This one is NOT about food

Hello Cage friends, 

Today the topic is power. What power do you hold as a dominant? What power do you have and how does it exhibit within your relationships?

We all have moments of weakness and doubt. We are held in check by fear sometimes and can wallow in the negativity that stems from that.

Despite all of that though we have the power to ultimately make choices. We make choices within ourselves and we make choices for others around us. 

Each moment holds the power of the consequences of our actions. In my short life I have witnessed the power of my actions, and seen the harm and destruction caused by an ill thought out choice. A spur of the moment, resorting and falling prey to my own weakness and the devastation it has caused another soul. I can't take that back, but even though I caused irreparable harm I also have within me the exact opposite power.

I have the power to transform myself, transform how my actions affect those around me and transform my power for one that does immensely good things. 

Even in my failings I have worked at trying my best to move forward and improve. In many ways I failed at improving, (although that's a lie that I still tell myself) because in each moment I made strides to improve myself. Unfortunately at that time, in that relationship with all the circumstances around me I didn't make enough change for growth and the foolish ill thought out actions of my youth caused such damage that it could never repair the relationship and it eventually ended. 

The power of my actions was so strong in the very beginning of my relationship to my ex, that I removed the cornerstone of trust and destroyed any hope of creating a long term partner with her. My actions caused that. No one else's, and a very good friend who meant a great deal to me suffered the consequences. 

I had an opportunity to listen to a friend and I was gifted the chance to read a message that was sent to her from another dominant. In it he made some very shocking statements, first and foremost about how in his mind she was already his submissive.

They had previous discussions, they had chatted back and forth, but she had made it extremely clear that she did not consent in anyway to being considered his. There is power in holding thoughts, and when they are misaligned there is a danger inside of that. When one side sees things with a certain perspective you have to remember that this is a dynamic, and it takes two to tango (sometimes more). The thing you must ensure as a dominant is that your touch, your interaction is seen on the same level. You must be aware of the situation and where the boundaries are set. Are you simply friends having a polite and pleasant conversation about life, issues, your thoughts and current circumstances? Do you know for certain that where you stand with your friend you both agree and know that it is simply friendship? Are you making more out of it than truly is to the relationship? Have you made your intention known that you are looking at them as your submissive, and if you are is that other party viewing you as their dominant? If not you are breaching consent, and you will either cause harm or be harmed because you didn't have the patience and ability to ask and make known how BOTH sides feel. You also have to respect that everyone has the right to their life, and if they want NOTHING to do with you as hard as it may be you must accept that. Because it's their life and for whatever reasons, however real or illegitimate they are still THEIR reasons and should be respected.

Take a look at it this way, you allow yourself through your interactions to show up. You express your interest to someone else and if you can image it as if it's a door to your house. Your domain. You approach your friend and beckon to them, say here is my door, open it and come inside. If they look at it and choose to walk away then that is their choice and you hold no power over them until they CHOOSE to walk up to your front step, open the door and enter your domain. While your friend spends their time on the street they can simply choose to walk past and in that case there is nothing you can do because it is their decision. Well not nothing, at that point you have to make the decision can I still be friends with this person? Do I still want to be friends with this person? What do I get out of this interaction and do I gain value and satisfaction in simply being friends?

As dominants we hold immense power, power to do harm, power to do good, power to heal, to help, to support, power to change in both positive and negative ways. Which would you prefer? Are you going to take for granted what is offered you, and hold your nose at the stink created? Will you even be able to accept responsibility for your choices and the way that YOU LED in the wrong direction? It wasn't the submissives fault for doing their best to follow your will, and there is no right that you have to get upset over their "failure". Because it wasn't their failure it was yours. It needs to be seen as such because you have the power to make that difference. You have the power to lead appropriately or not. It is a simple choice. But YOU have to make it and hold yourself accountable to your actions.

I had a moment to help my friend, and in that moment trust was created because of my actions, and I had the power to make that a negative experience. It could have easily gone any other way because of MY CHOICE. I have lived a life of misery, regret, fear, disdain and self loathing. Simply because I made a poor choice and spent the rest of my relationship trying to make up for it. I'm no longer interested in "making up" for my poor choices. I am now in a place where I will do my utmost to make the correct choice from the beginning and avoid the mistakes of my past. 

I choose to embody my power for good. My power for positive change. My power to support as only I can, with all of my heart, mind, soul and body. Notice I mention body last and that's intentional. I believe that it is more important to work at developing an emotional, mental and spiritual support before you move into physically supporting someone. Although I need to specify that sexual physical support would be the last pillar that I see as necessary. I choose to make support over physical pain, and the physical self a higher priority because it's important to make it known that this person you want to have in your life for the absolute remainder of the time we have here knows that she is desired and appreciated for her beauty as well as her mind. But the focus should be first on getting on the same page mentally, (again are we just friends, does this have the ability to become something more, are we compatible, do we both feel the same way?)

I would recommend that you take your time, and carefully think about the interactions and consequences to your actions. Proceed cautiously and ensure that you are making good decisions for your well being and make the opportunity known that you will be respectful, honest, caring, and compassionate about this person who is choosing to give you the greatest gift ever offered.

I don't know how many times I have seen or heard females comment how they struggle with having male friends simply because they are being polite and just generally respectful and it gets viewed as "Damn this b*tch just wants my dick". You need to look carefully at the actions and understand this person is simply being kind, and working at finding compatibility. Make sure you are on the same page about where the friendship, relationship or dynamic is. Don't rush things because if you do its a sure fire way to end things in a gloriously abrupt way. If you pressure and push when they do not desire that from you, it will leave a sour taste in their mouth that will make any desire to get to know you evaporate. Which may ruin the potential for any decent dynamic between the two of you. 

But all of that comes down to the power of your actions. The power of your choices. You can do it right. Or you can do it wrong. 

Make the right choice, the better choice, the patient choice. Take care and view this person as the treasure they are, the gift they could offer and approach it with tenderness and compassion. Approach with understanding and things may just turn out the way you need for them to occur in your life. 

Have a truly wonderful day, and thank you for taking the time to read my words today. 

Hello Cage friends, 

Holy mother lover. This has been a lot longer than I had wanted. It's been what feels like forever and yet has only been a few short weeks. Each time I recently attempted to write a blog I would get stuck after a few words, a few sentences or maybe if I was lucky a few paragraphs. But eventually I would get frustrated as I felt like what I was writing held no meaning. It was fluff. It was inconsequential, meaningless, me trying to put something down just to be heard. I would get frustrated with how useless, or unimportant my words felt and I would delete everything in anger. 

I have had many experiences over the last few days. I have come to some very important realizations. I had some very insightful experiences. I grew, I shifted, I connected with myself and I fell short. 

Each one of us has weakness, each one of us struggles with something different. Whether a physical ailment, a challenging environmental situation, a mental barrier or even mental health problems.

I have recently realized a few important facts of my life which were ground breaking and threw me into a loop of emotional negativity. 

First off, I realized with no doubt in my mind I am not a dominant. 

I do not mean to say "Oh because I'm a switch, or because I'm submissive". I mean to say I am not a dominant because I am not capable of handling my life. I realized that my house, my finances, the well being of the animals under my care do not receive the necessary care they require. 

I have shifted my mentality, and the more I grow within the lifestyle I have come to realize how terribly far I am from my goal. It's obvious to think "It's a lot of work, and requires a great deal of skill, knowledge, and talent to be able to fully look after someone in all ways. To always consider everything and how best to move forward for that person." Saying it though and then getting a small piece of experience that SHOWS the difference is massive. I had to step back and shake my head at the realization that the full responsibility of another life, fully and completely is an insane amount of work. To always consider all situations, all occurrences, all needs, and then to act and fulfill in response to life those needs and handle the shifts of situation. 

The thing is in realizing how much work it is to properly take care of another person when I shifted my attention to my life I saw very clearly the ways I am failing myself. 

To begin I need to correct my situation. My situation is one of financial burden, which stems from my property, my animals, my debt. 

I have an opportunity to move back in with my parents and I need to accept this offer because removing my mortgage, removing my responsibility and stabilizing my financial situation is absolutely necessary and I really cannot do that properly here in my current space. The only reason I am managing is because until the end of March I have deferred my mortgage payments. 

I sent some photos of my house to my friend in order to give him an idea of what my property looked like. Each photo was a slap in my face of "Holy shit" this entire place has degraded into a state of disrepair. It has not been organized (because I am atrocious at organization and have been my entire life) and each photo that I sent him compounded the sensation that I am disorganized, and have not properly taken care of my property. 

I look at my animals and I see very clearly how I am failing each one of them. I have 3 dogs and 2 cats. My dogs are wonderful amazing animals. Although moving back in with my parents they have stated they would not be able to have me bring my pets with me except one. So I need to either find temporary homes for them, or send them to a shelter, or find someone who may potentially rent my house and also look after them. There are so many issues with this because my German Shepard has behavioural issues and it breaks my heart because as hard as I try I can't change his behaviour. But I also fail miserably at trying. He has very high energy levels and I do not exercise him enough, and on days where I don't work I don't spend the necessary time with him. Don't get me wrong, I have vastly improved where I used to be and have grown immensely but I am nowhere near being close to giving them the proper care they all deserve and I fail each and everyone of them. It's a very hard thing for me to accept that my situation is different and that I am simply not caring for them the way they need. I broke down, with just the thought of having to send my dogs into a shelter, leaving them there and having to walk away but they need someone who can appropriately look after and care for them. They deserve a better life and they struggle having that life with me.

This all said I have to look into my options, with my house, with my animals, and I need to forge forward and make changes to improve my situation. 

The thing is its so easy to get distracted, and I had read blogs and heard stories about how dominants would delve into fixing their submissives as a means of ignoring their own issues. I have been focusing on my relationships and ignoring my needs. Not on purpose, but I can make change in someone else's life and that makes me feel better but I am ignoring making the change in my life. 

I also recently say a moment where a friend made a comment in part of our interaction and I saw in myself the vulnerability of my insecurity. I am extremely insecure about what I offer. I am constantly afraid that I am not enough, but I also recognize and am self aware enough to express my insecurity in a way that doesn't blame the other person. I can accept my insecurity, my weakness and admit that I am not who and where I want to be. 

I had a really important conversation last night and realized even more so my greatest failing right now. I am being ruled by fear. I didn't think that I had hang ups from my past that haunted me, but I do. Just like everyone else. My friend pointed out clearly to me something that I do, that I know I do, and that I need to immediately work at changing. 

I minimize my feelings. 

I have a history of expressing myself and it causing nothing but anger, resentment, arguments, disagreements, and I am fearful that when I express my own raw feelings that the person I express those feelings won't be able to hold space for me. So even in expressing how I feel I surround those feelings with all sorts of fluff to lessen the impact of what I am feeling. I am disregarding my well being, my emotional safety and doing a disservice to my person by not being able to acknowledge that they are capable of seeing me as I am. The good and the bad. Because I so desperately need to be continually positive. I can't bring negativity into a situation because it will create a cycle of negativity that builds until its completely out of control. But that's my history that tells me that. Not my current situation.

Part of these emotions are based on the fact that long distance relationships FOR ME, are hollow. Yes there are many creative ways you can spend your time with someone. Yes with technology you can be much closer to those who live miles away. But I NEED a physical connection with my person. Take for instance wax play. To me I gain satisfaction in using wax play as a form of marking. That is the way I enjoy wax play. But there is a massive difference between being able to place the wax immediately and as I desire, VS having someone at my instruction try and create the image in my head. Don't get me wrong it is a great tool at building communication between each person, it can be useful and helpful and a fair bit of fun but it's not anywhere near the same level of intimacy and intensity when doing it yourself.

But see ^^^^^ even now I am still minimizing my emotions and feelings. I'm still trying to wrap my experience and my feelings into "but it's still so good for so many reasons". I'm still trying to find what value I can in the experience or else it would not be worth the time to do at all. So I have to search for those meanings, and I have to figure out why I am doing it and why I enjoy it. But at the same time I have to be honest and express my needs, my wants and my feelings about situations without fear that it will blow up in my face. Without being absolutely terrified that the end result will cause a complete dismantling of all that I have worked so tirelessly to build up.

I don't want my effort to be wasted and for nothing. The time you spend getting to know someone and creating a relationship, a dynamic, developing the interaction becomes a complete waste if it all goes away. When my marriage ended I didn't fully realize in what ways it had impacted me. I didn't see parts of my own baggage that I am lugging around holding onto. I am clinging desperately to this idea that I need to assuage and smooth the roughness of the emotions I'm feeling, so that I protect the other person from me. From the damage I cause. Because that's how I see myself. As someone only capable of harming another person. I only do damage, I only harm. I only destroy and if I express myself openly then I will just hurt and harm another person needlessly because I can mitigate what I'm feeling. Because I have done that my whole life. I have always said I shouldn't express myself that way. Now don't get me wrong, TACT IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. You can't just barge into someones face and word vomit everything inside your mind and inside your heart. You still have to deeply consider how these words will impact the other person, but you need to be honest with yourself. You need to be forthright and open and transparent. It's a really fine line to walk of "This is how I feel, why I feel and how it can be better". Of course, there is a massive difference if you take the necessary time to understand yourself, understand why you feel a certain way about a certain situation and still respect all sides involved but WITHOUT minimizing the truth of your emotions and feelings. That's where the dance becomes complex and intricate.

I am making progress, and I am finding my way but I am nowhere near where I should be. I am still young, naive, and foolish. I am still learning, and understanding myself. I am still growing and trying my hardest to be all that I can, and I am still getting frustrated with the "lack of progress". But I am not as hard on myself as I once was. I am putting one foot in front of the other each day, and I am working at resolving my issues. I will get where I want to be one day. It just takes time and grace to know that I am moving in the right direction and these struggles are my path forward. Overcoming the obstacles in my way will forge me into the man I desire to be. I just can't allow myself to roll over and be crushed under the weight of the tasks I have undertaken. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my words today, and I hope it offers some insight into your own path and journey. 

Hello Cage friends, 

It's been a minute since we last spoke. I have been a little disoriented lately. I have been struggling with many different aspects of the lifestyle and I had felt numb, empty and lost.

I recently had a conversation with my ex that made it abundantly clear how I harmed her. What my actions did and how they hurt her. She has lost all faith and trust within me. Part of why we ended was because she wasn't able to trust me but believe me when I say she gave me plenty of opportunity to improve myself and I did slowly for 10 years. But I never once gave her the love she needed or wanted. I was incapable. I didn't handle situations in any proper way. I would ignore her for days when we fought. Then after ignoring her I would pretend like nothing had been wrong. I was foolish and immature, and I hurt her on levels that still impact her today.

Although I've changed much about myself she sees these new actions and yet they still cause her pain because she asks herself "What's wrong with me and why couldnt he do that or be that for me." She is completely right. I didn't love her the way she needed and the small change I implemented was just enough to give her the bare minimum of hope that I could actually be what she needed. In many ways I said the right things and yet the issue is that I never came through with the appropriate actions.

This haunts me, and I have apologized many times over but you can't go back in the past. I used 10 years of her life, and in many ways wasted her time. I wasted her time because I couldn't be honest with her. I was terrified to. I was scared to lose her, I was scared to hurt her. I was scared that everything would come crashing down around me. 

I lied to her for a very long time and no amount of apology or change in my current self today can change the past.

I read a blog a few days ago that spoke on serving the dynamic VS serving your girl. There is a very big difference and had I been able to be honest years ago I could have maybe saved her plenty of heartache. The thing is, when we separated things began to improve for me. While they only got worse for her. It's a tough situation and as I am and no matter what form I take I can't do anything to help her. The pain and suffering and harm that I caused will not go away. It's embedded into her memory forever and it's something she will always carry with her moving forward in life. 

I regret that I wasn't honest with her. To at least have given her a chance to maybe find happiness with someone who truly cared for her as she needs. Because I used up 1/3 of her life and some of her best years with my deceit. Because it would be difficult or hard or troublesome for me if I were to be honest. I needed to be honest with her and should have given her that choice from the beginning. To make her most informed decision with all the correct information. But I choose to lie and hurt her more deeply for it after years. 

Recently I have gone through a phase of losing of faith within myself. I lost trust within myself. 

I lost sight of my focus, my ambition, I completely lost all sight of my will and what it means. Why I'm here and I broke down losing my mind feeling as if I didn't even belong here within the lifestyle. In many ways, it seemed like all presence of my dominance vanished and it terrified me. What if I'm lying to my friends? Making them believe something and putting their faith in me when it's not true? What if I am lying to them and myself? 

I am fortunate in so many ways that there are wiser gentleman than I, that I am able to rely upon. Directly and indirectly. 

I reached out to my mentor explaining briefly my situation, where I was at and asking if he had ever found himself there. It was a huge relief to know this wasn't something I was simply experiencing myself and that there were moments when he lost sight of where he wanted and needed to go. 

I also read a blog on trust, the 3 ways in which trust is exhibited and possibly ways of thinking to work at correcting those missteps. 

Needless to say the writer mentioned that trust within yourself is paramount. I had lost all sense of being able to trust myself. His recommendation was to remind and refocus on what it is that you give as a dominant. When you lose faith in yourself it can be helpful to remind yourself what you need to give, why you give it and how it is given. 

I was floundering. I felt empty, and void of passion. I felt so damn lost and it was terrifying because I could only see myself causing nothing but harm all over again. 

I told myself I don't know what I want, I don't know what I need. I don't trust myself. I am spinning in circles and losing my mind over it. 

The crazy part though? The people I have in my life now don't hold that over my head. They don't belittle me for not knowing, or for being scared. But I'm also drastically approaching the situation completely differently. I am a new man, a wholly different person. I'm not who I used to be and I will not be the same person in two months time. I am the sum of all my mistakes, I am the man who caused nothing but harm and in doing so learned how to not follow the same patterns. But it was at the cost of someone very dear to me, and yet I don't bare the weight of those mistakes. In many ways I have moved beyond them, but the person who still pays for my wrongdoings had nothing but love to give and gave it to someone who didn't deserve her. I wished I could have been better but I wasnt at a place in my life where I could be. I tried but always fell short. I'm still terrified that all I will do is fall short. I'm absolutely horrified that I am simply a liar, lying to myself and those around me. I am worried that I am repeating my own folly and yet I know how silly that is. 

I'm not without my purpose. I know my will. I know what I offer and what I hope to give. But there is so much deep seated doubt that even in the face of perfection I am absolutely stunned and worried I am making the same mistakes. That I will eventually prove myself to be the exact same boy I used to be. 

That's the lie. That's the dishonest truth. What I have told myself my entire life, that I am not capable. That I am not able. That I am and have always been scum. 

I need to stand up for myself. I need to work at forgiving myself of my past crimes and applying grace to this man here and now. I am well beyond who I used to be, but I feel trapped in old cycles. I am combatting these voices that scream at me saying I'm not enough. 

I will find my inner peace. I will find my absolute will. I just need to ensure that I continue working each day to make sure that is a determined, intentional focus within my life. It is a goal that will always be worked towards. Each time I cross that line, it will jump a little further ahead once again. Because I can exhibit more control over myself. I am master of my will, my emotions and my thoughts. I guide where I spend my energy, and I will be able to one day silence the voices in my head. 

Today I work towards that end. Today, I make sure that my past lessons were not in vain even if the one who taught them to me never gets to see the fruit of those learned truths. I choose to honour her by continuously moving forward, even if it just causes her more pain. Because this is my journey and she was integral in determining my path, just as I was in hers. 

I was feeling lost. I was feeling numb. I was feeling empty. But no more. I have work to do, and I will not wallow in self pity or remorse because I have a purpose. I have a place I need to be, and I am much closer to it than I ever have been. 

I want to thank my friends, near and far. Those who have listened to me lament and cry over my lack of ability. Those who have offered advice and given counsel. Thank you for helping me to move forward one step at a time and allowing me the room to do so at my own pace. 

I hope you are well today, and that you have found some value in the words I have written today. 

Thank you for your time in reading my blog today. 

Hello Cage friends,

So you know how you hear all the time about how there can be a form of energy feedback loop that those who explore d/s interactions can experience?

I have heard from more experienced friends who have mentioned time and time again the energy loop, and how it can bring a lot of positivity and when you interact with the right person it can create this unimaginable amount of energy between two people by constantly recurring and feeding into each other.

I understood the concept and I could rationalize it within my brain but here's the thing about me. Until I feel it, touch it, experience it myself they are simply words. It's a concept that I had no problem understanding and yet at the same time I lacked a great amount of understanding because I had never experienced anything like it.

Well no more!!!

I find it very interesting because all throughout this lifestyle this cyclical energy can manifest itself in many different ways. It's easy to hear and to grasp the concept but when you manage to experience it for yourself it's another beast completely. 

Although we typically think that these experiences are most felt through physical interaction and I have one friend who loves to get into impact play. I remember hearing her crazy stories as she went from fire flogging to other implements and would speak on finding the right bottom who just gives you what you are looking for and what you need. I would listen to her stories and nod my head and go "Uh huh, sure makes sense" but I really didn't understand what she was talking about. 

The thing is I had an experience in which light suddenly dawned on my brain and it seemed like I finally managed to experience an aspect of this cyclical energy that recurs when interacting within a d/s type interaction. 

But I was having a shower and contemplating this idea and as it seems most of my revelations occur while in the midst of showering. But I realized I had experienced it in small ways and never even truly recognized them before. 

It wasn't until I had this thunderstruck, lightning course through my body type revelation that I began to notice it within smaller aspects. 

Think on this for one moment. 

Your s type is nervous, they feel anxious and realize that there is this vulnerability they are feeling compelled to express and all of a sudden by doing the good things you have managed time and time again to prove consistently how you hold space they reach a level of trust in which they finally feel comfortable and safe to be able to express this vulnerability. They open up. They gift you a piece of themselves, a priceless piece of information a select few or perhaps absolutely no one knows about them. Trust is formed and by giving them the proper place to entrust this information to you, you are doing the good work of building that safe space for them. In turn, by receiving this valuable piece of information that no other human soul has you gain a unique perspective into who, what and how this person works. Beyond what anyone else can understand because you hold a piece of them that no one else does. Well I can only speak for my experience, but being gifted that piece of information fills me with pride, with joy, with a resurgence of strength because I have put effort into creating a space that feels comfortable to share within. It builds and in turn that trust given when handled appropriately builds more trust. Because you took this very sensitive, vulnerable piece of them and delicately grasped onto it, held it tight and treasured and protected it as if it were the entirety of your s type. This moment is very much building cyclical energy between the two of you. It allows your s type to feel confident, gain a sense of "Wow, you managed this part of me that I couldn't bare to share with anyone else." In turn (at least in my case) it allows me more confidence in knowing they have placed all their trust within me, they have confidence within my ability and I can grow and share deeper more intimate moments of mine which again fosters this level of trust and deepens the connection. It continues forward, building off and it almost becomes a game of "Well you trusted me with this much, so here's the next piece." It allows to continue moving forward for both of you so long as you appropriately handle that piece of information.

Of course you can also be led into ruin. Because you were gifted this vulnerable raw piece of your s type if you miss manage this important piece of them you can cause irreparable harm. You have just as much opportunity to grow as to destroy and it all comes down to how you handle the situation.

My question to you is this, will you actively grow your relationship or will you actively dismantle it?

The thing we all need to remember as d types is that a submissive never fails. She will go and do all she can but what happens if you don't clearly direct her into your will? What happens when she misses the mark of what your vision is? She is working at trying her best and yet she is only as good as your direction. If you don't properly direct her in the way you need her to grow, the way you need her to express herself it's not her failing. It's yours.

She has an idea of what she thinks you want or need. She tries her damndest to give you what you need but communication becomes paramount. She will never be able to trust you if you don't step up and say gently, or perhaps forcefully depending on the situation and the degree to which correction is required that "I didn't intend or want that part of the interaction" my actual vision was more this *points over the opposite direction*. If you don't clearly express yourself and what your need and intention is, she will constantly fail because you weren't able to communicate appropriately to her. That being said not all s types are going to understand you, and you need to be very cautious about who you allow into your domain. Because if the s type isn't correct for you, no matter what there will be failing and you will never get it right. There will be constant disappointment, constant sense of failure and inadequacy and not because anyone failed but because ultimately you are just wrong for each other. There's nothing wrong with that, unless you try to force the issue and try desperately to continue to forge ahead and then real painful harm can ruin all the time you have put in towards each other. You will both end up hurting and feeling lost and less than.

But when you find the right type of submissive, and know yourself, and know what you need and find that person who is capable of seeing and matches you in all aspects and aligns with where you wish and need to go you will find every opportunity to create this cyclical energy and build from each conversation. From each request, from each single moment a bond of deeper trust, of further growth, of happier days, more joyful moments. Even in the hard times. Even when the world is imploding and everything is wrong. Even through the most traumatic of moments and you still show you are a capable of managing through those storms. You begin to build immense trust, immense depth, and immense love. 

Its how you approach each situation and will you take the time to grow this dynamic or destroy it? The power is in your hands and you need to weigh your choices carefully. Be cautious and yet when you see the path to move forward do not hesitate to press the advantage and help further each moment.

All we have is time and we do not want to waste ours, or those who serve us. Take use of every moment to garner trust, to help move the dynamic with intention and will towards your vision. Just make sure the person you are with agrees with the vision and purpose. Whatever that may be.

I hope you are well today, and thank you for taking the time to observe my words. 

Hello Cage friends, 

Life is tumultuous. Life is interesting. Life is hard. 

We all experience different things. We all have different goals, and many times over our history shapes what is important to us. What we see as valuable because perhaps our past has shown us that this *thing* may immediately disappear. Each of us holds a different level of importance over all sorts of experiences, thoughts, beliefs and ways of life.

What is important, essentially important is recognizing in what ways you wish to expend your energy. Does it serve you?

Where do you expend most of your energy? When I speak about energy though I don't simply mean the physical effort put forward into a task. There is mental energy, spiritual energy, emotional energy.

Do you direct your mental energy towards understanding a certain topic of thought? Do you expend your energy in positive ways that will benefit you and those who serve you? Do you spend your emotional energy on those worthy of your time? Do you take the time to focus your physical energy on the most important priorities or do you fritter it away on relaxing watching Netflix? (This is a struggle for me personally as I can tend to prioritize relaxation as a high priority, when it should be my reward instead of my goal)

I am learning to focus myself accordingly to those things in my life that require my attention. I can still do a pretty poor job some days at being effective with my time though. 

I have grown a tremendous amount, and just within the last few days I have noticed a shift in my patterns. I am really beginning to find my dominants will, the intention in which powers and sets me on my path. 

When I first set upon bdsm I saw my actions as a way in which I could *do* something for someone else as they wished or wanted. In many regards I allowed myself to ignore my preferences or desires in some fashion in order to give the person I was speaking with what they wanted. I was being helpful, I was doing something for them just as they wished it to be. 

I have recently realized the value of being able to express how I desire and see certain aspects of a relationship. I am now beginning to see the value and the importance of being able to express my will and my thoughts and my desires to those that matter to me. I am learning to say "This is of great importance to me, and here is how I wish to see you fulfill my desire. But I want to make it abundantly clear that my desire includes x, y, z and it doesn't include a, b, or c. This is why it includes x, y and z and why it doesn't include a, b, or c." In some ways not including a, b or c is done with care and consideration for your health, perhaps its because I don't enjoy b myself and therefore I would not wish to have my person experience b while they perform x. In essence, I am learning to define my preferences. What **I** want. What **I** desire to see and how I desire to see it be carried out. Thinking in this way has radically changed where I expend my energy. Because now I can clearly define where I am going, and now it's about searching out the path that puts myself and those who have placed their trust in me into that line of thinking, into that physical space, guiding towards this end goal that I see for myself and those who wish to serve me.

It is a powerful thing. It is a rebirth of how I see dominance. It is important. It is necessary. It has been life changing. 

I recently finished a course on haute cuisine and the soft matter physics of cooking. I have realized that high level thinking is a challenge for me to understand. By no means am I unintelligent but I struggle perusing my way through "higher level thinking". Some of those courses especially when you get into the chemistry of cooking can be challenging to wrap your head around. 

All things are made up of such tiny particles. Molecules that form and shift and change depending on what happens outside and yet on a scale that is almost unimaginable. Yet brilliant minds have worked at solving some of these phenomenon. They have proven that this is how the universe works and how these characteristics behave when you apply this specific change.

I want to master my mind. I want to grow my knowledge. I want to seek out the absolute best way I can do all of the things I imagine. I am very capable of doing all of this, but only if I take the time to expend my mental energy in such a way that helps facilitate that growth. If I sit on my couch and prioritize watching Netflix as my greatest achievement then guess what? My greatest achievement will be watching Netflix.

Why do I bring all of this up?

Firstly, because I think it's important. Second because I am working my final night shift before I begin a 2 week vacation. I have nothing planned. (Except an appointment to see an xray, ultrasound and a chiropractor appointment halfway through my vacation in order to try and resolve the pain I am currently experiencing in my left shoulder) I do not want to waste my time expending any of my energy in ways that are not productive. Of course taking time to relax, destress, and get my mind right are important but if that's all I focus on for these 2 weeks it will feel like wasted time. 

Luckily I am changing my thought process, I am seeing what I struggle with and I am working at resolving my biggest issues. But it takes time to allow for permanent change to persist, it isn't a quick and easy thing. When you utilize your energy in a productive manner though, with a clear vision of improving an aspect of your life you will make greater strides towards accomplishing that goal. 

I implore each and every one of you to expend your energy in productive, useful, and ultimately beneficial ways. 

See the need in your life, and expend your energy (whether that require your mental, emotional, physical or spiritual energy) in the most productive way to accomplish that task. That is my goal for my 2 weeks. To see my need and meet it. To not allow myself to waste my own time. It is precious and I do not get anymore of it than I have been granted. The thing is I have no idea how much time I truly have which makes each moment monumental in achieving the most I can do right now. 

I am going to be better than I was yesterday. Than I was earlier today. Than I was 5 minutes ago. I am going to get better each day, with intention at being my absolute best version of who I am. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this, I hope you gained insight, and gained perspective on your own life. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and may you have a day that is truly blessed. 

Hello Cage friends, 

So I have found that I determine the quality of my own blogs by how many words I put down. How expressive I can be. But I tend to get a little lost in some cases trying to explain so much and losing the point of what I'm trying to say. Many times I just write and let my thoughts flow into whatever they may turn into which don't always align coherently. 

I would like to take a minute and speak on a theory that I have learned about in my cooking course and how it actually applies to the lifestyle of bdsm. 

https://voca.ro/1jLTVJ0ff6qc

I am looking at new experiences, finding myself and growing within the friendships I have developed.

Most of all though this method of allowing curiosity to further our journey, allowing us to observe. Learn. Test and then repeat. It's the way we learn our s types. Test them. Find the ways in which this special unique and diverse person will react to your wish, your desire, your need. 

Its about finding between yourself and this other how you mesh. How you fit together. Learning each other. Experiencing each other. Growing with each other. 

It takes time, and effort. It's a slow process and yet if done correctly will yield unimaginable fruit that you could have only imagined in your wildest dreams. 

I impart that you work at knowing those around you slowly, and developing this method of understanding. Observing. Allow your curiosity to further the experiments in which your heart desires and needs to flourish and ensuring that all the while this is the correct step forward not only for your s type, but for yourself and the dynamic that you hope to create. 

I hope you have a wonderful evening, and thank you for taking the time to read my words today. 

Hello Cage friends, 

Today is an important day for me. Not because of Halloween honestly this is one of my least favourite holidays. 

I mean don't get me wrong sure dress up is awesome, but I'm not a scary guy. I was raised to hide away on Halloween. Sit in the basement watch a movie with my family. Turn off all the lights upstairs, hide the car. Make it seem like we aren't home. Even today my plan is put candy on my front door step and just let people come and go without having to interact with them. 

The reason today is important is because I finally see some very important things about the lifestyle. I finally have a little more experience than I did a few months ago and I want to share my insights. 

I have some very close friends. Some of which a clear defined we are just friends relationship (technically I am nothing more than just friends with all of them, but some I have the desire and hope that things will develop into something more). 

So I have noticed a slight change in my behaviour in dealing with each of them but I want to begin with a situation that happened just a few days ago. 

My friend explained to me that she made an error and that she felt she had ruined her shot at the one dynamic that had been even remotely half decent in the last year. Well she thought she had made an error. She expressed to me that the other night she had vented some pent up emotions, lost control and felt she had said some unfair things and that she had caused hurt to her Daddy. In her lamenting about the situation she told me "It is no one's job to be my support" and in my response I had to say well hold up. I disagree. 

So here is where things get a little tricky. Dominants are not responsible for your happiness. Dominants are not responsible to manage your emotions. Dominants are not here to say just do "this and this and this". When she said that it was no one's job to support her I had to point out that in my belief I saw her view as incorrect. In fact it IS her Daddy's RESPONSIBILITY to SUPPORT her. I also mentioned while it may not be her friends job but that those who are friends within your life will want to offer their support and understanding. 

The thing is we can't make you feel anything good or bad. BUT there are CONSEQUENCES to your actions. It just depends on the action and what the corresponding consequence may be. 

The thing is though as a dominant it is our responsibility to be able to hold a safe space, to be there to listen, to be able to garner trust and help overcome hurdles. That may mean requiring you to face a demon you have, or to simply tell you how pretty you are today, or perhaps its about simply listening when you need to vent your emotions. That is all support, that is required to be there. In my mind a good dominant will ALWAYS support their s type. It's just how does that support look? 

Life happens right? I have been able to witness a few close friends lives through their experiences. Within the last few days I have seen friends meet with impossibly hard situations. One friend flipped her car when she hydroplained on the road. One friend was robbed late at night. One friend felt she had ruined her dynamic. One friend found peace, and one friend was able to open up about a past trauma. 

The thing is I am not any of their dominants but as their friend I want to support them. How do you support someone who has found peace VS someone who has been in an accident? Not only that, but you also have to consider the differences between listening and understanding past trauma that had nothing to do with you, and being able to listen to your s type express their emotion when YOU as their defender, protector and guide have been the one to cause harm. 

I mean how do you respond and what is appropriate for each situation? Well each situation is different. Each situation has its own challenges or successes. I mean when you have someone who has found their peace and been able to move forward in life you get to celebrate and enjoy and savour that moment together. When someone is hurt you get to be there as best you can to alleviate pain and work through the emotional stress of going through a traumatic event. Even approaching the friend who had their things stolen, what is required? How do you respond, and would your response be different as a friend VS as a dominant. In many ways yes it would vary slightly but at the same time how you show support as a friend is how you would hope to show support as a dominant and it's a way for you as their friend looking to create a dynamic that you begin to build trust of "Let me show you how I care." Allow me the opportunity to tell you and then follow through with action how I will handle this situation while at the same time handling my own requirements of keeping myself safe and making sure that I am within my boundaries. 

Because at the end of the day the trauma, struggles, hurts, problems and issues that are in your s types life cannot be resolved by you. You simply have to be there and hold a space for them in each unique circumstance. Of course how you hold space for someone also drastically changes when you live across the world from them and can only communicate through your phone. Sure you can come up with brilliantly creative solutions using technology in some cases, but how do you wrap your arms around someone virtually? How do you show the care and support of a friend? Because as a friend you want to share in their successes and failures. To help them through and be able to be there. But you're not there. All you can do sometimes is ask "Are you safe now, did you double check you locked your doors, have you showered and cleaned your wounds, have you attended to the cuts and bruises after working on a project, are you safe, comfortable, mentally thriving, emotionally thriving, and what can I do for you right now?" How you show up in the small things becomes part of who you are, and how you will attempt to show up in the big things.

Life happens. We make mistakes. People get emotional because an event happened. But how do you listen to someone who is emotional? I wrote down on my calendar when I was trying to define parts of myself I saw. Part of what I wrote down was "I will listen." the thing was that was an incomplete desire of mine and I quickly added "With patience". I want to listen patiently. I want to be able to hear the screams and the terror of their mind and help calm and quiet them.

But how do you do that? How you assuage their fears when all they have known is previously disappointment from EVERY SINGLE MAN that has shown up before? A good dominant isn't just battling the trauma, the pain, the terror. They are battling the fact that every person before them has let down their s type in some way, and they must find the patience to overcome the history that is embedded within that person. Everyone is unique. Everyone has past troubles. Everyone has a history that makes them think "Well I blasted and vented and exploded my emotion all over and made a mess and now he will ghost and leave and disappear and vanish from my existence." Because there is a history that every one before them let them down in some small or big way and they hold onto that. It comes up in conversations all the time if you listen carefully. My ex did this, said this or went here and.... The thing is how do you combat the previous lines that many women have heard after their person says something to hurt them, and then when they are upset because you said something to hurt them your response is "Oh well see you're being emotional and I should have never told you." NOOOOOO, MOTHER FUCKER you shouldn't have taken your course of action in the first place. OF COURSE if you do something to harm or hurt someone they will have a negative emotion and could very well react to that hurt, maybe it's even a trigger for them. The appropriate response is not "I shouldn't have told you" the appropriate response is "I need to tell you this thing I did that I knew would hurt you," and I need to sit here and allow you time, space and the place to work through the emotional damage I may very well just have caused. I need to take ownership of my mistakes and allow you the space to process what it was that I did. It's not your fault, I can guarentee you would prefer not to have been told you were let down in a major or minor way. But being able to sit and listen and hold a space for that person and allow them the chance to express themselves. HOWEVER that may look. You know what the best thing you can even do after listening to them pour out their heart to you is???? Say "Thank you for your honesty, thank you for expressing yourself. Thank you for still trusting me enough to allow me to listen to you".

Don't get me wrong listening to someone when this is a past hurt, or some other separate issue is much much easier than listening to your girl when YOU fucked up. But it doesn't matter really, in either situation you need to learn patience and be able to sit and hold a safe space for them. You need to allow them time and a place to vent what they feel and how it affects them and why it bothers them. You need to pay attention and listen intently and focus on moving forward not making those same mistakes that previous exs have or the previous mistakes you have. Or the mistakes of all the deep terrible shit that can come from this world.

There are sick and twisted people and not in a good way. There are those people who take advantage, rob, rape, steal, lie, harm, disregard, gas light, love bomb, and that are just downright terrible people. They exist and they choose their actions. 

I remember years ago I had a conversation with a friend and she said to me "Jon, you have no idea what it's like being a woman. When we go out we get approached, objectified, and used. We need to be wary when a man comes up from the bar with a drink already in hand because what if he drugged it? We have to watch the bottle being opened and take it immediately and make sure we are always aware that someone may have slipped something into my drink. You don't understand what it's like to be a woman." She is correct, and I never will ever understand. But I can do my part not to be one of those people, I can choose to create a safe place within my life, to show care, love, and appreciation for those that trust me. I can be an example of what it means to seriously commit to the lifestyle. I can be a beacon of what and how I choose to live my life in accordance with my values and beliefs and hold strong to them in the face of adversity. I can be something more than another bit of baggage added to your life, that's just a part trigger point for you to get over. Although the absolute honest truth is that I have been that baggage and that past trauma that needs to be dealt with in the future. But I refuse to allow my mistakes to define who I am and who I am going to be. My mistakes help keep me set in the right path knowing I never want to return to how I used to act. Knowing I never want to cause harm again. Knowing I want to be a trusted, safe space for those around me to learn.

I am growing, moving forward. I am meeting amazing people who see me, see my goals and agree with them. They resonate with my core values and the funny part is I am beginning to change my perspective on things. I used to think that a dominant should cow down to the likes and wishes and wants of their s types. The thing is you should always take their preferences into consideration but true submission is in the hard, unwilling and unwanted tasks. The simple thing is too, your s type wants to fulfill your desire but they also want to do so in a way that is important to you and as YOU see it. I am finally beginning to understand it is being able to tell someone I want this, and have them present what they think you meant. Its then your job to congratulate them and say "Yes, you got it exactly right!!! Good job" or you get to say "Okay, so by my description you hit every note of what I said. But how I meant it, what I really wanted was actually this" and then give them the reference. Because they are looking to fulfill your desire just as you do for them, but it's within a different scope. If your mental image doesn't line up with what they are bringing forward it is your JOB to set them straight. Does that require some words, some actions, some discipline? How do you show them what you mean and create understanding within them?

But part of all of this needs to occur naturally. When I reached out to Master Arach, he told me that the way to understand whether you are going the right direction is to listen, learn, test, and evaluate the outcome. Then repeat with minor or major adjustments depending on the reaction and outcomes that you experience. 

Part of this is the listening and learning. Gaining knowledge of who you are spending time with, how do your values line up, what is important to both of you and are those the same goals? Are you heading in the same direction and is that beneficial for both of you? You learn and that takes time. It takes being observant and internalizing the lessons that previous men have caused in your person's life and going nowhere near those some critical mistakes. Because if the person you are speaking with is currently single they are single because the previous men failed in some very important way that caused the ruin of that dynamic. Of course there could be many reasons, and most of them are intricately complicated because life is damn complicated. But you have an opportunity to do better than every man before you, you have the chance to prove that you are unlike anyone else they have ever witnessed.

Take for instance my desire and appreciation for protocol. I enjoy positions and yet I also don't care what anyone else says about the position "Attention". What is commonly referred to as that position may look exceptionally different to me and even depending on the person I am speaking with there might be different versions of the same pose for different people. It's what and where and how I see in my eye what I want. How it's supposed to look to me. Fuck the rules, I make my rules. My rules that I will adhere to. Don't get me wrong there are guidelines, and things that you need to respect and follow out of respect for those who live this lifestyle. You do so to show deference and respect to those who have earned it. But when it comes down to how I want things to be within my life, I set the tone, I set the protocol, I set the life I want to see. I choose to do things differently because I hate being inside a box, and "there is only one way to do things". I can be creative, I can become ingenuitive. I will forge my path forward and those who desire to follow will, but not all are right for me. Not all will be able to meet my standards. Not all will align with my beliefs, and that's okay too. But I will still show them that there is a general standard and they deserve to be treated with respect, with honour, to be cherished and appreciated for the tantrums as well as the peaceful moments. They deserve nothing less than the absolute best for them, and while I would like to be able to do that for many different individuals I am not right for everyone. But I can still show them what a good dominant looks like. What they should strive to find within the dynamic that fulfills them completely. Even if that isn't me, they will be able to go forward searching the right relationship for them.

I hope you find my words helpful to you today. I thank you for taking the time to read my words and to all those who enjoy it. Happy Halloween. 

Hello Cage friends, 

*Disclaimer: Cannabis was used in the making of this blog*

What is a tool? What do we consider to be a tool?

A quick google definition gives us this: a device or implement, especially one held in the hand, used to carry out a particular function.

Now this definition focuses on "especially one held in the hand" which when you think about is quite straight forward. 

But that also means this could be anything from something a little more abstract such as a way of thinking, to something as simple as your voice. I very much consider my voice as a part of my toolbox of items that I want to bring into the essence of my dominance. I hope to also make a career out of it. If my audition tomorrow goes well there is a chance I could earn money to make weird noises and pretend to be all sorts of different people. My friend has told me that I need to find what I love to do and figure out a way to earn money for doing it.

I believe that I could excel as a voice actor. I've been gaining more confidence in my ability, and I want to see that grow. I have been considering the idea of finding someone who might be able to instruct me. But there is a tiny dilemma inside myself when I start thinking this way. Because there is value in my mind to being able to say I honed this craft through my own work, my dedication, and my effort. Although you can improve much faster if someone can explain the process well, and guide you into figuring it out for yourself. The thing is you are a poor teacher if you give your students the answers. Its about instructing each person so that they understand how to go about finding their own solution. How it makes sense in your head, using your lips, tongue throat and all the weird body parts that make up what we consider a human. I believe I do an okay job and could become very talented if I take my time and expend effort into mastering this craft. I want to utilize my voice as a tool in my life to be able to earn a profit, and create variance in the experience of what I can manifest within my sphere.

So I also had an interesting moment when I noticed my dog Max, the other day he was chewing on one of his nails and it wound up becoming broken and I very much needed to attend to it. So I went through a process of trying to calm him down, and honestly I did a way better job than I have previously. The unfortunate thing is I could be a better pet owner. Which is in part why I've decided to disengage from my planting hobby so I can focus proper care and attention on my animals. I need to do a lot to change some poor behaviours that I have let develop and happened because of circumstance. 

The point is when I began to attend to his nail he was uncomfortable, he didn't like what I was doing and it was a difficult process to try and help him remove the disfigured portion of his nail. Eventually the only way I actually managed was while he was distracted eating dinner. But I managed to help improve his life despite going through the challenge of cutting his nail. I had a moment, when I was holding my dog clippers and there was a sensation that came over me. It was a sense of power, and the intensity that holding a tool can bring. It sparked my mind into following a train of thought that I have recently been asking myself about. It's part of sadism and asking myself "How much of a sadist am I?" What do I want out of pain, discomfort, and the downright challenging? What is my intention with using pain? Why do I wield the tool, for what purpose? At this point I had begun to consider the fact that I have no practical experience with floggers, cains, belts, I mean you name it I haven't tried it. Well okay I've used my hand but that is pretty much it. When I realized how far I have to go I realized what I would prefer to begin to gain a passable knowledge of using most items and take my time to master one specific tool. I would like to become exceptionally proficient with one tool that I use as my implement to wield pain as a way to heal. That thought struck a chord within me almost like lightning striking down, I felt energized. The truth is I have many questions to answer, but I am truly beginning to see myself more and more.

I want to further my goals, I want to take care of myself. I need to focus on my immediate and next necessary steps. I have a few long shots that I have managed to set in place, a few could become something opportunities. I am looking to see where I can go next to solve my biggest concerns and finally work at gaining control over my life. Achieving ownership over what is truly mine. From my mentality, to my self awareness, to my physical ability, to my hygiene, my property, my animals, even my hobbies and emotions. I want everything within me under my control, and I need to work there before I can even begin anywhere else.

I bring a word of encouragement to those trying to work through some difficult spaces. Find your authentic self and share that with those who matter. If they really see you then it will only bring benefit to you further down the road. 

Consider the man trying to get as many attractive females as he possibly can on a typical dating website. He tells about his stories of climbing the Alps, and how he hikes every weekend and day off. Suddenly you find the perfect soulmate who loves to hike and climb. All of a sudden you get stuck going outside into the fresh air and attempting to go halfway up a mountain and realize you hate being outside.... or you just said that so you would have a chance. Because you wanted something and forced your way into taking it. 

When you force yourself on someone that is a breach of consent, but trying to force things to happen they never seem to pan out. I had a girl that I liked all through junior high and high school. After having a crush on her for 5 years we finally had a chance to maybe have a date, and I did everything in my power to try and make that happen. She had been someone I wanted to go out with for literally 5 years, but my parents would not have appreciated my dating at that time. They both were of the opinion I should be focused on school and not girls. So I lied and tried to come up with all of these stories and would go for walks past her house to see if she was around. I was a bit of a stalker, although that was kind of tough because she lived across the intersection of my grandmothers house. So really I was just going to go see my grandparents but I might happen to stare for a good long few seconds before walking past and then turning around and coming back, all the while trying to glimpse through the curtains of the main window to see if she was home. The thing was for all my efforts I never got to go on a date with her. There was always some reason it just did not work out. You need to allow things to happen as they should in your life. What will happen will happen, all you can do is try your best, put your effort into what matters to you. To find those answers and be able to say "These are my values, these are my beliefs, this is who I am" The people who like you for who you are will find you, and the people who press and desperately force that interaction will soon be found to be fraudulent. In the way that you go for a hike and realize that you would rather be home. Which causes an argument and leads into drama, stress, anger, resentment, fear, just downright negativity. I do not want any of those aspects in life. Don't get me wrong there will always be moments of disagreement, you are two individuals with slightly different interests, experiences, thoughts, patterns, mechanisms, lens, there are bound to be times when you have a butting of heads. It's how you work through those moments. Is it done with honesty? Is it done with apparent sincerity? Did you acknowledge your mistake? Did you know why it was wrong? Could you see how your actions were going to affect this person? Did you choose to do it regardless? Was it just a misunderstanding? Do you actually know both sides of the argument? If you get angry is it because you feel like you're being attacked? Why do you get defensive when you feel insulted? Why does being defensive always become anger? Why does pain make you angry and lash out? Are these any of the reasons you are having issues? These are just some of the questions that I have going through my mind now, and have been the cause of issues in my past. Not being able to properly answer some of these has caused a lot of unnecessary hurt and pain.

I don't want to bring in unnecessary drama, unwanted issues, tired excuses, dishonest, disingenuous people who won't respect my time. My time is exceptionally precious to me, and I only want to spend it with people add value and fill my life in one fashion or another. I need to have growth with my person. I need to have honesty, transparency. I need to be able to feel seen, heard, felt. I need someone who trusts in me. I need someone who never changes their values despite challenges, prejudices. I need someone of integrity, who stands tall in the race of adversity and doesn't give an inch because they know and believe in what they are doing. I need someone who has a purpose. Who knows themselves, and knows what they need. I need someone who can communicate with me. Someone who can make me understand, and who understands me. I need someone who cherishes what I offer them, and treats my gift of dominance with as much reverence and respect as I treat their gift of submission.

There is real power in being able to hold a tool and know how to master it. You can even consider knowing yourself one of the most important tools in your toolbox. It becomes the absolute template, and form with which you build on. The foundation of your dominance. Knowing yourself becomes the foundation of your will. Your will is essential if you want to lead your s type with intention. Find that and you will be well on your way. 

I need to get some last minute practice in for my audition, but I hope you all have a wonderful evening. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my words tonight.

Hello Cage friends,

Do you want to know what's really valuable? First off having amazing people in your life. The right person saying the right thing at the right time can make the world of difference. 

I know for a fact the difference a simple conversation can have on someone's life. I've been very fortunate to have some vital conversations at vital times to make a difference. 

Lately, I have been lazily perusing the blogs and I just happened to read something that solidified an idea within my mind. It was born out of a conversation with my mentor, and also from a conversation with a friend and just happening to have recently watched a movie that tied everything together with understanding for me. 

I have received some amazing insights and been absolutely tremendously blessed by good people who have helped me see myself but also the approach to finding who I am as a young d type. They have offered advice and words of wisdom and applied grace and been a pillar of support that has made a world of difference in my journey. 

But it's all the little pieces too. I recently was given some advice on a situation that has caused me nothing but frustration and an utter sense of failure. I was growing a cannabis plant and I ignored it to the point where it withered and died. Today I realized that there are somethings that right now I am not capable of handling. I need to let go, and allow the responsibility for that plant to disappear. Right now with the tremendous change in my life I am still adjusting to the change. I can't be more than I am currently and through my meditation I am learning to see myself. I can't be more than who I am. Right now, I do not have control over my physical space and the best thing I can do is realize the chaos. I need to observe and see what that means for me. I need to see myself and my current ability and recognize when something is not necessary and I need to relinquish that control and responsibility. Right now I need to shrink my sphere and gain mastery over the remaining pieces. Once I obtain mastery at that level then I can begin to reconsider expanding my ability to begin to take care of the extra things. 

Well, not that those things are "extra". They are things in my life that I wish for, and would like to be responsible for. It all comes down to "Can I handle this?" The thing is I am capable of being able to manage my life, I can take care of myself and my physical space but I need the right mentality. I need the right approach. 

Recently I have realized the value of stepping back and allowing that which is not going exactly as I have planned, to be relinquished from my dominion. By accepting my current self I am able to see exactly who I am clearly and concisely. So I am still growing within my responsibility of the changes of my life. Right now I have stretched myself thin trying to handle more than I am currently capable of. I see that. Not only because it has been pointed out for me, but in taking some affirmative action to reduce my sphere there is a tremendous weight that has lifted from my shoulders. You could term it "giving up" but that has a very negative connotation to the wording. I simply prefer thinking about it as allowing myself to focus on what is most important to me. The thing is I can easily come back to this endeavour. I can easily attempt and try again, but it would be stretching myself too thin at this moment in time. I barely have a grasp on the necessities of my life, and have been struggling handling those. I need to be able to consistently be responsible for what is in my life, and if I am not able to do that I need to make a change so that I can. 

One thing that doesn't serve me is my television. I can ruin my entire day simply by turning it on first thing when I wake up. It's a distraction, and yes it can be enjoyable to relax to a show. I allow that show to become 14 hours of binge watching tv until nothing is accomplished and I waste my entire day. I need to remove my TV from my options in the morning so I can focus on the work that needs to be done in my life. It does not serve my purpose when I need to clean, and take care of my animals, and take care of myself. 

Right now in my life I need to prove that I am responsible enough to handle taking care of my property. I mean yes one day I hope to have an s type that might enjoy cleaning for me, but I DO NOT want to relinquish control over that aspect of my life until I have mastered it. Until I can manage to keep my house in respectable order on my own. Then it also sets a standard to which my s type would be held as well. 

It was actually kind of funny as I grow and see change in my life that I am beginning to recognize a few more aspects of who I am. 

Yesterday I found myself in a situation where I could recognize something that needed to be taken care of. So where my dogs food is stored is close by the front door. Unfortunately there is a gap underneath the door and the frame that allows quite a bit of air to flow. When it's cold overnight the tiling gets very very chilly and if you feed the animals barefoot (which I happened to do yesterday) magically your feet get very cold!! I got to a point where I thought "This is something I would ask of my s type to fix for me" now instead of wallowing in self pity I simply went and put on my indoor slippers to warm my feet myself. Of course it's not the same, but I need to handle my well being right now because I do not have an s type who can do that for me. Later on in my day as I was speaking with my friend, she expressed her opinion on the matter. She made the point that "Why not have your s type feed the dogs anyways?" The thing is this simple issue really has 3 fixes. The best and probable answer that I should respond with is resolving the draft, protecting my house, and putting a weather seal in place to reduce the cold air entering my house. The next option I see is this, feeding the dogs myself and getting my s type to serve her purpose by warming my feet after the dogs have been fed, or I can get her to feed the dogs and then I would get to warm her feet. Or I could allow her to have cold feet for the next few hours. 

See the thing is each situation may have a number of responses and how to address it. It is the dominants responsibility to acknowledge the situation and how he wants to accomplish his goals. Personally given the above situation I would prefer to feed my dogs, (thereby protecting my s type from the cold and giving her purpose after the interaction) and then allow my s type the honour of warming my feet. Of course, I could have put on slippers before going down to the cold tile, or put on socks. I could have, I could have. But what are your reasons? Why are you choosing to do it that way? What purpose are you trying to serve, or to have your s type serve? What is the intention behind the action, and what does that mean for yourself and those within the household? 

A smart dominant can turn any situation into an opportunity to grow the dynamic. Or they can just as easily miss the opportunity, or perhaps even destroy the dynamic based on their action and way of handling the situation. 

I am beginning to see opportunity in new and different areas. I am beginning to think in terms of a dominant. The critical part to remember is that the process begins with observation. Looking, hearing (listening and not just hearing), closely monitoring and recognizing the mood and current situation for what it is. Can this situation be used to build up the dynamic? Can I *do* something to further the relationship and build trust and help my s type to see why it was that I choose them? Can I impart a deeper dynamic if I take this opportunity (with the proper intention) to further the cause of what we are trying to build together? I believe that if you open your mind you will begin to see opportunity where none existed before, and you will begin to understand that it doesn't require the big things to improve the dynamic it's the little things. The small chances to prove that you have a sense of understanding and are making the effort to take every opportunity to further the growth of the dynamic. That even the small things matter, and the state of mind of your s type can be further developed by taking those small opportunities. You will show them you have a gameplan, that it's not just about kinky fuckery. That there is a deeper meaning behind what you are trying to accomplish and what you have in store for them. It's in all the tiny little ways that you prove your dedication to them, to the dynamic and what you are building together. 

Right now while I can speak on dedication to the dynamic I currently do not have a dynamic to be dedicated to. So where should my focus be? Well I need to apply this same dedication to myself, my household, my animals. I need to take responsibility and ownership of what's right in front of me and master handling those aspects of my life. If I want to be damn good at what I do then all of the little things matter. It starts right now. It begins within me, and I need to forge the intention for my life. I need to step up and take seriously the things I'm trying to accomplish. Because all the small moments matter, and building consistency in my life in how I handle the small moments will help me be better prepared when facing the big challenges. 

I also had a very interesting realization. In the conversation with my mentor he mentioned about my lack of training in the wielding of implements of pain as pleasure. As I thought on it more I realized that there is a part of me that I can recognize that wants to become adept at using pain. I want to be able to take what I can and learn all the aspects of what it can mean to cause pleasure and yet I really haven't explored the painful side of bdsm. I remember a conversation months and months back that showed a deeper darker side of who I was. I allowed him out for a brief time and I quickly shut the door to that aspect of me. 

The thing is I thought well I see him, and I know he's there but I am just going to hide him away and not let him have the time of day. 

It was pointed out to me recently that isn't mastery. That's not control. That's another form of neglect. Until I can allow that door to be fully open, see that darker side of me, clearly hear the needs and wants of him, recognize how those things align with my intention and then make the decision to feed that side of me or allow myself to say that does not serve me and my purpose. That is where mastery of myself is achieved. Not by hiding away. 

So I have identified another aspect of myself that needs to be closely examined. I need to determine why do I want to use pain, in what ways do I want to use pain, what does that serve if I choose to use pain, what is the purpose of using pain and what ends and means will I begin to use pain. Is it absolutely necessary to who I am? In part of my conversation with my friend I mentioned to her "Well I want to use pain to embody pleasure" and she had to tell me to pause. She asked me a very good damn question. "Is that what you need, or what you think society says is acceptable?" We got into the topic of seeing the world and being viewed by the world. Sometimes people choose something because it's what society says is normal. The thing is we are exploring this lifestyle to understand ourselves. We want to get to the point of seeing *US* clearly. Without a discoloured lens. What do I need? Fuck what society or that person over there thinks, screw off to the people who don't know a damn thing about me but make judgements anyways. I need to look at myself. Without any expectations, without any biases. Without any form of "I should be". NOOO!!! I NEED to see myself. Exactly as I am. All that I truly desire and accept that just maybe I might be the person who needs to release those pent up feelings in an aggressive and painful way. Maybe that is very well a massive part of who I am and yet I have denied it all my life. Maybe it's there and maybe it's not, but the goal is to find out. More than anything I need to know myself. I need to be able to clearly and succinctly express who I am to those that are interested in me. I need to be able to say this is all of me, in all my glory. Not some idea that's half baked because society tells me to be this, or my father told me to be that. Or that random stranger over there who has an opinion on the matter when he wasn't damn well asked in the first place. 

It doesn't even matter what my mentor says about who I am, because even then it's not about being told who you are. It's about finding it yourself. Acknowledging all that is within you, learning to accept and then choosing "Do I feed this side of me?" My mentor is showing me a way of finding myself. He is allowing me to make my own choices, free of his desire or interests. Because he understands that his interests are not mine. Certainly some aspects may align, and yes he is more than willing to help give me understanding within those areas but he isn't defining me. He is allowing me to define myself. To say "I need this, and I see why it's important to me". 

But it's work that no one else can do for me. I must do this hard work myself, and put in the effort to see who I am and then choose what aligns with my beliefs and values and make those a pivotal point within my process. I need to also understand so I can speak with the person I cherish and tell them honestly all these things so they can make a decision for themselves. There is no greater sorrow than to see an established permanent collared dynamic dissolve because there are fundamental needs not being met. How do you get to a point within a permanent collaring and then recognize that you aren't being satisfied in a needed way. That is extremely heartbreaking from all sides. It's better to have that conversation with a friend and understand "You are amazing, but we do not align and just aren't quite right for one another". How do you express that though if you don't even know who you are??? 

I would express the need to take things slowly. To not move into a dynamic quickly and begin to understand each other, and all sides of one another. How long does it take to properly explain 29 years of life? Or 40? Or 60? And do you even know yourself well enough to explain to someone else what you are about? What you need and want? 

I got frustrated, because I felt like I keep getting reset to the starting point. That's a damn good thing, and I need to change my perspective on the matter. I should be elated I found a new starting block because it's another avenue I need to explore and understand. It's more work, sure. But it's necessary if I want a dynamic that is authentic and truthful and completely fulfilling. If I jump into the first s type that says "I think you're neat" chances are good at some point it will fall apart. I am not looking to have my dynamic fail for any reason. I was looking for the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I thought I had found her in my ex. But that was a half baked, she's "good enough I guess". I'm no longer looking for good enough I guess, I want that dynamic that fits me exactly with what I need. The thing is I am still searching for what I need, and I won't find the dynamic I'm looking for until I can answer all the questions of myself. 

Soooooo, it's time to do work. It's time to shrink my sphere and get serious about mastering what I am currently responsible for. It's time to get rid of the useless unnecessary "these things do not serve me currently" and focus on what's most important. 

I have less than 24 hours until I need to be at work, and I have a fair amount to attend to. It's time to get up off of my ass, and do some hard work today. For myself. For my animals. For my property. 

I hope you all have a fantastic remainder of your weekend, and I hope you found value in what I have written today. 

Hello Cage friends,

So tonight I bring you a gift. It's me being weird and fantastic trying out some different things using my throat holes. 

I really hope you enjoy, but part of why I am also sharing this is because I wound up applying to an animation company that is always looking for people to do voice over work for the different shows they produce. 

Well I sent an email a few weeks back to apply saying that I'm an amateur but would like to come in an audition if at all possible. 

Just a few days ago I heard back saying that there is an opportunity and I settled on my audition date being Oct 29th at 9:30 am. I'm pretty dang excited to see what they think. 

https://voca.ro/1g0uhEWADPSP

I am hopeful that they might find something for me, but I'm looking forward to going in and doing all I can to try and just enjoy myself. But it could be a very interesting opportunity to start a second job from home if that was an option. 

I will definitely boast my successes if it happens they find me to be a fit for the current project but the best part about the audition is they will have what I can do on file. So if they think I might be appropriate for a future project they can keep me in mind. 

I hope you all a superb evening.