Under The Whip

I grew up in complete chaos. My house was so loud and obnoxious. You had to over talk people, cut them off to say anything, and the music or television was turned up louder and louder to drown out the people talking. On top of that there was a house of nothing but anger.

So at the age of 20 I moved away from my family and to Seattle I went. I moved in with my boyfriend at the time and I spent a good five years with him and his family. It was like moving to an alien planet. His family were very quiet people. It was the first time I ever spent the majority of my time not talking above a whisper. There were days I did not even talk at all.

I learned the appreciation for silence.

Honestly I learned the first steps here to communicate without having to cut people off. I tried my best to practice that but it was still too soon for me to break free from my habits. What I learned the most was I did not want to live in total chaos anymore in my life. I found the first parts of foundation to the kind of life I want to live.

Now that I am back with part of my family taking care of them with my masters I have been thrown back into the chaos. It is loud here on most days and on the days it isnt I feel stressed out from the triggers of my childhood. The house we live in here is open concept so when I see everyone in the kitchen just talking normal it throws me into a panic. It makes me angry that they do this and honestly it shouldnt.

Being back here makes me miss Seattle so badly. Though my masters are amazing. When my parents are having bad days. Bipolar/Dementia days they just have me put on my headphones and tell me tune it all out with a movie or music while they deal with it and get the house back in order. I appreciate them for protecting my peace. It does definitely show me they care so much about me.

I do not thrive in chaos and stressful situations. So I am learning that speaking softer will help me to not only sound more submissive but it will help tone down conversations around me to help lower the noise and chaos.

It makes me so eager to finally move with my masters to PA, and get set up in our new home. Silence is and always will be a peaceful virtue. It will always be something I cherish. So I am glad to spend today in speaking softer. To lower the chaos of the season. To chase away my chaotic thoughts and bring back my inner peace.

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit bybit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out
and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter
at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t
understand.” ― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

I have been in the lifestyle since 2003. However I did not take it at all seriously until 2014. I had many potential dominants within those 11 years. I had been on and off again with 2 of them. However we all know when a submissive is not taking it seriously it is NEVER their fault right? It is always now a FAKE dom situation.

We know that when the submissive doesnt get their way, and they stomp their foot and the master puts his foot down, then the submissive can now go call them a fake dom and storm off in a righteous manner.

I mean I did that so often and I was validated by so many people. That what I did was right and they shouldn't have treated me that way and yada yada keep just being who I am and doing these things. Instead of telling me I was a little shit and I was not being obedient and pleasing.

I don't know how it happened but in 2014 I ended up meeting someone named Sir Seven. I had just ended a dynamic with someone after I was hurt in real life. I was on the verge of leaving BDSM, and the lifestyle. He took me under his wing and mentored me. He was direct, and was not into just telling me what I wanted to hear. He told me the truth and I think this was the right time for me. I was completely receptive and I was emotionally growing.

Honestly Seven told me he never though I would be able to be a submissive because my personality is so dominant. I wont lie it is not easy all the time for me. I just make it look easy but really it is hard for me to shut my mouth. Which is the number one thing that makes seems to get me into trouble, or makes it hard for people to understand me. I am very blunt, direct and honestly need to have tact beaten into me.

I am honestly not sure if Seven was saying that becuase hefelt it was true, or if he was trying to bring out my stubborn side which would prove him wrong. Either way I graduated from his mentoring program. I ended up staying at his house as a submissive there and assisted in training other submissives. I was used a demo submissive for dominants to practice with and it was a really good time in my life for me.

Seven taught me how to vette people. He taught me that my needs are the most important thing and are not negotiable. He was the first dominant that told me I could in fact say NO to a dominant and call and use a safe word. I had so many good moments with him and these lovely people. It was the main turning point in my life and my submission.

I do not think that I would be where I am today without his guidance. Do I know everything in the world about BDSM? Absolutely not. I can go to BDSM 101 classes still and learn something new.

I do believe that because Seven told me the truth no matter how hurtful it might have been, he helped me change for the better and I think he prepared me so well to be apart of a healthy dynamic and who would have thought an entire year later I met my current master Damon. He and I have officially been together 9 years. Six years into that dynamic we opened up and Calvin arrived.

None of this would have ever been possible without Sir Seven taking a chance on me.

The proverb "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" originated in England in the 12th century.

I have been a mentor in the kink community for nearly ten years. I mostly educate on kink and submissive behavior and education. I am not an expert and there are things I still dont know and that is why I say if you need a mentor make sure you get a few not just one. I also always advise to take my advice and was of doing things with a grain of salt and pick and choose what works for you. I was a teacher as well for a few years before life went a different direction. Still even a teacher knows you will always keep learning it never ends.

I have a degree in psychology, forensic science and criminal justice. I often get people that come to me for advice and for help or just to vent to and that is usually alright with me. However the narrative for me lately has been asking me for advice then dont take it, then come back and ask the same advice just to not take it again.

For example: Hey Ava, can you help me figure out a diet and exercise routine to help me lose weight?

Me: Sure, here is what I do. Though I would suggest speaking to your doctor to confirm you can do these things safely first.

Them a month later talking to me while eating an entire bag of chips or cookies, "I dont know why I am gaining weight with this routine you have me doing"

Reasons like that above keep happening. It is my fault for not setting boundaries with people. I have sacrificed my peace for far too long for people who do not care to stop being lazy or want to remain stuck in victim mentality. I normally have no issue being a good person and friend if you need one, but the audacity of people who just do not want to put the work in, is astounding to me.

So I will be putting my foot down from now on. If you arent going to help yourself, then why should I invest my time and energy for you? If you arent willing to see your faults in the mirror and work to fix them so you can find a healthy dynamic and relationship, then dont bother asking me for help.

I am not going to sit here and pull information out of you as if I am fishing for Moby Dick. If you arent going to open up, change, grow, then stop coming to me with your issues. You arent going to take my advice or help anyways, so you can simply google your answer. The AI will likely give you the same answer anyways.

So here is my final advice

Educate yourself.
Realize you are part of the problem.
Get professional help.
Emotional Maturity needs to be achieved.
Stop being in victim mentality.
Stop being lazy.
Stop procrastinating.
Open the fuck up and stop hiding.
Be honest with yourself and stop lying.
If all you came to do is bitch about everything instead of fixing your situation, the door is over there.

I know it sounds harsh, and it is likely a very unpopular opinion but honestly I do not care. We are all grown adults here and people need to start acting like it, instead of crying for a pity party.

Besides I am not Willy Wonka and I reuse to ever sugarcoat anything for anyone.

Now if you are serious about growing and changing as a person and actually are reespectful of someone's peace of mind and their time and you are truly seeking advice or help, then by all means my DMs are open.

So I am constantly praising people from my past that have helped me along my journey. My mentor Sir Seven, my masters, friends, etc. So many people that I am so grateful for along this long road I have been on for so long.

However today I want to thank someone new. She is someone I met randomly in a group on fetlife. We were both seeking friends, but I answered a question she had asked in the group, and we just hit it off. We realized we had so much in common.

She has been someone I have been getting close to and confiding in. As my masters and I began to redefine our TPE she has been a blessing. SHe has given me some sound advice as her daddy has as well. One in particular is I have to just be silent. Do not remind my masters to do anything unless they command me to remind them.

Damn near impossible for me to do!

However she had a point. If I constantly remind them to do the things that are their responsibility then how are they going to grow as people and dominants? Just as I fail sometimes and must learn and grow from that, they too have to be given the opportunity to succeed or fail as well. It made me stop and think about it and she was right.

As hard as it is for me to do I have been doing it. This does not stop me from getting angry for certain things. However it has helped me to realize that with my reminding them when they never commanded me to, I was not giving up my control. In a way I was taking the control to ensure things that mattered to me were done on time. So yes I do get angry still but I am a work in progress.

So here is to Sophie, Thank you so much for coming into my life. You have become such a great friend to me and your wisdom and advice has given me new perspective plus have given me some hope that I can grow and adapt to my new dynamic TPE and be successful in it.

Sophie, you are amazing and I love and cherish you so much!!!

"When negotiating a scene or even talking with others about a potential scene, remember your disability doesn't make you broken, it just means you have to take extra steps for your scenes to happen and that's ok. There is nothing wrong with that happening as it protects everyone and gives a better scene to happen" - @PBKane

I was at the HouseofKane's Disabilities and Kink discussion today. It was a new one I hadnt been to before and I did not know everyone. Though I did learn a few things. Enough to improve more of my own dynamic and scene play with my masters.

I learned far too late that even in my 24/7 dynamic when it comes to S&M play, impact play, etc. That you still need to negotiate your scene, and aftercare. it is incredibly important that you indicate exactly how you are feeling emotionally, mentally, and physically. So that the scene can be tailored around all of these things. Not just for the submissive but the dominant as well.

My masters and I have come to the understanding that negotiations help ease us in and out of the scene Instead of how we used to do it, where it was just do whatever you want if I need to call a safeword I will. Now I understand some people prefer it this way, but I can tell you for us, the experience has enhanced when we use neegotiation first.

How We Negotiate

Negotiate the kind of scene we will be having.

Talk about Emotional, Mental, Physical ailments for the day.
Talk about the risks that might come out of the scene. Emotional Risks - Share concerns and past experiences that might come up during the scene.

Negotiate toys that will be used. (Once scene starts nothing new will ever be added).

Explain expectations of the scene and what you are hoping to get out of it.

Physical Safety Measures, IE safety sheers, water, first aid kit, etc.

Negotiate Safe words and Non verbal signals.

Negotiate if any sex will be happening during or after the scene.

Negotiate Aftercare

When I say negotiate it is for both sides of the slash. Dominants are entitled to aftercare as well. No matter how it looks or what it might be. People also need to remember that aftercare is YOUR responsibility. Not the responsibility of the person playing with you. It is your duty to ensure you get aftercare the way you need it. If the person you are playing with cannot provide said aftercare then it is your duty to make sure you have someone that can provide it, if you need aftercare with another person.

So one of my reasons for writing this was one to help people out who are new. This is how my masters and I do things, it is certainly not the ONLY way to do things. However the quote I posted at the top was seriously endearing to me. Being blind and disabled I always feel like a burden and completely broken. Despite the constant reassurance from my masters telling me I am not any of those things. It is just nice to have another person in the world out there say it just as much as my masters do.

I am sure plenty of people who suffer a physical/mental disability out there feel the same way. That we are deformed, defected, a burden, broken people. When really we aren't. Like he said, we just need to take an extra step to get where we need to be going.

So I greatly appreciate all the people out there who are hosting these disabled and kinky events and classes to help the disabled kink community who lack a place of belonging. It also brings awareness to those who lack the knowledge on how to make their kink spaces more disability friendly so it can be inclusive to all types of people.

As a reminder if you know someone in kink or hell not even in kink that is disabled and you want to include them in events, or something you are hosting. Please just ask them. Ask them the best ways you can go about making the area more safe and friendly for them to get around and to do things. I promise you they will appreciate it so much.

We are supposed to sit and reflect on the submissive prayer today. However that has never resonated to me. For one it is in its own way mocking the actual prayer to which it was taken and changed. I do not believe that is something we should be doing. I know for others they wont agree but this is just how I feel. I may not be religious but I do not believe that desecrating someone's religion is apropriate behavior.

So I have my own ritual/prayer that I prefer. We have played with the wording of it, and by we I mean, my masters and I both have. It is a beautiful ritual. Like I said I am not extremely fond of prayers but rituals now that is something I can definitely get behind. To me this could be my prayer. Though to others it is just a ritual, or affirmations.

Regardless my masters and I have constructed this to fit our needs, and I say these words everyday. They help to put me in the proper headspace. They help ground me completely in my submission. Sometimes if I am having a really tough day I can repeat them repeatedly throughout the day.

The best part is my masters are included in the ritual. They speak the words and I echo them. It is intimate , it is a bonding moment, it is a grounding moment, it is I am theirs, and they chose me just as I have chosen them. I think it just bring me back to my heart and soul and brings me back home to them so easily. These are words that pull me from my darkness and back into the light.

I am my Masters' slave
I belong to Them.
I live to serve them.
I am their beautiful treasure.
I will make them proud.
I will be open and honest with them.
My deepest desire is to please them.
I surrender completely.
I willingly give up my control. They will give me what I need.
I am obedient and respectful.
I choose to obey.
I come before them, offering my submission.
I am proud to wear their collar.
I trust they will guide and teach me.
I am grateful for their guidance.
I am here to be used by them, in any way they desire.
I am their slut.
I know my safe words and I will use them whenever they are needed, but not earlier.
I will keep my masters informed about my body.
I know they will protect me.
I surrender, because I am safe.
I trust them with my heart, body, mind and soul.
I aim to be pleasing with all that I say and do.
They love me for who I am.
They chose me and I chose them.
I am always striving to be obedient and pleasing.
It is ok to have fun and enjoy myself.
It is ok to make mistakes and to learn from them.

What is a slave girl?

A girl who is owned
Who owns you?

I belong to my masters.
La kajira!!!

For me this is my prayer. This is my truth. It might sound silly to others, but the beauty is, is that my masters and I can do our dynamic and relationship however we want and no one can say a word. So long as we are happy and it is consensual then they are my Gods. They are my religion. They are the altar I pray to. They always will be and no one can tell me anything different.

Also those who noticed yes there is a little bit of Gorean mixed in. My masters and I adore and love Gor for all of its beauty that it offers. We take from Gor the parts that represent and mean something to our hearts and soul. So yes, you will find very much in my dynamic I have so many parts of Gor in my life. I am proud to have it.

Our Needs Reclaimed

“The paradox is that the needs of the master are not, in fact, superior to the needs of the submissive. Rather, they share equal importance.” – Kacie Cunningham

My Needs That Are Currently Being Met:

Clear and Honest Communication

- Trust
- Reassurance
- Transparency
- A sense of belonging to and being possessed.
- Clear and Regular Routines
- A 24/7 TPE Dynamic.
- Mutual Respect
- Established and Clear consequences for bad behavior and unsatisfactory service.
- Reinforcement of good behavior and service.
- Preferred Expressions of Affection

My Needs That Are Kind Of Being Met:

- Sex to completion of Big O - Sometimes
- Sexual Physical Touch

My Needs That Still Need To Be Met In The Future:

- Quality Time
- Impact Play
- S&M Scenes
- Alone Time
- Conflict Resolution
- Intimacy

People fail to realize that needs are not negotiable. If you have a partner that cannot fulfill the needs you have eventually you will resent them. It just is how it is. You have to be out there searching for the perfect partner or partners that can maintain a healthy fulfillment of your needs.

Over the years needs do and will change as you grow and change as a person. There is nothing wrong with that. You just have to come back to the table with your partner and inform them. You cannot abuse them and be angry with them for not fulfilling a need they have no clue you actually have. If you do not share it, then you cannot punish them for not doing it.

If your partner sees your new list of needs and they openly say they cannot fulfill that need for whatever reason. Then you have two choices. Either open up your relationship to allow each other new partners to be involved on both sides of the relationship, OR you can choose to part ways. It might hurt because you were so happy but it beats ending in a horrible way later down the road.

If you notice my list above there are needs that are not yet being met. They are however being worked on. People are human and we need time to iron out kinks in a relationship. Especially when everyone in it has their own issues. We have other stresses in our lives as well that play a part on what can and cannot be happening in this exact moment.

As much as we want instant gratification sometimes we have to put our needs on the back burner. This is of course fine to do just so long as we do not let them sit there forever and burn in the background of our mind causing us to become hateful bitter people. Remember it is OUR responsibility to make sure our needs are being met, and HOW they are being met.

For Example: For me quality time means I am getting 100 percent undivided attention from my partners during an activity I enjoy doing.

For someone else it could mean just watching a movie together while we are playing on our cellphones at the same time. quality time looks different for different people. It is your sole responsibility to define what your needs are, exactly how they should be met, and to ensure they are being met.

It is ABUSIVE to sit there berating our partners for not fulfilling our needs the way we want if they do not communicate them. We cannot blame them for unfulfillment if they do not know about it. So please remember that. It is also OUR responsibility to advocate for ourselves and be the bigger person to choose ourselves over someone who is super hot. Needs come first, attraction second in my opinion.

Besides looks are simply cosmetic they can be changed so lets not be shallow and always remember that.

Anyhow I wonder how many of you who read this have actually written your needs list? Do you actually use it in your tools to vetted a dynamic/partner/relationship? I honestly feel if I was taught this as a younger teen I would have saved myself so many heartaches.

Have you tried to figure out your needs? If so, do you apply them today in your current relationships? Are you happier now then you have been when you haven't used them?

Don’t be Afraid to be Brave

"The bliss of surrender in slavery is a wondrous thing- a rare and treasured delight not savored by many. To achieve it, we must approach the temple wherein it awaits those who have prepared themselves for the journey in the spirit of adventure, reverence and courage. Know this: slavery requires bravery. If you’re not courageous enough to make yourself take risks, then I suggest that you go out and insert yourself into programs designed to help you find your own bravery within yourself. If you are too frightened to proceed toward the realization of your slave passion, then the acquisition of this courage must be the first par of your preparation for the journey into submission." (Slavecraft essay 2) by Guy Baldwin;

We have just redefined our entire dynamic and TPE. It does feel refreshing to me to have it all written down and set in stone with my new expectations and rules and what control and how much my masters have. We decided for the TPE and with that Total was focused on the most.

However I do have fears still in regards to our dynamic. That maybe my masters will not remain consistent. That I wont be able to succeed with giving over the control to them. I wont succeed in obeying my new rules and will fail of course in the future. I have already come close once.

I dont want to feel like I am falling backwards in my submission and I definitely want to ignore the old patterns that seemed to be issues in our dynamic. So far I havent seen any and that thus far has been a complete breath of fresh air. The funny thing is, I have been in this lifestyle since 2003 and over and over again I have taken risks and never really been afraid.

Now I have that fear of failure looming over my head.

I am sure at some point every submissive has felt this way. Fear of being hurt. Fear of failing. Fear of losing themself completely. The fear of giving up completely. In fact I have thought about it recently. Before we redefined our TPE I was angry. So much anger and nothing made it go away or feel better. To the extent that someone messaged me and actually said maybe I need to top someone and do impact play etc. Even if I did I would not do that out of anger. That isnt safe. I dont have to be a dom to know that.

I did give it much thought, considering if maybe I was a switch and needed a submissive/bottom of my own. That stopped because absolutely not. Not that I lack the skill. I honestly think if I chose to be a dom I would be amazing at it. I just have no desire to do it. It would not make me happy. So that thought went right out the window. One less fear I had to deal with.

Still the normal ones always loom ahead of me. Am I enough? Do I even have a purpose? Those are two I struggle with on a daily basis. Being a submissive who is disabled and blind makes serving extremely difficult. Though I know my masters tell me over and over again they love me and I do have a purpose. For me to feel it, is a different story. Which is something I dont always feel.

Still I know they are just fears. They are thoughts that dont matter and feelings that dont make things true or accurate. Just simple small insecurities that are constantly there and I can just tell them to shut up, or better yet my masters reassure me so much they shut them up. Which is even better.

I know that nothing in life that is worth a damn isnt worth it without taking risks. It is why I continue to gete up everyday and put my best pleasing foot forward and do my best to be the obedient and pleasing slave girl I so long and love to be. If I listened to these insedcurities, these little whispering fears then I would never be a submissive. I would never be true to my heart and I certainly wouldnt be with my masters.

If all of that happened I would never be happy. So I will choose to push through all the crap and do my best to ignore the little whispers and try to remain focused on my masters, our dynamic and just being happy with who I am, and as I am.

So my advice to all new submissives. You are going to be agraid but if you can battle and fight through the bullshit of your insecurities and learn to take a leap of faith in taking a risk to educate yourselves, find adom and submit, then you will know what happiness there is in living your truth, and choosing to seek happiness and peace within your own submission.

Take a leap!!!

I read something about a week ago that broke my heart. It was a writing by a female dominant who was basically fed up and putting her crown away because she is just not every submissive's cup of tea.

This got me to thinking, naturally because that is what a ton of you on here make me do. I realized I had been guilty of things in the past with my masters. To which after I processed things and my own thoughts and feelings I did apologize to them and give them praise for doing all the good things.

You see in the past when I wasn't communicating correctly when I wanted and needed more S&M things I kept saying you aren't doing the "Dom Thing." Like what?

WTF is even the "Dom Thing?"

For me it was scenes, impact play, sadistic play time, me getting my masochistic needs met. However after reading what SelfPortraitist wrote she made me see things from a completely different light.

My masters were of course doing the "Dom Thing." They had given me rules. They have been guiding me as I need it. They have been a leading presence in my life. They have been running their house. They are on top of all the things.

What is not that "Dom Thing?" At least to me in my new found insight? Beating my ass for one. Forcing me to scrub the kitchen floor with a toothbrush as they shout at me degrading humiliating things. Giving me a million orgasms only after denying them to me for hours at a time. Are these what really make a dominant?

Of course not. Dominants come in all shapes and sized, sexual and nonsexual. Some aren't even sadists.

This reminded me of course of when Damon and I first go together. He was to be my master without any sexual side of things. I was just to be a service submissive. Naturally feelings changed. We grew so fast into loving each other that we had to rethink and agree to a new dynamic that was indeed more romantic, sexual and service oriented.

Still at the beginning he was not less of a master to me. I was happy to just be his service submissive. The lack of S&M and romance did not make me see him any different. Over time things evolved and changed so I had to sit here after reading that and realizing that I was in fact looking at the relationship/dynamic completely wrong.

So now I am understanding that when I was thinking Dom Things, what I was thinking was S&M. What I was thinking was more sex, and sadism. Does the lack of that in my life make them any less dominant? Absolutely not. So I definitely owed them a massive apology.

Honestly I did not even realize I was communicating incorrectly but that is not even an excuse. My lack of proper communication for the longest time destroyed their confidence. I can only do my best from here on out to communicate even more correctly and learn to praise and lift them up even higher. These two men are so wonderfully amazing they never deserve to feel any less of who they really are.

So true is what I am saying that even SelfPortraitist needs to know that she is not deserving of said treatment. It is not her fault that submissives are not communicating their needs correctly. Please hold your head up high. You submissive is out there searching for you just as much as you are for them.

You may not be interested in a ton of S&M, Sadism, Degradation, Humiliation, etc. It does not make you any less of a dominant. Please everyone always remember that you do not have to change yourself to fit into some stupid little box. Stand up and shine exactly the way you are. Someone out there will love you for just being who you really are!!!

> “You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.” – Unknown

As I first dove deep into this rabbit hole of BDSM I was young. I was so naive and unsure of what I was doing, and naturally why I was doing these things. What is wrong with me desiring to please men? Especially since society is telling me as a woman I should become independent. That I dont need a man I just need a career. Screw having a baby and getting married, it doesnt go with the narrative. This is NOT what I wanted.

First off I wanted to be married. I wanted to have a husband that I can love and serve. I wanted to be a traditional housewife and be a mother and just live my best life. This was something I really wanted. I got half of what I wanted at least. I did adopt my beautiful, talented and intelligent, NOW adult daughter.

The husband thing just did not work out for me at the time.

Like I said I was struggling really hard with wanting so badly to be a submissive/slave and to have a master I could cherish and serve. I wanted to be loyal to them and make their world so much easier as a service submissive. Though it was really difficult because I had NO idea what I was doing. I had so much to learn.

Secondly I did not take things seriously. So that made things even more difficult to find a master. It wasnt until I met my mentor Sir Seven that I began to open my eyes. Through his guidance and intelligent teachings I learned to ignore society and only listen to my heart and soul. This began to make things so much easier for me, yet there was still parts of me I was ashamed of showing. I still was not comfortable in my own skin. I could not fathom being naked in a collar for the entire world to see. I could not fathom the entire world knowing I am a submissive. I would hide my face, cover my body, etc.

Finally I met my current master Damon. He was the first master I ever had to begin teaching me to accept my beauty inside and out. That I am more beautiful as a naked collared slave girl at his feet. It boosted my confidence for sure. I began to walk more proudly. I began to smile more and see myself in a different light.

Of course having a rule that says I cannot talk terrible about myself helped as well.

Then you bring in my other master Calvin and between him and my master Damon, I am not ashamed anymore. I am proud when I am at their side, kneeling before them, or just standing there. I feel so strange wearing clothes and all I want to do is be naked, in their collar as free as I am.

To some being a slave is daunting. To some it might seem like a prison. To me it is complete freedom. It is my home, my salvation, my peace. I do not even care who knows it.

I belong to Damon and Calvin. I am their slave. I am their Ava. I am their babygirl. I am their bunny. I am their duchess and they are my masters. They are my kings. They are the very Gods I worship.

I want to stand on top of the mountains and scream at the top of my lungs that I belong to Damon and Calvin completely. That I am happy, proud and honored to have chosen them, and for them to have accepted and chosen me.