I've been involved with bdsm for as long as I've been sexually active, and in that time I've had my share of D/s relationships, with myself as the 'D'. I've developed a pretty good idea of what works for me, and what I'm looking for, and this post is an attempt to find it. Rather than going for a broad trawling post, I'm going detailed and specific, so if the content of this post appeals to you then we are likely to be compatible, so drop me a message.
This should go without saying, but the for me, anything that turns me on relates to me being in control.
Sexually, I like a strict dynamic with rules and protocols. I enjoy assigning rewards and punishments, as well as tasks. I have a range of kinks including restraints, spankings, discipline training (with rewards and punishments) , name-calling and humiliation, piss play, raceplay, non-con play, and using my sub as human furniture. But the unifying theme is that they enforce this power dynamic where I have control over my sub, physically or mentally. In terms of online play, I enjoy setting rules: things like how to address me, or how to ask permission to masturbate or orgasm. I also like controlling more mundane things - dietary or clothing restrictions, for example. As well as rules, I like setting one-off tasks - that might be sexual, or something arbitary. Ultimately, I want my sub to give her all to me, and to let me take control of whichever aspects of her life that I wish. In return, you get the comfort and reward of knowing you are in safe hands, and that you don't have to make decisions. In terms of physical play, I tend to take the lead, but sometimes enjoy sitting back to let my sub tend to me; again, in either case it's about getting my sub to do what I want and to fulfil my desires in that moment.
I get on best with women who are high-achieving, ambitious and intelligent. My relationship history involves a lot of women with postgrads degrees or good careers. I like to know that my partner seems capable in most aspects of her life, but is subservient behind closed doors with me. Linking to that, I like to be able to have a good conversation with my partner, not just about sex. Wittiness and sense of humour are really sexy to me. Unlike some of The Cage, I'm not into gaming so if that is a big part of your life we probably won't be compatible. I tend to prefer to play with women around my age or younger, though this isn't a dealbreaker, I find it helps the power dynamic. I am also happy to play with subs who are relatively new to bdsm; enthusiasm is more important than experience.
If you've read all this way, it's only fair to tell you about myself. I'm 50, based in NC but travel a lot for work. I'm well-educated and have a good career, but in my free time I read, hike and cycle. For anything else, you'll have to drop me a message to ask :)
June 7, 2023 at 12:09 AM