A Dom's Tale ~ The journey there and back again

Just find one and post er up!!  here's mine....

 I wrote this several years ago, and as each year passes in my search for the true dynamic, this song comes ever closer and closer to expressing how I feel about the search, and the story has some personal meaning to me as well, if only a fruitless hunt for a unicorn....... at any rate, please enjoy both my friends ....

Twas The Night Before Christmas - on the Cage

Twas the night before Christmas, just home from the pub,
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept me and my sub,
She was on our big toy, with love and with care,
And I as her Dom, could not wait to be there;

 Her bottom I'd paddled, now warm and so red,
;While release found in orgasm, screamed in her head.
With my sub damn near naked,  and me in my cap,
I just settled her back down, for more swats on my lap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the dungeon to see what was the matter.
from the side of the window, so no neighbor we’d flash,
still rubbing her bottom, still warm as fresh ash,

The moon glancing off her, every curve it did show,
I found myself grateful, and my heart was aglow,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
I glanced at the clock, midnight it did chime,
We were up way too late, now we had no more time.

My wishes I’d asked for now raced through my mind,
But we were not asleep, Santas here... in a bind.
We were both well aware, if he saw us awake,
No gifts would be left, our presents at stake!

We dashed for the bedroom, got there in a tick,
But just too damn slow, racing good ol’ St. Nick.
In a flash he appeared, standing there in the room,
My hopes for this Christmas, were replaced now with gloom.

He’d caught us awake, now the presents were lost,
But he just faintly smiled, we well knew the cost.
My sub started weeping, laying there on the bed,
Her eyes getting swollen, tear filled and red.

My Sir, please forgive me, she started to say,
I fear I have failed you, and ruined this day.
As her tears started running, across that sweet cheek,
My heart started breaking, and I knew I must speak.

My love I replied, there’s no fault in you,
This is not your doing, your heart is so true.
Her act of devotion, this attempt to distract,
My resolve it did strengthen, and I knew I must act.

Please Santa, I pleaded, it was not her fault,
I kept her awake, tied up by the vault.
She gives me so much, and asks for so little,
Her last Dom was cruel, he’d berate and belittle.

He promised the world, said he's honest and true,
Yet all that he sought for, was using her too.
The day that she found me, still clear in my mind,
Was my day of rebirth, her soul bound to mine. 

And on this first Christmas, together at last,
She's finally living, getting free from her past.
Please make an exception, she is not to blame,
The fault here is mine, tis me you should shame.

The gifts we have asked for, seem odd to the norm,
But I desperately need them, her heart to keep warm.
There’s paddles and crops, and tools for the top,
And blankets and cocoa, and things for sub drops

And nighties and leathers, and great stuff to wear,
Along with some comforts for great aftercare.
These things that we asked for, perhaps way too much,
Are things that we need, they’re not just a crutch.

He looked at my sub, so gentle and pure,
Then gave me a glance, as if to assure.
“my boy you are blind, it’s so easy to see,
But take some advice, from an old man like me.

Indeed your first Christmas, with her as your own,
There is more to this story, than you've ever known.
This woman God made you, and brought to you here,
He brought you here too, to help silence her fear.

For you see I have known her, battered and weak,
Her heart rent to tatters, her future so bleak. 
With her body and soul, and mind under attack,
So close to the end, with no will to fight back.

Yet the power within her, so pure and so true,
Found a way to preserve her, and bring her to you.
Her search finally ended, her future secure,
With this dynamic God gave you, so strong and so pure.

She has travelled a road, not many could walk,
In search of “a True Dom” not bullshit and talk.
When others surrendered, gave in to the dark,
She has somehow endured,  her life only a spark.

 Her soul has survived it, these heartbroken tours,
Not perfect for certain, but neither is yours.
The power within her, now blinding and bright,
She now offers to you, keep it safe with your might.

See all the toys in the world, would not be enough,
Not the whips or paddles or padded handcuffs,
The gift that is lent you, that she trusts in your hands,
This act of submission, so noble and grand.

A tear gently rolled, down Santas red cheek,
He lifted her chin, then again he did speak.
Take care of her son, protect her and pray,
Shelter her heart, and do not fade away.

Her heart is now speaking, gentle and true,
For her there's no other, no other but you.
Keep her and hold her, for her safety I pray,
And worship the gift that you hold on  this day.

By request I am reposting a blog (with some revisions) that seems to becoming a holiday tradition for me! I hope you enjoy it  :)

 As she awoke that late November morning, she gently rolled over to silence the alarm clock, and his scent was still there on his side of the bed, his pillow still warm from where he had laid with her through the night. She reflected back on this first year together with her Dom. She recalled how before him, she had felt her life was so together, so complete, and utterly alone, yet she had accomplished so much. What she knew now, that had escaped her then, was how finding each other would so radically change her heart, and life, and fill voids in both of them that they never even knew were there....

   So on this first Thanksgiving Eve together, she had come to a life altering decision.. As he walked toward the front door, he was taken aback... for she was knelt by the door, but not in her normal Nadu position to bid him “hurry home”, as they had vowed to never say “goodbye”, unless it was to be final. As he approached however, her hands slowly raised together, presenting a tear stained envelope to him. On the outside was simply written “Sir, please go to work, and open only in private, and only alone”. He could see that she was trembling, nearly paralyzed with fear, and quite visibly shaken, as the tears found their way out of her red swollen eyes forming steady streams down her rosy cheeks when he grasped the envelope from her hands.

   His mind was racing with a thousand possibilities of what could be inside the letter. His heart on the precipice of shattering under the stress of the unknown content. He quite desperately wanted to rip open the letter, reveal its truths to his heart, but knew in his soul he had to honor her request. Could this be the end? Is there something wrong? Has she taken ill? Try as he might, the morning commute was totally overshadowed by that envelope and the tears that had sealed it. Minutes turned to hours as he made his way into work, each one bringing with it a new demon, another unspoken fear of the future. So, when finally he got to his office, he left instructions not to be interrupted for any reason as he quickly dashed into his office. He closed and locked the door, and stared at the envelope for what seemed an eternity before finally mustering the courage to open it, it read ….

My Sir,

That world that I walked in, so eternally alone,
meant I'd long since surrendered, A true Dom of my own.
So I took all my love, and deep darkest fears,
and hid them forever, obscured by my tears.

I had searched from my True Dom, for far way too long,
and was finally accepting, my life all alone.
For despite all my efforts, my search was in vain,
And I could hardly endure it, so hollow, such pain.

I feared that a True Dom, so seldom and rare
At least one I wanted, for whom I could care,
To walk thru this life with, and give my heart to,
would never be found, and then there came you.

You offered your friendship, not making demands,
you took time to know me, held my soul in your hands.
Our lives slowly bonded, our hearts and our souls,
And you’ve never faltered, nor forced your control.

You've patiently waited, despite your desire,
to earn my submission, a true sub to acquire.
What more could I want for, what else could I need,
I am humbled before you, to do you this deed.
 

So today I give thanks, to God and to you,
For holding my dreams, and making them true.
I’ve just one request, as this note I requit,
To you heart and soul now, I humbly submit.

   Oblivious to him at the time... those tears... the ones that fell from her eyes as he left that morning, he had taken with him, and they now found their way down his cheek. He checked his schedule for the day, and it was booked solid. Then, in the notes he saw “set her hairdresser appt 11:00. He told his secretary to clear the days schedule, and after that, to take this Thanksgiving off, and the weekend as well as well, with pay.

   As she opened the door, hands overrun with groceries for their Thanksgiving dinner, she gasped in disbelief at the sight before her. The groceries fell to the ground, unnoticed by either of them. There, in the entryway, was her Dom, in the middle of the work day, kneeling before her on a single knee, head deeply bowed, and arms outstretched, presenting an envelope, taped to a slender golden package. On the outside of the envelope was written “My reply, please open immediately” It read:..

My love,

I too wandered this life, and did so alone,
And likewise surrendered, a sub of my own.
I’d spoke with so many, but none quite a fit,
I felt so defeated, and ready to quit.

I felt that my true sub, gentle and fair,
would forever evade me, then I saw you there.
You were unlike so many, yet so out of my reach,
your beauty abounded, had taken my speech.

First let me thank you, for becoming my friend,
I’m eternally grateful, for the time that you’d spend,
just talking and laughing, and letting me know,
that our hearts had a small chance, that love just might grow.

And so now time finds us, together at last,
Our hearts beat as one now, our fears in the past.
And when I was certain, I could ask for no more,
this gift that you offer, brings my knee to the floor.

Never in my life, in my wildest dreams,
could I ever imagine, a gift so extreme.
I humbly accept now, this offer you make,
This collar I offer, if you would but take….

This gift of submission, I shall never forget,

And I pray for the strength, so you'll never regret,

For the rest of our lifetimes, and eons beyond,

I belong now to you... as we enter this bond.

   Nobody knows for sure what happened after that, but what is known is that the groceries remained on the doorstep for the entire Thanksgiving weekend, and when she left to go shopping Monday morning, she wore a golden necklace that she would never again be seen without, but yet when they were seen together, the light shining from inside them both made it very difficult to see.

  And.. if you ever asked either "What are you thankful for this Holiday Season?", you could almost make out an aura of golden power surrounding them both as their eyes were instinctively drawn to each other, yet no answer would ever be given, but then again...why would it need to be?

It's intermission time,  time for reflection, refocusing, reminding myself of where I am, and making sure you know the depths of my commitment. Someday, when I have found you, perhaps we better role play this one ,....

Until next time,

quand tu m'inspires de loin mon coeur,

~ID~

   Life has it's little mysteries, games it plays, and sometimes we simply have to gain some life experience before we are allowed to progress to the next level of a game.  So i think it is with sexuality, and our ability to see it for what it REALLY is. 

   Let's be honest guys - a young man generally sees sexual intimacy as a conquest,  a challenge, all inspired by the way it felt PHYSICALY to be inside somebody else, and to having been found desirable enough to get to play in the first place.  Yet his vision of the reality is blocked with an opaque lens, he usually does not see or understand the effects of his actions.

   Now comes young women. Taught from early on what a "special experience" sex should be.  and Lord knows how many moral judgements get stacked in THAT deck! So she meets the young man, he talks his "game", and they wind up horizontal. her vision is far from transparent, muddled with all the programming her elders could stuff in that head,  but closer than his,  so she is seeing this whole thing through translucent glasses.

   Well, on to the mid thirties. He has had enough sexual experiences now to satisfy whatever childish motivations ruled his day, exited his sexual prime with a fairly wide damage swath, and wants to "get serious" now... and she has probably been hurt and or felt used enough that she likely has relaxed her viewpoints considerably. She is now entering HER sexual prime, and knows how to get what she wants, and can play those boys like a cheap harmonica if she wants to. Tables have turned, hunted becomes the hunter, and the view of both is translucent. No real truth to be found. 

   Well, now we are entering the latter years, prolly the 45+ age group to be honest. What remains of our group? Those that aren't married with families, and those that have left them or lost them for whatever reason.  Now the successful married folk generally are seeing the world for what it is. They KNOW the value of intimacy, the binding it can bring, the joining of souls that they have experienced first hand. BUt what about our "not married" folk?

   Well, they too have achieved transparency in their viewpoints. Not all will want what it has to offer, and some will make the conscious decision to continue to simply fuck for fuckings sake,  to pursue only the physical pleasures, and they have the right to do so.  

   But others, and I think perhaps the majority of them fall here .. no longer want to just go around fucking for the sake of doing so.  They see these encounters as hollow, shallow, meaningless moments that simply leave them physically satisfied but emotionally wanting. They want these experiences to have meaning, to use their power to create a bond, a relationship, a life. 

   But what about BDSM? Truthfully, are they seeking a fast thrill? Or have they, like (I feel the majority) of the rest of us in this group,  been drawn into the lifestyle BECAUSE of of the deep emotional and spiritual bonds that are formed when combined with another in the "True Dynamic".  

   But like the act of sex itself, the many and varied activities that we can experience in the lifestyle magnify their vanilla counterparts ten fold at least, so we decide we want them to have meaning as well. So we search, and we wait, and God willing we find our other half, both now seeing through transparent lenses, knowing what CAN become our reality, just waiting to share the view together.

Just another ID rambling...

~ID~

   Find a more truthful, honest, heartspoken statement about two people getting together, and I'll tip my hat to you. But in the meantime, it has come full circle, and it's time to scribe another note to my future sub, my future partner, my future other half .....  

Mon coeur,

   I am penning this note to you so that you may come to embrace some of the twisting, turning path I traversed in my seemingly endless journey of discovering the miracle of you. As you know, for our life together we have committed to be one of open and total honesty,  fully sharing all that may be shared between two people, forging our future together from the fires of hell that seemed to be akin to a life for each of us before we met. It is hard to believe what we had alone we dared to call a life, now that we know what we are together.

   The path to you was frot with hollow illusions,  some created by me, some created for me.  But it took travelling through them to finally be able to define you, to see your essence in my future, to know finally what it was I had been seeking.

   I do not seek perfection.  As I myself am far from perfect, especially in this singular stage of my life,  I seek only she who has the capacity to complete the parts of me that are missing, and in return, find herself completed as well.

   I do not seek a mindless follower. I want you as you are, kind, caring, empathetic.... I want to help you fill in the blanks of your life, achieve your dreams and ambitions, complete the parts of you that are missing with the parts of me that have yearned for you for so long.

   I want to defend you from the world, and all the cruelty it is capable of, and to that end I seek one that is capable of letting go of the world and flourishing with me under the power of our dynamic, freed at last to be whatever we seek to be, and to be as one with her that I can and do trust with my own fears and demons that if unleashed may vary well undo my very being.

   While I do not know where you are at this moment in time, I have learned that I must be open in all manners possible to be able so see you for what you are when I do finally find you, free from any predefinitions or expectations.

Until next time,

quand tu m'inspires de loin mon coeur,

~ID~

Dominant - 

                                      Because I modified it into this, and it hangs on the playroom wall  :)

Submissive -  because I'd like to print this onto a oversize ping pong paddle and pimp slap every insta dom I come across with it  :)

I am writing this blog specifically toward one person who I will pm, it is the ENFJ in me coming out I spuupose ..but for all that feel isolated or alone, perhaps it is also a great reminder.  the poem after the video I first read at 19, and have had it with me ever since, sometimes reading it daily ...... with that being said.......

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann ©1927

     What is it about the death of a relationship that seems to leave that specter of lost love haunting our future? With every day that passes into history, we feel the pain and trauma less and less, sense it vanishing into our past. We feverishly labor to repair the damages, face our demons, become whole once again, quell the faceless fears that whisper their lies into our hearts when we are alone in the night, until at the  end of this particular leg of our journey, we are no longer emotionally paralyzed or crippled by the devastation we have traversed and  we pronounce ourselves "over it", and ready to move on.

    The damage level is a direct reflection of the depth we cared, loved, and shared ourselves, Following the devastation, each connection became a raw ruthlessly exposed nerve that led directly to the center of our being. But as we say, now it is repaired ...yes?  we are over it .. yes? Or is it?

   My ex and I separated on "good terms". We both acknowledged that the basic elements of any relationship had long since perished, and that we need to become 2 again.  It went well,  she took hers, I took mine, never hired a lawyer, and with all but the smallest amount of bickering, went our separate ways, on our own solitary journeys.  I am not saying there was no fallout, or that at times we did not miss each other. I took 2 years to "recover and repair" from the end of a 25 year relationship.  We remain friends to this day, after all, we raised two children together, and faced some perils in life that I pray you never face.  But... we remain friends all the same. 

  So the other day she wishes to ask my advice about the man she has been seeing for 9 months. Seems they are having issues and she wanted my viewpoint as both a man, and someone who knows her better than she knows herself. Seemed fine at the time, and We talked about it until she was comfortable with a course of action (that worked out well, and put her relationship back on course).  Yet, after I left her house, I went for a cruise drive down the Mississippi river bank, and a few songs into my drive,  the old specter came flying in from the past, and I found myself dealing with emotions I thought were long since at rest.

   Now do not take this the wrong way, I love her as a friend, as the mother of my children, and always will; but not romantically, and have not in many years (a mutual fact we both acknowledged as we ended it),  but there are parts of me that deeply love what we were, what we had, what we lost. There is no turning back the hands of time, the people that lived that life, had all those crazy youthful learning experiences together, they no longer exist, and the emotional and romantic forces that both brought and kept them together then no longer exist either ... but their specter does, and every now and then it reaches into my being from nowhere and slaps the shit out of me, probably always will, or at least until or if I do find "her" and complete my journey in the lifestyle to discover the True Bdsm dynamic", and start to form new ties that bind. At least going forward, I am reminded of how truly and deeply I am capable of loving, and once again find myself looking forward to the day when that ability is augmented by a "True Bdsm Dynamic", and that is a power whos scale I am not even capable of imagining or comprehending. 

   So until that day  my little specter, I dedicate this song to you, and all that you are and ever will be..... 

Thank you for time to peruse,

Another ID rambling

With Respect,

~ID~

   I first read those words over three decades ago, they echoed and entrenched themselves into my being then, they instantly became a cornerstone principle as an example of who I wanted to be, what sort of person I must strive to become.   And they still carry a tremendous amount of weight with me today.  Dare I say, they are many times more important to me now that I am in the lifestyle than ever before. 

   I was speaking to a very nice lady a couple of nights ago that I met on here. She was very new to the lifestyle, and to this website as well. I was totally at peace and relaxed chatting with her via text,  and even moreso when it turned to an actual voice call later in the night.  None of my normal red flags popped up, no warning sounds in my head or heart, and I found myself truly enjoying the chat with her. She had, as I am sure most of the subs on here do, been overwhelmed with insta doms pm'ing the newbie, making asses of themselves, and generally painting a poor picture and horrid future of the lifestyle in general.

  So then along comes me, and I was unusually overexcited to be talking to her, and I am certain it shone right thru.  But, I did my best to explain to her what the lifestyle is really about,  and some of the wonders and pleasures that finding a dynamic might bring to her life is she chose to pursue this new found interest of hers.  I attempted to convey to her how a true Dom holds, honors, and cherishes submission when it is offered, and how meaningless terms like "Sir" or "Master" or any of the others are if they are not earned by the Dom.

   I tried to explain how playtime is a perk of the true bdsm dynamic, not the reason for it, how trust is an EARNED cornerstone of the dynamic, that takes time and commitment on the parts of both Dom and sub. Now I am more than certain I did alot more talking than listening..lol. She was very attentive and polite and courteous throughout the call. Toward the end of the call, I regained my previously fluctuating self control (an effect most females do NOT have on me..lol) and reminded myself that she was a brand new member of the community, and her head was probably spinning with all the information (from my perspective)  that I had shared. So the time had come to be pulling back a bit on my part, and I simply said I thought she should think about what she really wants to do, and if she had interest in my direction after making those decisions, to let me know.

   Now do I know what will come of all this? Of course not, but..she did get a clearer picture of the Dom behind the keys than mere writings could provide. And who knows .. she may just decide the lifestyle is better lived though in movies than in real life and return to vanilla ville, or purse things with somebody else ... all her choices and decisions, and I of course respect them all, and at least hope in the end of all things,,I helped her find her way if nothing else.

   So now we come to the title of this Blog, and what it means in regard to this lifestyle. Some of us blog to clear our minds, seek advice, and at times offer insight for other members of our community. and sometimes, we get thank you's in our pm's and blog comments, that for whatever reason, you reached somebody and helped with your writings.  To those who have thanked me, let me reiterate - “In accepting the Gift you Honor the Giver.”  I am both grateful and honored to have been of service in any capacity.

   Now, If you, as a Dom, TRULY are offered your sub's submission, know in your heart that accepting that gift, that all too rare gem, you had better make DAMN SURE your sub is feeling (and being) honored through your gratitude and actions, or ... imho,  you don't deserve to hold it in he first place. We don't accept submission like a parking pass at Six Flags, stuff it in our pockets with a quick thanks and then off to the playroom.  It must be cherished, earned, respected, protected, encouraged, and developed. It is not a piece of candy, it is the ultimate gift in the lifestyle, and must always be treated as such, so that the giver never doubts the honor it bestows.

Just another rambling I suppose ....

~ID~