to approach the situation differently. I still need to hold to my values and I need to allow myself to work in different ways such that I do not allow myself to breach the trust placed in me. Such that I don't go back ON MY OWN WORD. Because if she ever loses faith in what I am saying then the relationship is lost. I've reached that point in my marriage. It got to such a degraded place that my ex could not believe any words coming out of my mouth. I never want to reach that space again.

So what did I do about it? Well I saw myself honestly, authentically. I acknowledged the demons I have deep inside me and I choose to admit they existed. I shone a light on them and gave them no place to hide. Then I told my friend about how I had lied to her, and how I had broken her trust, destroyed my integrity and breached one of her hard limits.

Through all of this when I saw myself, and saw my weakness, do you know what I experienced? An immediate lightening of the weight holding me down. Simply seeing myself released the weight of negativity that had been holding me in place. The first step is to recognize within yourself who you are. Admit it. Then look to see how you can combat those broken tools that don't work the way they should. In my case, that meant owning up to my actions and my choices. It meant choosing honesty. No matter what retribution I may have to pay. Because I choose to lie. I choose to give in to my deceit. I choose to lie to myself and inadvertently work at undermining what I have been working so hard to create. I need to pay the piper as they say, and I will do so willingly.

I hope that you all are well, while we still exist within this time of crisis. Thank you for taking the time to read my words and I hope that you learn from my mistakes and my choices. I hope you find fulfillment in your journey and work at becoming a better version of yourself each day. 

Hello Cage friends, 

So I'm a day late and a buck short as they say. It's been an interesting few moments as life tends to be these days. I wanted to wish all you a Merry belated Christmas and an early happy New Year.

I was the fortunate soul who had a chance to work Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day on my night shifts. This did not leave a lot of time for me to truly celebrate the holidays but I was able to connect with family and friends that mattered and that I hadn't seen or heard from in a while. 

Of course this year some traditions were altered as Covid has put restrictions on us all. But I wanted to share a very interesting tool and talk about my family reunion Christmas Eve day before I had to head off to work. 

My brother wound up finding an app that actually created an opportunity for my family to reconnect over these holidays. If you are interested I suggest you take a look although perhaps it may yet be in time for New Years since we've already made it past Christmas. If you head over to the ever powerful Google and search gather.town you will be directed to a magical place.

This app allows you to create a virtual space in which multiple people can join, hang out and spend time with one another. The cool part is that you get to create the space you get to enjoy, and for our family reunion we managed to have a virtual house created for our gathering. It was based in an 8-bit style and was quite nostalgic in that sense. We had the opportunity to spend time outside by a firepit, there were trees and a yard to go outside and enjoy. Inside the house you could move from the front entry into the living room, dining room, kitchen etc. So the whole point of the app is that when you log in you have a character created for you. You load up your video camera and your mic and you use the directional arrows to move your character wherever you want to go. As you approach other people and create a close proximity with them their camera will pop up and you get the chance to talk with them. 

So as you cluster around you can have more and more videos pop up, although the idea is to break off into smaller groups and mill about in different sections of the home so that you have semi private conversations. Unless of course someone else walks over and then joins the conversation. You could stand everyone in the same area but just like being inside a crowded house with multiple people yelling and talking over each other it can be difficult to pinpoint who is speaking to whom, and whether that question was intended for you. 

The other neat thing about the experience is that in certain areas they even had sections set up where you could play games together. There was Pictionary and a few others and you had to walk over and click on them to participate. Once a separate "room" was created for the game to be played. 

It was really quite wonderful to reconnect with family from both sides of my tree, and to see cousins and their children as well as those who hadn't been seen or spoken to in years. It was a wonderful way to reconnect and in the age of virtual interaction was kind of different and fantastic. 

I really do hope everyone was able to reconnect with their family, to get closer to those that are important to them and to feel the connection and energy of the interactions fostered in life. It's not quite the same when everything is done through the phone, tablet, laptop or desktop. But the connection matters. It's still deeply important to spend your time in ways with those around you. Simply existing within their sphere of sight can be a wonderful thing. Even to just be able to be a fly on the wall, to work beside someone on something that is required and handle your immediate tasks while they do the same. To find a natural existence beside someone in a digital way, such that you are both comfortable. 

I hope everyone feels loved and appreciated for their time and presence these holidays, and with hopes that next year will be one that continues to improve the natural state of the world. Best to all of you who have taken the time to read my words this early morning. 

Hello Cage friends, 

How goes the going?

Oh has it ever been a few days and it seems in these days and times with all that is going on a span of 24 hours can result in what seems like a months worth of experiences. 

It's been a hectic and prosperous time in my life. This year, 2020 has been one of some of the biggest challenges in my life alongside some of the most positive growth and rebirth of me in my existence. Take for instance how this year began for me personally. With the absolute implosion of my marriage and the shift of a 10 year long relationship. I am extremely fortunate that we manage to remain amenable and friends as best you can with someone who you've come to the realization that we no longer align with our values and future. 

Despite all of that turmoil I was launched into a bit of insanity and negativity. I spiraled hard like a ducky stuck in the current when you drain a bathtub. I spun until I felt nauseous. I was twisted, tilted, and absolutely upside down. 

That slap to the face of reality forced me to look at myself and move forward into some of the most growth I've experienced as a human. I immediately realized at the end of my marriage about becoming self aware and at the beginning of that clarity of my self I understood a new plane of work to begin on within myself. Thus began my journey to this website and the interactions that I've been fortunate to foster with outstanding people who are wiser, more experienced and genuinely amazing people who have offered insights and guidance. 

There has been so much work gone into who I am, and I am still just beginning. 

I have looked at who I am and seen the glaring issues that cause me immediate regret over my actions and how I should "be better already." Some of my largest struggles that I have been trying to manage and shift within myself have been my anger, and my motivation. 

I've constantly felt like I do much less than I am capable of. Unfortunately I still don't apply enough grace to myself and I have always been very critical of my abilities and leave myself no room for error. I should exist perfectly and be productive and active and and and and.... There is an extensive list of what more I need and should do. Even when I manage to accomplish a small part of being better I look at how far from the end goal I still remain.

As part of my journey I have found a class where I've been learning to meditate this year, and part of the meditation has required me to select a topic to consider. I chose "Ownership". What does it mean? Why do I search for ownership of another person? What is included inside that single word? I've focused on the many different aspects of ownership, to own my thoughts, my actions, my property, my person, my self, my animals. What is ownership over my property and how does that look? Does ownership over myself look differently than ownership over my s type? In what ways does it differ, in what ways is it the same? So many questions keep popping up, filling my mind with new avenues to consider and explore. During the exploration of this idea, this concept I have started to grasp bits and pieces of where I want to go with this idea. Of why I'm starting my search in this specific topic.

So here's where I'm at, feel free to argue my thoughts, contribute or disagree. I've found that different perspectives can lead into new growth, and new understanding so long as you keep an open mind to the conversations and ideas given to you by those who have different experiences and opinions. 

Ownership is all encompassing. Ownership is the end goal, comprised of the critical components that create responsibility. It is formed from structure, and discipline. I've recognized that I do not have any significant structure or discipline in my life. So how could I ever expect to create discipline and structure for my dogs, or my submissive(s) if I haven't been able to do it for myself?? I mean a good dominant ensures that he adheres to his own rules, so wouldn't the rule of creating structure count as something that should be accomplished for yourself? I argue that it's required and becomes a pivotal point not only for stability within a dynamic, but it is necessary to establish ownership and responsibility. Structure and discipline, and being able to maintain those things for the rest of my life. To create longevity, to create consistency, to create sustainability.

When you think about how your house gets dirty, if you vacuum once a month will your house ever really be clean? If you don't manage to craft a structure in which you can consistently do that chore or task then your house falls into disrepair. You aren't taking responsibility of the ownership of maintaining the cleanliness of your property. When you consider ownership, you can take ownership over your thoughts, actions, abilities, and really break down any moment into a form of ownership. Depending on the topic ownership will look different, it becomes very situational based on the reference in which you view it.

For me right now I'm working at forging discipline and structure into my life, and beginning with taking ownership over my own actions. I'm trying to take proper care of my property, and I'm working at being better with my animals. It's a lot of work, especially when I happen to be gone more than half the day when I work my day shifts. Although I've found success so far, I can't let myself give up on being consistent with my actions. 

I recently had an opportunity to take another look at a common phrase I use in my life. I was spending time with an important friend of mine and she pointed out that I had made the same comment 5 times within the last 24 hours. I looked at the situation and I realized I tend to get frustrated with tedious tasks, and I reach a point of exasperation and then say "This is too much work fuck it, I'm done". That is a very alarming, all the red flags should be waving type of mentality. She was absolutely warranted in pointing out this type of behaviour because what if the conversation shifts into "You are too much work, I'm done". She is right to be wary and have her concerns. I need to search deeply into myself to understand why it is that I reach these spaces and what can I do to work at preventing feeling this way regarding her. Well I believe part of the issue is that I'm looking for immediate gratification. I've lost in many senses my ability to delay my need to be gratified. I used to do it very well when I was a child, waiting for things that I wanted and that were important to me. The thing is it's all very situational and I can delay my need for certain things for quite some time. In regards to the relationship that I'm forging I know I need to learn and work at being patient. There are many reasons that our path forward will only be dismantled by trying to rush. It was kind of funny I remember reading a blog (probably a week or two ago now) about dominants and how it seems that they are only on the hunt because of the chase. That once they find someone who kind of gets along it gets to the point of this isn't fun anymore so say goodbye and look after the next trophy to be claimed. When I was reading about that I had a fair few thoughts that crossed my mind. Yes, I will freely admit meeting new people is exciting, having new interactions, learning new pieces of what makes a person, and having interesting conversations can be very fulfilling. But that's just the beginning. I mean once you find someone compatible, once you find someone you see a future with, THATS when the real fun begins. That's when you get to switch gears and start looking into all the ways you want to play, when you crack into the depth of the interaction and build something worthwhile. When you find someone who is worth your time, energy and all you have to offer thats when things get really exciting. Although I need to state this. For ME, one thing I absolutely require is to be acknowledged and accepted. I need to be chosen. Part of why I need that is because I see it as a consent issue. I can't begin to impose my will into someone's life unless they accept me, accept what I offer. I see it as I'm building a house. Everything inside my house is under my authority and is considered apart of my domain. If I begin a conversation it's like saying "Hi" and waving at the person on the street. The thing is as someone who is still on the street they can walk around and look at each house and see where they fit. If they like the decor, if the structure is solid, do they enjoy the aspects of that home? As they wander from house to house peeking in windows to see what it's about and learning about what goes on inside that household they may get curious and wander up to my front doorstep. The thing is I can call and beckon them to check things out, but I can't make them open the door and step in. That has to be their choice. Only once they step inside and decide to remain do I gain authority and dominion over them. Only once they choose me, can I exhibit my will in their life. Because to me when they are walking on the street looking at each house, they are completely free. Free to make any choice they want, free to be themselves in all ways. Free to share and define their life and make whatever choices they want. I only hold authority over those who have seen the blueprints, seen the decor, seen the gruesome and necessary repairs that are required to improve the structure of my house and still walk through the door and give themself to me. Otherwise I am breaching their consent. Otherwise I am stripping away and ripping them down. But that's just the way I view things.

For all of these aspects of where I'm at. I need to define how I'm going to create discipline in my life. How I plan to create structure that I can remain consistent such that I have longevity within those actions. Such that I retain ownership over myself and those who exist within my household. I'm forging these areas, I'm acknowledging that I need to work on it. I see the red flags, the ugly and messy parts of myself. I have them pointed out by good friends who want to see me shift and take proper care of all under my authority. I am blessed by those who are open, honest, transparent, and willing to point at the ugliness that I see within myself and ask me "What are you going to do about this?"

I have made lasting changes in certain areas. I've made drastic steps forward in so many regards, but there is always more work to do. I am thankful, and grateful for those who are willing to not only point out my flaws but who are willing to stick around while I try to manage them. I appreciate the support that has been given to me, that acknowledgement that I am worthy, that I am capable, that I am desired and chosen. I will be better and will improve not only for myself but those who choose to remain by my side despite my faults. 

I hope you all have a wonderful season of joy, enlightenment, and growth. Thank you for your time in reading my words today. I hope this Christmas season you find reasons to be grateful and happy, that you may reconnect with family and those that matter to you. Have a wonderful morning. 

Hello Cage friends, 

Before I really begin I need to make a comment about something that made me chuckle. I took a look at the views that my blogs had garnered and I noticed that my most viewed blog post happened to be the shortest one I've ever written about how my phone was broken and getting repaired. It's slightly comical that I found more success not for my thoughts on d/s but simply for expressing part of what's going on in my life. 

I was wondering why it might have been, and I think part of it might have had to do with the fact that it wasn't long winded. I'm not really sure what brings more views or has interest to others on this website, but I do not write for anyone else. Although I do happen to observe to see how popular my words are and whether or not people resonate with what I'm going through and how I express myself.

All of this aside, where I am at right now is a place I've not fully experienced in my life and being in new territory is a little disconcerting.

I have found a place that I am unsure of, and it's trying to find if this is genuine peace in my heart and mind. I've been doing some introspection about where I am and what I have managed to accomplish in my life.

What I am uncertain about is whether or not I am at peace and completely calm, or if this sensation is just apathy. Because there seems to be an almost numbness and throughout my life as from a young boy and through my early adulthood I never had emotional stability. I've always had physical stability in my home, and the things of my life. But I never found what I needed emotionally or spiritually. There was always conflict and I never really practiced self awareness. It's a new concept that I have only been growing in these last few months of my journey onto bdsm, and I am constantly trying to seek out where I stand. I'm trying to answer all these questions about my life, my path, and whether right here and now is where I'm supposed to be.

So constantly evaluating my emotional space puts me into these new places where I look at my emotions and I wonder "What the hell am I feeling right now?"

I think the thing is that I have found peace, and an utter calm that has settled over my entire spirit in a way I've never encountered before and all of that leaves me feeling a little lost. A little uncertain. It's new territory that I haven't experienced and because Ive never truly felt this before it leaves me worrying that where I am is indeed a positive place. When you consider apathy (lack of feeling, emotion, a suppression of passion) and when you can't discern why and what you are feeling it's almost terrifying wondering if you've turned into some heartless, uncaring person. But I care deeply, I love deeply, I feel deeply, and I am emotionally vulnerable. I just have found peace, calm in such a new depth that it comes across as an empty numbness. It's truly bizarre and peculiar. It was exceptionally hard for me to discern where I am, and there is another side to all of this that plagues my mind.

I have recently found some old thoughts that I had recycled back around to in the earlier moments of my journey. I struggle with being codependent in my relationships, and exhibiting unhealthy levels of control and intimacy. I just had a very eye opening conversation with a friend that reminded me that I haven't learned my lesson yet. I have seen the words, lived the experience and know what is true. But I haven't had a moment where I have claimed that lesson and truly benefitted from it. Where I have gained mastery over what I need to understand in order to apply that lesson in a healthy manner. 

I want to be so important to my person that they can't live without me. 

But that mentality is exceptionally harmful and destructive. It garners a relationship where I can't ever be away from my person because by all nature and rights they "can't" function if I'm not around. That's the exact opposite of what you're trying to do. I mean this all becomes a massive balancing act. I want to be significant. I want to be important. I want to be needed and helpful and guide. I want to support and do so in so many wonderful ways, but I want to be everything for my person. But that's slipping into unhealthy territory that is harmful and isn't universally good for their benefit or my own. 

I mean imagine it, not being able to be away from your person for an hour, or a day to take a needed trip somewhere. Or perhaps an even worse fate of losing my life in a freak accident. What does my person do if they are so dependant on me that they can't function without my presence??? That does no one any good. Life happens and sometimes that puts us in places where we can't communicate, like losing your phone or trying to get it fixed and have it take longer than expected. To more permanent issues like getting into a car collision that takes your life. You need to fully consider the random acts that may remove you from your person's life and how will they handle not having you around? What happens if you simply get to a point where you recognize you are fundamentally wrong for each other after establishing a dynamic of absolute need, where the other person can't survive without you? I'm saying we need to create well rounded individuals, by helping them learn to stand on their own two feet when we aren't able to be there for them. Because there will be moments no matter how badly you want to be able to take all of their problems away we won't be capable of solving those issues. There will come a time where we will only be able to exhibit our strength by existing in a small form of emotional support because we can't change the situation. Properly preparing for the good and the bad that life may throw at us.

I recognize that I have some unhealthy mentalities that I need to work at shifting. I need to work at finding productive and helpful ways that I can guide, protect, and create counter measures for the unexpected turmoil life can throw at us. I need to work at cleaning up my thought process so that I don't unintentionally create a dynamic that is harmful and destructive. My purpose is to help improve life, not make it harder. Sometimes we are required to put our foot down and say "No this is not okay" because it will serve our person more to create well defined precautions against uncertainty. I read a blog by a dominant that spoke about putting the dynamic over your girl. He was speaking about this space, of prioritizing what is best for the dynamic instead of being complacent and doing what your submissive wants in that moment. All of this stems from seeing clearly though. Being able to recognize what is necessary, and how best to address that in a positive way that garners growth for both of you, instead of creating codependency and complacency. 

I'm working on this concept. I can see it and recognize the value of it. But it's another thing to take this lesson and implement it successfully into the dynamic. 

I have much room to grow. Much room for improvement. The fact that I have found myself once again in a place where I can see myself giving in to the wants of the relationship, means I haven't learnt my lesson and that I need to refocus my efforts. The last thing I ever want to do is create a harmful dynamic, that is ultimately destructive. I've already done that and lived that experience. I never want to walk back into that space and it will take changes in my life to make sure I walk forward appropriately. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my words today, I hope you have a wonderful evening. 

Hello cage friends,

I tried fixing my cracked screen today at the mall. It did not get finished before they closed and now Im phoneless.... Its not ideal but at least Im safe, and will hopefully be fully operational tomorrow

Hello Cage friends, 

So good to see you again. It's been a hot minute.

I feel the need to express a few things, lately I have not been rushing to share my experiences in quite the same manner as I once previously did at the beginning of my journey. I've grown and shifted, and continue to shift. But recently over these past few weeks I have gained a little more experience in a few different aspects and it was pointed out to me that there may be mutual benefit gained by expressing and sharing those moments of growth. 

So allow me the opportunity to share with you what has gone on in my life somewhat recently. 

I want to speak on the importance of communication. There are many different ways we can communicate and it goes beyond simple words. 

Allow me to share a moment of success that I had with a friend. We each deal have triggers in our lives. Some we know, some are hidden to us, and some pop up out of seemingly nowhere and slap us right across our face. Those triggers can be the cause of trauma. Not always, but usually there are triggers in our lives because of some form of past history that "proves" how incomplete and messed up we are. Those instances can be the cause of someone else's actions and had nothing to do with US, but now we carry that weight moving forward in life. As a dominant it becomes our responsibility to hold space for those who choose to let us guide them, who place all of their trust within us to be stable, secure, supportive, and capable of handling that space. Part of that responsibility is to stand steadfast when faced with these triggers especially when they are result of trauma.

The thing is though in these moments when handling a difficult space filled with emotional volatility we can communicate simply by being there. If we are allowed those opportunities. Because as much as a dominant may want to be there to support our s type, we can't do that if they don't allow us into that difficult space. My friend had a troubling situation. In that moment she was attacked in such a way that reminded her of the way she used to be abused by her father and it sent her into a very difficult, trauma induced, emotionally vulnerable space. I was given the chance to sit beside her and when I came into the situation my mind was racing and I was thinking "How do I help, what went wrong, what happened in this situation, what can I do right now to help?" I immediately started to talk about what occurred, but I soon realized that my words were only fueling her emotional vulnerability and I wasn't being understood. I was causing more harm by trying to rush in and talk about the immediate situation. So what did I do? I began to communicate by simply sitting with her. I closed my mouth and began to show her that I simply would exist, and allow her to cry.

After a few minutes, when I began to speak it was in completely unrelated topics. About my day, what food I had eaten, a funny anecdote about an event earlier on, and I allowed her a moments respite from having to deal with all of her emotions. I communicated by pausing, allowing her time to work through her trauma, and then slowly opened dialogue in seemingly unrelated topics. Once I had managed to get a small laugh out of her, I then began to broach the subject of what happened. Why it happened. Where she felt vulnerable. Guess what? She allowed me the opportunity to learn about her past, and we began from a place of stable emotions. A place where speaking about the situation would garner understanding on both sides. Where when I asked her questions about the situation she was able to answer me coherently, with a clear mind. Not from a place of fear, doubt, or terror. We talked, and talked more and came to some ground breaking truths because of the way I communicated with her. It was slow, it was a careful approach. I will admit I tried barging through the door and tried to say "I'm here to rescue you" but when things were so unstable me breaking down the door caused the building to collapse more. So I stepped back. And simply allowed her time to process why, what and how things had occurred in that moment.

It completely changed how receptive she was to my words, and because of the way I communicated we both grew in that space and in that moment and it brought us closer together. We forged more trust, and gained a new level of depth to our interaction because we took our time and moved slowly, methodically towards understanding. 

A little patience alongside communication can go a long way. Part of that communication was simply allowing her to see that I was there for her. Holding a safe space for her to exist, and despite being across the world I was just there. It was tremendous and I was so proud of her for giving me the chance to be of use to her during a time where she had lost control and the world was spinning violently into the maelstrom of chaos that trauma can be for many individuals. Im also proud of myself for correcting my own course when handling that situation, because choosing to plow ahead with no regard for her could have caused more harm than good. But I changed tactics and found a way to change her life for the better.

Communication. It really is all about the words we use, the actions we take, the instructions we give. 

I struggle with being too complicated with my word choices, and I can get flustered when trying to give instructions. I have encountered this more than a few times where I have been trying to give instructions to my coworker, and I start rambling, bouncing from this piece of information to that one and it gets to be so much that he gets frustrated because I'm overloading him with information. I'm trying to communicate but the understanding gets lost because I am frazzled and not expressing my instructions clearly, concisely and with intention. In those moments simplifying things can go a very long way to helping the other side understand what it is that I am trying say.

I've encountered this issue while trying to instruct during sessions. I'm all over the place, trying to give instructions with such detail so that my friend clearly understands me but in trying to be understood I'm overloading them with information that isn't helpful. It becomes muddled and confusing causing slight mishaps because I'm not being clear or concise. One thing that really helps me in these moments is closing my eyes, doing a slight intentional breathing to slow my mind and think through what I want, and how to get there. Then in fewer words explaining what I see inside my mind. I am working at being clear, concise and simple when instructing through my scenes so that it is easy to follow. Not so convoluted and confusing. There is a massive difference when I think through what I want and how best to choose my words so that it is easily understood. I see the immediate result when there is no miscommunication, and I take the time to understand what I want first. Then seeing the result of my friend understanding and being able to follow along with my instructions so that the end result is what I have formulated inside my head. Whether I spent a week preparing, or it's a more impromptu scene taking the time to think about my instructions helps my friend follow along and create the scene I need and want in that moment. It's also truly spectacular when you can do a debrief at the end of your scene and realize "Today we didn't have any miscommunications or mishaps due to lack of understanding". Being able to communicate effectively makes a massive difference in the experience for both sides, and helps to impart the feeling of being in control, and can help ease your s type into following your will because you confidently express your intent.

There is also another side to communication. What happens when you are misunderstood and that mishap occurs? Make sure that you take responsibility for not being concise. I had a moment where I asked my friend for a "specific" set of instructions. Although while I saw her interpretation of what I had asked of her was a little bit farther off the mark of what I intended. I mentioned in part of my response to her that I would need to enforce some corrections because she didn't perform to my specifications. The issue was though we had recently had a conversation about the situation I had asked her to participate in, and because of that earlier conversation in her performance she did everything to my specification. The problem was that in my head I had set a list of what I had wanted exactly. My problem was that I hadn't expressed to HER that she was not to alter any of my instructions. When I told her that corrections would be necessary I thought through my word choice and realized that she had in fact done everything I had specified. But I hadn't been concise and clear in my communication. I learned in that moment that part of my instruction needed to specify if she would be allowed to create surprises within the performance or if this instance I require her to follow my instructions to a T. I had failed her in my expression, and it was my responsibility to give her all of the information so she could best please me. So when looking at the situation I realized that my failure was not her burden to bear and if I had actually enforced a correction for her actions I would be doing harm to our dynamic and the growth that we had been working towards. It was my failure and she was simply following my will as best she could, as I had previously informed her how she could do better. As a dominant it is our job to look at each situation without ego, with an unbiased view, to look at all perspectives in the situation and then make a decision based on that information. Take your time before rushing into a decision, and part of moving forward means being aware and conscious of all factors that led to the outcome of that situation. To be able to be honest about our role, and accept our own failure without placing blame elsewhere.

All of these instances have helped me become a better dominant. I have learned and grown in a short time because I've been able to honestly see myself, and accepted my failure. I've been objective, and patient. I've learned from my mistakes, and been able to hear my friends words and advice without allowing my ego to step in. I'm on my way to becoming the dominant I desire to be. Each success is a step forward, and each failure an opportunity to learn and grow 2 steps when properly corrected.

I would suggest that as a dominant you take time to work on communicating effectively and efficiently. Simplify the words you use, use your actions to also communicate. Slow down, take a breath and focus your mind on the intent of where you want to go, and do all within your power to help your s type move in that direction.

I thank you for your time in reading my words tonight, and that you have a wonderful evening. 

Hello Cage friends, 

Each dynamic we invest our time into is about creating something. We are born to create, to thrive, and to flourish. 

The questions arise, what do you plan on creating? What is important to you? What do you wish to see accomplished within the relationship and the dynamic? Do you have a clear vision of the future or is it muddled?

Our time is our most important resource and how we spend it is exceptionally valuable. Will you "waste" your time or grow with it?

So many individuals look at the process of creating something and they jump in both feet, all a frenzy. Don't get me wrong excitement, energy, vitality are important. Bringing that sense of wonder, joy and thrill at being able to create what you want is important. It shows that you have drive and ambition and that where you are going matters to you. But it also takes careful consideration, and careful patient planning. It's not something to be rushed, as rushing can lend to making mistakes. Of course there will be bumps in the plan, life will throw curveballs at you and make you do double takes at what's in front and around you. You have to adapt to the situation at hand regardless of what the plan was because the fantasy in your mind must fit reality.

There is a lot to realize about being dominant. 

There is much that should be taken into consideration as the dominants will, if haphazardly formed can cause significant harm and destruction.

Take for instance a dominant new to the journey, he's roaring to go, excitement fueling his veins. He's running on adrenaline more than anything and makes a quick decision based on an assumption. First, the facts are not fully understood. He's using an assumption to base his decision, an assumption he has made that is based on an emotion that was felt during a brief interaction. He didn't take the time to understand himself, and he didn't take the time to understand the other person on the other side. But he pushes forward and says "Here is my decision!!" For a moment I would have said well he's a bit of a fool and should have done a tiny bit more research. He should have practiced patience and done his due diligence before reaching his decision. Regardless of how prepared he was, regardless of what information he used to base his decision its still his decision and through all that he can see (despite it being based in falsehoods) his answer is his truth. By his will, through his words and his actions he presses this decision into place. Is it right? Well perhaps for the other party its a complete and utter betrayal of all they are. But for him, it's complete, it's absolute truth and in his eyes it's what he wanted to create. Within that moment. Did it grow the relationship or destroy it? Did it produce more or bring less? Was it right or wrong? It simply depends on who you ask and the perspective of the situation.

The thing in all of this to remember is that whether the decision is founded in truth, fact, and honesty or whether it is unfounded the decision becomes absolute. Dominants hold the responsibility of creating (for better or worse) the situation and growth for themself and for their s type and the dynamic. It is wise then that a submissive take their time in looking for a dominant that shows the ability to tread carefully, that considers all aspects and gains perspective from all sides before jumping into a decision. The weight of responsibility is great, and the fallout of a poorly made decision has tremendous consequences.

What do you wish to create? Will it be positive or negative? Are you choosing to act with the best intentions?

All through each moment a dominant guides, makes his choices and abides by them as does his submissive. His thoughts, his will, his words and his actions become the fuel for the creation of the dynamic. What is placed into the dynamic becomes truth whether born from purpose, intent, either positive or negative. Each side brings consequences. Act rashly, without much thought and things can end poorly.

Patience is absolutely necessary. So how do you learn to be patient? You take every opportunity and see those challenging frustrating moments as places to grow. Today at work I faced one such moment. There was a break along a water main, and we needed to shut the water off. This job had been done yesterday around 24 hours ago, and yet today when I went to shut off the main using our infrastructure there was still leak by. Everything was exactly the same as yesterday and yet despite all of that as diligent as I tried I was unable to shut the water off successfully. There was a great deal of frustration within my mind, I briefly argued with myself thinking "Its only been a day, why won't this work for me?" Fortunately I didn't get frustrated, I kept working methodically and I managed to improve the shut down so that it was about 75 percent shut off. Not as good as yesterday, but I did my best and I had to accept that I was incapable of doing a better job. Sometimes our valves don't operate as they need to, and there isn't much you can do about it. But I didn't lose my cool, I stayed patient and I did the work to the best of my ability and I also gave the pertinent information to the supervisor in charge of the job and we worked out a plan for another crew to look at it tomorrow. I'm exceptionally happy that I didn't let my frustration win despite the circumstance. I took an opportunity to grow and to practice patience, without getting frustrated. I might not have been completely satisfied with the results but I can rest tonight knowing I did my best and I won't lose any sleep over the way I handled this issue.

Take each situation and look at the opportunity presented to you, and try your best today. Do what you can and make the choice to create peace, create growth, create  nourishment. You will be thankful you did, your s type will be thankful you did and your dynamic will grow because of it. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my words, now it's off to bed to get some rest. Have a wonderful evening.