Today has been hard, someone I care very much about is dying.
I was running around trying to get things done in a hurry. Everyone in my family has immune issues so I try to do the running around so nobody gets sick. My daughter and her b/f already had covid so we are being extra diligent in how we approach this virus so they don't get sick.
Not many people know that I am legally married, for medical purposes only. We do not have a romantic relationship, it has never been apart of during our marriage. He found out he had six month to live 6 years ago without a stem cell transplant. We had previously dated for 10 yrs, this wasn't something I was going to let him face on his own. During the next five year, I stayed by his side, took care of him, took care of his business, and made medical decisions for him. He had problems afterwards so I had to go to court and declare him not able to make his own decisions. See people were trying to get money from him in this state. It was really sad no one wanted to help him just his bank account.
Even now I help out still but he has his life and I have mine. Today, was rough he let me know that it has come back as well as he is refusing treatment. I don't know how to process that or how to even comfort him with my emotions so raw. Absolutely is his decision, but why am I am relieved that I don't have to make that decision to drop my life to save his again. I honestly do not think I could do it again. My feelings on this is all over the place, I find myself just staring into space tonight.
