This one is NOT about food

Hello Cage friends, 

It's been a minute or two. 

Just yesterday I made a journey with my friend to the Inukshuk that we crafted many months ago. We wanted to see if it had survived the winter and if it was still standing. We had tried many times previously to get out there and see if it had been standing but each attempt was met with poor circumstances prohibiting us from making the journey. Finally, our schedules lined up and the weather was decent that it was feasible for us to make an attempt.

Now, I ask. Where does a journey begin?

The thing is the journey began at my house. When I thought (or didn't think) about the circumstances I was going to be getting myself into. It was the preparation for the hike. My preparation was simple. I grabbed water and some snacks. I didn't think too much about the weather, conditions on the mountain, or the conditions that my body was facing. I had just finished working a night shift, and transitioned from dealing with an main break such that I was late leaving work and had been on my feet for a long time resolving that issue at work. 

But I thought "Alright, got everything I need time to head out". 

So I drove out to pick up my friend and I thought "What a nice day for a Sunday drive". I enjoyed feeling the warmth of the sun through the window, and enjoyed the fact that very few people were on the road. I listened to music and sang along and had a very enjoyable time. When I arrived at my friends house, he needed a few minutes to get himself ready and once we had everything for our hike we had one more stop before making our way to the mountain. My vehicle had less than a 1/4 tank of fuel and there was no way we could make it all the way there without stopping one more time to grab a few snacks for my friend (I brought my own) and fuel for the trip out there.

On our drive to the mountain we encountered a car accident on the highway, which forced us into stop and go traffic for kilometres. It was slow going and drastically altered the time we would have gotten to the beginning of the trail. It took so much time that we actually were required to stop off at the last gas station just before the mountain to use the washroom one final time. Although the slow going gave us more opportunity to discuss life and what had been different since the last time we had gone hiking together. 

When we finally got to the parking lot that was designated for baldy pass it seemed like we had finally made our first pivotal checkpoint along our path. We had finally arrived and could just start our hike.

We got out of the vehicle, stretched our legs and began to head across the highway and into the forest that the path follows. The beginning of the trail was well walked. Many people had come before us, and even as we followed the compacted snow there were people behind us and those coming back from having already walked the trail. It wasn't terribly busy, but you could tell that many others had been there before. Now, I had promised a very important girl in my life that I would approach with "maximum safety" as I spent my time on the side of the mountain. Especially because she had concerns over the fact that my friend and I were going to enjoy a small joint of homegrown cannabis that my friend brought along. At the very beginning to the trail when it was not a difficult path we sparked up the joint and finished it quite quickly. There was a lot of concern for my well being over the hazards that existed, and the potential for harm to occur. Faith was very worried, anxious and nervous for me and my safety. She was worried I wouldn't make it home to her. She was also worried because her history about expressing her concern had not been well received. It had caused massive fights, arguments and even though it came from a place of love had never really been well received. In one small way she had never experienced someone who didn't get furious and take it as an insult when she expressed her concern for their well being and safety. As much as that was an unfounded concern our history and the paths we have walked previously tend to have some influence (even if it's a small amount) on the present situation. We had openly discussed what was going to happen. I made her aware before I even left for my trip. I acknowledged her concern, and I set about ensuring I would take every precaution as best I could to ensure my safety and well being.

So here I was. I was experiencing the effects of the substance. While I was still just beginning my journey to visit my Inukshuk, I thought through many different aspects. But I always had the idea of "how can I be as absolutely safe as possible". So I was constantly evaluating. I made the determination at the beginning of the path, that as many people have gone here before me that I didn't fully require every bit of my attention to my feet, my positioning and where I was moving. There was a single path. It was well trodden. Yes some parts were a little slick with ice, but it degree of difficulty was quite low. So I allowed myself to gaze around. Take in the sights, the smells. Enjoy my moment where I was. There was another promise and intention made, and once I had settled into the clarity, the "warmth", the embrace of the cannabis I went to hold my girls hand. I have a hair tie, that is the physical embodiment of my girl. It never leaves my person. I have it on me always. When I desire to feel closer to her, I "hold her hand" by moving the band such that my palm wraps around it, as if she were there and I was wrapping my fingers into hers. I thought about her, I focused my mind onto her presence into my life, and the words of my promise, of focusing on my safety sprang into my mind. The best way I could serve her, was to honour and do exactly what I said I would. To fulfill my promise. I created an intention, to be aware, to evaluate, to determine what degree of this section of the walk I had set about myself required my full attention. When I made the determination that my mind could wander and think about all manner of life, desire, requirements, potential. I let myself simply enjoy the experience. In many ways, it was grounding. It helped me focus in such positive and powerful ways. I needed the moment.

As we moved through the path, I kept thinking about my journey. My path. My way forward. I thought about how easy it was to follow the way forward that other people have walked. But yet, as many times as the snow had been compressed no one could put my feet in front of the other, no one else could help me forward. I had to make progress for me. Any advice from those who have gone before me can only do so much to assist my own path because even the warning "It's slippery ahead" doesn't actually stop me from slipping. Unless I take the necessary precautions before arriving at that slick part, and make an adjustment with my own actions to improve my chances of successfully navigating that space. 

If you couldn't tell, I was connecting many thoughts about my hike to the world of D/s. To my desires, my needs. As many times as those have gone before me, no one can walk my path but me. I can ask for advice. I can gather information and learn from more experienced individuals, but that doesn't really put one foot in front of the other for me. I need to walk, and experience what I offer. I need to learn my own capabilities and walk with assurance towards the ends I require. The thing is, I am remarkably capable. I am finding that I have a natural ability to understand key concepts, and apply them. But I am finding more and more about the ways I require to apply the information I've gained. I do not wish to blindly follow what those have done before me. I want to hold a deeper intention in each action that I take. I want to develop my own art form of Dominance. I want to embody all the unique and wonderful ways that I exist. I want to thrive and grow my capabilities and truly step into my own as a Dominant.

Now here's where the hike took an interesting turn. Literally. We had managed quite well to follow the main trail, but now in order to get to our Inukshuk we had to diverge from the path well traveled. We had to embark into territory that had not been previously traversed. It was simple to see no one had gone before us. This was were the hike truly took on a treacherous level of intensity. This was where I could not let my mind wander. This was where absolute focus was required. It also took patience. It took evaluating where I was, how far I had to go, and make a decision as to how best to move forward. Looking up the side of the mountain, you could see rocks sticking the tips just above snow drifts, trees, fallen logs and all manner of what wasn't even visible. So we broke away from the main trail. We began making our path forward. At times we would alternate who went ahead. Testing each step. Trying to follow the footprints of who was in the lead, and yet at the same time choosing to follow my own unique path. Taking my time to evaluate each step. Now here's the interesting part. As we moved forward, I immediately recognized how absolutely poorly prepared we were for the conditions on the mountain. The snow that had drifted caused innumerable hidden pitfalls. The top layer of compacted snow sometimes was stable. Most times though after an inch of hard packed snow you would sink down to your knee, and some sections up to your hip. The unbroken snow didn't share what was beneath it. Was a rock stable? Was that log actually stable? What was underneath the snow? You couldn't tell any of it. When you pressed and tested the snow and then sank to your knee because you added your full weight you simply had no clue what could possibly lie underneath. It was a path hidden with pitfalls. It was difficult navigating. It also didn't take long for my sneakers to become completely water logged. But we trudged forward. We still took our time and adjusted our path. But even still, the thought constantly went through my head. "How can I be as safe as possible?" "If I follow my friends path will that guarantee my safety?" As I followed to the best of my ability I also realized that despite putting my feet where he had walked before me, I still had to get through on my own. No one could get me up the side of the mountain except myself. If I was to reach the goal of seeing my Inukshuk then I had to be the one to get me there.

We created our own path forward. We trudged through the snow. We encountered missteps. I lost my balance a few times. I sank down to my knees and down to my hips even falling over once or twice. Luckily through it all, I was able to keep myself safe. At one point we decided to climb the small ridge to the right side of the valley, to get into the treeline with the hopes that the snow wouldn't be as deep. There was a log about 5 inches wide, leaning up against the ridge from the low spot we were in and climbing it like a beam I was able to clamber up to the ridge. Part of that moment though absolutely required two hands. So I had to intentionally shift holding her hand such that I didn't have anything in the way. Such that I could properly focus. Such that I was doing a service to myself, for my own well being and safety. As we both managed to get onto the ridge we continued forward. Even picking up some walking sticks to help test the depth of the snow. And to help us move forward. As we continued on we managed to keep up on the ridge and we had to come to a few realizations and I had to express my concern to my friend. We had made good progress, we had manged to get quite close to where our Inukshuk had been built. My friend commented his ultimate goal for the day "was to get a photo of each of us standing next to our Inukshuk". At this point we were still on the ridge. At this point we climbed up as close as possible, but now we were stuck. The drop to our left was way too steep to navigate successfully. If we backtracked a little bit there was a lip of snow that prevented us from seeing what was underneath the overhang, much less to say how stable that ground or lack thereof might have been. I looked at the drifts of snow in front of where our Inukshuk had been built and I looked at how poorly prepared we were. I told my friend straight up, "We arent prepared enough for this. Take a look at the drifts in front of the rock our Inukshuk was built on. They are deep, and remarkably treacherous." Not only would we have had to backtrack, dropped down the ridge and then continued forward through deep snow, my feet were aching (and I was just remembering how I had been on my feet since 2 am dealing with my job, how achy and sore they were) how completely soaked after stepping through drifts and drifts of snow. There was no way we were making it all the way. We just weren't properly prepared. I was reaching my limits, the sun was also starting to get lower and the winds were picking up. I was able to convince my friend that we had confirmed yes our Inukshuk withstood the winter. It still stood. It had been very well constructed and we had managed to verify that. I convinced him that his ultimate goal was not quite possible today because of many different factors. He finally agreed and we set about turning around. Although not before snapping a few photos of our accomplishment.

We followed our footsteps back and in some ways it was slightly easier to trace our path backwards. But at times I choose to go a different way because I made the determination it might be easier. I had ensured though that when I didn't have something occupying my hand or if I wasn't climbing anything I was holding my girls hand. I wanted to make her apart of my day in all the ways that I could manage. As I made my way down I was really quite pleased with the accomplishment. I was excited that what had been created had sustained through the winter. When we finally managed to get all the way back to the main trail I had to find a rock to sit down on, so that I could squeeze the water out of my socks and empty the water out of my shoes. I had been walking in water for the last hour or more and my feet were so wrinkled, they were also susceptible to slipping and moving causing excessive chafing inside my shoes. But I needed to look after myself, I had to take proper care of my well being and ensure that I was being conscious of what I required.

Needless to say, we made it back to the car. I dropped my friend off at his house and made it all the way home. Safe and sound. 

I had a wonderful day, had learned and grown in my mentality. I had taken some personal lessons from my journey and I wanted to share them with you. 

No matter what our ultimate goals are for our own journey we work towards them at our own pace. We take each step of our path in such a way that is aligned with our values and beliefs. No one walks your path, or has any right to tell you how to navigate (unless you have consented to giving up that authority) but even in those cases you still put yourself and have to walk through that space, even when someone else requires you to walk a certain way. 

I am grateful for the advice of those who share their experience with me. I am grateful for the insights and I will always welcome a second (or third or fourth) opinion. But I can't move forward unless I walk my own path. Unless I find what is absolutely necessary for me and follow through with action. I require immense depth to all of the ways I choose to interact. If I create an idea, it needs to be based in intentional purpose. I don't desire to do anything "just because". I am learning for myself where I need to go, and how I desire to get there.

I hope my story inspires you to follow your path. To find what that path is and actively walk forward for you. In all the ways that you accomplish what is important and necessary. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my words, and allowing me to exist in your world. Hopefully you find value, or at least some form of entertainment. Have a wonderful evening. 

Hello Cage friends, 

How goes the going? I must say life is busy and interesting. Work has been a bit hectic but such is the case when the world freezes and then warms up. At least when you deal with water.

As for my personal life, things have taken a turn for the better. Just recently I managed to overcome the halfway point for the massive amount of debt that had been piling over my head. There is still a very long way to go, but significant progress has been made which is truly wonderful and amazing. 

I have wonderful people in my life that help challenge and inspire growth within myself. I have also been making a few new friends and getting to know acquaintances better. 

Not only that, but a decision has been made!!!! Faith and I have now figured out that yes in fact we know where we plan to visit together on my very first trip abroad. Once the world stops exploding, and I have a greater handle on my finances we have determined that we are both going to fly to Japan on our first trip together. This may or may not be our first time meeting in person, depending on what happens with Covid, finances, time off, and so many other factors that will eventually impact this decision. A fair few of those factors won't be determined until months down the road.

Butt!!!!

Now that we have a destination we also have intentional work to do. Currently, we are both attempting to learn some aspects of the Japanese language such that we will be able to maybe have a conversation, understand signs, and have an idea of what's on the menu when we show up. We have been doing a fair amount of research, checking places, looking at sites to visit, things to do, areas we want to explore. Watching videos, signing up for online suggested packing lists and all manner of things. 

Honestly, one of the things I'm most grateful to Faith is her ability to inspire my joy for learning again. Whether it be through friendly competition (seeing who can top the other one in 😜 in our Duolingo app) or challenges perspectives and ideas that force new thought patterns. But learning a new language is a challenge, but very exciting. I hadn't been excited to learn new things and she constantly inspires me to grow and move forward. Whether in D/s matters, or personal goals, or mentality, or this way or that way. I mean we both inspire each other to try our best to accomplish as much as we can. It's just been so very reinvigorating to have someone beside me who has lit a fire inside of me. She truly helps me burn brighter.

You know, lots of people speak about the thrill of the chase. About searching and playing the game of seeing how you match up, and whether or not you can convince someone to trust you to let you in. While that's all fine and dandy, the thing that REALLY makes me smile is that moment when you understand someone and then all of a sudden because of your influence, questions, thought process, or just general conversation there is a lightbulb flash of "Holy crap, I did not realize this *thing* before". 

My Delilah had one such moment mere minutes ago. Her few sentences of realization inspired this whole idea of needing to write and express something of importance to me.

While we were talking, I discussed the idea of now that we are learning a new language we will get the chance to spend X amount of minutes trying to communicate in new language. Months down the road mind you, once we have a much better grasp of the dialect and how to actually hold a conversation. But, it will be a new way for us to spend part of our time. I mean we have a million ways we love to interact, whether it's reading one of the books we are currently working our way through, or watching a show or movie together. Whether we are working out, or even just taking a nap on the couch at the same time. Playing a board game, or just interacting in all the ways that matter to us. We will have a new way for us to begin to spend part of our time, and as I was describing this idea to her the light bulb moment of panic set in. 

She recognized from her history an aspect of an area she needs to work on. She was teased and made fun of for her pronunciation and the thought of communicating in a new language that isn't well understood kind of terrifies her. But this realization made my heart smile, because it is an area that we will be able to navigate together. It's a space that **I** get to hold for her. It honestly kind of made me giddy thinking about being able to do my utmost to assist her in moving through this triggered area. It's a new discovery of something she didn't even realize was a problem. Until I started discussing how in the future we will have the chance to communicate in this new language. But I am honoured that I get to help her, I am even more excited for when we get to talk because it will become as area that we get to grow. That our dynamic can be further cemented and solidified. It's a place where opportunity exists, and if handled correctly it will build trust. It will ensure personal growth. It will ensure collective growth. It will be something that strengthens us further and brings us closer together.

I am excited for new discoveries. I am excited for learning new things. I am excited for my life and the potential that is shifting and evolving in front of me. I am excited that I am able to help identify these areas that may be struggles, and I am excited that I will be able to do my best to help navigate them.

Part of who I am needs to help and heal. Part of who I am requires being able to identify these triggered spaces, and finding a new one to work through is like opening a gift on Christmas. There is so much potential, every moment is filled with the chance to build trust, and further growth. If handled with the right intention, with the right attitude. With the right action.

I am confident that I am capable of managing this space with her. I am confident she will allow me the opportunity to improve her space, her existence and work through some of the struggles and challenges she has. I am deeply excited for the places we are going, metaphorically and literally. There is an abundance of what we can be capable of, and it takes the right person to help you discover that. I am grateful I have found one such individual that helps me fulfill my purpose, and has chosen me. 

I hope you are all well, and thank you for taking the time to read my words today. Have a wonderful evening. 

Hello Cage friends, 

It has been a second or two. Suffice to say life is busy. Things are now beginning to roll in all different aspects of my life. Progress is being made in many wonderful and fantastic ways. 

Sort of most recently was an experience in which I had reached new depths. 

There are important aspects of my dynamic that I am beginning to explore more frequently and on a day to day basis. The way in which Velveteen and I interact is becoming more fulfilling and joyous each day. We are learning and growing and just experiencing new things for both of us at the same time.

A few days ago (or it might have been a couple) we had started playing within our scenes in slightly new ways. All thanks to the rebirth of old dead toys that now decided to work. Perhaps my Dom voice is more potent than I realized..... But for whatever magical mystical reason it began working and new ways of interacting has been granted between Faith and I. 

Now, I am learning my own art form of D/s, there is still so much that I have yet to understand. But piece by piece and day by day it is becoming more clear. I have begun learning how to put my Delilah into deep subspace and it truly is wonderful and I feel very accomplished that I can manage this when we interact on a purely internet basis. Of course it puts a smile on my face anytime I succeed in managing this, especially when I can crack into her leaderboard of top 5 moments and experiences OF ALL TIME. I do indeed hope to hold all of the most fantastic experiences she's ever been witness to, and to truly dominant her leaderboard. But all in good time. 

The reason I bring this post today is because while I had found success in managing to put her into subspace, it was not something that I have ever experienced. Honestly I had never found my Dom space. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I wasn't sure what it felt like. I had no clue what this was even supposed to feel like. 

The other day as we were playing, I realized some things. The intent behind the action is what truly is most important. Now, to those who regularly pay attention to my blog, you may have noticed something that I mentioned in a recent post. I found, acknowledged, and presented that I exist as a type of sadist. What type? Still figuring it out. How does this affect me? Still figuring that out too. How do I need and require my sadist tendencies to flourish inside my dynamic? Yup, you guessed it. Still working on that one too.

BUT, clarity was found the other day in some small ways. As we were playing, and as we were building towards the most intense portion of the scene. While I was watching I had a few thoughts spark through my brain. Partially because I had publicly admitted that I am a sadist. I believe that knowing, and acknowledging who you are is paramount to finding deeper spaces. But it wasn't just that I saw this part of me. This time I didn't run. This time I didn't hide that aspect of who I was. Instead, I actually leaned into it. I embraced it. I didn't hold any negative connotations to that space, I saw it, I pulled it further into who I am and embodied it. Now in the moment I wasn't able to vocalize my thoughts. But needless to say they were uttered VERY loudly inside my head.

I saw the difficult space my submissive was navigating for me. I saw her struggle. I saw her try her absolute hardest for me in that moment. And in my mind, I encouraged the intense behaviour. I celebrated her dedication to me. I allowed joy over her intense diligent dedication and effort to me and my requirements. I didn't run. I didn't hide. I didn't bury that aspect of who I am deep inside but rather turned to embrace it. And lo and behold at the end of the scene when we had reached the finale I actually experienced some wavy vision. I experienced floaty and tingly and very wonderful insightful, focused mental spaces.

I managed to experience to some mild degree my own dominant space. It exists and can exist. But it takes knowing myself. Accepting myself. Embracing it. I would have never been capable of doing this on my own though. It takes a truly spectacular person to bring out the best in us, and for all P/people what is required to bring your best is dependant in who you are, your values, your beliefs, your Will. I pray that those who have not found their P/person will, as the right P/person can radically change everything. I am deeply fortunate and honoured to have one such magical individual to walk my journey alongside me.

Thank you for reading my words today, and I hope they bring an insight that might allow you to navigate a space you've never experienced before. 

Hello Cage friends, 

I wanted to invite you into a moment of my day. A place where I had some growth, where I learned a lesson about myself. As most places growth doesn't really occur without some catalyst. Today, I had a moment of allowing my past to catch up with me. I experienced a place where fear set in, where old lies that I used to tell myself came screaming back at me. I had some inner turmoil that I was battling. Demons and voices that became startled and upset, that began to rage inside of me and shout such that I wasn't able to focus on anything except the discomfort. But growth is born out of discomfort. I wouldn't have taken a step forward in my journey without first succumbing and battling these voices, this insecurity, this fear, this self doubt. 

Allow me to walk you through my day. 

I had gotten a call back on Thursday to ask to cover a shift. It was my choice, I got to pick the day. I chose Saturday, as I didn't want to come in that day and I didn't want to interrupt the middle of my weekend. The thing is I'm at the section of my schedule where today is "Monday" (although depending on your time zone and when I actually finish posting this it could very well be Monday) I'm working my 4 night shifts and they start on Sunday. Although I came in yesterday to cover a shift for some coworkers that weren't coming in. As I finished my shift I received a message from my girl. I had just stayed up all night and I was mentally and physically exhausted. In her message she made me aware of a Dominant that had reached out to request a "Get to know you" sort of message. As with any interaction of anyone who reaches out to her, I am made aware of both the message sent and the message received. So she shared with me his message and her response. There was nothing new to this. I've seen her receive these types of messages before, but typically they are uninspired. Typically they are short. Typically they can be written off before you get through the first half of the one sentence that was bothered to be written. Today was not the case. This gentleman was well written, he was succinct, he seemed like a very genuine and interesting person with some things in common with my girl. When I read his message I won't lie, I was overcome with my history of self doubt. I immediately had my mental space shift into thoughts of "seeing value in areas that I didn't posses" and part of seeing the value in others I tend to minimize myself and assume that their version of what they offer is greater, more valuable, and that they are just "better" than I am.

I have existed within these spaces my whole life. Seeing someone else who happens to be good at anything, I would equate that person to being better than I was and completely swallowing any positive actions or contributions that I had. Again, simply minimizing my ability and talent. When these thoughts swarmed me, the passion to which I was responding to my girl was empty and without the usual fervor that I engage in our conversations.

So after some self evaluation I had to message her and explain where I was at. I had to share with her what was going on such that she could know that I was struggling with some inner demons that spoke of my own history. They had nothing to do with her, and I wasn't looking for her reassurance, because I KNOW I have nothing to fear. But fear doesn't abide by logic. Sometimes it bursts through and ignores all thought, it overwhelms and consumes all thought. I have to say though I clearly expressed my position. I worked through why I was feeling, I recognized it was my past speaking to me. I expressed myself openly, transparently and in a very reasonable manner. Honestly I handled myself better than I have ever done so when experiencing these negative thoughts.

Now here's where things get interesting. In bringing up my history, and expressing what I was battling my girl began to have flashes of her history cross her eyes and invade her mind. Fear. It really can become contagious. It can overwhelm and overpower. But in that moment we each had our past speak to us. We each began to work at dealing with our own shit, and as we talked things weren't quite resolved. Although after I was done work I had plenty of time to work through my mental space on my drive home. I turned my music off and focused on where my mind had taken me. I worked through my mental spaces for the most part and I began to shift my mentality into the place of excitement and desire to come home and spend time with my precious Delilah. The thing is l have also since realized why I need to live this lifestyle 24/7 because even after an insane day I find solace, peace, excitement, drive and passion in being able to sit with my girl and explore a scene idea that I've spent small aspects of my day developing. Now, it's not everyday. Somedays I require simple veg state to be achieved once I get home. But there are moments where being able to interact with my girl, to exhibit my Will in her life brings me the relief and allows me the space to relax and unwind from my day. It is significant and important to me, and that is why I need to exist within this space because it helps me find clarity. It helps bring direction and focus into my life. I drive much safer, more intently, when my thoughts are on making it home for her. I can exhibit better driving habits because thinking of getting myself safely to her matters to both of us, and I hold a much keener sense of awareness. I make wiser decisions. She truly makes my life so much better in every single way and I thank God and the Universe multiple times daily that she is in my life.

Now when I got home, as we began talking she made me aware of an infraction that she needed to bring to my attention. During her stress and history rearing it's head in her mind, she coped by stress eating a few pieces of chocolate without my consent. She didn't inquire, she went ahead and made the decision to consume what was saved as a reward and were items that require my permission for her to enjoy. I really had to chuckle though, and I was laughing outright inside my mind. Now, for me I believe any infraction should be met with a course correction or punishment that fits the crime. Of course figuring out what is an appropriate response can be very challenging for me. I constantly wonder if what I ask will be a reasonable counter to the issue and offer the guidance and correction to help shift future actions. The reason I was laughing inside my mind happened to be that everything I had laid out for the scene I desired happened to line up absolutely perfectly with a course correction for her infraction. So after we ate breakfast together and spent time as a family (including dodging some questions about my 3rd most embarrassing memory from her daughter {because we have already discussed #1 and 2} we shared the Valentine's cards her daughter had made for me and my animals) I had to end the call and get some sleep. But we were to meet back in a few hours after I had gotten some sleep, and her daughter had gone to bed so that we might have time alone.

When I woke up, we jumped into a call together and we began to make a little small talk before I instructed her about the scene I had intended. So, this scene was nothing new. We had done each aspect of what my vision was before. (Although there was a variation I threw in that we had never tried before because of the circumstance in the middle of the scene) The critical point I want to make here is this.

INTENTION IS EVERYTHING.

Nothing was inherently different. It was the same request as we have tried previously. The difference though was my mentality, and in so shifting my thought process I was able to pull her into a space that aligned with my desire and thought process. It was meant to be difficult. It was meant to be uncomfortable in moments. Of course though because of some malfunctions in our equipment we had to shift the vision slightly. But the best moment was the fact that instead of getting frustrated that things weren't working properly, we shifted the act to align and keep with the intention. It took creativity, it took flexibility, it took patience to help keep us both in the correct mindset of what we were working on. But instead of becoming overwhelmed we adjusted and kept rolling from one act into the next. Shifting the requests to ensure that we kept from allowing frustration to build. Although I found it really interesting the difference in wording of "Will you" into "You will" and the effect that can have on your scene. It was also comical that we discussed this change in our aftercare when the scene was finished, since during the scene I was contemplating the difference that change would have. We truly are a perfect match for each other, such that we tend to be in each other's minds and just know what the other is thinking more often than I think is normal for people who haven't known each other a year.

There was also another aspect of the interaction that I allowed her to understand that the scene had ended because of specific questions that I asked her about her behaviour in between the reps of tasks I had assigned her. When I speak about ending the scene what I mean is that the punishment had been given, had been properly handled and that it was over and done. It was handled, and she had atoned for her infraction and we don't need to speak on it because it's now a finished thing. Unless of course she makes the same mistake. Then we may have to look at a slightly different punishment in order to help get the point across, but she made it clearly known to me that she understood the lesson when we discussed everything through the aftercare. I have found in my limited experience though that it is very beneficial to break down scenes, course corrections and punishments into segments. Creating space within the actions to let her know we are moving from intention to intention. To signify that "Yes, we are now done with this and moving onto the next phase" and then giving her the closure of saying "It is now finished, and you have atoned". It is about allowing her to move forward without any hesitation because it is no longer a concern and the punishment has been doled out and closure has been achieved. 

The fantastic thing about all of this experience. We reached deeper levels of subspace that we have previously visited. I gained a new understanding of myself, we moved through our first punishment without mishap, in a positive and reassuring way, and my girl managed to do all I asked to such a degree of satisfaction that there was not a single negative moment within the scene itself. Born out of fear, self doubt and negativity was turned into a massively positive experience pushing us both past our limits into new territory. New growth has been achieved personally for myself. I even found an aspect of myself that had been hidden to me. 

I am a sadist. I acknowledge this. I am still learning this space, but it exists and is apart of who I am. I don't believe that I am a typical sadist though as I do not require a deep need to explore giving pain, nor do I feed off the energy of supplying what my s type needs as a masochist. During my meditation I offered this part of who I am up to the Universe such that it may return to me imparted with more understanding. I believe though that where I exist within the realm of sadomasochism is that I desire *difficult thing* to be accomplished for me. It just so happens that what I require can fall into some intense spaces that cause discomfort. Although it's not my intention to cause discomfort explicitly. I still need to know that the discomfort is fulfilling, useful and positive. I'm not sure what all of this means for me just yet. But I'm learning and I am barely beginning my journey. I have many steps in front of me. 

I hope you all have found something interesting and informative in reading my words today. Thank you for your time and energy in existing with me today. 

~E

Hello Cage friends, 

Has it ever been a productive weekend filled with laughter, important moments, and learning. TVS and I attended a seminar in which many different speakers approached different topics within the M/s framework, how those different aspects looked and what worked for the perspective person.

Today I also was directed (by my sweet Delilah) to a lecture that was on a topic that I find exceptionally important. 

So yesterday, I observed 3 Masters and 1 slave that spoke on different topics. Each topic had its own insightful moments. Everyone had their way of doing things, of what was important to them. Although I enjoyed the topics discussed it wasn't until the last presenter that I truly felt the impact of all she spoke on. Cocobuns had a presentation on abandonment in an incoming slave. It truly spoke to my heart. There is so much trauma that has occurred in many individuals lives. She broke down so many valid points, perspectives, and ideas of what happens inside the mind of someone who has experienced trauma from a young age. It was extremely powerful. But amazing to see someone who works each day to battle their demons and who has put in the effort to come out on top after fighting day in and day out. 

So today, the lecture that I attended happened to be on healing trauma through BDSM. It was presented by kinky friendly therapists that was quite well done. 

To me, and my journey I want to understand trauma. I've witnessed areas of it in my past relationships. I've seen aspects of mental health issues that would wrap up my girlfriends and cause anxiety and near triggered responses that seemed to have been caused by trauma. Even my ex wife who had endured many different aspects of abuse and neglect had quite a large struggle that we tried to work through. Unfortunately because of the trust that I broke in the very beginning of our relationship I never had the chance to be there to support her when she was dealing with some very heavy spaces because she couldn't believe that I would be able to hold those spaces open. So she never really let me in. She didn't give me the trust and acceptance to let me into those places, and that was her boundary she had to set.

But it hurt to see her try and walk these spaces without allowing me to see her there. 

Now, I have placed myself into a position of trust with the girl I have chosen for my life. I have walked with integrity all throughout our interactions. I know the quality of support I've offered to her. I know I can be capable of so much more though, and I am going to further my education and improve my ability to help her navigate some of these traumatic events of her past to be able to heal and help her walk forward. 

I may not be a therapist. I may not be experienced. But I'm learning. Utilizing BDSM to work through and help overcome trauma is something that I believe I am capable of handling. Perhaps not in all spaces, but as the lecturers informed us today it's about knowing your limits. If you try to walk through a space that is beyond you sometimes it requires then to reach out to professionals to assist in the process. But working through the history of trauma and rewriting those narratives from negative into positive ones is very important to me. It is apart of my Will to be able to utilize BDSM in this way.

So I want to share a bit of what was spoken on in the course. We began with definitions, some misconceptions and the perspective of psychology about kink and alternative lifestyle choices. I'm not going to lie staying awake during this part was actually challenging for me. Partially because the presenters did not speak English as a first language and they were actively translating everything between Greek and English. It was actually impressive but at the same time I felt myself checking out at moments of understanding definitions especially when they were explaining in a language I just didn't understand. 

As they went through it became apparent though that one critical piece of information is that everyone is absolutely different. Just as our experiences, even how we respond and handle those interactions shifts. Some people when exposed to traumatic events close themselves off, they can't handle speech, don't want to communicate, don't want touch or intimacy. While others reach out and crave that intimacy, crave touch, crave constant communication. First and foremost in all situations it takes knowing your P/person. They also spoke about the need to take time, approach with patience, kindness and a very open "I am here for you in anyway you need me". Again nothing crazy considering any activity within the lifestyle requires patience and a slow persistent approach. You don't jump into the deep end without negotiating, without communication, without working through safe words, safe signals (in case someone is of the non communicative type) and establishing what aftercare looks like hours and even days afterwards. Again all of this takes knowing your person and accounting for the ways they may respond to the trauma play. Even being aware that these events may affect the dominant just as much. The thing is with trauma play, the approach needs to be much more closely monitored because you are intentionally walking into places that have been traumatic. The s type could enter into a whirlwind of thought that traps them in their past. Stuck in the moment of abuse, and it becomes your responsibility in knowing how to ground them in here and now. To recognize that the hysteric crying that's occurring is actually a cathartic release of emotion as opposed to a hysteric crying of a triggered traumatic response. Even checking in might leave you just as unsure because your s type may not know if this is positive or negative. Whether we should continue or if this needs to be a stopping point. It comes down to reading body language, listening intently, knowing your s type, preparing for how they might be affected, preparing for how you might be effected.

One of the most useful pieces of information gained from the lecture had to do about focusing on breath manipulation to help ground the s type in here and now, relinquishing them from the hold of their past. Breath intentionally, focus on the number of breaths, focus on something that brings you to today, in this moment. What can be especially helpful (if they are alright with it) is to reassuringly touch their back, with gentle pressure, light tapping consistent contact that tells them they are here. They are safe. Of course if they can't handle physical contact when triggered then you must rely on verbal reassurances to bring them into this moment. Allow them to know they are safe, secure, and looked after. That they are loved, respected and it can be useful to tell them how proud you are of them working through this hard thing. Of course there is no guarantee that what we do will bring them out of that triggered moment. It may require stopping the scene, accessing a trained therapist and seeking the professional help that will allow someone to work through the trauma. I have witnessed firsthand the benefits of dealing with a trauma therapist and how immensely helpful they are in working through the issues that can plague someone who has experienced trauma.

There is no easy way forward, and actively choosing to press into this space requires immense patience. It requires immense support, understanding, care, and devotion to be willing to work through these spaces. I hope to vastly improve my ability to help navigate these spaces. I want to rewrite the narrative that has held back this beautiful woman who loves me. I require that she trust me enough to walk through this space with me. It will be hard, but the results and how much farther ahead we will be is worth the risk. I don't believe that playing in trauma should ever be done over long distance, so this is a space that I get to take the time I have while we exist in LDR to improve my knowledge, to improve my patience, to improve my communication, to improve the necessary skillsets that are required to be the man she needs to help her safely walk through these places. I'm excited over the aspect of working in these spaces, I'm excited for the future. For the potential. For all I see within her, and how best to coax those aspects and help her find ways to bring them to the surface.

I deeply believe that BDSM can heal trauma. I am going to dedicate a portion of my understanding, effort and energy in mastering how to assist in healing trauma through different scenes. This is important to me. I see value in being able to navigate these spaces. I see the risks, I see the benefits and I see part of my path forward. Now comes the hard work. Now comes understanding and learning. When the time is right I will put into practice what I am gaining and I am optimistic that the benefits will be tremendous.

Thank you for your time in reading my words today. I hope you find your Will, your path and expend your energy in ways that is aligned with your path forward. 

Hello Cage friends, 

This has been a post I've been thinking about for months now. I've ran it through my mind over and over.

To begin, if you happen to notice there is a change in my collar. I now hold ENM as my submissive. What the heck does that all mean???

Well Ethical Non Monogamy (ENM) is what I believe in. It is something that is felt down in the roots of my core being. I believe that there is potential for one person to fit every need, to be all you could ever desire, require, and attach yourself to. I also stand firm in the knowledge that is also not possible. Here's the rub though. To me, ENM is not about chasing skirts. It's not about running around like the cartoon wolf with his eyes popping out of his head. It's about what you require. It's about fulfilling a need. It's about honestly looking at yourself and evaluating. Asking, and acknowledging whatever kink is buried deep in your core being. What is mandatory to your existence. How you need this part of you to function, to be completely and wholly in alignment and satisfied with how you live your life.

When we consider our partners sometimes we reach a place of acknowledgement. When you can reach into a space and admit to yourself "I need to humiliate" or at the very least explore that area of life and how important it is to me. But you realize that the person you've been spending your time with holds a hard limit for those spaces. Do you go well "You aren't what I want, goodbye" and kick them to the curb? In my opinion it's a waste. It's not valuable. It's harmful, and detrimental to existing. Because this person sees me, helps me grow. She makes me a better man each day, and fills my heart with joy, my lungs with laughter, my days with purpose and interesting new facts and fun. I gain so much from her. I have GROWN so much in her presence. She is necessary, she is required, AND she is capable of holding appropriate space such that if we both see and acknowledge an area where I require something that exists outside of what she finds acceptable then I am free to pursue that. Now, this not only goes for me but this sentiment is returned. If there is an area that is left wanting, needing and is required that I am incapable of giving to her then she needs and has the ability to find and explore that area. It will be done respectfully. It will be done with open, honest, transparent communication.

It brings me immense joy to claim this amazing woman as an integral part of my life. She is the cornerstone of the future I need. She fits so perfectly into place, she gives me wisdom, grants me new insights, allows me to explore my dominance and take running bounds forward in my own progress. She is divine, gifted, brilliant, dedicated. She is everything I have ever wanted, needed or asked of in a woman. She challenges me, forces me to consider new perspectives and ideals. To really push who I am, and forge myself more clearly into the man I simply am. 

She is The Velveteen Slave. She is Faith. She is my Delilah. 

Our journey began together in a single message. After realizing the depths of this woman, I was asked to not speak to her directly. I had reached out when she was protected and we had a very few long messages to each other. When I finally heard back from her Mommasaurus, she politely informed me to cease direct contact. I could exist around her blog, or in the comments. But I was not to directly approach her. So I waited. And watched. And waited just a little bit more. Until she healed. Until she worked through some very difficult spaces overcoming the shift in her last dynamic. Each day we made time for each other. Each day we became better friends. Each day we learned, and grew together. Each day we showed one another what we were capable of, and proved more and more why it was important and necessary for us to be in each other's lives. We went through some difficult places. We had some moments of crying, bawling our eyes out. We worked consistently towards being better, and have made massive strides in so many different areas of our lives. 

She is ready to acknowledge her needs. She is ready to begin moving forward diligently. I am prepared to match her in this way. 

Within the last few days, I have had a radical Eureka moment. Do you know when you hear words and in your brain you go "Okay, yeah, sure, that makes sense" but you keep muddling forward not really incorporating those ideals? Well for the last 10 ish months I've been learning about D/s, about power exchange about what a dynamic really truly is. It took layers of conversations, moments of grief, observing a need in this woman's life who was so vastly important to me to finally click all the pieces together. Well not all the pieces. I still have much room to grow. I still have questions to answer. Solutions to find.

But DAMN, did I ever just level up over the last few days.

When I began I remember my first scene that I negotiated. I remember the nervous energy I felt. I remember trying to think "Oh will this be right, will I do well, will I speak to the need I've asked myself to contend with?"

A few days ago, Faith and I had a conversation. She expressed to me something that made my heart break. It spoke of neglect. It spoke of abandonment. It had to do with her marriage, and part of the interaction. Her ex Husband has not held her hand, touched or even kissed her. For such a long time she made the half hearted joke "She forgot how to kiss". I felt the weight of a relationship crash around me. I imagined being in a space where I didn't kiss my wife. I imagined how it must have felt to be in a place where your husband didn't want to connect in a simple and basic way. I NEEDED in that moment to provide her the knowledge that was unacceptable and never going to occur with me. So I set about an impromptu scene. One created based on previous conversation held months prior, latching onto the information that I had learned, hearing the words of advice from previous dominants, and suddenly with the clear vision for this need I saw in her life I set about a task that corrected this immediately. It wasn't just "asking her to do something". It wasn't about making her follow my command. It was about resolving a need in her life, it was about replacing, repairing, healing the damage of neglect. It was about taking what I knew, and utilizing it in such a way that it had meaningful, impactful, resonance inside who she was. I have gained a much deeper understanding of power exchange. I have gained a much richer sense of the potential of D/s, and I am beginning to utilize creative solutions to issues I see. To resolve tangible hardships.

I seek to heal. 

I don't have all the answers. I'm not a trained therapist. I never even took biology in high school. My understanding of how the body works is pretty minimal. Despite what I lack though, I have the ability to make resounding changes. Positive changes in someone else's life because I am understanding critical pieces of how D/s can work. It's finally clicking in my brain, and it's like I've dusted off this new part of me that's remained dormant on a shelf deep inside who I am.

I am a new man. Working at becoming better each day. Working to build myself, to build up those who choose to dedicate themselves to me. But I deeply believe in intention. I won't look for someone who doesn't meet me, my need or fit into what might be lacking in my life. Although to be honest there is very little I find lacking anymore. 

I am excited to claim that I am ENM, and that I have found the first part to the puzzle that will remain by my side forever more. 

Thank you for your time today. Thank you for reading. I hope you were inspired, and that you find what is needed in your life. 

Hello Cage friends, 

It's been a bit of a rollercoaster this life. Recently I've taken some large steps forward in my walk and part of my journey. I have been realizing what is required of me. What I require of me. I have been working at learning myself and seeing growth in so many spaces. Most importantly I am feeling pride in the work I'm doing. I am feeling confident that I am making progress in the areas of my life that are focal points for me. 

I have heard myself say "I am proud for accomplishing this. I am proud for managing to walk through some difficult spaces and be a bit of support for those around me." I recently had a new submissive reach out to me. It was interesting as this submissive happened to be a male. Now typically on the very rare chances that someone of the same sex has approached me they quickly ask if I am interesting in males and when I reply and inform them that I'm straight usually I don't hear from them again. Now I had this new submissive reach out and when they contacted me and I replied something interesting happened. He sent me another message. It was bizarre this never happens. But he opened up and shared part of himself and I noticed some red flags. At some point I actually want to post the parts of conversation focusing on my responses because it was like going through my crash course to BDSM. I set about pointing out some of the red flags I noticed, informing him of some information and I said "feel free to reach out". Again he responded, and I saw again some issues that I felt required some more information because he was new and perhaps he hadn't heard a few different aspects of the lifestyle and I wanted to help create awareness and help one more person be safer within the community and hopefully work at protecting himself on his journey forward. Actually part of the dialogue with him inspired my post about Community. 

So I got back to this idea of Community. When you look at who we are as a group of individuals you realize how many different aspects there are of what each of us enjoys, needs and requires for our well being. Each aspect of that shines in different ways because we are all unique. There was a recent issue with some interesting events and I realized something. For the longest time being apart of BDSM could mean losing your life, your job, your family and friends. While there is generally more acceptance over the lifestyle in this day and age there are plenty of people who hide who they are from family because they simply won't understand. Even vanilla views on what BDSM entails is so skewed in certain media. I remember watching a show on Netflix, there was a scene in which a woman was brought to a BDSM party (everyone wearing masks, all forms of debauchery was occurring in the background) and when they got to a critical point in the show the main villain who happened to be a practitioner of BDSM happened to forcefully attempt to rape this woman. No, it was not a negotiated CNC scene. It was a blatant disregard for limits, consent and a million other issues and I remember thinking "Damn, this is how we are viewed." Maybe not all the time, but when mainstream media says 'You will be raped and abused when exposed to BDSM' it kind of shocked me that some people who exist in the vanilla sphere of life regard those who play as harmful, despicable individuals with no regard for well being, safety and consent. Again not all people, but more often than not there is an air of "Stay the fuck over there" type mentality that is just a tiny bit hurtful. Because to me BDSM is a form of therapy. I intend to utilize it to heal trauma, to overcome the shortcomings we feel and strive to improve my life and the lives of those who may end up choosing me.

The thing that really gets to me is this.... 

If we already experience such a negative view from outside the community, what the hell happens when we begin to receive those toxic viewpoints from within the community as well???

I mean we are all here for something. We are all trying to find how we fit into this crazy world. We are all looking for our own journey and what resonates with who we are. The thing is there are so many different forms of play that there are disagreements. Everyone has a different opinion, and some people can reach out and even attack others for a kink that is part of them. What the hell happened to YKINMKBTIO? I mean we get enough of misunderstanding from outside the community, why do we need to put up with that noise from those "WHO GET IT"?? I mean if you don't like something, turn around, walk away. Or be enough of an adult to have a conversation, open up dialogue, explain your side, listen to their side and just have a conversation. If at the end neither of your opinions have changed then simply YKINMKBTIO and move on with life. I mean we need to seek further tolerance within the community. We need to accept those who come here, because THIS is OUR SAFE SPACE. If we are attacked from our own community members then we help destroy the lifestyle. We scoff and diminish the good that comes from BDSM, and it doesn't help anything or anyone progress. I mean the best part about opening up and practicing tolerance is that you might just find your perspective shifting because someone you never knew explained a topic to you in a way it's never been explained before that radically changes your entire perception of that kink.

Regardless if you like or dislike someone, regardless if you agree or disagree, regardless of whether you're interested in their kink or not. Why the hell does it matter? Does their kink impact your life in anyway? I mean you choose to read their blog. You could have stopped at any point. You could have set a boundary and said "I completely disagree with all you have to say" and stopped reading, not commented, not retaliated and moved on with your day. Each of us utilizes our blogs as our platform to say "Hello, this is me." It is the safe space that we get the opportunity to express ourselves. I mean your blog is the source of information for anyone to learn about you. It becomes the billboard for who you are. It's the advertisement of "This is what I like, this is what suits me, this is WHO I AM" It is a way for those who read what you write to agree or disagree and sometimes you find that you click because of a viewpoint you share. I mean there are ads specifically for "I need, want and am looking for..." Why is a blog any different? You just get a little more space to show up and express what you need, to vent about a life situation, to share a poem, or erotic story, or literally anything that matters to you. It's all a form of saying "This is me, and part of my Will" It's a place to express your opinion for the lifestyle, and how you see it. With your history, with your past, with the different life experiences that have shaped who you are and your unique way of viewing the world. So why should we utilize our time trying to tear each other down? We are all of one community. We all exist here as outliers from the "norm". So why not support each other? Why not try to reach an understanding and create acceptance instead of hostility? I mean we are all kinky people. We like different forms of kink, we express and share those different forms as they are necessary in our lives. What's necessary to me has hide nor hair to do with you. If you agree with me great, amazing, fantastic. If you have a different opinion than choose to respectfully have a conversation about why, about your perspective, but allow me my opportunity to express my thoughts on the matter. Then see if either of us shift our perspective on that particular matter. Or if you can't have a respectful conversation just walk away and don't engage. Harming one another does little to support why we come here. It harbours animosity and leaves a sour taste in your mouth, and can tint the entire experience whether you're new or a seasoned veteran of the site. We all come here to because we feel safe, because we desire to work at ourselves and walk forward. Reaching out, expressing ourselves oftentimes gives others the chance to listen and acknowledge a similarity in the journey and help create forward momentum for their struggle. Don't we want the absolute best for us and our friends? Even if we don't know each other there is a bond of something we have that very few people share in the world. Let's do our best to practice tolerance. To practice understanding. To practice grace with one another. Even if what you like is not what I'm interested in, I can still learn about it further. I can educate myself and then make a decision that's right for me. But I don't need to tear someone down to do any of that. Simply choose to set a boundary for yourself and avoid that blog or person in the future. Shouldn't we strive to build a community that is accepting? Shouldn't we support one another even if we disagree in their particular tastes? Because at the end of the day we are still similar even if the particular seasonings aren't to our liking.

I deeply appreciated all of those who have taken the time to read my words today. I hope for deeper understanding, more tolerance, more acceptance and a community that thrives and grows as we help each other along our own personal journeys. 

Hello Cage friends, 

Oh it has been a glorious minute. I hope you've been doing well. I want to take a second to speak about the group of people who exist within the lifestyle. 

There is such a wide variety of who composes the structure of the community. When you consider your area, your local community or the online community it's just those that you speak to, the blogs you read, the conversations had. While I have been slightly less active in responding to comments or even reading blogs as of late I still find such immense value in reaching out and holding a conversation. There is true power in finding a person to have a spirited debate with over a topic where you hold differing opinions. While there are toxic people, toxic viewpoints and people who make mistakes within choices, there is also an abundant amount of people looking for genuine advice, genuine communication. I truly find it so very interesting for my own growth when I meet new and interesting people, and through conversation you reach points of having to explain your viewpoint that can truly solidify your understanding of yourself.

I mean the best way to learn something and a sign of true mastery over a topic is being able to explain and teach it to someone else such that they begin to comprehend understanding. I currently engaged in a private conversation and throughout each moment I realized how much I've grown in a very short time. It was how I responded, the thought process behind the request asked of me, exploring why I was responding that way and how it all affected me. As the conversation progressed I began to look and see how my personal history actually could lend a slight insight into the situation and I've encountered a few moments where my history and my experience, my choices, and what I've lived through have immensely helped another person with their own growth. There are moments where I don't even realize how I'm helping, I am trying to address a completely different topic and yet the value and weight of my words can impart relief in an area that I didn't even realize I was helping with. But all of those things couldn't have been possible if I hadn't made the mistakes of my past. If I didn't have my previous experience I wouldn't have a leg to stand on because I would have zero experience that can relate to that situation. I felt deep regret over my mistakes, I felt shame, I felt remorse, I felt low and weak. I felt like I was an absolutely terrible human. But each of those low moments have now become spaces in which I can move forward, and offer a deeper insight because I've walked through them. My words are based on my history, and while it may not be the exact situation I have an understanding of what it could be like to live through that moment. I have understanding of that similar situation but from a different perspective. Offering that perspective and openly communicating with those within the community allows others to take my experience and grow from it. I am immensely proud that I was able to offer words that could radically shift someone's view of themself such that it improves their current relationships and experiences. Of course none of that could have been possible if I hadn't walked through my own failure. 

I love this community because it helps me move forward, as much as I help those around me I am helped the same. Explaining my past, allowing my perspective to garner understanding and growth makes me realize the worth of the shit that I've seen. The shit I've caused. The pain I've created. So long as I actively choose to use those experiences for the benefit of myself and those who spend time communicating with me. I can't reach into my past and "fix" it. What I can do is move one step at a time towards something better. Using the history that is mine to assist those around me. The thing too is that while I've been able to bring new understanding, it's also the realization that anyone could have done that. I need to remember that as much as I'm capable and that I will and can affect change in someone's life it could have easily been another person offering that support. I just happened to be at the right place, at the right time, with the right experience to speak into a place that truly made a difference. Hearing "I've been waiting 13 years for someone to speak those words to me" makes my heart abundantly happy, beaming and flutter like a little school boy. When you say something so profound but don't even realize the depth to which you have actually shifted the situation. It's always such a surprise how my words can impart substantial change, but I love hearing how I have managed to take a burden and help lift some of the weight such that they are able to move forward on their own two legs. Allowing them the growth to work past those deep hidden traumas in a way that they could continue to move forward even if I wasn't there beside them. Because it's not about creating solutions that make that person dependant on you being beside them. If you have to continue to hold them up, you are nothing more than a crutch. It's about finding answers that allow them to move forward on their own, and it allows both of you to keep walking forward together each making the other stronger as you go. Each step forward becomes more confident and easier because you can support your own weight, and they are right beside you doing the exact same thing.

I read a blog the other day about leadership, and the type of leader you can be. In the blog the creator asked those who read to participate and share the type of leadership that speaks to you. I believe that leadership needs to be tailored to the specific person because what motivates one person could have absolutely no impact on another person with a different history. Some people are very independent and easily take on tasks by themself with little guidance or oversight. Some people need to be walked through each phase, supported and commended on each step being completed. I believe that leadership begins with understanding who you are dealing with. Understanding their personality type, what motivates them, where their strengths lie, and where they are weak. It takes understanding who works well together and who doesn't. It's about allowing synergy between all the people such that you collectively work towards the end goal. Some people need the big picture explained to them so they understand how the tiny piece they are working on comes into the entire process and how critical that small piece may be. I see all of these types of interactions within the community. Reaching out to someone more experienced in a particular type of play and gaining knowledge in that area to bolster your own ability, to begin to understand the how, why, and when's of that type of play. I'm realizing that if you work at building a solid connection with the different levels of the interaction you can build something beyond beautiful. It takes working on communication. It takes working at the vanilla interactions, it takes working at the d/s interactions, it takes building different areas of play and utilizing those spaces to assist in the most efficient way possible. It's a combination of all the parts, creating understanding, working together to build that thing together, understanding how to motivate your partner and what speaks to them. Part of all of that is knowing and understanding how their past has impacted them in all ways. But it's also in reaching out to those around you and learning from others with similar dynamics to what you are hoping to build. But also finding your way of moving through those spaces.

This community is beautiful, and I would not be as far along in my journey without all the people I've spent time speaking with. Finding this place, finding the people here has moved me forward leaps and bounds more than my entire lifetime. I am more myself, more confident, more at peace, more at home, more resolute. I deeply appreciate those who have offered me advice, those who have taken the time to speak with me. A simple conversation can truly bring about such significant change, and it's amazing to witness a community come together to help all of those who exist within it move forward in their respective journeys. I am honoured to have my place here, that I can have a space to voice my thoughts, opinions and perspectives. As a greenhorn I was given stupendous advice, I listened intently to what was being said, and I chose to work those lessons into my being. Now, I have been given a chance to assist those who are newer than myself and offer guidance towards creating a safe, sane, consensual community. Being able to impart the lessons I've learned and help grow a better community. One of understanding, one of acceptance regardless of kink. One of tolerance. In doing these small acts it promotes a better place, a space where those who interact from this point forward there may be a better chance for those people to find the right dynamic for them. At the end of the day, I wish all to be able to find themselves. To find the dynamic they need. To know their answers to the important questions and be able to search out safely the P/person for them.

Again to those who take the time to read my words I thank you for participating with me. I hope that we all actively work towards improving this community such that it continues to flourish. 

As a little side note just some awesome that I recently observed and enjoyed. Hope you do too.

Hello Cage friends, 

So recently the idea of energy has been on my mind. Our personal energy, the energy of the Universe how its connected, how our actions will impart some of that energy to our surroundings whether we wish it to or not. It comes down to the choice we make, the words we choose, the places we touch. How we touch, our intentions behind them and all of it matters.

I am learning some very interesting things, today I had a chance to gain the beginnings of a new skill. I've never broken down a full chicken before and today I set at dismantling two of them. While I was going about it I had a slight "Aha" kind of moment. When I was a child I used to love learning. It didn't matter what subject, whether it was in school or a technical skill or to grow in my athletic ability. To test myself and just try something I've never done before. As an adult I've grown to recognize that I allow frustration to hold me back. I easily get frustrated when I don't do it perfectly, when the outcome is supposed to "look like this" but mine is mangled and misformed. I lost the joy of learning, because as a child I held nothing back I didn't care how foolish something made me look, or that I didn't do it right. It was just new information and I loved to learn. I loved gaining a new skill and seeing how to put it in action such that I knew how to solve equations or find the next move on the chess board. It just didn't matter what it was I loved doing it. I loved trying. But somewhere along my journey the stress of getting it right, having the answers, performing, getting results, being perfect became the focus and I no longer enjoyed learning and I stopped reaching to find new information because I felt it was beyond me so "Why even try?" I've felt that my efforts were pointless, that my time was being used inappropriately, that I lost focus in my life. Using a substance became my focus because I no longer had to think, I could shut out the world and simply exist within myself and close all doors around me. I isolated myself. I choose to close my own doors.

Today, I was breaking down a chicken. I tried and messed up. I was beginning to get frustrated but I had an encouraging teacher who wouldn't allow me to give up, and I remembered back to my youth when simply learning something new brought me joy. I tried to tap into that mindset and wouldn't you know I managed to keep my frustration away. It didn't sour my mood and poison the next interaction. It didn't make me hostile and start to attack those simply trying to help me. I've been stuck in that place before, refusing to allow people in. Because I was better off alone. Or so I thought. What a fool I was, as I have come to this site I've learned so much and gained so much insight from those who have gone before me. I learn and grow from the mistakes of those around me, who have warned me about the consequences of my actions. I've taken to heart the lessons I've heard, but some didn't internalize and I had to walk through my own failings in order to have the words of one wiser than me ring in my ears and connect to my current self, with my own personal experiences that "Yes, there is a reason you check in during a scene frequently". I've heard from so many, and no matter where the knowledge comes from we all do our best when we see, hear, understand and allow ourselves to be taught by all of those around us. Perhaps the lesson is "Yeah don't do that" or maybe it's a lot more subtle and takes time to truly sink in. But in isolating ourselves we feel as if we are protecting those around us, and protecting ourself. In truth we are simply being locked away. We aren't allowing our energy to mix with someone else's and create something new. It remains stagnant and can begin to rot within who we are.

There are so many ideas behind energy, where does it stem from, how do we access it? I had just recently visited with my family yesterday for lunch, and during our conversation my sister was recounting a part of her meditation. She had been looking inside herself and she saw a warzone waged inside her body. She's been through 3 back surgeries and at one point was paralyzed without the ability to walk. She was searching through her own self, examining the problems where they stemmed from and she mentioned about trauma. I've been sitting with this idea for a while mulling it over. If actions and energy can be transferred then what happens when someone is abused? That energy, that negativity, that trauma gets imbedded inside the tissues and exists there. It seeps deep into the fibers of what makes us, and for those that have gone through some pretty horrific events in their life that damage and harm can be so deeply embedded that you don't even recognize when and where it can be released. There is negative energy trapped inside, leeching insidious poisonous harmful cells working on a level we can't see. Part of the duty of someone who is wholly responsible for another's existence is taking care of that insipid energy. It is our duty to acknowledge it within ourselves, and to handle that appropriately. But if by definition one has chosen to submit to you, then you take on the responsibility of handling that traumatic energy. Because it is apart of your P/person. It is in finding the appropriate means to help work that energy away and purify those who place their trust in us. If we want the absolute best for those who choose to give all of themselves to us then we hold the responsibility of managing and working through that trauma. For the betterment of our person, our dynamic, and their future.

I had a moment where I recognized that I have been given many things. I have been gifted a fully functioning brain, I have been gifted a great family, I have been gifted good genetics, I have been given so many things. Part of that though I was also given doubt, fear, anger, self loathing, depression. This isn't the complete list but I am recognizing within the complexity, within the challenge of setting myself to overcome my lack of confidence, mastering my anger, handling my doubt, my fears, my self loathing I forge myself into the man I am meant to be. Each one of the negative aspects that I see in my personality are part of my burden, part of my trial and test to overcome. To work at mastering such that I no longer allow them to hold power over me. When I combat the negativity inside of myself I work towards becoming exactly who I am, who I am meant to be and the person that the Universe has chosen for me. I find my place, my purpose, and my path forward by taking control of the poisonous energy inside of myself. 

I had a moment where fear set in and in a moment of shock I didn't respond to a situation in an appropriate way. The decent thing to do would have been to offer any response, but I was caught off guard and so I chose to say nothing and pretend like I hadn't heard the comment. The thing was fear paralyzed me, and I thought I had moved past that point. Only to be shown how much room I still have to grow. The funny part was in the days after the event, I played through the situation. I began to ask myself all sorts of questions. If she were in my space, would I care for her well being? If she were here beside me, would I want the absolute best for her? If she were by my side would I care to see her find her path, follow her future and work diligently towards those ends? Would I help her move forward, would I choose to be there if she stumbled, would I offer my support, would I be my silly self, would I try to make her laugh, would I exist as my best for her? Would I look after her bumps and bruises, and care for her physical, mental, emotional wellbeing to the best of my ability? The answer to all of these questions was without hesitation "Yes". The thing is I didn't see myself in a specific role, I couldn't possibly imagine myself there in that respect, but beyond those internal withholdings when I asked myself the basic questions. When I broke it down into "What would I do for her?" the answer became exceptionally clear.

In all ways I choose to become a Guardian. In all ways I will act as a Guardian. In all ways I will become a Guardian. 

I still have a lot to learn, but I am searching to find the joy of reaching into new spaces. I am searching to let the view of those around me fall to the wayside as I move intentionally forward. If I seem odd, if I get funny looks, if someone doesnt understand me then it is their loss. Because I will move forward in ways that matter to me, and to those who choose me. I don't need a stranger to understand why I act as myself, if they see a silly man it's because I am indeed a silly man. I enjoy silliness. I enjoy light hearted good natured fun, I want to experience more joy, more ease. Because that serves me, and it serves those who stay by my side.

I thank you once again for your time in reading my blog, I hope you perhaps found aspects of it enlightening such that you may have learned a lesson. 

Hello Cage friends, 

So tonight I wanted to share a personal story from my past and a difference in my current self. 

Back when I was just finishing high school and heading off into the wild life of University I had a girlfriend at the time that had plans to head off to school either in the US, or across the country at the only University which offered the course she was interested in taking. So in a frenzied sort of figuring out how we wanted to progress with our relationship we decided that we were going to try sustaining a long distance relationship.

Now at the beginning we were both determined to make this work. But slowly over time problems arose, issues kept creeping in and in many ways things slowly degraded. I made some poor choices, but more than that the critical aspect of what destroys us was my lack of self confidence at that time in my life. Now let me tell you I had no reason to lack self confidence, but in my youth I could not see myself in any positive light. I still struggle with this today *literally had a problem with how I handled an issue earlier today/yesterday in which I felt completely undeserving simply for a loss of control within myself* but it's less problematic although I'm working through managing this within me. 

So this lack of self confidence caused me to hold jealousy over every situation. I couldn't stop imagining a situation where my girlfriend found a gentleman more attractive, more intelligent, more capable, more athletic, more talented than myself. Every man was a potential threat, someone who would simply steal her away from me because we weren't in the same space. He would show up and impress her with his intelligence and then would share time with her and grow closer than we were because he could spend quality time with her while working on projects, or relaxing and just enjoying the freedom of being in University. They would share new experiences and I also struggled with feeling boring because I have not been very many places, I've not explored the world. I'm mundane, boring, ordinary. Plus I existed across the country such that it would take a day and a bit to drive to see each other so we didn't have chances to really connect unless we flew to see each other. Neither of us had money to really be flying back and forth to meet. So we tried connecting when and how we could through the internet and video messaging, but with schoolwork and the time difference things became difficult. After trying to make it work through the first year and a half of University things eventually ended. I had my hand in it, I caused it. I lacked many aspects which are required for making a long distance relationship work.

Now, the reason I bring all of this up. It seems so many interactions within the community begin online. Sometimes for different reasons there isn't an opportunity to meet immediately and you have to begin and enter into a LDR in order to begin the process of finding your P/person(s). There are so many difficulties with finding someone who is compatible with you, there are so many challenges to creating something stable with someone. I've been realizing the blessings of beginning online. There are some exceptional opportunities (a lot of struggles, but it's in how you handle those challenges) but it's about focusing on the opportunity. When you exist as words on a page you find the essence of the mind and heart before you find the external beauty of the person you are getting to know. The thing that people sometimes forget is that the external changes and shifts. It can be improved with consistent effort in diet and exercise, or if you choose to add plastic surgery to alter your physical appearance you can radically change how you look. Changing the internal aspects of who you are require a lot more effort and many people don't change. They fall into old habits and patterns that are destructive. There is beauty within the essence of the mind and heart, and it's those aspects that if they align between two people it becomes much easier to form something so solid that it will truly last a lifetime.

The opportunity that arises from a LDR is the chance to develop strong communication and understanding. If you focus on improving those aspects with the conversations you have, the way you spend time, the way you make time and fitting the life of this P/person into your life. There are lots of ways to enjoy time and especially with the way the world exists now spending time online has become a necessity which has facilitated apps that help people connect. The thing is that it also inspires creativity with how you choose to spend time and play. I mean of course you need to be very wary of technical difficulties and that the positions and way you play you are always keeping safety in mind. What happens if your internet connection decides to crap out while you are instructing your person to perform a certain act for you, what if you ask them to put themselves into a self tie, can they actually get themselves out safely. The thing is keeping all of these things in consideration helps to build trust, and deepens the levels to which you can play so long as you keep safety in all situations a forefront of the way you go about your business. We develop a close connection with someone, and as you begin to see a future with them the desire to be close, to feel them, to just be physical becomes a larger demand but it's important to remember that the LDR holds immense value, and it's critical to build those aspects which can be the focal point of interacting online. It's about celebrating the now, about getting creative and learning how to spend time with someone in a virtual space while holding onto that hope for the potential future. Building on the aspects of the future you see, and allowing the excitement of what's to come to help inspire where you currently are. Because this is reality, and we get to fantasize and fill our heads with so many wonderful ideas but we need to ground ourselves in the here and now. While we make the most of the situation as it is, and work on creating a foundation which won't be broken by any trial or tribulation. It's about learning your P/person, finding out potential pitfalls and snares in a way the can be pretty protective for both of you such that you don't rush into something and then realize "Well that's a deal breaker for me, and too bad we've already moved in together because this won't work." There is no rush, it's about taking your time, learning, growing, creating stronger communication together. Beautiful fantastic things can flourish and blossom, but you have to work at putting in the effort.

I want to remind you that you are where you are supposed to be, it's about learning the lessons that are in front of you, and growing as much as you can into the individual you are meant to be. It's about accepting your place and celebrating the opportunity you have today. 

Thank you for reading my words today, and I hope you find what you are looking for on this journey. That you facilitate growth within yourself and find who you are meant to be.