Firecracker Diaries - A combination of stories, random thoughts and an appreciation log of life with Daddy

6 more days...

Today my Master wanted a treat. He gave me a task that was not a choice. I thought it was going to be a punishment...I still have 2 coming to me...but No...this was something he wanted for his enjoyment...and he just so happened to be my pleasure.

He had a 2 hour drive ahead of him...so he wanted to watch me masterbate via video call. He told me what he wanted and told me to set up the phone...right then. Through my excitement and nervousness I set up the phone..grabbed the requested toys and set myself up for the scene.

I laid back...followed his commands...and between the egg and the vibrator both...I was soon begging him to let me cum. He would not allow me to orgasm so fast though....he would not give me permission. I backed off the orgasm by releasing my touch and slapping my pussy. This only excited me...

He told me to keep going...and not to stop. He tells me go ahead when I am ready....and I explode...he tells

Me not to stop....my legs are shaking, toes are curled and he keeps me in this no stop progress for a total of 4 body rocking orgasms!!!

It had been 12 days since I had had his touch...much less an orgasm...I was quivering from the pleasure! And the excitement of him watching just sent me over the top. The satisfaction on his face once he was finished with his show was priceless. The only thing that could have made it better would have been to roll over and have him holding me as I passed out....

He makes me so hot...I desire him more than he knows. And even though this was his moment today...it was my pleasure!

Until tomorrow...

7 more days...

When you love someone all you want to do is make them happy, make them smile...want them to feel how much you love them. As a submissive you want to please and give everything to your master...you would gladly pull out your soul and give it to your master if he so commanded. You would do this because you know with everything in you that he would guard and protect it with everything. You know that everything you give to him is cherished...and the reward he gives you is his love and utter devotion to the promises he made to you and keeping you precious to him at all times.

A submissive left alone is sometimes a dangerous thing. Especially when all of the above is in place. Her mind will wonder needing his direction and attention. If denied the directions and attention needed from her master she will suffer. She will suffer both mental and physical pain. The mental anguish is the worst...because her Master is the only person in the world that can satisfy her desires. The only person who can complete or break her.

Punishment is given when the submissive breaks a rule or acts in a way that is not approved by her Master. I received a punishment today for an infraction. My Master knows exactly how to punish me without even touching me. He stops talking to me...

I would rather you hang me in the air with meat hooks...than stop talking to me. It’s mentally brutal for me...

Thank-you to my Master for keeping it brief and resuming talking to me. Deciding to discuss with me and not punish me for longer. I am thankful...if would have lasted longer I would have been a basket case!!

I love you Ltljoker...thank you for everything you do for me...and the patience you find for me.

Until tomorrow...

8 more days!!!

I had dinner at a friends house tonight and during the coarse of conversation with another mutual friend there...it was asked if he was going to propose to his lady friend anytime soon? And the way he answered perplexed me...he said “we are moving in that direction”...but he said it very dry and with no emotion on his face. This of coarse made me ask if he loved her...and his response was just as dry with a “yeah I love her”.

I was in a place once that I settled...and thought that was what love was...responsible and safe. Something I could never imagine in my today life as anything anyone would ever want. I mean are you ok with that??

I want to be madly in love with my life and my partner! It’s not about whether you get married or not...it’s about does that person make your life better? More exciting! More full of life! Does your partner make you feel more than you ever have? Does your partner complete your heart in a way that makes you question how it ever beat without them? Everything you want to do includes them?

I don’t want anyone to settle. Im sure my Master feels like that about me...God knows I do about him. I feel this from him...but if it were not true I would want him to let me go...I deserve the above...and even if it would hurt me deeply...I would rather not have him than have anyone settle. Now that I know what real love feels like...and real devotion to someone is....I won’t settle for less.

Just my thoughts...

Until tomorrow...

9 more days...

Yay!!! Down to single digits!!!

Today was a good day! Outta bed and off to a body combat class (which my thighs are screaming at me now...after free weights day and now this...OMG!!)! Then back to the computer for job hunting and house hunting!

Had a great interview!!! So hopefully I will hear back from them soon! Keeping fingers crossed!!

I still miss him terribly...but was able to control my tears today! I’m really trying hard to control my need for him...my need for attention from him. I know that it gets on his nerves that I have been so needy lately. And I have also been having to control my jealousy about things...it’s so weird because IM NOT the jealous type. I trust him ...so it’s not that...I think it’s just been my insecurities and me missing him so badly that it’s just making it surface.

This has just been hard...I knew it was going to...but still can’t help my emotions....but at least it was better today!

I did good with my chores today...I still need to add a few more things to make sure I am communicating everything to him. Just a little gun shy cause I been needy...so don’t want to come across with more need.

One more day closer!!!

Until tomorrow...

10 more days...

We are at the half way point...so why am I so weepy? This period away from him has been exceptionally harder for me than it has been in the past. I find myself really struggling today just to get through. I actually cried in front of him tonight...I don’t do that anymore...I know how much it bothers him so I usually am very good at keeping those moments to myself. But tonight it just came out!!

I’m still just missing him so badly right now...tears are just streaming down my face. It’s been so weird over the past couple of days...I’ve been weepy, sleepy, hungry and cold. Sooo...what do you want to do when you feel this way??? Lay in bed...cry and sleep. Ugh...so pathetic. I did manage to get to the gym today, sweep and mop the house...but that’s about it.

I need to get outta this funk!!! I miss him so badly...but I know this is not good for me to be like this. This is not who he feel in love with...I’m better than this!! I need to get better about following my rules and asking him for permission for everything...and I mean everything. It will help me focus on my duty of submission to him...and focus on what I can submit to him while he is gone.I just miss him so much!!!

Tomorrow is going to be a good day! I have an interview...so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will all work out to get us one step closer to where we want to be.

Until tomorrow....

11 more days...

Just thinking about him brings a smile to my face and makes my body twitch. I’m still missing him terribly...but finally turning the tables to seeing the days countdown coming faster. 

I’ve spent a lot of the past couple of days watching my current binge watching addiction (How to get away with Murder)...which is awesome btw if anyone needs a new show to binge on...but anyway, this show does a couple of things for me...it burns time and it helps me get out of my head for a little while. 

I have also been looking for homes online and applying for jobs in the area we are looking to move. This helps me envision our life and this keeps me happy. I can’t wait to begin our new adventure in a new place!!

I wonder if he will have me wear a different collar in our new place? I wonder if I will have new rules or tasks to perform? 

We shall see...

Until tomorrow....

12 more days...

So I took a trip down memory lane. I went through all of my pictures of him and all of my texts. Yes... I’m that person that keeps them all. 

I was reading our first texts back and forth. Remembering all those school girl feelings of wondering if he was thinking what I was thinking? Those texts before we become intimate...where we had lots of hinting how much we liked or wanted the other without really saying it. The time we were both wanting to text or call but didn’t want to seem to anxious.

I was remembering our first date. I can remember every detail of his face...what he wore...how he smelled. I can remember our first kiss...and how I was the one who initiated it...lol...

I remember every single moment of our first intimate night. Every single second....how the longer we were together the more I knew that he was exactly where I was supposed to be. How we fit together so perfectly...how he held me like no one has ever held me...even from the first night. How I immediately felt safe with him and everything in me knew I was his....

I have never stopped feeling this way. Each day it only grows stronger. Even now when we have learned so much more about each other...the true person...when we have been through ups and downs...been through more than most couple do in a lifetime together...and all I want to do is hold his hand and go through more with him.

My life is so much better with him...and it gets better every single day that we grow together. I still am in pain when he is gone...and even though I hate it...I’m so glad that I am so much in love with him that he hurts. I always want to be in love this much....

I feel amazed each day when he says I Love You...and I still get butterflies when he calls or texts. I never want that to stop. I hope he always knows that I fall more in love with him each day...and every day for the rest of my life. I am his...I am blessed with everything he does for me and with me. I can’t imagine anywhere without him....

Until tomorrow...

13 more days....

My body is craving him. My soul needs him. I am needing his touch and kisses.

I have been feeling super needy today. If I knew how to drive in snow I might have already jumped in my car and drove 28 hours to get to him. Super anxious and nervous today...for no reason other than I’m missing my best friend, my lover, my air, my heart, my Master, my Sir, my Daddy...my one.

In the bright side...I’m keeping my fingers crossed for an interview next week that could hopefully get us closer to where we want to be!! So I’m super excited about that!! And it’s one more day down!!!

I am feeling better...I know my blogs aren’t exactly showing that...but I’m better. Thank you all for the encouragement over the past couple of really rough days...I do appreciate it!

Until tomorrow...

14 more days...

I’m so ready for this period apart to be over. I need him. Maybe I’m just being a spoiled brat and pouting...but I feel so different this time. Maybe he does too...maybe that’s what caused a little thing to get blown out of proportion yesterday. Leaving us both stubborn and frustrated.

I realize that I’m that sappy person that wants that positive attention a lot. I know that my fairytale vision of a relationship sometimes plays my emotions. It makes me forget that he is human and a strong man...it makes me forget that he has emotions and a temper. The perfect relationship that we have is exactly what I want....I just have to remind myself sometimes that perfection is always in the eye of the beholder... sometimes the beholder has a hard time seeing the flaws...especially if they are their own.

I still want it all. I want all of it...the ups the downs...the highs and lows. I just have to find a way to not self destruct when it’s not exactly perfect. To understand and be patient when things get a little dicey...not shut down and crawl inside myself. I want to learn the “he still loves me even though he is upset”. 

We are learning more about each other every day...which means we also have to learn how to argue with each other or have disagreements. Both of us...not just me. Understand how it’s healthy to show each other all of the emotions...even the not so pretty ones...and love each other through learning how to respond to those emotions. Remembering that this is not the same as in the past...this is the real love we have both been waiting for.

It’s worth it to keep learning...the good and the not so good about each other. He’s worth it...I’m worth it. Our love is worth it...

Until tomorrow...

15 more days...

How do you apologize for something that is out of your control? Sometimes things happen that is nobody’s fault...but blame or anger is directed at someone. That someone is me today...

I tired to help with something and didn’t help the way he wanted and couldn’t give the right answer for a problem that was not my doing. All the frustration with the situation was aimed at me. How do I fix something that I have no control over? How????

I’m not the fighting kind. Yelling and hateful words just make me turn inside...and go into self destruction mode. Not talking to me...giving me the silent treatment is like setting me on fire. I don’t like anyone to be mad at me...especially him....and I don’t even know what happened!!!

Between the loneliness, emptiness and now this....it’s too much for today. I need this day to be over with...

Fuck today...

Until tomorrow...